Blue Lines
Page 91
She blinked, trying to hold back her tears as she looked away. Her heart was pounding against her chest, her mouth dry as she tried to breathe, but this was okay, he didn’t cheat, they could move forward from this. Looking up at him, she asked, “Okay, but you didn’t cheat on me, right?”
“No, I didn’t, but I don’t know if I would have, is what I’m telling you.”
“But you didn’t,” she pointed out. “So what is the problem?”
“The problem is you scare me, and I don’t know if I want a life full of fear of what I might do to you or if you will leave me. I don’t want to hurt you, Piper.”
“I understand that, you’ve said it a billion times, so why don’t we just agree that you are not going to do it and move on. You are starting a fight with me when you don’t need to. I’m not leaving you. I love you and I believe that you won’t hurt me because you love me.”
He shook his head, moving away from her as he ran his hands through his hair again, “I don’t know if I agree.”
“What?” she asked, tears welling up in her eyes as she realized that he was basically saying he didn’t love her. How did this happen? She was convinced that they were good, that they were going to be together forever. What the hell happened? How could some slutty-ass bitches come between them when he didn’t even do anything? She was so confused and when the next words left his lips, she knew that everything was about to come crashing down around her.
“I can’t do this.”
“What?” she gasped, her hand resting on her chest as she watched him pace the room. “I think I should leave. This isn’t working. Thank you for trying to help me with Elli, but I’ll figure out what to do. Hopefully I can stay in Tennessee to help with the baby.”
“What?”
“I think we are wasting our time here.”
“Are you serious? You want to leave?”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said slowly.
“But you are! My heart is breaking, Erik!” she screamed at him, the tears falling down her cheeks as she took in shuddering breaths. “For the last couple of months I’ve been sitting here, trying to make you believe that you are a good man, while you’ve had one foot out the door! Why are you doing this? I believed in us, so why are you hurting me?”
“I’m sorry, Piper, but I can’t do this.”
Rage filled her as her heart continued to break. She felt lightheaded, as if all this were a dream. Looking up at him, she could see in his eyes that he was leaving and he wasn’t going to look back. If she hadn’t experienced the last couple months with him, she wouldn’t have believed that he had truly changed. But the man who stood in front of her now had his fortress back up and it was strong. This wasn’t her Erik, this wasn’t her husband. Shaking her head, she said, “So you are leaving because you don’t know if you can keep it in your pants.”
He nodded slowly. “That’s part of it.”
She shook her head again, tears falling so fast that she was surprised she was able to talk through her uncontrollable sobbing. “Fine, I can’t make you stay, Erik, but know that I love you, and when Dimitri gets here, he will, too. We will love you for the rest of our lives, and I’m sorry that I’m not worth giving up all those women for, but you better believe that Dimitri is. So before you even think about coming into his life, you better be ready and remember that he comes first.”
“Piper it isn’t that you’re—”
“No, I don’t want to hear it. You’ve broken me for the second time, and believe me, Erik Titov, I won’t let you do it again. The only thing we need to discuss is our son, and I hope that you know what you are doing. I’ve let you hurt me, but you won’t hurt Dimitri. So go, if you are going.”
“Piper, I’m doing this for you,” he tried to say, but she didn’t want to listen.
“Don’t try to turn this on me. You aren’t doing shit for me. All you are doing is breaking my heart. So go, just go, Erik. Leave.”
With that, she turned and walked out of the room, almost tripping over Stanley in the process. Looking down at the dog that had become part of her life totally undid her. She bent down, hugging him tightly as she cried even harder. Behind her, Erik said her name but she ignored him, kissing the dog’s fur before standing up and going across the hall to her room.
Slamming the door behind her, she collapsed against the door, her cries so loud and heart-wrenching as she shook with sadness. How could he do this to her? Why didn’t he love her? What had she done wrong? She gave him everything, promised him everything, and he still would not believe her. He wouldn’t trust that she was not his mom and wouldn’t leave. Well, what else could she do except tell him to go? Maybe he’d figure it all out on his own.
When the knock came at the door, she cried, “No, Erik, go.”
“Piper, please open the door, let’s try to talk this out.”
“There is nothing to talk about, Erik. I’ll always be yours. I’ll always be the one who loved you unconditionally. And I know that if you looked deep in your heart, you’d see that you love me, too, but until you see that, we’re done. You’ve made your choice and it is without me. I won’t let you continually hurt me like this.”
“Piper, you are overreacting; talk to me. This doesn’t have to be like this.”
“No, I didn’t, but I don’t know if I would have, is what I’m telling you.”
“But you didn’t,” she pointed out. “So what is the problem?”
“The problem is you scare me, and I don’t know if I want a life full of fear of what I might do to you or if you will leave me. I don’t want to hurt you, Piper.”
“I understand that, you’ve said it a billion times, so why don’t we just agree that you are not going to do it and move on. You are starting a fight with me when you don’t need to. I’m not leaving you. I love you and I believe that you won’t hurt me because you love me.”
He shook his head, moving away from her as he ran his hands through his hair again, “I don’t know if I agree.”
“What?” she asked, tears welling up in her eyes as she realized that he was basically saying he didn’t love her. How did this happen? She was convinced that they were good, that they were going to be together forever. What the hell happened? How could some slutty-ass bitches come between them when he didn’t even do anything? She was so confused and when the next words left his lips, she knew that everything was about to come crashing down around her.
“I can’t do this.”
“What?” she gasped, her hand resting on her chest as she watched him pace the room. “I think I should leave. This isn’t working. Thank you for trying to help me with Elli, but I’ll figure out what to do. Hopefully I can stay in Tennessee to help with the baby.”
“What?”
“I think we are wasting our time here.”
“Are you serious? You want to leave?”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said slowly.
“But you are! My heart is breaking, Erik!” she screamed at him, the tears falling down her cheeks as she took in shuddering breaths. “For the last couple of months I’ve been sitting here, trying to make you believe that you are a good man, while you’ve had one foot out the door! Why are you doing this? I believed in us, so why are you hurting me?”
“I’m sorry, Piper, but I can’t do this.”
Rage filled her as her heart continued to break. She felt lightheaded, as if all this were a dream. Looking up at him, she could see in his eyes that he was leaving and he wasn’t going to look back. If she hadn’t experienced the last couple months with him, she wouldn’t have believed that he had truly changed. But the man who stood in front of her now had his fortress back up and it was strong. This wasn’t her Erik, this wasn’t her husband. Shaking her head, she said, “So you are leaving because you don’t know if you can keep it in your pants.”
He nodded slowly. “That’s part of it.”
She shook her head again, tears falling so fast that she was surprised she was able to talk through her uncontrollable sobbing. “Fine, I can’t make you stay, Erik, but know that I love you, and when Dimitri gets here, he will, too. We will love you for the rest of our lives, and I’m sorry that I’m not worth giving up all those women for, but you better believe that Dimitri is. So before you even think about coming into his life, you better be ready and remember that he comes first.”
“Piper it isn’t that you’re—”
“No, I don’t want to hear it. You’ve broken me for the second time, and believe me, Erik Titov, I won’t let you do it again. The only thing we need to discuss is our son, and I hope that you know what you are doing. I’ve let you hurt me, but you won’t hurt Dimitri. So go, if you are going.”
“Piper, I’m doing this for you,” he tried to say, but she didn’t want to listen.
“Don’t try to turn this on me. You aren’t doing shit for me. All you are doing is breaking my heart. So go, just go, Erik. Leave.”
With that, she turned and walked out of the room, almost tripping over Stanley in the process. Looking down at the dog that had become part of her life totally undid her. She bent down, hugging him tightly as she cried even harder. Behind her, Erik said her name but she ignored him, kissing the dog’s fur before standing up and going across the hall to her room.
Slamming the door behind her, she collapsed against the door, her cries so loud and heart-wrenching as she shook with sadness. How could he do this to her? Why didn’t he love her? What had she done wrong? She gave him everything, promised him everything, and he still would not believe her. He wouldn’t trust that she was not his mom and wouldn’t leave. Well, what else could she do except tell him to go? Maybe he’d figure it all out on his own.
When the knock came at the door, she cried, “No, Erik, go.”
“Piper, please open the door, let’s try to talk this out.”
“There is nothing to talk about, Erik. I’ll always be yours. I’ll always be the one who loved you unconditionally. And I know that if you looked deep in your heart, you’d see that you love me, too, but until you see that, we’re done. You’ve made your choice and it is without me. I won’t let you continually hurt me like this.”
“Piper, you are overreacting; talk to me. This doesn’t have to be like this.”
