Better off Friends
Page 62
Mercifully, Adam stayed quiet on the short drive to Macallan’s house. We pulled up and noticed that a couple of lights were on in the living room. Adam helped me out of the car and used his keys to let us in.
“Macallan?” he called out. My heart was beating so fast.
No answer.
I tried her phone again and heard it ringing. I followed the noise to the kitchen table, where the phone sat unattended.
Adam joined me in the kitchen. “She’s not upstairs. I checked the closet, and her coat’s gone. Do you want me to call her dad? He’s working late tonight.”
“No.” The last thing I needed was Mr. Dietz getting a call that Macallan was missing.
Everybody else was at the dance. So it wasn’t like she was hanging out with Danielle. Wherever she was, she was by herself. Maybe she needed to get some fresh air and think.
Then it hit me: I knew exactly where she was.
“Adam, can you take me to Riverside Park?”
I couldn’t bear being stuck at home by myself while everybody else was at the dance. It wasn’t like I’d never spent a Saturday night home alone, but there was something that set my nerves on edge that night.
And that something was Levi.
I needed to clear my head, so I went for a walk. Nothing helped. I thought I was being random with each turn I took, but then I found myself at Riverside Park.
I sat on the swings and rocked myself back and forth. What I thought would give me comfort made me feel worse. I felt more alone than ever without Levi there to push me.
I always felt a little alone without him near me.
At first I thought my mind was playing tricks on me when I heard his familiar shuffle. I assumed it was my longing for him that had manifested into what I was hearing.
Then I heard his voice.
“Macallan?”
She paused for a second before she slowly turned around.
“Levi? What are you doing here? Why aren’t you at the dance? Was that Adam’s car that just drove away?”
“Yeah.” I know I only answered her last question because I had no idea what to say to her. “Can we talk?”
She helped me to the picnic bench, the same one we’d met at a few months before. We sat down and my body instantly tensed up from the cold.
“I have something I need to tell you,” I said, “and I really need you to hear me out before you say anything … or run away to Ireland.”
I was expecting a snarky comment or a scared look on her face. All she said was “I promise.”
At this point, I realized there was no going back.
So I took a deep breath.
“I left the dance because I wasn’t with you. You and I both know I’ve been an idiot these last few months. All along I thought that what I wanted out of my high school life was to be with the guys, to have a girlfriend, to be on a team. But even when I had those things, I didn’t feel complete. And that’s because I’m not complete without you.”
I couldn’t take it anymore. “Levi, stop. Please.” I knew I’d promised not to say anything, but he needed to hear what I had to say.
“I know,” I told him. I looked down at the ground — for some reason, I didn’t think I could say everything if I had to look at him. “I know what you’re going to say because I feel the same way.”
My heart stopped. “You do?”
She finally looked at me. “Of course.”
“But what about Ireland?”
She smiled at me. It shattered my heart into a million pieces. “You’re not the only one who’s done stupid things.”
I think my confession of being an idiot left him speechless. I didn’t blame him. It wasn’t something I copped to often.
“Macallan?” I was terrified. But I knew I would never forgive myself if I didn’t give it one more try.
“I love you.”
I wasn’t going to waste this opportunity again. I wasn’t going to be scared. I wasn’t going to run away. I wasn’t going to make excuses.
I almost couldn’t breathe for the few seconds after I spoke. She turned to me and leaned in. I moved forward.
We were only inches away from each other. My entire body pulsated with anticipation. We had kissed before, and not too far from the spot we were in, but this time it was different. It wasn’t a joke, it wasn’t something I did to shut him up, it was something we did because we wanted to.
I kissed her.
I kissed him.
It. Was.
Brilliant.
Unlike the first time we kissed, I was anticipating it. I relished her lips on mine. Her hand gently ran through my hair. I pulled her in closer to me, not wanting to have a distance between us ever again.
Even though it was cold outside, I felt nothing but warmth being next to Levi. He pulled away from me briefly to kiss my forehead. “You have no idea how happy you just made me.”
“I think I do,” I replied.
We sat there for a few minutes, his lips resting against my forehead. Us leaning on each other, like always.
This did change everything, but I knew that could be a good thing. Because what we had between us was something I’d never had with anybody else. I couldn’t comprehend being as close to another person the way I was with Levi.
I had been resisting this, but I couldn’t deny that it felt right.
This was how things should’ve been for us. I think we both knew that. I felt Macallan shiver slightly. “Let’s go home,” I said as I gave her another kiss.
“Macallan?” he called out. My heart was beating so fast.
No answer.
I tried her phone again and heard it ringing. I followed the noise to the kitchen table, where the phone sat unattended.
Adam joined me in the kitchen. “She’s not upstairs. I checked the closet, and her coat’s gone. Do you want me to call her dad? He’s working late tonight.”
“No.” The last thing I needed was Mr. Dietz getting a call that Macallan was missing.
Everybody else was at the dance. So it wasn’t like she was hanging out with Danielle. Wherever she was, she was by herself. Maybe she needed to get some fresh air and think.
Then it hit me: I knew exactly where she was.
“Adam, can you take me to Riverside Park?”
I couldn’t bear being stuck at home by myself while everybody else was at the dance. It wasn’t like I’d never spent a Saturday night home alone, but there was something that set my nerves on edge that night.
And that something was Levi.
I needed to clear my head, so I went for a walk. Nothing helped. I thought I was being random with each turn I took, but then I found myself at Riverside Park.
I sat on the swings and rocked myself back and forth. What I thought would give me comfort made me feel worse. I felt more alone than ever without Levi there to push me.
I always felt a little alone without him near me.
At first I thought my mind was playing tricks on me when I heard his familiar shuffle. I assumed it was my longing for him that had manifested into what I was hearing.
Then I heard his voice.
“Macallan?”
She paused for a second before she slowly turned around.
“Levi? What are you doing here? Why aren’t you at the dance? Was that Adam’s car that just drove away?”
“Yeah.” I know I only answered her last question because I had no idea what to say to her. “Can we talk?”
She helped me to the picnic bench, the same one we’d met at a few months before. We sat down and my body instantly tensed up from the cold.
“I have something I need to tell you,” I said, “and I really need you to hear me out before you say anything … or run away to Ireland.”
I was expecting a snarky comment or a scared look on her face. All she said was “I promise.”
At this point, I realized there was no going back.
So I took a deep breath.
“I left the dance because I wasn’t with you. You and I both know I’ve been an idiot these last few months. All along I thought that what I wanted out of my high school life was to be with the guys, to have a girlfriend, to be on a team. But even when I had those things, I didn’t feel complete. And that’s because I’m not complete without you.”
I couldn’t take it anymore. “Levi, stop. Please.” I knew I’d promised not to say anything, but he needed to hear what I had to say.
“I know,” I told him. I looked down at the ground — for some reason, I didn’t think I could say everything if I had to look at him. “I know what you’re going to say because I feel the same way.”
My heart stopped. “You do?”
She finally looked at me. “Of course.”
“But what about Ireland?”
She smiled at me. It shattered my heart into a million pieces. “You’re not the only one who’s done stupid things.”
I think my confession of being an idiot left him speechless. I didn’t blame him. It wasn’t something I copped to often.
“Macallan?” I was terrified. But I knew I would never forgive myself if I didn’t give it one more try.
“I love you.”
I wasn’t going to waste this opportunity again. I wasn’t going to be scared. I wasn’t going to run away. I wasn’t going to make excuses.
I almost couldn’t breathe for the few seconds after I spoke. She turned to me and leaned in. I moved forward.
We were only inches away from each other. My entire body pulsated with anticipation. We had kissed before, and not too far from the spot we were in, but this time it was different. It wasn’t a joke, it wasn’t something I did to shut him up, it was something we did because we wanted to.
I kissed her.
I kissed him.
It. Was.
Brilliant.
Unlike the first time we kissed, I was anticipating it. I relished her lips on mine. Her hand gently ran through my hair. I pulled her in closer to me, not wanting to have a distance between us ever again.
Even though it was cold outside, I felt nothing but warmth being next to Levi. He pulled away from me briefly to kiss my forehead. “You have no idea how happy you just made me.”
“I think I do,” I replied.
We sat there for a few minutes, his lips resting against my forehead. Us leaning on each other, like always.
This did change everything, but I knew that could be a good thing. Because what we had between us was something I’d never had with anybody else. I couldn’t comprehend being as close to another person the way I was with Levi.
I had been resisting this, but I couldn’t deny that it felt right.
This was how things should’ve been for us. I think we both knew that. I felt Macallan shiver slightly. “Let’s go home,” I said as I gave her another kiss.
