Blue Lines
Page 68
“You stay true to that person who is at home, Erik. You won’t cheat if you really love her.”
“That’s the thing: I don’t know if I want to love her. I don’t know if that is what’s in the cards for me. I never wanted this.”
“But you got it and now you need to be a man and make the right decision.”
Erik nodded. “But how do I know what that is? How do I completely trust someone who scares the living shit out of me? She makes me feel things I never even knew I could feel.”
Cooper shook his head. “I don’t know, son, and I’m sorry that I don’t have the answer you need.” He paused, taking Erik’s shoulder and squeezing it. “Only you know what your heart wants. I can’t tell you, Alla can’t, and neither can Piper. Only you can decide. Is she worth the risk? That is the question.”
And Erik didn’t know the answer.
* * *
Piper stood by the back door watching Cooper and Erik on the dock. Placing her hand on Dimitri, she smiled. Man, she loved that name and she was so thankful that Alla and Cooper suggested it. Even though she prayed Erik wouldn’t leave, she knew he was still leaning that way, despite the fact that she knew he was feeling something for her. He was a hard man to love but she wasn’t giving up.
“They are very close.”
Piper looked over to see Alla standing next to her. “I love that they are. Cooper is an amazing man.”
Alla smiled. “That he is, and so is Erik, when he isn’t being a punk.”
Piper nodded. “That is very true.”
Alla reached over, taking Piper’s hand in hers. “Take care of him, Piper, he hasn’t had it easy.”
“I will.”
“He’ll pull away, he’ll probably hurt you, but he is a good man, with a big heart; he just needs the right person to love him. I believe that’s you, honey.”
Piper’s heart rate sped up as she gasped for breath. How did Alla know that was what she needed to hear? How did she know that she needed that reassurance?
She squeezed Alla’s hand as she declared, “I love him, with all my heart, and I always will.”
Alla nodded. “I know you will and I hope that he sticks around long enough to realize it.”
“Me too,” Piper whispered as she looked down at her belly. “He’s going to be a great dad.”
“Yes, the best.”
“He is worried,” Piper said. “Afraid he’ll be like Jasha and his wife.”
“I’ve been reassuring him since he came to me, Piper. He was truly hurt by those people. I miss the woman who was my sister, but Jasha poisoned her. When they got involved in drugs, everything went to hell and the kids suffered. Jakob got out before it got too bad but Erik, my poor baby, I could kill that man ten times over for the things he did. We tried to get custody of them both, but Jasha would have none of that. It was a terrible time.”
Piper could see the hurt in Alla’s eyes and she knew it was wrong for her to push, but she couldn’t help it. She wanted to know what had happened, what Erik had gone through.
“Erik doesn’t talk about it much.”
“Would you when you were brutally beaten by a man you call your father and then watched as he killed your mother and then himself? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound bitter but old wounds are slow to heal and I know Erik still feels the pain. He’s never thought he was good enough for anyone, which is ridiculous. We tried therapy for him but he was angry about going and if someone is not open to that type of treatment there is no benefit from it.”
Piper’s chest seized as pain ripped through her. She covered her mouth, a cry escaping her lips as she stayed in Alla’s painful gaze.
“I just wish there was something I could do,” she whispered.
Alla nodded, moving her hand to catch the tears that escaped from Piper’s eyes.
“I believe you can. Just love him, Piper. It was a horrible time for Erik. When I got to the police station he was sitting in a chair, his head between his knees while he just cried. He wouldn’t even look at me, or talk. Jakob was the only one who was able to get him to talk and soon Cooper could also. He warmed up to me last, but now he is my big baby, and I will never let him go,” Alla said, ending her story with a smile. “Piper, I really think you are what he needs.”
Wiping her tears away Piper said, “I wish he saw that. I don’t know if we will be together forever, Alla, but I can promise you that I will never love anyone the way I love him. When I have this baby, if for some reason we are not together, I promise I will never keep Dimitri from you and Cooper. Y’all will always be part of my family, part of my heart.”
She meant every word that left her lips and she needed Alla to believe her and to know that she intended to keep her promises.
“Oh, Piper, I just love you and I know nothing will ever happen to break you two apart. Your love will keep you two together. He’ll learn how to love you the way you love him; just give him time.”
“I plan on it and I promise, Alla, I’ll always be here for him.”
* * *
Piper was lying in bed with her Kindle when Erik entered the room. He didn’t look at her as he made his way to the bathroom. It was hard to imagine what he must have gone through. She heard the shower turn on and decided to finish the Oregon Trail game she had started to play before she went to sleep.
Her heart was beating a little faster than normal from the anticipation of sharing a bed with Erik. They hadn’t been in a bed together since the night they got pregnant, and it made her nervous to think of having his glorious body next to hers. She knew he wasn’t looking forward to this and had even offered to sleep on the floor, which was crazy since they were hardwood and that couldn’t be comfortable. She convinced him that it wasn’t a big deal, which was a complete lie.
“That’s the thing: I don’t know if I want to love her. I don’t know if that is what’s in the cards for me. I never wanted this.”
“But you got it and now you need to be a man and make the right decision.”
Erik nodded. “But how do I know what that is? How do I completely trust someone who scares the living shit out of me? She makes me feel things I never even knew I could feel.”
Cooper shook his head. “I don’t know, son, and I’m sorry that I don’t have the answer you need.” He paused, taking Erik’s shoulder and squeezing it. “Only you know what your heart wants. I can’t tell you, Alla can’t, and neither can Piper. Only you can decide. Is she worth the risk? That is the question.”
And Erik didn’t know the answer.
* * *
Piper stood by the back door watching Cooper and Erik on the dock. Placing her hand on Dimitri, she smiled. Man, she loved that name and she was so thankful that Alla and Cooper suggested it. Even though she prayed Erik wouldn’t leave, she knew he was still leaning that way, despite the fact that she knew he was feeling something for her. He was a hard man to love but she wasn’t giving up.
“They are very close.”
Piper looked over to see Alla standing next to her. “I love that they are. Cooper is an amazing man.”
Alla smiled. “That he is, and so is Erik, when he isn’t being a punk.”
Piper nodded. “That is very true.”
Alla reached over, taking Piper’s hand in hers. “Take care of him, Piper, he hasn’t had it easy.”
“I will.”
“He’ll pull away, he’ll probably hurt you, but he is a good man, with a big heart; he just needs the right person to love him. I believe that’s you, honey.”
Piper’s heart rate sped up as she gasped for breath. How did Alla know that was what she needed to hear? How did she know that she needed that reassurance?
She squeezed Alla’s hand as she declared, “I love him, with all my heart, and I always will.”
Alla nodded. “I know you will and I hope that he sticks around long enough to realize it.”
“Me too,” Piper whispered as she looked down at her belly. “He’s going to be a great dad.”
“Yes, the best.”
“He is worried,” Piper said. “Afraid he’ll be like Jasha and his wife.”
“I’ve been reassuring him since he came to me, Piper. He was truly hurt by those people. I miss the woman who was my sister, but Jasha poisoned her. When they got involved in drugs, everything went to hell and the kids suffered. Jakob got out before it got too bad but Erik, my poor baby, I could kill that man ten times over for the things he did. We tried to get custody of them both, but Jasha would have none of that. It was a terrible time.”
Piper could see the hurt in Alla’s eyes and she knew it was wrong for her to push, but she couldn’t help it. She wanted to know what had happened, what Erik had gone through.
“Erik doesn’t talk about it much.”
“Would you when you were brutally beaten by a man you call your father and then watched as he killed your mother and then himself? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound bitter but old wounds are slow to heal and I know Erik still feels the pain. He’s never thought he was good enough for anyone, which is ridiculous. We tried therapy for him but he was angry about going and if someone is not open to that type of treatment there is no benefit from it.”
Piper’s chest seized as pain ripped through her. She covered her mouth, a cry escaping her lips as she stayed in Alla’s painful gaze.
“I just wish there was something I could do,” she whispered.
Alla nodded, moving her hand to catch the tears that escaped from Piper’s eyes.
“I believe you can. Just love him, Piper. It was a horrible time for Erik. When I got to the police station he was sitting in a chair, his head between his knees while he just cried. He wouldn’t even look at me, or talk. Jakob was the only one who was able to get him to talk and soon Cooper could also. He warmed up to me last, but now he is my big baby, and I will never let him go,” Alla said, ending her story with a smile. “Piper, I really think you are what he needs.”
Wiping her tears away Piper said, “I wish he saw that. I don’t know if we will be together forever, Alla, but I can promise you that I will never love anyone the way I love him. When I have this baby, if for some reason we are not together, I promise I will never keep Dimitri from you and Cooper. Y’all will always be part of my family, part of my heart.”
She meant every word that left her lips and she needed Alla to believe her and to know that she intended to keep her promises.
“Oh, Piper, I just love you and I know nothing will ever happen to break you two apart. Your love will keep you two together. He’ll learn how to love you the way you love him; just give him time.”
“I plan on it and I promise, Alla, I’ll always be here for him.”
* * *
Piper was lying in bed with her Kindle when Erik entered the room. He didn’t look at her as he made his way to the bathroom. It was hard to imagine what he must have gone through. She heard the shower turn on and decided to finish the Oregon Trail game she had started to play before she went to sleep.
Her heart was beating a little faster than normal from the anticipation of sharing a bed with Erik. They hadn’t been in a bed together since the night they got pregnant, and it made her nervous to think of having his glorious body next to hers. She knew he wasn’t looking forward to this and had even offered to sleep on the floor, which was crazy since they were hardwood and that couldn’t be comfortable. She convinced him that it wasn’t a big deal, which was a complete lie.
