Before I Wake
Page 9
The bell rang, and several underclassmen ran past, on their way to class.
were both late for second period, I finished. And Em hadnt been to her locker yet.
Okay, I know. But one more thing. She laid a hand on my arm and the rare show of nerves in her expression made me stop. Since youve been gone, Nash and Sabine have been avoiding me, so Ive been eating lunch with Jayson.
Jayson Olivera?
Yeah. Weve been kind ofgoing out. For a couple of weeks.
I blinked in surprise. To my knowledge, she hadnt actually dated anyone since Doug died right before Christmas.
Why didnt you tell me?
Because I wasnt sure it would turn into anythingIm still not sureand you had enough on your mind without having to worry about censoring yourself in front of my human boyfriend.
My chest ached at the look in her eyes and at the silence, where all the things she wasnt saying should have gone. I didnt realize you knew Jayson, I said.
Em shrugged. I didnt, really. She clutched her books to her chest and leaned against my closed locker. It was really weird here when you were gone. Nash and Sabine were all closed off and unapproachable. Not that I can blame them, with everyone talking about his arrest. And everyone else just wanted to know what really happened that night at your house. Nash wasnt talking, so they came after me. Jayson was the only one who still actednormal.
And shed needed normal. Id tried so hard not to drag Emma into danger, but the Netherworld was like quicksandthe harder I tried to pull her out of it, the harder it sucked her in.
She would have been better off if shed never met me.
Im so sorry, Emma.
Its okay, Em said. Really. But I like him, and he was totally there for me when I waslonely. I just Is it going to be weird if Jayson sits with us? Im assuming Tod will be there, and you never know when Nash and Sabine will decide they want to talk. He cant be mad at you forever.
Yes, he can. So, are Nash and Sabinetogether? Em hadnt said much about that during my month off, and I wasnt sure how I felt about the possibility. The probability. It was officially none of my business who Nash went out with, and I wanted him to be happy, butjust asking the question felt weird.
So much had changed so fastmy head was still spinning.
Em frowned in thought. I cant tell. You never see one without the other anymore, but theyre not all over each other in public or anything. Maybe that was never their style.
But if thered been a ban on public displays, that was Nashsdoing. Sabine would claim him any way she could. Any way hed let her.
I shrugged and tried to shake the thought off. I wouldnt worry about Nash and Sabine showing up to make your human boyfriend uncomfortable, and when Tod gets therewell make it work. So what if Ems boyfriend wouldnt be able to see or hear mine. Any boyfriend of yours You know the rest. I scrounged up a parting smile, then headed for second-period chemistry, where the stares continued for another miserable fifty minutes.
Third period was my free period, so I shoved my backpack into my locker, then headed for the nearest restroom, which was quickly turning into my own personal transit system. But as I passed the front office, the glass door opened and the schools attendance secretary stuck her head out. Kaylee Cavanaugh? she said, both her eyebrows and her voice high in question.
I hesitated, almost certain she wouldnt have been able to pick me out of a crowd a month earlier.
I was just on my way to find you. Youre late for your appointment with your guidance counselor.
Well, crap. Thered been a message on my home phone the week before, mentioning an appointment during my free period when I returned to school, but Id deleted the message and made a mental note to have my dad talk the school out of mandatory trauma counseling.
Obviously I should have left myself an actual note
Reluctantly, I followed the secretary through the main office and into another suite, where several other students sat waiting for the N-Z counselor, whose door was closed. Id never met my counselorthe A-M counselorbut the moment I entered the waiting room, she stepped out of her office and directed me inside with one outstretched arm while she gave the secretary a thank-you nod.
Hi Kaylee. Im Ms. Hirsch. Come in and have a seat, please.
I sat in one of the chairs in front of her desk while she closed the door behind me, then circled the desk to sit in her own chair. My file folder was open on her desk, and when she turned off the computer monitorthough I couldnt see it from my seatI realized that shed been reading the local paper online. Or maybe shed just Googled me in preparation for our appointment. Were school counselors allowed to Google?
Would you like a bottle of water? Ms. Hirsch set a small plastic bottle at the front of her desk, next to a bowl full of Jolly Ranchers.
No, thanks. I set my backpack on the floor between my feet, then realized that left me nothing to do with my hands.
So, Kaylee, hows your first day back going?
Fine. As long as fine could be defined as the half-way point between horrible and unbearable.
were both late for second period, I finished. And Em hadnt been to her locker yet.
Okay, I know. But one more thing. She laid a hand on my arm and the rare show of nerves in her expression made me stop. Since youve been gone, Nash and Sabine have been avoiding me, so Ive been eating lunch with Jayson.
Jayson Olivera?
Yeah. Weve been kind ofgoing out. For a couple of weeks.
I blinked in surprise. To my knowledge, she hadnt actually dated anyone since Doug died right before Christmas.
Why didnt you tell me?
Because I wasnt sure it would turn into anythingIm still not sureand you had enough on your mind without having to worry about censoring yourself in front of my human boyfriend.
My chest ached at the look in her eyes and at the silence, where all the things she wasnt saying should have gone. I didnt realize you knew Jayson, I said.
Em shrugged. I didnt, really. She clutched her books to her chest and leaned against my closed locker. It was really weird here when you were gone. Nash and Sabine were all closed off and unapproachable. Not that I can blame them, with everyone talking about his arrest. And everyone else just wanted to know what really happened that night at your house. Nash wasnt talking, so they came after me. Jayson was the only one who still actednormal.
And shed needed normal. Id tried so hard not to drag Emma into danger, but the Netherworld was like quicksandthe harder I tried to pull her out of it, the harder it sucked her in.
She would have been better off if shed never met me.
Im so sorry, Emma.
Its okay, Em said. Really. But I like him, and he was totally there for me when I waslonely. I just Is it going to be weird if Jayson sits with us? Im assuming Tod will be there, and you never know when Nash and Sabine will decide they want to talk. He cant be mad at you forever.
Yes, he can. So, are Nash and Sabinetogether? Em hadnt said much about that during my month off, and I wasnt sure how I felt about the possibility. The probability. It was officially none of my business who Nash went out with, and I wanted him to be happy, butjust asking the question felt weird.
So much had changed so fastmy head was still spinning.
Em frowned in thought. I cant tell. You never see one without the other anymore, but theyre not all over each other in public or anything. Maybe that was never their style.
But if thered been a ban on public displays, that was Nashsdoing. Sabine would claim him any way she could. Any way hed let her.
I shrugged and tried to shake the thought off. I wouldnt worry about Nash and Sabine showing up to make your human boyfriend uncomfortable, and when Tod gets therewell make it work. So what if Ems boyfriend wouldnt be able to see or hear mine. Any boyfriend of yours You know the rest. I scrounged up a parting smile, then headed for second-period chemistry, where the stares continued for another miserable fifty minutes.
Third period was my free period, so I shoved my backpack into my locker, then headed for the nearest restroom, which was quickly turning into my own personal transit system. But as I passed the front office, the glass door opened and the schools attendance secretary stuck her head out. Kaylee Cavanaugh? she said, both her eyebrows and her voice high in question.
I hesitated, almost certain she wouldnt have been able to pick me out of a crowd a month earlier.
I was just on my way to find you. Youre late for your appointment with your guidance counselor.
Well, crap. Thered been a message on my home phone the week before, mentioning an appointment during my free period when I returned to school, but Id deleted the message and made a mental note to have my dad talk the school out of mandatory trauma counseling.
Obviously I should have left myself an actual note
Reluctantly, I followed the secretary through the main office and into another suite, where several other students sat waiting for the N-Z counselor, whose door was closed. Id never met my counselorthe A-M counselorbut the moment I entered the waiting room, she stepped out of her office and directed me inside with one outstretched arm while she gave the secretary a thank-you nod.
Hi Kaylee. Im Ms. Hirsch. Come in and have a seat, please.
I sat in one of the chairs in front of her desk while she closed the door behind me, then circled the desk to sit in her own chair. My file folder was open on her desk, and when she turned off the computer monitorthough I couldnt see it from my seatI realized that shed been reading the local paper online. Or maybe shed just Googled me in preparation for our appointment. Were school counselors allowed to Google?
Would you like a bottle of water? Ms. Hirsch set a small plastic bottle at the front of her desk, next to a bowl full of Jolly Ranchers.
No, thanks. I set my backpack on the floor between my feet, then realized that left me nothing to do with my hands.
So, Kaylee, hows your first day back going?
Fine. As long as fine could be defined as the half-way point between horrible and unbearable.
