Blue Lines
Page 67
He nodded. “And then I said ‘you are,’ didn’t I?”
Erik’s eyes itched as he thought back to that moment. Cooper had always been there, even when Erik didn’t want him to be and Erik did nothing but push him away. It took that moment for him to realize that Cooper wasn’t going anywhere. Sitting there on the dock, he realized that he was having the same problem with Piper.
“I then asked you who was your best friend and you said?” Cooper prompted.
Erik swallowed back his tears as he said, “ ‘I don’t have one.’ ”
“Yeah, but I reassured you that wasn’t true, that I was your best friend, right?”
“Right.”
“So why would you think that you are going to be anything like that vile man when you have me as your best friend? Do you think I would let that happen? Do you think your mom would?”
Erik closed his eyes. “No.”
“Good, so shake that feeling out; you know that will never happen.”
Cooper could put everything in perspective; he didn’t realize how much Erik needed him.
“Tell me what really is bothering you. Is it Piper?” he asked.
“I don’t know.”
“Okay, what are you thinking? Are you scared she’ll keep the kid away from you? I don’t think that, son. She’s a good girl, and with what she is naming the baby, I doubt she has any intention of keeping him from you when you leave.”
Erik glanced up, shocked by Cooper’s statement. “What?”
“Come on, I know that this isn’t a real marriage.”
“How?”
“Because I know you. I knew there had to be an ulterior motive. You wouldn’t just marry some girl because you knocked her up. That’s not you.”
“You’ve known?”
“Yeah, but I figured you knew what you were doing, and Piper is a good girl. I knew it wasn’t her doing, so what happened?”
Erik explained the situation with his job and with Elli. Afterward, Cooper nodded and said, “Okay, again, she is a good girl, she didn’t have to help you out, so I don’t know why you are all messed up in the head. You have a good situation. She is going to be a great mom and it will be an easy break.”
Erik found himself shaking his head. “I’m falling for her.”
Looking over at his father, he saw that Cooper was speechless. “Excuse me?” his father said.
“I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to be like Jasha, and he was the way he was because of Katria.”
Cooper ran his hands through his hair. “I’m sorry, I’m still stuck on the falling for Piper thing. You’ve never brought a girl home for us to meet, so this is something new for you. In the past, it always seemed as though you’ve kept your relationships at arm’s length. What makes Piper different?” Looking as if Erik had just said he was flying to the moon, Cooper said with a laugh, “So what you are saying is very confusing to me. What is it you are feeling?”
“I don’t understand my feelings, Dad. I don’t know what to do because I am worried that if I stay here with Piper I won’t leave after the baby is born and then I’ll turn out like him.”
Cooper shook his head. “First, Jasha was a sick man, as was your mother. They had no right to be with each other, or anyone else for that matter, and they never deserved their children. Fortunately, however, for Alla and I, we benefited from that. Know this, Erik: You are not that man or that woman.”
“Sometimes I want to leave this behind, but then at the same time, I also want to stay, and be with Piper and the baby—that was what Katria was like.”
“Maybe so, but for you it is your reaction to being terrified,” Cooper said. “You wanted to leave us, didn’t you?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, and you didn’t and look how it all worked out. If Piper has the ability to make you feel something more than lust for her, then I think she is a keeper. She is a great girl, beautiful to boot, so if you feel it, why fight it?”
“Because I don’t want to hurt her. I already hurt her when I left before, and what if I go on the road and cheat on her?”
“Do you think you would?”
Erik shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. Sometimes I think I would, but then she gives me that little smile of hers and I don’t want anyone else. Still, that is easy to say when I don’t have the temptation right there. You know?” Erik shook his head. “I watched Jasha love Katria so much that it ruined him and he took it out on me. What if I fall so hard for her and then she leaves me and Dimitri suffers because of it? How can I trust that Piper will always be there?”
“I trust Alla, completely, and she has never done anything to violate my trust.”
“I know, Dad, but I don’t know how to fully give myself to someone, and I am scared that I am going to hurt her, and Dad, it kills me to do that. She is such a good person, so sweet, and I feel like every day I stay here it gets harder for her. I think she loves me and I don’t know what to do. Do I try to love her back, trust her? Or do I run when our time is up? We both know it is coming, she says she understands that I am leaving, so what do I do?”
Cooper let out a long breath as he ran his fingers through his thick blond hair. “Oh, Erik, that’s a hard question.”
“I know, and I’ve been dealing with these feelings for the last couple weeks and with every day that passes I get more nervous. I thought about staying, trying to make it work, but I promised I’d never cheat on her and it has been easy because I don’t go anywhere without her, but preseason is coming and I’ll be traveling. What’s going to happen when I’m lying there lonely and wanting some female company?”
Erik’s eyes itched as he thought back to that moment. Cooper had always been there, even when Erik didn’t want him to be and Erik did nothing but push him away. It took that moment for him to realize that Cooper wasn’t going anywhere. Sitting there on the dock, he realized that he was having the same problem with Piper.
“I then asked you who was your best friend and you said?” Cooper prompted.
Erik swallowed back his tears as he said, “ ‘I don’t have one.’ ”
“Yeah, but I reassured you that wasn’t true, that I was your best friend, right?”
“Right.”
“So why would you think that you are going to be anything like that vile man when you have me as your best friend? Do you think I would let that happen? Do you think your mom would?”
Erik closed his eyes. “No.”
“Good, so shake that feeling out; you know that will never happen.”
Cooper could put everything in perspective; he didn’t realize how much Erik needed him.
“Tell me what really is bothering you. Is it Piper?” he asked.
“I don’t know.”
“Okay, what are you thinking? Are you scared she’ll keep the kid away from you? I don’t think that, son. She’s a good girl, and with what she is naming the baby, I doubt she has any intention of keeping him from you when you leave.”
Erik glanced up, shocked by Cooper’s statement. “What?”
“Come on, I know that this isn’t a real marriage.”
“How?”
“Because I know you. I knew there had to be an ulterior motive. You wouldn’t just marry some girl because you knocked her up. That’s not you.”
“You’ve known?”
“Yeah, but I figured you knew what you were doing, and Piper is a good girl. I knew it wasn’t her doing, so what happened?”
Erik explained the situation with his job and with Elli. Afterward, Cooper nodded and said, “Okay, again, she is a good girl, she didn’t have to help you out, so I don’t know why you are all messed up in the head. You have a good situation. She is going to be a great mom and it will be an easy break.”
Erik found himself shaking his head. “I’m falling for her.”
Looking over at his father, he saw that Cooper was speechless. “Excuse me?” his father said.
“I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to be like Jasha, and he was the way he was because of Katria.”
Cooper ran his hands through his hair. “I’m sorry, I’m still stuck on the falling for Piper thing. You’ve never brought a girl home for us to meet, so this is something new for you. In the past, it always seemed as though you’ve kept your relationships at arm’s length. What makes Piper different?” Looking as if Erik had just said he was flying to the moon, Cooper said with a laugh, “So what you are saying is very confusing to me. What is it you are feeling?”
“I don’t understand my feelings, Dad. I don’t know what to do because I am worried that if I stay here with Piper I won’t leave after the baby is born and then I’ll turn out like him.”
Cooper shook his head. “First, Jasha was a sick man, as was your mother. They had no right to be with each other, or anyone else for that matter, and they never deserved their children. Fortunately, however, for Alla and I, we benefited from that. Know this, Erik: You are not that man or that woman.”
“Sometimes I want to leave this behind, but then at the same time, I also want to stay, and be with Piper and the baby—that was what Katria was like.”
“Maybe so, but for you it is your reaction to being terrified,” Cooper said. “You wanted to leave us, didn’t you?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, and you didn’t and look how it all worked out. If Piper has the ability to make you feel something more than lust for her, then I think she is a keeper. She is a great girl, beautiful to boot, so if you feel it, why fight it?”
“Because I don’t want to hurt her. I already hurt her when I left before, and what if I go on the road and cheat on her?”
“Do you think you would?”
Erik shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. Sometimes I think I would, but then she gives me that little smile of hers and I don’t want anyone else. Still, that is easy to say when I don’t have the temptation right there. You know?” Erik shook his head. “I watched Jasha love Katria so much that it ruined him and he took it out on me. What if I fall so hard for her and then she leaves me and Dimitri suffers because of it? How can I trust that Piper will always be there?”
“I trust Alla, completely, and she has never done anything to violate my trust.”
“I know, Dad, but I don’t know how to fully give myself to someone, and I am scared that I am going to hurt her, and Dad, it kills me to do that. She is such a good person, so sweet, and I feel like every day I stay here it gets harder for her. I think she loves me and I don’t know what to do. Do I try to love her back, trust her? Or do I run when our time is up? We both know it is coming, she says she understands that I am leaving, so what do I do?”
Cooper let out a long breath as he ran his fingers through his thick blond hair. “Oh, Erik, that’s a hard question.”
“I know, and I’ve been dealing with these feelings for the last couple weeks and with every day that passes I get more nervous. I thought about staying, trying to make it work, but I promised I’d never cheat on her and it has been easy because I don’t go anywhere without her, but preseason is coming and I’ll be traveling. What’s going to happen when I’m lying there lonely and wanting some female company?”
