Blue Lines
Page 96
“Can’t we talk some more? I don’t want you leaving like this. I think there is a lot more to say,” he said softly, moving toward her, but she took a step back.
“Do you love me?”
He was stunned by her question and just blinked as she looked up at him with tear-filled eyes. He knew the answer to her question, but he couldn’t seem to say it. His mouth wasn’t moving, and when she started to shake her head, he wanted to grab her because he knew she was about to leave, about to give up on him again, and he needed her to keep still for a minute. He needed a moment to gather himself, to know what he was saying was true and heartfelt, but before he could do that, she said, “My point exactly. There is nothing to talk about. My lawyer will be in contact and when the baby comes, I’ll make sure to send you a text.”
“Piper, please don’t go,” he begged. “Please.”
“Give me a reason not to,” she said, looking up at him. Again he found himself speechless. “I’m not going to stand here and listen to you tell me things that I already know. I know that I wasn’t good enough, I know that I wasn’t worth leaving this glamorous life for, I know that—”
“You’re wrong. You are too good for me and you are worth it, Piper, it’s just I don’t know if I can give you everything you want and need. I don’t know if I’m that guy. I don’t want to hurt you.”
She moved to go around him, but he stopped her, taking her wrist in his as he said, “Wait.”
“No, I’m so f**king tired of hearing you say you don’t want to hurt me. If you don’t want to hurt me, then don’t! Fucking love me instead. Tell me you’ve missed me as much as I’ve missed you; tell me that you don’t want anyone else but me!” she screamed, tears spilling over her cheeks. “But don’t f**king tell me that you don’t want to hurt me, because I know you don’t. I believe that you won’t. But you’ve got to believe in yourself.”
He knew she was giving him time to say those things, to stop her from leaving, but nothing was coming out. He didn’t deserve her; he knew this. And maybe that was why he didn’t fight for her.
She moved her hand along her cheekbone, catching her tears before she whispered, “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get out of here.”
She broke his grip on her wrist before moving away from him. She stopped to give Phillip a quick hug.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” she whispered as she kissed his cheek, causing Erik to see red. He didn’t want her lips on anyone but him.
Phillip smiled as he took her hand in his. Erik wanted to buy Phillip the biggest beer for giving him more time, but then Phillip said, “You know, if you are looking for husband number two, I’d be a willing candidate.”
Erik was going to kill him, but before he could, Piper pulled her hand from his and slapped him hard across his face.
Silence filled the room before she spat, “You need to really think before you speak, dumbass.”
Erik and Phillip watched as Piper left the house, slamming the door for good measure. Phillip turned to look back at Erik, stunned, with a red handprint on his face.
Confused, Phillip asked, “Why’d I get smacked? I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“You’re lucky if I don’t kill you,” Erik sneered as he kicked the cabinet in frustration.
“Hey, it isn’t my fault you can’t admit that you love her,” Phillip said as he crossed his legs and leaned back on the couch. Erik leaned down against the counter, as Phillip went on. “And I’m not the dumbass, either, you are, because if that girl was screaming at me that she believed and trusted I would never hurt her, I would never let her go. She’s one of a kind, dude, and you’re a stupid bastard for not being with her.”
Erik banged his head against the counter. “She may trust me but I don’t trust myself. I don’t want to—” He stopped himself, not finishing what he had been saying since the beginning.
“Whatever, dude,” Phillip said before throwing his dish in the sink and slapping Erik on the back.
“I have a lot of beautiful ladies coming over tomorrow, and since you don’t have a wife anymore, you can have one of mine.”
Erik didn’t want any of those females; he wanted Piper, and Piper only. He had been miserable without her the last week, thinking of her every waking moment, and was a mess on the ice. He wasn’t playing to his full potential because he felt like a piece of him was missing.
It was as if he had been living in a parallel universe with no direction or rightness in his life since he walked out of Piper’s house. He thought it was going to be easy, just let her go and head back to his old life, but it wasn’t. He found that he didn’t want that life at all. All he wanted was Piper and Dimitri, but he had walked away and Erik had never known that a pain like that existed until Piper slammed the door in his face. He needed to get the balls to tell her what he was feeling, what she deserved to hear.
“I miss her,” Erik found himself saying.
“Then go get her.”
“It isn’t that easy,” he said with a shake of his head. “What if I cheat on her? We have an away game next week.”
“Like she said, if you don’t want to hurt her, then you won’t. Believe it, bro.”
“It’s not only that, though. What if I do tell her I love her and she leaves me?” Erik had never admitted this to anyone except Piper. If he really thought about it, this might be the biggest of his fears.
“Do you love me?”
He was stunned by her question and just blinked as she looked up at him with tear-filled eyes. He knew the answer to her question, but he couldn’t seem to say it. His mouth wasn’t moving, and when she started to shake her head, he wanted to grab her because he knew she was about to leave, about to give up on him again, and he needed her to keep still for a minute. He needed a moment to gather himself, to know what he was saying was true and heartfelt, but before he could do that, she said, “My point exactly. There is nothing to talk about. My lawyer will be in contact and when the baby comes, I’ll make sure to send you a text.”
“Piper, please don’t go,” he begged. “Please.”
“Give me a reason not to,” she said, looking up at him. Again he found himself speechless. “I’m not going to stand here and listen to you tell me things that I already know. I know that I wasn’t good enough, I know that I wasn’t worth leaving this glamorous life for, I know that—”
“You’re wrong. You are too good for me and you are worth it, Piper, it’s just I don’t know if I can give you everything you want and need. I don’t know if I’m that guy. I don’t want to hurt you.”
She moved to go around him, but he stopped her, taking her wrist in his as he said, “Wait.”
“No, I’m so f**king tired of hearing you say you don’t want to hurt me. If you don’t want to hurt me, then don’t! Fucking love me instead. Tell me you’ve missed me as much as I’ve missed you; tell me that you don’t want anyone else but me!” she screamed, tears spilling over her cheeks. “But don’t f**king tell me that you don’t want to hurt me, because I know you don’t. I believe that you won’t. But you’ve got to believe in yourself.”
He knew she was giving him time to say those things, to stop her from leaving, but nothing was coming out. He didn’t deserve her; he knew this. And maybe that was why he didn’t fight for her.
She moved her hand along her cheekbone, catching her tears before she whispered, “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get out of here.”
She broke his grip on her wrist before moving away from him. She stopped to give Phillip a quick hug.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” she whispered as she kissed his cheek, causing Erik to see red. He didn’t want her lips on anyone but him.
Phillip smiled as he took her hand in his. Erik wanted to buy Phillip the biggest beer for giving him more time, but then Phillip said, “You know, if you are looking for husband number two, I’d be a willing candidate.”
Erik was going to kill him, but before he could, Piper pulled her hand from his and slapped him hard across his face.
Silence filled the room before she spat, “You need to really think before you speak, dumbass.”
Erik and Phillip watched as Piper left the house, slamming the door for good measure. Phillip turned to look back at Erik, stunned, with a red handprint on his face.
Confused, Phillip asked, “Why’d I get smacked? I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“You’re lucky if I don’t kill you,” Erik sneered as he kicked the cabinet in frustration.
“Hey, it isn’t my fault you can’t admit that you love her,” Phillip said as he crossed his legs and leaned back on the couch. Erik leaned down against the counter, as Phillip went on. “And I’m not the dumbass, either, you are, because if that girl was screaming at me that she believed and trusted I would never hurt her, I would never let her go. She’s one of a kind, dude, and you’re a stupid bastard for not being with her.”
Erik banged his head against the counter. “She may trust me but I don’t trust myself. I don’t want to—” He stopped himself, not finishing what he had been saying since the beginning.
“Whatever, dude,” Phillip said before throwing his dish in the sink and slapping Erik on the back.
“I have a lot of beautiful ladies coming over tomorrow, and since you don’t have a wife anymore, you can have one of mine.”
Erik didn’t want any of those females; he wanted Piper, and Piper only. He had been miserable without her the last week, thinking of her every waking moment, and was a mess on the ice. He wasn’t playing to his full potential because he felt like a piece of him was missing.
It was as if he had been living in a parallel universe with no direction or rightness in his life since he walked out of Piper’s house. He thought it was going to be easy, just let her go and head back to his old life, but it wasn’t. He found that he didn’t want that life at all. All he wanted was Piper and Dimitri, but he had walked away and Erik had never known that a pain like that existed until Piper slammed the door in his face. He needed to get the balls to tell her what he was feeling, what she deserved to hear.
“I miss her,” Erik found himself saying.
“Then go get her.”
“It isn’t that easy,” he said with a shake of his head. “What if I cheat on her? We have an away game next week.”
“Like she said, if you don’t want to hurt her, then you won’t. Believe it, bro.”
“It’s not only that, though. What if I do tell her I love her and she leaves me?” Erik had never admitted this to anyone except Piper. If he really thought about it, this might be the biggest of his fears.
