Before I Wake
Page 8
Id known this moment was coming, but knowing youre about to be dunked headfirst into ice-cold water is never enough to prepare you for the shock. And with that one question from the masses, the floodgates opened on all queries personal and inappropriate, and I could only stand there, wishing it all away as voice after voice shouted at me, dissecting my personal trauma and baring my wounds for the world.
Why was he in your bed?
Did you really kill him?
Were you sleeping with Mr. Beck?
Is that why Nash dumped you?
Why was Nash arrested?
Why did they let him go?
Was he there that night?
Did he kill Mr. Beck?
After all the time and concentration it had taken to reestablish breathing as a habit and convince my heart to beat, my body chose that moment to claim perfect recall of both processes. My heart pounded too hard. Blood rushed through my veins so fast my head swam. Air slid in and out of my lungs so quickly that if Id had actual need of it, I probably would have passed out.
Panicked, I glanced at Sophie, desperate for help, but she was edging slowly, silently out of the crowd, probably hoping no one knew shed been there that night so they couldnt assault her with the same questions. When I died, her dad had finally been forced to tell her the truth about our family. I wondered how she was handling it, but I couldnt tell that from watching her back as she fled. I wanted to escape with her, but I couldnt get through the crowd. I couldnt even get my locker open, because there wasnt room.
There wasnt room to move, and there wasnt room to breathe. The world started to close in on me, and the only way I knew to escape was to disappear, and I couldnt do that. No matter what, I couldnt disappear in front of fifty fellow students.
The questions kept coming, but the answers got stuck behind the lump in my throat. They werent the real answers, anyway, because I couldnt tell them what had really happened, because the truth wouldnt set me free. The truth would get me locked up.
Distantly, I heard a couple of teachers yelling for order, but it was Emma who finally made it stop. Back off, vultures! she shouted, and I exhaled in relief as she pushed her way to the center of the crowd. She just got out of the hospital. Why dont you go gossip behind her back, like decent people?
I could have kissed her.
Once Emma had achieved near-silence in the hall, the teachers were able to start herding everyone toward their classes again, and through the crowd, I saw Nash and Sabine heading away from us. Without a word.
I dont know what I expected. For all I knew, he might never forgive me, and I couldnt really blame him.
Are you okay? Coach Tucker, the girls softballcoach, asked as I finally pulled my locker open.
Yeah, Im fine. What else could I say?
Here. She pulled out a notepad and started scribbling on it, then ripped the top sheet off and handed it to me. It was a late pass, with my name on it. Take a few minutes and get yourself together, she said, already scribbling on a second pass for Emma.
Thanks. But all I could think about was that shed remembered my name for the first time in nearly three years.
Im so sorry about what happened to you, Kaylee, Coach Tucker said as she handed Em her pass. I feel like one of us should have known something was wrong with him. We saw him every day. We talked to him. Ate with him. Im so sorry we failed you.
I didnt know what to say. The faculty had sent flowers to my house the day after Id been restored from the dead, but Id assumed the bouquet was an autoresponse from the secretary. Now I wondered if Coach Tucker had arranged the whole thing.
Nobody failed me. Im fine. Really, I said, but she didnt look convinced.
Let me know if theres anything I can do to help you get readjusted, she said, and I nodded, then started removing books from my backpack and sliding them into my locker. I wasnt trying to be rude. I just didnt know what else to say.
Finally Coach Tucker left to scold a couple kissing in the hall, and I exhaled slowly.
You okay? Emma asked, leaning against the locker next to mine.
Been better. People suck.
Em smiled. Yeah. People do suck. Her smile died as I stared into my now-empty backpack, trying to remember what Id been doing. What book I needed.
Second period. Chemistry. Oh, yeah.
So, Thanes back? Em said softly as I dropped my chemistry text into my bag again. How is that even possible?
I dont know.
What does this mean?
I dont know.
She frowned. What are you going to do?
I dont know, Em. I dont know anything about it, except that he killed the owner of the doughnut shop around the corner from the school, and youre the only person Ive told. But I couldnt tell her what hed said about Avari coming after my friends and family. That would scare her to death.
You havent told Tod?
Havent had a chance. I closed my locker and threw my backpack over one shoulder. I cant tell Madeline, because shell tell Levi, and that will force him into making trouble for Tod. Like, big trouble. I have to do something, but I have no idea what that is yet. For now
Why was he in your bed?
Did you really kill him?
Were you sleeping with Mr. Beck?
Is that why Nash dumped you?
Why was Nash arrested?
Why did they let him go?
Was he there that night?
Did he kill Mr. Beck?
After all the time and concentration it had taken to reestablish breathing as a habit and convince my heart to beat, my body chose that moment to claim perfect recall of both processes. My heart pounded too hard. Blood rushed through my veins so fast my head swam. Air slid in and out of my lungs so quickly that if Id had actual need of it, I probably would have passed out.
Panicked, I glanced at Sophie, desperate for help, but she was edging slowly, silently out of the crowd, probably hoping no one knew shed been there that night so they couldnt assault her with the same questions. When I died, her dad had finally been forced to tell her the truth about our family. I wondered how she was handling it, but I couldnt tell that from watching her back as she fled. I wanted to escape with her, but I couldnt get through the crowd. I couldnt even get my locker open, because there wasnt room.
There wasnt room to move, and there wasnt room to breathe. The world started to close in on me, and the only way I knew to escape was to disappear, and I couldnt do that. No matter what, I couldnt disappear in front of fifty fellow students.
The questions kept coming, but the answers got stuck behind the lump in my throat. They werent the real answers, anyway, because I couldnt tell them what had really happened, because the truth wouldnt set me free. The truth would get me locked up.
Distantly, I heard a couple of teachers yelling for order, but it was Emma who finally made it stop. Back off, vultures! she shouted, and I exhaled in relief as she pushed her way to the center of the crowd. She just got out of the hospital. Why dont you go gossip behind her back, like decent people?
I could have kissed her.
Once Emma had achieved near-silence in the hall, the teachers were able to start herding everyone toward their classes again, and through the crowd, I saw Nash and Sabine heading away from us. Without a word.
I dont know what I expected. For all I knew, he might never forgive me, and I couldnt really blame him.
Are you okay? Coach Tucker, the girls softballcoach, asked as I finally pulled my locker open.
Yeah, Im fine. What else could I say?
Here. She pulled out a notepad and started scribbling on it, then ripped the top sheet off and handed it to me. It was a late pass, with my name on it. Take a few minutes and get yourself together, she said, already scribbling on a second pass for Emma.
Thanks. But all I could think about was that shed remembered my name for the first time in nearly three years.
Im so sorry about what happened to you, Kaylee, Coach Tucker said as she handed Em her pass. I feel like one of us should have known something was wrong with him. We saw him every day. We talked to him. Ate with him. Im so sorry we failed you.
I didnt know what to say. The faculty had sent flowers to my house the day after Id been restored from the dead, but Id assumed the bouquet was an autoresponse from the secretary. Now I wondered if Coach Tucker had arranged the whole thing.
Nobody failed me. Im fine. Really, I said, but she didnt look convinced.
Let me know if theres anything I can do to help you get readjusted, she said, and I nodded, then started removing books from my backpack and sliding them into my locker. I wasnt trying to be rude. I just didnt know what else to say.
Finally Coach Tucker left to scold a couple kissing in the hall, and I exhaled slowly.
You okay? Emma asked, leaning against the locker next to mine.
Been better. People suck.
Em smiled. Yeah. People do suck. Her smile died as I stared into my now-empty backpack, trying to remember what Id been doing. What book I needed.
Second period. Chemistry. Oh, yeah.
So, Thanes back? Em said softly as I dropped my chemistry text into my bag again. How is that even possible?
I dont know.
What does this mean?
I dont know.
She frowned. What are you going to do?
I dont know, Em. I dont know anything about it, except that he killed the owner of the doughnut shop around the corner from the school, and youre the only person Ive told. But I couldnt tell her what hed said about Avari coming after my friends and family. That would scare her to death.
You havent told Tod?
Havent had a chance. I closed my locker and threw my backpack over one shoulder. I cant tell Madeline, because shell tell Levi, and that will force him into making trouble for Tod. Like, big trouble. I have to do something, but I have no idea what that is yet. For now
