Better When He's Bad
Page 31
I’d had run-ins with the law on and off since I was old enough to remember, but really, luck had always been on my side. Sure, I spent a month or two in juvie and was way more familiar with the back of a squad car than anyone should be, but my record was mostly clean, except for the last big f**kup that had kept me on lockdown for five wasted years.
“Why? Why interfere? Why pretend like I mattered when you were off being supercop? Those two things don’t seem to go hand in hand.”
“Because you’re my little brother and have always been a pain in the ass. I wondered all the time if things would have been different if Mom had managed to get her shit together when you were younger. I wonder if you had never been forced to steal, forced to break the law, if you would’ve just finished school and ended up a regular douchebag like most twenty-three-year-olds.”
I snorted. “Doubt it.”
Titus smiled around the coffee mug. “Yeah, I doubt it too. So about the girl?”
I grunted and leaned back in the booth. “She’s sweet and hot. She grew up the same way I did—rough—but it didn’t seem to touch her at all. She’s as loyal as I have ever seen one person be, and right now she’s right in the center of this mess with Novak. I sent her off with Race because I don’t know where else she’ll be safe. Once I let Benny know I have the video, he’ll tell Novak and all the dominoes are going to start to fall.”
“Shane . . .” I was getting real tired of people calling me that. I felt like every time they did, it was chipping away at the solid steel armor that was Bax. “I need you to take one second and look at this from the other side of things for once in your life. I know for you it’s easier to go in with guns blazing, ready to cause a riot, but I’m telling you that isn’t how things are going to work out.”
I flicked my gaze away from him and looked out the grimy window of the diner.
“As soon as Novak knows you have the tape, he’s going to try and destroy everything you care about, and I’m not talking about the Runner.”
“What are you talking about? I don’t think anyone qualifies for that list.”
“You’re an idiot.”
I scowled at him. “Fuck you.”
“Mom, Race, Gus, me, and now the girl. That’s a long enough list to put the ball solidly in Novak’s court. You might not see it, Bax, but you do not exist in the world unaffected by those of us who love you despite yourself.”
I just stared at him. I couldn’t argue his point. I thought it would be me and Novak in one epic showdown, but the reality was probably much gorier, with a far higher body count than I was seeing.
“So what then, Titus? I just hand the video over, and you and the boys in blue waltz in and arrest him for a murder that happened over five years ago? We both know some slick lawyer will get him off before it even goes to trial, and then he’ll just get rid of anyone and everyone who can speak out against him. You tell me how this ends on the side of all that is good and right. The only way to deal with a man like Novak is to get your hands dirty. You know that, Titus.”
“I do, and I also know those hands do not have to be yours, Bax.”
“If not me, then who?”
“I’m not so sure of the answer to that question just yet. You and Race need to keep your heads down, keep the girl out of Benny’s hands until we can come up with a plan that gets everyone out alive. You think you can sit on it for a few days?”
I didn’t want to, but in the harsh light of day, there was no denying he was right.
“Novak knew Race had the tape, he knows about the setup. The only reason Novak hasn’t done anything is because Race’s dad is laundering his dirty cash, and Race doesn’t want his mom dragged into the gutter with the old man, who, by the way, tried to hire Novak to kill Dovie.”
Titus’s eyes flared with a blue fire, and I saw his hands curl into fists on the top of the table between us.
“Who are these people? How did we end up in a place where people’s lives are nothing more than moves on a chessboard?”
I lifted a broad shoulder and let it fall. It made my battered ribs scream at me in protest. “It’s the Point. That’s how it’s always been. You were lucky to make it out before it poisoned you like it did the rest of us.”
He blinked at me and opened and closed his mouth. Then he just gaped at me. “You really believe that, don’t you?”
I tilted my head to the side. “Believe what?”
“That I got out. That I went and lived up on the Hill and nothing from the Point ever touched me. Like my mom wasn’t still a drunk, my brother a thief, and my old man doing life for drugs and murder? You think moving to a place with a different zip code made everything else just go away and turned me into a different person? You’re wrong, Bax. Being a poor kid with a messed up home life in the Point just makes you one sadder story out of a million. Being the poor kid and the charity case on the Hill makes you a freak show and a target. I knew every day I didn’t belong, knew I was never going to be anything more than some schmuck from the ghetto that everyone looked down on and pitied.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. For the longest time I thought Titus had left me, left us, to fend for ourselves. I never thought about his side of things. Like the rest of us, he had done what he needed to do in order to survive. Just like Dovie had so eloquently tried to point out to me. Thinking about her made my stomach drop and that open place in the center of my chest twist up and release like a car accelerating at full speed. She hadn’t even been out of my life for a full day, and I could already feel the loss, which made sending her off with Race the right thing. If I had to do time again, there was no way I would make it with Dovie Pryce living under my skin. The absence of her while I was on the inside would make me go crazy.
“And yet you managed to come out of it a verified good guy with a shiny badge and everything.” I didn’t bother to keep the sarcasm out of my tone.
“What else was I supposed to do? You were always in trouble with the cops, my dad is a goddamn drug kingpin and killer . . . the only way to separate myself from all of that was to become a cop. There aren’t enough of us out there who can walk on both sides of the street. I can. I know people from the Hill are just as crooked, just as twisted, as people from the Point, and a broken law is a broken law, I don’t care who is breaking it. I put criminals in jail, Bax. You know that better than anyone.”
“Is that how you see me, Titus? I’m just one more criminal in a city overrun with them?”
He sighed and pushed his empty plate to the side. “No. You’re my little brother, but you’re also an ass**le who has a penchant for getting into the worst kind of trouble. I wish you weren’t so good with cars, especially the ones that don’t belong to you, but I have never blamed you for doing what you had to do back then.”
“I wanted out, you know?” I fiddled with the edge of my fork. “That’s why Novak was trying to set me up for the murder of the old guy who owned the Aston Martin. It was getting old being yanked around. Sure, the money was nice and the cars were enough to leave me with a hard-on for days, but I knew it was going to go bad. I wanted out before I took Race down with me.”
“Why couldn’t you have wanted out before you went down? Bax, come on, you gotta start thinking about the big picture.”
“What does that mean?” I knew I sounded defensive, but I couldn’t help it. This was probably the longest conversation I had ever had with my brother and I didn’t need a lecture.
He waved a hand in the general direction of my face. “Just look at you. What do you think comes next for a guy with a f**king tattoo on his face? Where does that kind of choice end you up, Bax? What comes next for you? More car theft, more fighting, something else that’s going to put you in a body bag? You need to start looking at what comes after.”
The star was so much a part of me that I couldn’t imagine looking in the mirror each day and not seeing it, but he had a point. It wasn’t like I thought about what putting ink on my face was going to mean for me as an adult or what kind of opportunities it would limit me to, which were just what he said, being a thief and a thug from here on out. I scowled and tossed the fork down on the table.
“What exactly do you think comes after, Titus?” I put my palms flat on the table and leaned closer, so we were staring intently at each other. For the first time, I saw the same core of steel that ran through me reflected back in my brother’s bright blue eyes. “This is my life. This is the Point. Even if we figure out a way to get a handle on Novak, some other piece of shit is going to rise up and take his place. You think I’m going to wake up one day and decide I want to be a banker or a stockbroker? I don’t know what fairy tale you’ve been reading, but that isn’t mine. I’m a criminal, it’s what I know how to do.”
We stared at each other for a long moment until he swore and dug in his pants for his wallet. He tossed some money on the table between us and climbed to his feet. He looked worn out and sad.
“I was hoping the redhead mattered enough that maybe your opinion on that would’ve changed. I saw the way you looked at her. A man doesn’t willingly walk away from a woman who puts that look in his eyes. Give me until the weekend. Let me see what I can come up with regarding the tape. Keep your head low and try not to antagonize Benny or Novak.”
I sucked in a breath between my teeth. “A week is all you’re gonna get. If I have to handle this bloody and messy, I will.”
He lifted a black eyebrow at me. “I know, that’s your whole problem, little brother. I’ll be in touch.”
I watched him walk away and tried not to feel a twinge of envy when he climbed into a perfectly restored ’69 GTO. I had built a pretty strong foundation of hatred based on the belief that Titus had abandoned me when I was younger, and that we had nothing in common after he became one of the Hill elite. When he had arrested me five years ago, I was convinced he was trying to teach me a lesson, to prove that he was better than me, but now I wasn’t so sure. Just like I wasn’t so sure what my life was going to look like if I managed to make it out of this confrontation with Novak alive and a free man. I was so certain that this was the end of the road for me that I never had given a second thought to what might come next.
Irritated that Titus had managed to get so expertly under my skin, I slid out of the booth and headed to my own car. I was going to go find Nassir and have him set up another fight for me. I had too much energy, too much stuff buzzing around under my skin, and I needed a physical way to burn it off. Otherwise, there was a pretty good chance I was going to throw caution and good sense to the wind and say “the hell with it,” and go find Dovie and bury myself inside her until it burned us both alive. Inherently, I knew that was a far more dangerous option than letting Nassir find some ’roided-up meathead to take a few cheap shots at me.
I was racing down the mostly empty streets, since it was still too early for most of the city to be up and active, when my phone rang. Since only a few people had the number for the disposable unit, I answered it without looking.
“Yeah?”
“What did you do to my sister, Bax?”
I choked back a laugh and wheeled the car to a spot in front of the rickety-looking building that held all Nassir’s dirty little secrets.
“I don’t think you really want me to answer that question, Race.” He didn’t, because I could recall with startling clarity every touch, every kiss, every whimper and moan that I had elicited out of her pretty mouth over the last few weeks.
He swore at me. “That’s not what I meant. She used to be reasonable and understanding. The group home wants her to come in this weekend and I told her it was too dangerous right now. She won’t listen. She agreed to get her shift at the restaurant covered and skip school for the week, but she won’t relent on the group home. Before I left, she used to just take my suggestions and roll with it because she knows I always have her best interests in mind. So I repeat, what did you do to her?”
“Why? Why interfere? Why pretend like I mattered when you were off being supercop? Those two things don’t seem to go hand in hand.”
“Because you’re my little brother and have always been a pain in the ass. I wondered all the time if things would have been different if Mom had managed to get her shit together when you were younger. I wonder if you had never been forced to steal, forced to break the law, if you would’ve just finished school and ended up a regular douchebag like most twenty-three-year-olds.”
I snorted. “Doubt it.”
Titus smiled around the coffee mug. “Yeah, I doubt it too. So about the girl?”
I grunted and leaned back in the booth. “She’s sweet and hot. She grew up the same way I did—rough—but it didn’t seem to touch her at all. She’s as loyal as I have ever seen one person be, and right now she’s right in the center of this mess with Novak. I sent her off with Race because I don’t know where else she’ll be safe. Once I let Benny know I have the video, he’ll tell Novak and all the dominoes are going to start to fall.”
“Shane . . .” I was getting real tired of people calling me that. I felt like every time they did, it was chipping away at the solid steel armor that was Bax. “I need you to take one second and look at this from the other side of things for once in your life. I know for you it’s easier to go in with guns blazing, ready to cause a riot, but I’m telling you that isn’t how things are going to work out.”
I flicked my gaze away from him and looked out the grimy window of the diner.
“As soon as Novak knows you have the tape, he’s going to try and destroy everything you care about, and I’m not talking about the Runner.”
“What are you talking about? I don’t think anyone qualifies for that list.”
“You’re an idiot.”
I scowled at him. “Fuck you.”
“Mom, Race, Gus, me, and now the girl. That’s a long enough list to put the ball solidly in Novak’s court. You might not see it, Bax, but you do not exist in the world unaffected by those of us who love you despite yourself.”
I just stared at him. I couldn’t argue his point. I thought it would be me and Novak in one epic showdown, but the reality was probably much gorier, with a far higher body count than I was seeing.
“So what then, Titus? I just hand the video over, and you and the boys in blue waltz in and arrest him for a murder that happened over five years ago? We both know some slick lawyer will get him off before it even goes to trial, and then he’ll just get rid of anyone and everyone who can speak out against him. You tell me how this ends on the side of all that is good and right. The only way to deal with a man like Novak is to get your hands dirty. You know that, Titus.”
“I do, and I also know those hands do not have to be yours, Bax.”
“If not me, then who?”
“I’m not so sure of the answer to that question just yet. You and Race need to keep your heads down, keep the girl out of Benny’s hands until we can come up with a plan that gets everyone out alive. You think you can sit on it for a few days?”
I didn’t want to, but in the harsh light of day, there was no denying he was right.
“Novak knew Race had the tape, he knows about the setup. The only reason Novak hasn’t done anything is because Race’s dad is laundering his dirty cash, and Race doesn’t want his mom dragged into the gutter with the old man, who, by the way, tried to hire Novak to kill Dovie.”
Titus’s eyes flared with a blue fire, and I saw his hands curl into fists on the top of the table between us.
“Who are these people? How did we end up in a place where people’s lives are nothing more than moves on a chessboard?”
I lifted a broad shoulder and let it fall. It made my battered ribs scream at me in protest. “It’s the Point. That’s how it’s always been. You were lucky to make it out before it poisoned you like it did the rest of us.”
He blinked at me and opened and closed his mouth. Then he just gaped at me. “You really believe that, don’t you?”
I tilted my head to the side. “Believe what?”
“That I got out. That I went and lived up on the Hill and nothing from the Point ever touched me. Like my mom wasn’t still a drunk, my brother a thief, and my old man doing life for drugs and murder? You think moving to a place with a different zip code made everything else just go away and turned me into a different person? You’re wrong, Bax. Being a poor kid with a messed up home life in the Point just makes you one sadder story out of a million. Being the poor kid and the charity case on the Hill makes you a freak show and a target. I knew every day I didn’t belong, knew I was never going to be anything more than some schmuck from the ghetto that everyone looked down on and pitied.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. For the longest time I thought Titus had left me, left us, to fend for ourselves. I never thought about his side of things. Like the rest of us, he had done what he needed to do in order to survive. Just like Dovie had so eloquently tried to point out to me. Thinking about her made my stomach drop and that open place in the center of my chest twist up and release like a car accelerating at full speed. She hadn’t even been out of my life for a full day, and I could already feel the loss, which made sending her off with Race the right thing. If I had to do time again, there was no way I would make it with Dovie Pryce living under my skin. The absence of her while I was on the inside would make me go crazy.
“And yet you managed to come out of it a verified good guy with a shiny badge and everything.” I didn’t bother to keep the sarcasm out of my tone.
“What else was I supposed to do? You were always in trouble with the cops, my dad is a goddamn drug kingpin and killer . . . the only way to separate myself from all of that was to become a cop. There aren’t enough of us out there who can walk on both sides of the street. I can. I know people from the Hill are just as crooked, just as twisted, as people from the Point, and a broken law is a broken law, I don’t care who is breaking it. I put criminals in jail, Bax. You know that better than anyone.”
“Is that how you see me, Titus? I’m just one more criminal in a city overrun with them?”
He sighed and pushed his empty plate to the side. “No. You’re my little brother, but you’re also an ass**le who has a penchant for getting into the worst kind of trouble. I wish you weren’t so good with cars, especially the ones that don’t belong to you, but I have never blamed you for doing what you had to do back then.”
“I wanted out, you know?” I fiddled with the edge of my fork. “That’s why Novak was trying to set me up for the murder of the old guy who owned the Aston Martin. It was getting old being yanked around. Sure, the money was nice and the cars were enough to leave me with a hard-on for days, but I knew it was going to go bad. I wanted out before I took Race down with me.”
“Why couldn’t you have wanted out before you went down? Bax, come on, you gotta start thinking about the big picture.”
“What does that mean?” I knew I sounded defensive, but I couldn’t help it. This was probably the longest conversation I had ever had with my brother and I didn’t need a lecture.
He waved a hand in the general direction of my face. “Just look at you. What do you think comes next for a guy with a f**king tattoo on his face? Where does that kind of choice end you up, Bax? What comes next for you? More car theft, more fighting, something else that’s going to put you in a body bag? You need to start looking at what comes after.”
The star was so much a part of me that I couldn’t imagine looking in the mirror each day and not seeing it, but he had a point. It wasn’t like I thought about what putting ink on my face was going to mean for me as an adult or what kind of opportunities it would limit me to, which were just what he said, being a thief and a thug from here on out. I scowled and tossed the fork down on the table.
“What exactly do you think comes after, Titus?” I put my palms flat on the table and leaned closer, so we were staring intently at each other. For the first time, I saw the same core of steel that ran through me reflected back in my brother’s bright blue eyes. “This is my life. This is the Point. Even if we figure out a way to get a handle on Novak, some other piece of shit is going to rise up and take his place. You think I’m going to wake up one day and decide I want to be a banker or a stockbroker? I don’t know what fairy tale you’ve been reading, but that isn’t mine. I’m a criminal, it’s what I know how to do.”
We stared at each other for a long moment until he swore and dug in his pants for his wallet. He tossed some money on the table between us and climbed to his feet. He looked worn out and sad.
“I was hoping the redhead mattered enough that maybe your opinion on that would’ve changed. I saw the way you looked at her. A man doesn’t willingly walk away from a woman who puts that look in his eyes. Give me until the weekend. Let me see what I can come up with regarding the tape. Keep your head low and try not to antagonize Benny or Novak.”
I sucked in a breath between my teeth. “A week is all you’re gonna get. If I have to handle this bloody and messy, I will.”
He lifted a black eyebrow at me. “I know, that’s your whole problem, little brother. I’ll be in touch.”
I watched him walk away and tried not to feel a twinge of envy when he climbed into a perfectly restored ’69 GTO. I had built a pretty strong foundation of hatred based on the belief that Titus had abandoned me when I was younger, and that we had nothing in common after he became one of the Hill elite. When he had arrested me five years ago, I was convinced he was trying to teach me a lesson, to prove that he was better than me, but now I wasn’t so sure. Just like I wasn’t so sure what my life was going to look like if I managed to make it out of this confrontation with Novak alive and a free man. I was so certain that this was the end of the road for me that I never had given a second thought to what might come next.
Irritated that Titus had managed to get so expertly under my skin, I slid out of the booth and headed to my own car. I was going to go find Nassir and have him set up another fight for me. I had too much energy, too much stuff buzzing around under my skin, and I needed a physical way to burn it off. Otherwise, there was a pretty good chance I was going to throw caution and good sense to the wind and say “the hell with it,” and go find Dovie and bury myself inside her until it burned us both alive. Inherently, I knew that was a far more dangerous option than letting Nassir find some ’roided-up meathead to take a few cheap shots at me.
I was racing down the mostly empty streets, since it was still too early for most of the city to be up and active, when my phone rang. Since only a few people had the number for the disposable unit, I answered it without looking.
“Yeah?”
“What did you do to my sister, Bax?”
I choked back a laugh and wheeled the car to a spot in front of the rickety-looking building that held all Nassir’s dirty little secrets.
“I don’t think you really want me to answer that question, Race.” He didn’t, because I could recall with startling clarity every touch, every kiss, every whimper and moan that I had elicited out of her pretty mouth over the last few weeks.
He swore at me. “That’s not what I meant. She used to be reasonable and understanding. The group home wants her to come in this weekend and I told her it was too dangerous right now. She won’t listen. She agreed to get her shift at the restaurant covered and skip school for the week, but she won’t relent on the group home. Before I left, she used to just take my suggestions and roll with it because she knows I always have her best interests in mind. So I repeat, what did you do to her?”
