Blue Lines
Page 90
“Is everything okay?”
He nodded, not looking at her. “Yeah, I have a lot on my mind.”
“Wanna talk about it?” she asked.
He looked down at her, his eyes sad as he shook his head.
“No, I’m fine. How are you? Have you had any of those Hicks?”
She shook her head. “I’ve been okay, nothing like last night.”
“That’s good,” he said with a nod before hammering another nail into the wall.
“I have been thinking about something, though,” she said, eyeing him, seeing if he wanted to talk anymore.
He turned to look at her. “Yeah?”
She bit her lip before looking up at him. She wasn’t sure if she should bring it up but she kind of already had. “I think after I get done with Emmaline’s book, I want to do something else.”
He was emotionless in a way; he just continued to stare at her. “Oh?”
She nodded as the idea became more real to her. She’d been thinking about this last night as she lay in bed fighting the false contractions and really, it was a great idea. She hated what she was doing, she was ready to quit, and if Erik was going to back her up that was all she needed. “Yeah, I think I want to do murals for a living. I know I could get Elli to hire me for stuff and I was thinking about calling that girl who painted Audrey’s stuff to join me, like go into business with me.”
Excitement was written all over her face as Erik continued to stare at her. When his head started to move from side to side, her smile fell.
“How long have you been doing the books?”
She shrugged her shoulder, not knowing why that mattered, but she answered anyway, “A year and a half.”
“Okay, so you don’t think that you should give it a little bit longer than that before you give up? I mean you can’t keep doing this Piper; you have to settle down, be an adult.”
Whoa.
“I am an adult, Erik.”
“No,” he snapped. “You are acting like a child; you can’t keep doing this. You have to settle down. What are you going to do, get tired of being a mom and give the baby to Harper or something? I mean shit, Piper.”
He threw the hammer down, pushing it away as he looked up at the ceiling. Piper was speechless as she blinked up at him.
“What the hell, Erik? That’s a little harsh, don’t you think? I wouldn’t do that.”
Erik shook his head, running his hand through his hair as he started to pace the room. Something was seriously wrong and she had no clue what it was.
“What is your problem?” she asked.
He stopped, pinning her with a dirty look. “Maybe that was harsh, but Piper, it is ridiculous. You can’t make your mind up about anything and you change your mind constantly and it drives me insane,” he said, letting out an exasperated breath. “I can’t help but think about myself. Are you going to get tired of me? Leave me?”
Her eyes widened as she shook her head quickly. “No, Erik, why would I do that?”
“Because I’m a f**kup. I can’t commit and I f**king can’t keep it in my pants. I told you I wasn’t the guy for you and instead you convinced me to stay around, that maybe I was worth it, but I know I’m not.”
Piper’s heart kicked up in speed. She felt like her limbs were going numb as she took in deep breaths. “Erik, you are not a f**kup. What is wrong with you? Where in the world is this all coming from?”
He let out a long breath as he shook his head. “Piper, I don’t know, I’m freaking out because you are so f**king indecisive and all I see is you leaving me once I give you my heart.”
“Erik, no, I wouldn’t do that. I love you.”
He scoffed, shaking his head once more. “How can you say that? How can I believe you when you say you used to love drawing for authors but now you don’t, or dancing, or whatever else you used to do?” Piper was already shaking her head.
“Those are careers, and you are my husband—yes, I say husband because when I said ‘I do,’ I meant it. You are the man I want for forever,” she said as he looked away, shaking his head. “Erik, I love you, I have for years, and you are the only thing I’m sure of. I know that it is supposed to be me, you, and Dimitri for the rest of my life. How can you think that I would think anything differently?”
“I don’t know.”
Piper dropped the ribbon she was holding, coming to stand in front of him. When she reached for him he immediately pulled away “Erik, I am not Katria; I am not going to hurt you.”
He shook his head, taking a step back. “I don’t know if I can believe you, Piper.”
He moved his hands down his face, letting out a strangled breath as he looked everywhere but at her.
“It’s not only that, though.”
“What is it? What are you talking about?” she asked, desperately confused.
“I don’t know if I can do this. I’ve been fine for the last couple months because it’s been you and me. You are the only woman I saw, the only one I was around, the only one I wanted and then the first day I go back to my hockey life, I find myself surrounded by three gorgeous women who wanted me.”
Her heart dropped. No, he didn’t cheat on her. No, she wouldn’t believe that. He loved her; she had to keep believing that. Shaking her head she said, “Okay? What does that mean to me?”
“It means that I’m not sure if I would have tried to go home with those women if Phillip hadn’t distracted me. I saw tits and ass and I felt like I was back to the guy I used to be, not the guy that I’ve been with you.”
He nodded, not looking at her. “Yeah, I have a lot on my mind.”
“Wanna talk about it?” she asked.
He looked down at her, his eyes sad as he shook his head.
“No, I’m fine. How are you? Have you had any of those Hicks?”
She shook her head. “I’ve been okay, nothing like last night.”
“That’s good,” he said with a nod before hammering another nail into the wall.
“I have been thinking about something, though,” she said, eyeing him, seeing if he wanted to talk anymore.
He turned to look at her. “Yeah?”
She bit her lip before looking up at him. She wasn’t sure if she should bring it up but she kind of already had. “I think after I get done with Emmaline’s book, I want to do something else.”
He was emotionless in a way; he just continued to stare at her. “Oh?”
She nodded as the idea became more real to her. She’d been thinking about this last night as she lay in bed fighting the false contractions and really, it was a great idea. She hated what she was doing, she was ready to quit, and if Erik was going to back her up that was all she needed. “Yeah, I think I want to do murals for a living. I know I could get Elli to hire me for stuff and I was thinking about calling that girl who painted Audrey’s stuff to join me, like go into business with me.”
Excitement was written all over her face as Erik continued to stare at her. When his head started to move from side to side, her smile fell.
“How long have you been doing the books?”
She shrugged her shoulder, not knowing why that mattered, but she answered anyway, “A year and a half.”
“Okay, so you don’t think that you should give it a little bit longer than that before you give up? I mean you can’t keep doing this Piper; you have to settle down, be an adult.”
Whoa.
“I am an adult, Erik.”
“No,” he snapped. “You are acting like a child; you can’t keep doing this. You have to settle down. What are you going to do, get tired of being a mom and give the baby to Harper or something? I mean shit, Piper.”
He threw the hammer down, pushing it away as he looked up at the ceiling. Piper was speechless as she blinked up at him.
“What the hell, Erik? That’s a little harsh, don’t you think? I wouldn’t do that.”
Erik shook his head, running his hand through his hair as he started to pace the room. Something was seriously wrong and she had no clue what it was.
“What is your problem?” she asked.
He stopped, pinning her with a dirty look. “Maybe that was harsh, but Piper, it is ridiculous. You can’t make your mind up about anything and you change your mind constantly and it drives me insane,” he said, letting out an exasperated breath. “I can’t help but think about myself. Are you going to get tired of me? Leave me?”
Her eyes widened as she shook her head quickly. “No, Erik, why would I do that?”
“Because I’m a f**kup. I can’t commit and I f**king can’t keep it in my pants. I told you I wasn’t the guy for you and instead you convinced me to stay around, that maybe I was worth it, but I know I’m not.”
Piper’s heart kicked up in speed. She felt like her limbs were going numb as she took in deep breaths. “Erik, you are not a f**kup. What is wrong with you? Where in the world is this all coming from?”
He let out a long breath as he shook his head. “Piper, I don’t know, I’m freaking out because you are so f**king indecisive and all I see is you leaving me once I give you my heart.”
“Erik, no, I wouldn’t do that. I love you.”
He scoffed, shaking his head once more. “How can you say that? How can I believe you when you say you used to love drawing for authors but now you don’t, or dancing, or whatever else you used to do?” Piper was already shaking her head.
“Those are careers, and you are my husband—yes, I say husband because when I said ‘I do,’ I meant it. You are the man I want for forever,” she said as he looked away, shaking his head. “Erik, I love you, I have for years, and you are the only thing I’m sure of. I know that it is supposed to be me, you, and Dimitri for the rest of my life. How can you think that I would think anything differently?”
“I don’t know.”
Piper dropped the ribbon she was holding, coming to stand in front of him. When she reached for him he immediately pulled away “Erik, I am not Katria; I am not going to hurt you.”
He shook his head, taking a step back. “I don’t know if I can believe you, Piper.”
He moved his hands down his face, letting out a strangled breath as he looked everywhere but at her.
“It’s not only that, though.”
“What is it? What are you talking about?” she asked, desperately confused.
“I don’t know if I can do this. I’ve been fine for the last couple months because it’s been you and me. You are the only woman I saw, the only one I was around, the only one I wanted and then the first day I go back to my hockey life, I find myself surrounded by three gorgeous women who wanted me.”
Her heart dropped. No, he didn’t cheat on her. No, she wouldn’t believe that. He loved her; she had to keep believing that. Shaking her head she said, “Okay? What does that mean to me?”
“It means that I’m not sure if I would have tried to go home with those women if Phillip hadn’t distracted me. I saw tits and ass and I felt like I was back to the guy I used to be, not the guy that I’ve been with you.”
