Blue Lines
Page 75
“So, it’s for me, too?” she asked.
When he looked over at her, she was glaring at him.
“I don’t know.”
Shaking her head, she moved her fingers together on her lap and locked them as she looked out into the road.
“That’s your favorite answer? That you don’t know.”
“I’m not going to lie to you. I really don’t know. You confuse me and I don’t know how to handle it.”
“You could let me in,” she answered as she looked over at him.
Erik shook his head. “I don’t know if I can.”
“Why? Because of your parents?”
“I don’t want to talk about them.”
“Because they were mean to each other and mean to you? I mean, excuse me if I’m pushing, but you are pushing me away when you don’t have to,” she said as her leg began to bounce. “I want to be here for you, I want to be the person that you need, but you are shutting me out. If you’d let me in, I could help. I know I could.”
“You can’t help me, Piper. I can’t be helped,” he said sadly as his shoulders fell. “You’d run the other way if you knew the demons I have from my past.”
“No, I wouldn’t, Erik. I would stand beside you.”
“You don’t know that,” he said with a defiant shake of his head.
“And neither do you. Give me a chance, let me in. Don’t you want to give us a try? Isn’t that what you said last night?”
“I said I don’t know what I want,” he countered, causing her to release a frustrated breath.
“I’d think that after last night, you’d want me,” she said softly. “I mean was I that delusional to think that maybe things are changing between us?”
Erik was slow to answer. “I don’t know, Piper. I want to think things are changing, but I just don’t know.”
She grabbed his hand, startling him as she demanded his attention. Looking up at him, she asked, “Do you care for me?”
Erik didn’t want to lie, but he didn’t want to give her hope for something he couldn’t guarantee. Not able to help it, he answered, “I do.”
“I care for you, too,” she said with a small smile pulling at her lips. He could tell she had liked his answer. As they continued to look at each other, she said, “I want to be here for you; allow me to be. Let me in.”
“I can’t,” he said, taking his hand from hers. Her hands fell into her lap as her shoulders slumped forward. She was offering him everything he wanted. Why couldn’t he trust her?
Standing slowly, he watched as she made her way toward the front door. Before she pulled the door open, she glanced back at him, her eyes filled with tears as she said, “Your parents don’t define you, Erik. You do. You have got to be the man that you want to be. If you want to be the abusive ass**le your father was, then that is who you will be. If you want to be fearful like your mother was, then more power to you. But I know you are different. I trust you, and I care for you so deeply that it hurts.”
She wiped a stray tear with the back of her hand before she continued: “You are a good man. A man that came from the love of Cooper and Alla, your real parents. Stop letting Jasha and Katria ruin your life, because if you don’t, you’ll end up just like them.”
She slammed the door and it felt like she had slapped him across the face. She might be mad, and he might not know how to fix it, but he’d be damned if that was the end of their argument. Jumping up, he followed her into the house, slamming the front door to let her know that he was right behind her. She turned around, wiping her face as she pinned him with a look.
“You don’t know anything about my parents, or me, for that matter, so stop putting me on a pedestal. It’ll do nothing but hurt you in the long run.”
“I believe in you. I believe in the person that your parents raised. Jasha and Katria are not your parents; they don’t deserve that title,” she spat back at him, making his blood boil.
“You don’t know what you are talking about,” he said, his heart pounding against his chest. Why didn’t he walk away? Why was he pursuing this argument?
“I know that your dad beat you, that he killed your mom and then himself.”
It was like the world stopped. Rage filled him and he soon found himself backing her into the wall. “How the hell do you know that?”
“Alla told me,” she said, and he could see that she was nervous. He took a step back. How dare Alla tell his business, especially to the one person he didn’t want to know?
Shaking his head, he said, “That was none of your business.”
“Well, I know and I don’t believe you are that man.”
“I may not be now but I could become him.”
“You won’t.”
“Really?” he asked, his hands coming up to hold her in place. He wanted her to look right into his eyes. He wanted to make sure she heard what he said next. “You don’t know what it is like to be beaten by a man just because you can play hockey and he can’t. To be beaten to a bloody pulp because your brother got a scholarship to play hockey in America, or to have someone break your arm because your mother left him all of the time. You grew up with good people, people who loved you. I bet they hardly ever spanked you.”
Piper shook her head, her mouth in a straight line as she took in deep breaths. Her eyes were wide. He didn’t want to make her cry, and it killed him to see those tears roll down her face, but he wasn’t done. Taking a step back, he lowered his voice. “You don’t know what it is like to have a gun held to your head and to have the trigger pulled. To hear the click on the gun go off, but not die. To watch your so-called mother get shot in the throat when she tries to stop the beatings; her blood splattering all over you. Hearing the cries and rage come from a man that beat you for so many years, before he turned the gun around and blew his own brains all over the wall. You don’t know what that feels like, or what that does to a person. I know.”
When he looked over at her, she was glaring at him.
“I don’t know.”
Shaking her head, she moved her fingers together on her lap and locked them as she looked out into the road.
“That’s your favorite answer? That you don’t know.”
“I’m not going to lie to you. I really don’t know. You confuse me and I don’t know how to handle it.”
“You could let me in,” she answered as she looked over at him.
Erik shook his head. “I don’t know if I can.”
“Why? Because of your parents?”
“I don’t want to talk about them.”
“Because they were mean to each other and mean to you? I mean, excuse me if I’m pushing, but you are pushing me away when you don’t have to,” she said as her leg began to bounce. “I want to be here for you, I want to be the person that you need, but you are shutting me out. If you’d let me in, I could help. I know I could.”
“You can’t help me, Piper. I can’t be helped,” he said sadly as his shoulders fell. “You’d run the other way if you knew the demons I have from my past.”
“No, I wouldn’t, Erik. I would stand beside you.”
“You don’t know that,” he said with a defiant shake of his head.
“And neither do you. Give me a chance, let me in. Don’t you want to give us a try? Isn’t that what you said last night?”
“I said I don’t know what I want,” he countered, causing her to release a frustrated breath.
“I’d think that after last night, you’d want me,” she said softly. “I mean was I that delusional to think that maybe things are changing between us?”
Erik was slow to answer. “I don’t know, Piper. I want to think things are changing, but I just don’t know.”
She grabbed his hand, startling him as she demanded his attention. Looking up at him, she asked, “Do you care for me?”
Erik didn’t want to lie, but he didn’t want to give her hope for something he couldn’t guarantee. Not able to help it, he answered, “I do.”
“I care for you, too,” she said with a small smile pulling at her lips. He could tell she had liked his answer. As they continued to look at each other, she said, “I want to be here for you; allow me to be. Let me in.”
“I can’t,” he said, taking his hand from hers. Her hands fell into her lap as her shoulders slumped forward. She was offering him everything he wanted. Why couldn’t he trust her?
Standing slowly, he watched as she made her way toward the front door. Before she pulled the door open, she glanced back at him, her eyes filled with tears as she said, “Your parents don’t define you, Erik. You do. You have got to be the man that you want to be. If you want to be the abusive ass**le your father was, then that is who you will be. If you want to be fearful like your mother was, then more power to you. But I know you are different. I trust you, and I care for you so deeply that it hurts.”
She wiped a stray tear with the back of her hand before she continued: “You are a good man. A man that came from the love of Cooper and Alla, your real parents. Stop letting Jasha and Katria ruin your life, because if you don’t, you’ll end up just like them.”
She slammed the door and it felt like she had slapped him across the face. She might be mad, and he might not know how to fix it, but he’d be damned if that was the end of their argument. Jumping up, he followed her into the house, slamming the front door to let her know that he was right behind her. She turned around, wiping her face as she pinned him with a look.
“You don’t know anything about my parents, or me, for that matter, so stop putting me on a pedestal. It’ll do nothing but hurt you in the long run.”
“I believe in you. I believe in the person that your parents raised. Jasha and Katria are not your parents; they don’t deserve that title,” she spat back at him, making his blood boil.
“You don’t know what you are talking about,” he said, his heart pounding against his chest. Why didn’t he walk away? Why was he pursuing this argument?
“I know that your dad beat you, that he killed your mom and then himself.”
It was like the world stopped. Rage filled him and he soon found himself backing her into the wall. “How the hell do you know that?”
“Alla told me,” she said, and he could see that she was nervous. He took a step back. How dare Alla tell his business, especially to the one person he didn’t want to know?
Shaking his head, he said, “That was none of your business.”
“Well, I know and I don’t believe you are that man.”
“I may not be now but I could become him.”
“You won’t.”
“Really?” he asked, his hands coming up to hold her in place. He wanted her to look right into his eyes. He wanted to make sure she heard what he said next. “You don’t know what it is like to be beaten by a man just because you can play hockey and he can’t. To be beaten to a bloody pulp because your brother got a scholarship to play hockey in America, or to have someone break your arm because your mother left him all of the time. You grew up with good people, people who loved you. I bet they hardly ever spanked you.”
Piper shook her head, her mouth in a straight line as she took in deep breaths. Her eyes were wide. He didn’t want to make her cry, and it killed him to see those tears roll down her face, but he wasn’t done. Taking a step back, he lowered his voice. “You don’t know what it is like to have a gun held to your head and to have the trigger pulled. To hear the click on the gun go off, but not die. To watch your so-called mother get shot in the throat when she tries to stop the beatings; her blood splattering all over you. Hearing the cries and rage come from a man that beat you for so many years, before he turned the gun around and blew his own brains all over the wall. You don’t know what that feels like, or what that does to a person. I know.”
