Better off Friends
Page 61
But it wasn’t a simple question. Of course, I wanted to go to the dance with Levi. I loved to do anything with Levi. We always had fun together, even when he’d complain about his injury.
Levi took my hand. “Macallan, I just need a yes or a no.”
I could feel tears sting the back of my eyes as I denied myself the one thing I truly wanted. I pulled my hand away. “Listen, don’t worry about me. I better go. You don’t want to keep your group waiting.”
I turned my back and rushed down the stairs, knowing he couldn’t catch up to me. But as I walked out the front door, I replayed in my head what I wanted to say. What I wished I had the courage to say.
Yes, Levi. I want to go to the dance with you. I want you to put your arms around me. I don’t want to pretend that you and I are nothing more. My life is better off with you in it. I want to be with you. Because I love you, Levi. And not just as friends.
Hallelujah! She has seen the light!
I can’t even …
No, please, allow me.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Knowing Macallan as long as I have allows me some insights into the way she is. For instance, I knew she was freaked out when she ran out of my room that night.
There wasn’t much that scared her. She was the strongest person I’d ever known. And I’m not talking about the kind of strength that’s measured by the number of reps someone can perform.
I’m talking about being fearless. About standing up for yourself. About not caring what people think.
Yet something was scaring her. There was a reason she bolted and didn’t make one of her jokes.
But I couldn’t put my finger on it.
Or, more accurately, I didn’t want to get my hopes up.
“California!” Keith patted my shoulder during the dance. “Give me warning if you hit the dance floor. You know my moves can’t be contained.”
“Thanks,” I mumbled.
“What’s his problem?” he asked Stacey.
She shrugged. I knew I should’ve acted happy to be there, for her sake. I knew I should’ve done a lot of things.
As I surveyed the group of friends around me, I thought about how much I’d wanted this when I’d first moved here. A group of friends. To be part of the popular crowd. To be one of the top athletes.
That’s what I’d thought I wanted.
But now I knew that what I wanted and what I needed were entirely different.
I didn’t have to decide between this life or Macallan. I knew that. But I did have a choice to make: to sit there and pass by something important to me or go to Macallan and tell her how I felt. And make her listen. I knew the risk I was taking. There was a strong possibility that she would leave and spend senior year at the International Space Station.
But she’d paused when I asked her if she wanted to go to the dance. She’d known that wasn’t exactly what I was asking. But she hadn’t said no. She’d paused, and in the pause I knew that maybe, just maybe, she felt the same way I did.
I had to stop pretending and go after what I wanted. What I needed.
“Stacey,” I said lightly. This was going to suck. “I’m really sorry, but I need to go.”
She nodded like she was expecting it. “Macallan?”
She knew. Everybody knew. All those times people asked us if we were together, or teased us that we acted like an old married couple, it was because everybody saw what we were both too stubborn to see.
I opened my mouth to reply, but couldn’t find the right words to say. How could you tell someone you really think she’s great but you’re in love with someone else?
“It’s okay,” Stacey said. “I’ve been expecting this for a while.”
“I don’t want you to think this has anything to do with you.” I felt guiltier with each word.
“I know. I mean, seriously, Levi?” She actually smiled. “We all knew that you’d eventually end up with Macallan. I guess I should be offended, but maybe I read too many romance novels to not want to cheer for the two best friends. And you know, we had fun. You were nice to me.” She shrugged.
I guess that showed how much our relationship meant to either of us, that it could be summed up with a shrug of the shoulders.
“I’m going to get back to …” She motioned toward her friends on the dance floor. “Good luck.”
“Thanks.” I was going to need it.
I hobbled to the exit, wishing I could rip the brace off and run to her. The cold February air hit my face as I realized I didn’t have a ride to her house. I called her, but she didn’t answer her phone. I called the Dietzes’ home number and still got no answer. I didn’t want to ask my mom or dad to drive me around. It felt almost too personal.
Suddenly, I knew exactly who I could call. The one person who would help me out, no matter what. And do it with a smile on his face.
Adam pulled up less than ten minutes after I called him. He hadn’t asked me a bunch of questions. I’d told him I needed a ride and he’d asked where I was.
“Hey, Levi, how you doing?” He popped out of the driver’s seat to help me into his car.
“Great. Thanks so much, Adam.” He made sure I was all the way in before he slammed the door.
“Do you need to go home?” he asked.
“I really need to talk to Macallan. Do you know if she’s home?”
He shook his head, then put the car into drive. “There’s only one way to find out.”
Levi took my hand. “Macallan, I just need a yes or a no.”
I could feel tears sting the back of my eyes as I denied myself the one thing I truly wanted. I pulled my hand away. “Listen, don’t worry about me. I better go. You don’t want to keep your group waiting.”
I turned my back and rushed down the stairs, knowing he couldn’t catch up to me. But as I walked out the front door, I replayed in my head what I wanted to say. What I wished I had the courage to say.
Yes, Levi. I want to go to the dance with you. I want you to put your arms around me. I don’t want to pretend that you and I are nothing more. My life is better off with you in it. I want to be with you. Because I love you, Levi. And not just as friends.
Hallelujah! She has seen the light!
I can’t even …
No, please, allow me.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Knowing Macallan as long as I have allows me some insights into the way she is. For instance, I knew she was freaked out when she ran out of my room that night.
There wasn’t much that scared her. She was the strongest person I’d ever known. And I’m not talking about the kind of strength that’s measured by the number of reps someone can perform.
I’m talking about being fearless. About standing up for yourself. About not caring what people think.
Yet something was scaring her. There was a reason she bolted and didn’t make one of her jokes.
But I couldn’t put my finger on it.
Or, more accurately, I didn’t want to get my hopes up.
“California!” Keith patted my shoulder during the dance. “Give me warning if you hit the dance floor. You know my moves can’t be contained.”
“Thanks,” I mumbled.
“What’s his problem?” he asked Stacey.
She shrugged. I knew I should’ve acted happy to be there, for her sake. I knew I should’ve done a lot of things.
As I surveyed the group of friends around me, I thought about how much I’d wanted this when I’d first moved here. A group of friends. To be part of the popular crowd. To be one of the top athletes.
That’s what I’d thought I wanted.
But now I knew that what I wanted and what I needed were entirely different.
I didn’t have to decide between this life or Macallan. I knew that. But I did have a choice to make: to sit there and pass by something important to me or go to Macallan and tell her how I felt. And make her listen. I knew the risk I was taking. There was a strong possibility that she would leave and spend senior year at the International Space Station.
But she’d paused when I asked her if she wanted to go to the dance. She’d known that wasn’t exactly what I was asking. But she hadn’t said no. She’d paused, and in the pause I knew that maybe, just maybe, she felt the same way I did.
I had to stop pretending and go after what I wanted. What I needed.
“Stacey,” I said lightly. This was going to suck. “I’m really sorry, but I need to go.”
She nodded like she was expecting it. “Macallan?”
She knew. Everybody knew. All those times people asked us if we were together, or teased us that we acted like an old married couple, it was because everybody saw what we were both too stubborn to see.
I opened my mouth to reply, but couldn’t find the right words to say. How could you tell someone you really think she’s great but you’re in love with someone else?
“It’s okay,” Stacey said. “I’ve been expecting this for a while.”
“I don’t want you to think this has anything to do with you.” I felt guiltier with each word.
“I know. I mean, seriously, Levi?” She actually smiled. “We all knew that you’d eventually end up with Macallan. I guess I should be offended, but maybe I read too many romance novels to not want to cheer for the two best friends. And you know, we had fun. You were nice to me.” She shrugged.
I guess that showed how much our relationship meant to either of us, that it could be summed up with a shrug of the shoulders.
“I’m going to get back to …” She motioned toward her friends on the dance floor. “Good luck.”
“Thanks.” I was going to need it.
I hobbled to the exit, wishing I could rip the brace off and run to her. The cold February air hit my face as I realized I didn’t have a ride to her house. I called her, but she didn’t answer her phone. I called the Dietzes’ home number and still got no answer. I didn’t want to ask my mom or dad to drive me around. It felt almost too personal.
Suddenly, I knew exactly who I could call. The one person who would help me out, no matter what. And do it with a smile on his face.
Adam pulled up less than ten minutes after I called him. He hadn’t asked me a bunch of questions. I’d told him I needed a ride and he’d asked where I was.
“Hey, Levi, how you doing?” He popped out of the driver’s seat to help me into his car.
“Great. Thanks so much, Adam.” He made sure I was all the way in before he slammed the door.
“Do you need to go home?” he asked.
“I really need to talk to Macallan. Do you know if she’s home?”
He shook his head, then put the car into drive. “There’s only one way to find out.”
