Blue Lines
Page 64
“Erik, listen to me, I wouldn’t stick around and deal with your shit if I didn’t believe you were a good man. When I look at you, I see Cooper. I may not know Jasha, but I know Cooper and you are him made over, and our son will be like you and Cooper. I wouldn’t want to have a baby with anyone but you, and I am thankful that you were raised by such a great man. Everything is going to be okay.”
Erik shook his head, hating that she was so kind and had all the right words. He didn’t understand why she had to be so nice. Why wouldn’t she just leave him be, let him stew in his anger and hate himself? He wanted to be the man she spoke of but he wasn’t sure he had it in him to do it. He didn’t want to disappoint her; she had these expectations of him and he did not want to let her down.
He had pulled into their driveway, and instead of going in he said, “Why do you care, Piper? I’m still leaving.”
“That may very well happen, but I believe you’ll still be the best father, Erik. I think that when you care for someone, you are there for them like I’m here for you. I will always be here, even when you leave.”
“Why?” he asked, looking over at her. “Why don’t you hate me? Why don’t you see who I really am?”
Piper shrugged as she smiled. “I do see who you are, Erik, and believe me, I could never hate you. I’ve tried and only fell harder for you.”
“Don’t fall, Piper. I’m not the guy for you,” he whispered.
“I don’t agree,” she whispered back.
“I’m only going to hurt you.”
Piper shook her head. “When I care for someone, they get all of me. I can’t hold back.” She gave him one last smile and then threw the door open, struggling to get her bulk out of the car. Without even a second thought, Erik hopped out of the car and rushed out to help her. When she reached for his hand, she said, “Would someone who isn’t a good man help his wife get out of the car? Think about that, Mr. Titov.”
She wrapped her arms around his waist and just held him. Her scent was intoxicating and he could feel her heart beat on his stomach as she moved her nose along the middle of his chest. Not able to fight it anymore, he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close to him as he rested his head on hers. He could feel her stomach moving and he wanted to drop to his knees to hold his son in his hands but instead he held her.
“I’m here for you,” she whispered before moving out of his arms and walking past him to the house. Piper terrified him, and he really had no clue what he was going to do with her. All he did know was that his feelings for her were growing with each passing day. He enjoyed her spunkiness and her banter. He enjoyed her smiles and man, did he love her laugh. And as shitty as he’d been to her, she was still there—that in itself meant a lot.
But the fear he had that he would end up like his father was strong. Just like Jasha, Erik knew he’d give everything he had to Piper, and more than likely she’d see his worthlessness and leave, taking it all with her. Erik would put money on the fact that Jasha believed that Katria was there for him, too, and she left. Whenever his mom broke his father’s heart, Erik would take the brunt of his father’s anger and end up going to school with a part of him broken or beaten. That was the life he lived; that was the love he knew.
He couldn’t subject their child to that; he had to stay away from Piper.
He just had to.
Chapter 15
Piper had her arm around Erik’s waist and a grin on her face as they stood on the porch waving at Cooper and Alla. Erik’s arm hung loosely around her shoulders, and he had to fight everything inside of him not to hold her even tighter. After their tender moment yesterday, he found himself craving that feeling again. The whole night he lay, tossing and turning on the couch, wanting to run in there and tell her she was right, that he was an idiot and to please hold him.
He felt safe in her arms. And that bothered him because this was not real. He had to leave after the baby was born, but she was making it so damn difficult.
“Hey, guys!” Alla yelled as she jumped out of the car, waving widely at them. Erik smiled at the sight of her. His love ran deep for Alla—she was there for him even when he was f**king things up, just like someone else he knew, Erik thought, as he looked at the girl standing beside him.
When his dad stepped out of the car, he smiled and Erik actually felt a sense of calmness come over him. Cooper was a smart man and would help him sort through all the feelings he didn’t understand, feelings for his wife and baby boy.
“Hey!” Piper called out to his parents as they approached the steps to their porch.
“I’ve missed you so much!” Alla embraced Erik, giving him a smacking kiss and a tight hug.
“Jesus, Mom,” Erik said with a laugh, kissing her again. “I’ve missed you, too, but it hasn’t been that long since I saw you last.”
Cooper laughed, too, as he pulled Erik into his arms. “Any time away is too long in our opinion.” Erik closed his eyes as he hugged the man he loved and respected most in this world. Pulling back, Cooper asked, “Good?”
Erik shrugged as he smiled. “Eh, okay.”
“You’ll be good by the time we leave.”
Piper stood with her hair blowing in the wind and a bright smile on her face. The dress she wore was long, and she was gorgeous; Erik never got tired of looking at her. Piper giggled as Alla pulled her into her arms, too.
“My goodness, I think our grandson wants out!” Cooper laughed, embracing Piper.
Erik shook his head, hating that she was so kind and had all the right words. He didn’t understand why she had to be so nice. Why wouldn’t she just leave him be, let him stew in his anger and hate himself? He wanted to be the man she spoke of but he wasn’t sure he had it in him to do it. He didn’t want to disappoint her; she had these expectations of him and he did not want to let her down.
He had pulled into their driveway, and instead of going in he said, “Why do you care, Piper? I’m still leaving.”
“That may very well happen, but I believe you’ll still be the best father, Erik. I think that when you care for someone, you are there for them like I’m here for you. I will always be here, even when you leave.”
“Why?” he asked, looking over at her. “Why don’t you hate me? Why don’t you see who I really am?”
Piper shrugged as she smiled. “I do see who you are, Erik, and believe me, I could never hate you. I’ve tried and only fell harder for you.”
“Don’t fall, Piper. I’m not the guy for you,” he whispered.
“I don’t agree,” she whispered back.
“I’m only going to hurt you.”
Piper shook her head. “When I care for someone, they get all of me. I can’t hold back.” She gave him one last smile and then threw the door open, struggling to get her bulk out of the car. Without even a second thought, Erik hopped out of the car and rushed out to help her. When she reached for his hand, she said, “Would someone who isn’t a good man help his wife get out of the car? Think about that, Mr. Titov.”
She wrapped her arms around his waist and just held him. Her scent was intoxicating and he could feel her heart beat on his stomach as she moved her nose along the middle of his chest. Not able to fight it anymore, he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close to him as he rested his head on hers. He could feel her stomach moving and he wanted to drop to his knees to hold his son in his hands but instead he held her.
“I’m here for you,” she whispered before moving out of his arms and walking past him to the house. Piper terrified him, and he really had no clue what he was going to do with her. All he did know was that his feelings for her were growing with each passing day. He enjoyed her spunkiness and her banter. He enjoyed her smiles and man, did he love her laugh. And as shitty as he’d been to her, she was still there—that in itself meant a lot.
But the fear he had that he would end up like his father was strong. Just like Jasha, Erik knew he’d give everything he had to Piper, and more than likely she’d see his worthlessness and leave, taking it all with her. Erik would put money on the fact that Jasha believed that Katria was there for him, too, and she left. Whenever his mom broke his father’s heart, Erik would take the brunt of his father’s anger and end up going to school with a part of him broken or beaten. That was the life he lived; that was the love he knew.
He couldn’t subject their child to that; he had to stay away from Piper.
He just had to.
Chapter 15
Piper had her arm around Erik’s waist and a grin on her face as they stood on the porch waving at Cooper and Alla. Erik’s arm hung loosely around her shoulders, and he had to fight everything inside of him not to hold her even tighter. After their tender moment yesterday, he found himself craving that feeling again. The whole night he lay, tossing and turning on the couch, wanting to run in there and tell her she was right, that he was an idiot and to please hold him.
He felt safe in her arms. And that bothered him because this was not real. He had to leave after the baby was born, but she was making it so damn difficult.
“Hey, guys!” Alla yelled as she jumped out of the car, waving widely at them. Erik smiled at the sight of her. His love ran deep for Alla—she was there for him even when he was f**king things up, just like someone else he knew, Erik thought, as he looked at the girl standing beside him.
When his dad stepped out of the car, he smiled and Erik actually felt a sense of calmness come over him. Cooper was a smart man and would help him sort through all the feelings he didn’t understand, feelings for his wife and baby boy.
“Hey!” Piper called out to his parents as they approached the steps to their porch.
“I’ve missed you so much!” Alla embraced Erik, giving him a smacking kiss and a tight hug.
“Jesus, Mom,” Erik said with a laugh, kissing her again. “I’ve missed you, too, but it hasn’t been that long since I saw you last.”
Cooper laughed, too, as he pulled Erik into his arms. “Any time away is too long in our opinion.” Erik closed his eyes as he hugged the man he loved and respected most in this world. Pulling back, Cooper asked, “Good?”
Erik shrugged as he smiled. “Eh, okay.”
“You’ll be good by the time we leave.”
Piper stood with her hair blowing in the wind and a bright smile on her face. The dress she wore was long, and she was gorgeous; Erik never got tired of looking at her. Piper giggled as Alla pulled her into her arms, too.
“My goodness, I think our grandson wants out!” Cooper laughed, embracing Piper.
