Before I Wake
Page 81
Reapers dont need them, he explained. Ill be back. If the water gets cold, run some more. Heres a towel. He laid one hand on a folded towel on the shelf above the toiletone of only two. Sorry, I dont have a robe.
Its okay.
Juststay here. Ill be back as soon as I can.
Then he was gone.
I lay back in the tub, but it was short, so I had to bend my knees, and they got cold. I opened the guy-shampoo and sniffed the bottle. It smelled like Tods hair, and for some reason, that made me cry.
I tried not to think, but that got harder with each second of silence. So I slid beneath the surface. I didnt even have to hold my breath. I juststopped breathing. I dont know how long I stayed under, blinking up at the world through hazy pink water. Minutes, maybe. Or maybe an hour. I didnt have to come up, so I didnt.
Until someone shouted my name. Kaylee!
Nash? No. Nash couldnt get into Tods special reaper room. The water was messing with my hearing.
Give her some privacy, Tod said, and I blinked. Then I frowned.
Shes not coming up! Nash insisted. And it was Nash.
Water sloshed around me as I sat up with my arms crossed over my chest, to find Tod blocking the bathroom doorway with his back to me, one hand on Nashs chest, holding him back. She doesnt have to breathe, remember?
Careful to keep myself covered, I scrubbed water from my eyes with one hand and blinked at Nash just as Tod shoved him into the bedroom. It wasnt a hard push. But it wasnt a push that would be misunderstood, either.
I brought you some clothes, but I couldnt get your robe out of the bathroom without having to explain something to your dad. Tod set a stack of clothes on the closed toilet seat, because there was nowhere else to put them.
Thanks.
How do you feel?
Lost. I feel lost. I was supposed to save souls, not take lives. I was supposed to protect my friends, not kill them. How had this happened? This couldnt have happened.
Tod sank to his knees next to the tub and put one hand on my bare back. Youre not lost, Kaylee. You cant ever be lost, because Ill always know where you are. And if Im not there with you, Im on my way, and nothing standing between us will be standing for very long.
Tears blurred my vision again, but he was still beautiful, even out of focus. Promise?
I swear on my very existence.
I believed him. Id never believed in anything more.
Tod stepped out of the room and pulled the door closed, but didnt latch it, and while I lathered my hair on autopilot, I listened. I couldnt hear all of it, but I heard enough.
What am I doing here? Nash demanded in a fierce whisper. Listening to the two of you is like having spikes driven through my ears.
I think actual victims of impalement would disagree with you there.
Shes naked, Nash hissed.
Thats how a bath works.
Youre sleeping with her, arent you? Nash made a horrible choking sound, and I flinched. Is that why you brought me here? To rub it in my face?
Tod exhaled, and I knew that whatever came out of his mouth would only be half of what he wanted to say. Im gonna have to take a rain check on the part where you get all angry and morose, but if you want, you can threaten to kick my ass again when I get back.
Where are you going?
I have to deal with Alec, but I dont want to leave her alone. So could you hate me quietly for now and be there for her?
You want me to be your understudy? Im not sure I have the dark wit to pull that off.
Nor the tragic backstory. Dont be my substitute. Be her friend. This hasnt truly hit her yet, but when it does, itll be bad, and I dont want her to be alone when that happens. Do you?
No. Nash sighed.
I slid beneath the water again and considered never coming up.
17
I WOKE UP in a cold sweat, with the sheets tangled around my legs, the pillow squeezed so tightly in my arms that feathers threatened to burst from the seam. But they werent my sheets. It wasnt my pillow.
I rolled over to find Nash watching me from the armchair in the corner. The room was so small that his right knee touched the end of the mattress and his left was pressed against the TV cart. But this wasnt Nashs room, either. It was Tods. Tod had a roomreally more of a big closetand I was in his bed. Alone with his brother. Drowning in remorse and grief too thick to breathe through.
You didnt have to stay, I said, sitting up to pull the pillow into my lap. My voice was hoarse from crying.
Yeah, I did. Theres no door.
Oh, yeah. I pushed damp, tangled hair back from my face. Sorry. You want me to take you home?
Nash shook his head slowly. If you leave, you wont be able to get back. Because I had no idea where I was. Are you okay?
I stared at my hands in my lap, my legs crossed beneath me, bare beneath my short pj shorts. Did Tod tell you what happened?
He said Alec died and you reclaimed his soul.
I looked up in surprise, fighting flashbacks so vivid I could still feel Alecs blood on my hands, warm, and sticky, and horrible. Is that all he said?
Its okay.
Juststay here. Ill be back as soon as I can.
Then he was gone.
I lay back in the tub, but it was short, so I had to bend my knees, and they got cold. I opened the guy-shampoo and sniffed the bottle. It smelled like Tods hair, and for some reason, that made me cry.
I tried not to think, but that got harder with each second of silence. So I slid beneath the surface. I didnt even have to hold my breath. I juststopped breathing. I dont know how long I stayed under, blinking up at the world through hazy pink water. Minutes, maybe. Or maybe an hour. I didnt have to come up, so I didnt.
Until someone shouted my name. Kaylee!
Nash? No. Nash couldnt get into Tods special reaper room. The water was messing with my hearing.
Give her some privacy, Tod said, and I blinked. Then I frowned.
Shes not coming up! Nash insisted. And it was Nash.
Water sloshed around me as I sat up with my arms crossed over my chest, to find Tod blocking the bathroom doorway with his back to me, one hand on Nashs chest, holding him back. She doesnt have to breathe, remember?
Careful to keep myself covered, I scrubbed water from my eyes with one hand and blinked at Nash just as Tod shoved him into the bedroom. It wasnt a hard push. But it wasnt a push that would be misunderstood, either.
I brought you some clothes, but I couldnt get your robe out of the bathroom without having to explain something to your dad. Tod set a stack of clothes on the closed toilet seat, because there was nowhere else to put them.
Thanks.
How do you feel?
Lost. I feel lost. I was supposed to save souls, not take lives. I was supposed to protect my friends, not kill them. How had this happened? This couldnt have happened.
Tod sank to his knees next to the tub and put one hand on my bare back. Youre not lost, Kaylee. You cant ever be lost, because Ill always know where you are. And if Im not there with you, Im on my way, and nothing standing between us will be standing for very long.
Tears blurred my vision again, but he was still beautiful, even out of focus. Promise?
I swear on my very existence.
I believed him. Id never believed in anything more.
Tod stepped out of the room and pulled the door closed, but didnt latch it, and while I lathered my hair on autopilot, I listened. I couldnt hear all of it, but I heard enough.
What am I doing here? Nash demanded in a fierce whisper. Listening to the two of you is like having spikes driven through my ears.
I think actual victims of impalement would disagree with you there.
Shes naked, Nash hissed.
Thats how a bath works.
Youre sleeping with her, arent you? Nash made a horrible choking sound, and I flinched. Is that why you brought me here? To rub it in my face?
Tod exhaled, and I knew that whatever came out of his mouth would only be half of what he wanted to say. Im gonna have to take a rain check on the part where you get all angry and morose, but if you want, you can threaten to kick my ass again when I get back.
Where are you going?
I have to deal with Alec, but I dont want to leave her alone. So could you hate me quietly for now and be there for her?
You want me to be your understudy? Im not sure I have the dark wit to pull that off.
Nor the tragic backstory. Dont be my substitute. Be her friend. This hasnt truly hit her yet, but when it does, itll be bad, and I dont want her to be alone when that happens. Do you?
No. Nash sighed.
I slid beneath the water again and considered never coming up.
17
I WOKE UP in a cold sweat, with the sheets tangled around my legs, the pillow squeezed so tightly in my arms that feathers threatened to burst from the seam. But they werent my sheets. It wasnt my pillow.
I rolled over to find Nash watching me from the armchair in the corner. The room was so small that his right knee touched the end of the mattress and his left was pressed against the TV cart. But this wasnt Nashs room, either. It was Tods. Tod had a roomreally more of a big closetand I was in his bed. Alone with his brother. Drowning in remorse and grief too thick to breathe through.
You didnt have to stay, I said, sitting up to pull the pillow into my lap. My voice was hoarse from crying.
Yeah, I did. Theres no door.
Oh, yeah. I pushed damp, tangled hair back from my face. Sorry. You want me to take you home?
Nash shook his head slowly. If you leave, you wont be able to get back. Because I had no idea where I was. Are you okay?
I stared at my hands in my lap, my legs crossed beneath me, bare beneath my short pj shorts. Did Tod tell you what happened?
He said Alec died and you reclaimed his soul.
I looked up in surprise, fighting flashbacks so vivid I could still feel Alecs blood on my hands, warm, and sticky, and horrible. Is that all he said?
