Blue Lines
Page 63
“He’s a tad bit bigger than that, but he is healthy and beautiful; look at those cheeks.”
Erik did and smiled when he realized that they were Piper’s cheeks. “He has your cheeks.”
“And your nose,” she pointed out with a grin, “He’s perfect. God, that sounds awesome to call him a he. I’ve been calling him an it for, like, ever!”
Him. He. Boy.
Erik was having a son.
* * *
The whole way back to Sweetbriar, Piper was on the phone calling and texting everyone while Erik drove in silence. He couldn’t believe it. He was having a boy. A little guy that would be rough and tough, who would want to play hockey and grow up to be just like Erik. For some reason, Erik had convinced himself that the baby would be a girl, but it wasn’t. He was a boy, his boy. He was just so damn happy, and worried, too, that he might turn out like his father.
Jasha was a horrible father, the meanest ass**le in the world, and he left Erik with deep scars, physically and mentally. How was he supposed to be there and show his son how to be a good man when he didn’t know how to be one? It didn’t matter what anyone else thought he was, because he knew. Erik knew what he was, and no matter how much he wanted to believe Piper, he couldn’t. He was going to f**k up, just like Jasha had.
When his phone rang, Erik dug it out of his pocket to see that it was Cooper. Jakob must have called him, and guilt filled Erik when he thought that he should have been the one to call him once they left the clinic. Hitting the answer button, Erik said, “Hey, Dad.”
“Hey, buddy! A boy!”
Erik smiled and repeated, “A boy.”
“This is great; we’ll teach him to play once he’s old enough to skate, and don’t worry I’ll go with Piper to the hockey games so that the baby is taught how to play by someone that knows the game. No offense to Piper, she is beautiful but I doubt she knows a lick about hockey. Man, this is great, Erik, really great. You know we have a special place in our hearts for boys.”
Erik felt like his chest was closing in. This man loved two kids that weren’t even his and Erik was scared he could never love a child that was his. With a heavy heart, Erik muttered, “Yeah.”
Cooper paused and then cleared his throat. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Erik lied, but he knew Cooper didn’t believe him.
“Don’t lie to me, son. I’m here, remember? Is it because Piper is there?”
“Sure,” Erik muttered. “I’m just freaking out a little.”
Erik listened as Cooper took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Your mom was going to tell you this, but I’m going to save you the conversation with her and just tell you that we’ll be in Nashville tomorrow. We want to come stay with you guys for two days and then with Jakob. I think you need me, Erik, so I am going to be there.”
Erik didn’t say anything as his eyes started to do that stupid itching thing again. It was starting to get on his nerves and he blamed Piper for it. It was her fault he was turning into a pansy. His dad was right, though, he did need him. Clearing his throat, he said, “Yeah, that would be great.”
“Awesome. We’ll see you tomorrow.”
Erik agreed to text them Piper’s address and then said bye before hanging up the phone. Piper was playing on her phone as she grinned from ear to ear. She was so happy, and if he allowed himself to be, he could be, too, but he was so scared. How does someone love someone when he didn’t grow up with love? A child needed those core values and Erik didn’t know those until later in life. Man, he was so f**ked.
“Did I hear that your parents are coming in tomorrow? That’s short notice.”
Erik nodded. “Yeah, they want to see us.”
“That’s nice. We’ll need to get the house ready.”
“Yeah.”
“You’re being quiet,” she suddenly said as she glanced over at him. He looked away, out at the road as he drove faster down the interstate. “Are you not happy that our baby is a boy?”
He shook his head. “I just want him to be healthy. Him being a boy is just a bonus.”
He could sense her grinning but he didn’t look over as he let out the breath he was holding.
“You’ll be a great dad, Erik.”
Erik blinked that itching feeling out of his eyes. “How do you know that?”
“Because like I said earlier, you are a good man.”
“I come from shit, Piper. You don’t know the half of it.”
“No, you come from two people who taught you how to love after all the hate you went through. Erik, pull over,” she said quickly.
He shook his head. “No.”
“You can’t drive when you’re crying; that is not safe.”
He slammed his fist into the steering wheel, causing her to jump. “I do not cry, Piper.”
He closed his eyes for a just a moment and then opened them again, his vision clear enough to keep driving. He was only ten minutes from Sweetbriar. He’d drop her off and then go somewhere. She was hitting too many sore spots; she was breaking through his walls and he couldn’t handle it. He needed them to stay up; he had too much to deal with as it was and the walls made him strong; they kept in his emotions and helped him survive. He’d built those walls the first time his dad beat the shit out of him; he was either three or five, whatever, and those walls helped him stay strong. He would never understand why his dad hated him but he didn’t need to understand to survive. Everyone he loved either didn’t love him back or left him. Hell, if your family is supposed to love you unconditionally and they don’t, then why the hell would someone who is not your family want to stay with you, let alone love you? Nope, he couldn’t deal with the thought of loving Piper and her leaving him.
Erik did and smiled when he realized that they were Piper’s cheeks. “He has your cheeks.”
“And your nose,” she pointed out with a grin, “He’s perfect. God, that sounds awesome to call him a he. I’ve been calling him an it for, like, ever!”
Him. He. Boy.
Erik was having a son.
* * *
The whole way back to Sweetbriar, Piper was on the phone calling and texting everyone while Erik drove in silence. He couldn’t believe it. He was having a boy. A little guy that would be rough and tough, who would want to play hockey and grow up to be just like Erik. For some reason, Erik had convinced himself that the baby would be a girl, but it wasn’t. He was a boy, his boy. He was just so damn happy, and worried, too, that he might turn out like his father.
Jasha was a horrible father, the meanest ass**le in the world, and he left Erik with deep scars, physically and mentally. How was he supposed to be there and show his son how to be a good man when he didn’t know how to be one? It didn’t matter what anyone else thought he was, because he knew. Erik knew what he was, and no matter how much he wanted to believe Piper, he couldn’t. He was going to f**k up, just like Jasha had.
When his phone rang, Erik dug it out of his pocket to see that it was Cooper. Jakob must have called him, and guilt filled Erik when he thought that he should have been the one to call him once they left the clinic. Hitting the answer button, Erik said, “Hey, Dad.”
“Hey, buddy! A boy!”
Erik smiled and repeated, “A boy.”
“This is great; we’ll teach him to play once he’s old enough to skate, and don’t worry I’ll go with Piper to the hockey games so that the baby is taught how to play by someone that knows the game. No offense to Piper, she is beautiful but I doubt she knows a lick about hockey. Man, this is great, Erik, really great. You know we have a special place in our hearts for boys.”
Erik felt like his chest was closing in. This man loved two kids that weren’t even his and Erik was scared he could never love a child that was his. With a heavy heart, Erik muttered, “Yeah.”
Cooper paused and then cleared his throat. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Erik lied, but he knew Cooper didn’t believe him.
“Don’t lie to me, son. I’m here, remember? Is it because Piper is there?”
“Sure,” Erik muttered. “I’m just freaking out a little.”
Erik listened as Cooper took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Your mom was going to tell you this, but I’m going to save you the conversation with her and just tell you that we’ll be in Nashville tomorrow. We want to come stay with you guys for two days and then with Jakob. I think you need me, Erik, so I am going to be there.”
Erik didn’t say anything as his eyes started to do that stupid itching thing again. It was starting to get on his nerves and he blamed Piper for it. It was her fault he was turning into a pansy. His dad was right, though, he did need him. Clearing his throat, he said, “Yeah, that would be great.”
“Awesome. We’ll see you tomorrow.”
Erik agreed to text them Piper’s address and then said bye before hanging up the phone. Piper was playing on her phone as she grinned from ear to ear. She was so happy, and if he allowed himself to be, he could be, too, but he was so scared. How does someone love someone when he didn’t grow up with love? A child needed those core values and Erik didn’t know those until later in life. Man, he was so f**ked.
“Did I hear that your parents are coming in tomorrow? That’s short notice.”
Erik nodded. “Yeah, they want to see us.”
“That’s nice. We’ll need to get the house ready.”
“Yeah.”
“You’re being quiet,” she suddenly said as she glanced over at him. He looked away, out at the road as he drove faster down the interstate. “Are you not happy that our baby is a boy?”
He shook his head. “I just want him to be healthy. Him being a boy is just a bonus.”
He could sense her grinning but he didn’t look over as he let out the breath he was holding.
“You’ll be a great dad, Erik.”
Erik blinked that itching feeling out of his eyes. “How do you know that?”
“Because like I said earlier, you are a good man.”
“I come from shit, Piper. You don’t know the half of it.”
“No, you come from two people who taught you how to love after all the hate you went through. Erik, pull over,” she said quickly.
He shook his head. “No.”
“You can’t drive when you’re crying; that is not safe.”
He slammed his fist into the steering wheel, causing her to jump. “I do not cry, Piper.”
He closed his eyes for a just a moment and then opened them again, his vision clear enough to keep driving. He was only ten minutes from Sweetbriar. He’d drop her off and then go somewhere. She was hitting too many sore spots; she was breaking through his walls and he couldn’t handle it. He needed them to stay up; he had too much to deal with as it was and the walls made him strong; they kept in his emotions and helped him survive. He’d built those walls the first time his dad beat the shit out of him; he was either three or five, whatever, and those walls helped him stay strong. He would never understand why his dad hated him but he didn’t need to understand to survive. Everyone he loved either didn’t love him back or left him. Hell, if your family is supposed to love you unconditionally and they don’t, then why the hell would someone who is not your family want to stay with you, let alone love you? Nope, he couldn’t deal with the thought of loving Piper and her leaving him.
