Blue Lines
Page 82
“Oh no you don’t! You don’t get to change the subject! Why does it matter, Erik, if he has his long, gorgeous hands up inside me?”
Erik whipped his head back to her and glared. “That’s not funny.”
“What? I’m just asking.”
When he didn’t say anything, she giggled as she leaned into him, giving him a wide smile. “Are you jealous?”
“Hell no. I have nothing to be jealous of.”
“Oh, is that right?”
Erik nodded before giving her a heated glance.
“Yup, because you’re coming home with me, and when I’m between your legs, giving you the most unbelievable pleasure you have ever experienced, the last thing on your mind will be Dr. Richards and his long hands. So, no, I am not jealous.”
Piper bit into her lip and with a breezy smile said, “I like this look on you; it’s sort of hot and makes me forget about everything I’m worried about.”
Erik shook his head.
“I’m not jealous.”
He would never admit that he was jealous, but he was. Erik had never been jealous a day in his life, and that made him realize he felt more for her than he thought. He had wanted to keep his feelings in check but apparently they had a mind of their own and he was falling for her fast and hard.
* * *
Sitting on the couch, Piper let out a long breath as she held her stomach. She was so nervous now, knowing that the baby could come early. Because if he did, Erik would leave and she wasn’t ready for that. Glancing up from her Kindle, she watched as Erik played his war games, shooting and stabbing people in the head. She wanted him to turn to her and tell her he was staying for the long haul, but she was starting to lose hope.
She thought by now there would have been some kind of declaration, some kind of reassurance, but there hadn’t been. Her stomach turned at the thought of him leaving. How was she supposed to readjust her life if he left? He was a part of her life now. Her heart was completely invested, she loved him, and she was starting to feel like a fool. Looking over at him, she let out a long breath as she shook her head.
She was an idiot.
“You ready to tell me what has been bothering you?”
Her eyes widened as he turned in his seat to look at her. When she didn’t answer, he stood up to come sit beside her. Taking her legs in his hands, he drew them over his legs and looked over at her expectantly.
“I know something is wrong.”
She shook her head; she didn’t know how to tell him that she was scared he was leaving her. Would he confirm her suspicions, or would he deny them? So much was scaring her, and she felt like she was drowning in it all.
“Tell me,” he said encouragingly.
Letting out a long breath, she said, “I’m scared.”
“Scared? I don’t believe that. You are fearless.”
If only he knew. She shook her head as she looked down at where his hands held hers.
“I’m scared that I’m going to be a horrible mom, Erik. I’m afraid he is going to hate me. I’ve never done this before and I have no clue what I’m doing. Harper is still broken over her miscarriages and I know that if I ask her to help me with the baby, she will want to raise Dimitri and then I’ll never be able to be a mom.”
“Piper,” he said with a shake of his head, “you know that will never happen. Don’t get mad, but you are just really emotional right now, and that What to Expect book said that things like this will come up. It’s normal; just calm down.”
She looked up at him. “You read my book?”
“I glanced through it. I worry about you.”
Her heart expanded as she held his gaze. He had to care about her, love her even, so why couldn’t he just tell her that?
“That book has a lot of information, Erik, but it doesn’t tell me how to reassure myself that you aren’t leaving. That’s what I’m most afraid of,” she said softly, and watched as he looked away.
“Piper, why are you even thinking about that? We don’t have to worry about that right now.”
She shook her head as tears gathered in her eyes. “No, I have to worry about it now because I have to prepare myself for you leaving. I don’t want you to go, Erik. I want you to stay.”
He cupped her face, bringing it up to look at him. “I can guarantee you that I don’t want to go, but I can’t say I’ll stay.”
“What does that even mean?” she asked as the tears started to fall. “Either you want to be with me or you don’t.”
“Piper, it’s not that easy.”
“How do you figure? I am invested here. I feel like this is a one-sided relationship.”
“That’s not true,” he said, shaking his head.
“You have never reassured me about us at all; you won’t even have sex with me!”
Erik shook his head as he let out a long breath.
“You don’t have sex, Piper. You make love and I don’t. I do it for pleasure and until I know that I want more than that, I can’t touch you that way. I am thinking of you. It’s going to be hard if I leave but don’t you think it would be even more difficult if we were having sex?”
Piper nodded. “Yes, but I need some kind of reassurance that you do want me, that you don’t want to leave me.”
“Even if I do leave, I’ll always be there for you; maybe not the way I am now, but I will be there when you need me.”
Erik whipped his head back to her and glared. “That’s not funny.”
“What? I’m just asking.”
When he didn’t say anything, she giggled as she leaned into him, giving him a wide smile. “Are you jealous?”
“Hell no. I have nothing to be jealous of.”
“Oh, is that right?”
Erik nodded before giving her a heated glance.
“Yup, because you’re coming home with me, and when I’m between your legs, giving you the most unbelievable pleasure you have ever experienced, the last thing on your mind will be Dr. Richards and his long hands. So, no, I am not jealous.”
Piper bit into her lip and with a breezy smile said, “I like this look on you; it’s sort of hot and makes me forget about everything I’m worried about.”
Erik shook his head.
“I’m not jealous.”
He would never admit that he was jealous, but he was. Erik had never been jealous a day in his life, and that made him realize he felt more for her than he thought. He had wanted to keep his feelings in check but apparently they had a mind of their own and he was falling for her fast and hard.
* * *
Sitting on the couch, Piper let out a long breath as she held her stomach. She was so nervous now, knowing that the baby could come early. Because if he did, Erik would leave and she wasn’t ready for that. Glancing up from her Kindle, she watched as Erik played his war games, shooting and stabbing people in the head. She wanted him to turn to her and tell her he was staying for the long haul, but she was starting to lose hope.
She thought by now there would have been some kind of declaration, some kind of reassurance, but there hadn’t been. Her stomach turned at the thought of him leaving. How was she supposed to readjust her life if he left? He was a part of her life now. Her heart was completely invested, she loved him, and she was starting to feel like a fool. Looking over at him, she let out a long breath as she shook her head.
She was an idiot.
“You ready to tell me what has been bothering you?”
Her eyes widened as he turned in his seat to look at her. When she didn’t answer, he stood up to come sit beside her. Taking her legs in his hands, he drew them over his legs and looked over at her expectantly.
“I know something is wrong.”
She shook her head; she didn’t know how to tell him that she was scared he was leaving her. Would he confirm her suspicions, or would he deny them? So much was scaring her, and she felt like she was drowning in it all.
“Tell me,” he said encouragingly.
Letting out a long breath, she said, “I’m scared.”
“Scared? I don’t believe that. You are fearless.”
If only he knew. She shook her head as she looked down at where his hands held hers.
“I’m scared that I’m going to be a horrible mom, Erik. I’m afraid he is going to hate me. I’ve never done this before and I have no clue what I’m doing. Harper is still broken over her miscarriages and I know that if I ask her to help me with the baby, she will want to raise Dimitri and then I’ll never be able to be a mom.”
“Piper,” he said with a shake of his head, “you know that will never happen. Don’t get mad, but you are just really emotional right now, and that What to Expect book said that things like this will come up. It’s normal; just calm down.”
She looked up at him. “You read my book?”
“I glanced through it. I worry about you.”
Her heart expanded as she held his gaze. He had to care about her, love her even, so why couldn’t he just tell her that?
“That book has a lot of information, Erik, but it doesn’t tell me how to reassure myself that you aren’t leaving. That’s what I’m most afraid of,” she said softly, and watched as he looked away.
“Piper, why are you even thinking about that? We don’t have to worry about that right now.”
She shook her head as tears gathered in her eyes. “No, I have to worry about it now because I have to prepare myself for you leaving. I don’t want you to go, Erik. I want you to stay.”
He cupped her face, bringing it up to look at him. “I can guarantee you that I don’t want to go, but I can’t say I’ll stay.”
“What does that even mean?” she asked as the tears started to fall. “Either you want to be with me or you don’t.”
“Piper, it’s not that easy.”
“How do you figure? I am invested here. I feel like this is a one-sided relationship.”
“That’s not true,” he said, shaking his head.
“You have never reassured me about us at all; you won’t even have sex with me!”
Erik shook his head as he let out a long breath.
“You don’t have sex, Piper. You make love and I don’t. I do it for pleasure and until I know that I want more than that, I can’t touch you that way. I am thinking of you. It’s going to be hard if I leave but don’t you think it would be even more difficult if we were having sex?”
Piper nodded. “Yes, but I need some kind of reassurance that you do want me, that you don’t want to leave me.”
“Even if I do leave, I’ll always be there for you; maybe not the way I am now, but I will be there when you need me.”
