Boys South of the Mason Dixon
Page 34
The drive down to their house was short, but I used it to prepare myself for every argument Steel would throw my way. Hurting him was the last thing I wanted to do, but continuing to make Steel believe we had a chance was wrong and selfish of me. I didn’t like being the villain, but I’d made my bed. Now I just needed to lie in it.
I parked at the barn. Didn’t walk past their house. This was stressful enough without the other Sutton boys getting involved in our talk. I closed my door gently, in case anyone was still sleeping, the short distance from my car to the barn covered in a matter of seconds. It still felt like the longest walk of my life.
Steel was there like I knew he would be. He was good at what he did, dependable, hard-working, staying as long as it was needed, and often remaining after everyone else had left for the day. He deserved so much more than I was ever capable of giving him. I stepped inside and he turned immediately, the heavy barn door creaking with my entrance. The cup of coffee in his hand was a familiar sight. He was just as I had pictured him there—dressed for hard work, knowing what he had to do, his hair roughed slightly from sleep.
“Well, good morning,” he said, with a slow lazy smile. He wasn’t fully awake yet. Not enough caffeine.
“Hey,” I replied, hating every word before I even said them.
Straightaway, he sensed my mood. He was smart, observant like that. I had to act fast, “Steel, let me talk first. Please? I want to say my peace. I didn’t come here to argue.”
He thought about it. Wanted to say more. It was all there in the way he was looking at me, but Steel remained silent because I’d asked. Another reason to love him. Another reason to let him go. I spoke again, “I can’t continue doing this. It’s unfair to you. I’ll love him until the day I die. I accept that. You’re a wonderful man. Someone who should have a girl on his arm who loves you as deeply as you love her . . . but I’ll never be that girl . . . I’m damaged . . . I need you to understand that . . . Steel, you have to let me go.”
I’d planned on saying more, my ramblings making me lose my train of thought and forget what I wanted to say. But I spoke the truth. I said the facts, and now I had to give Steel time to respond. His eyes held the disappointment and hurt I knew would come from this. I expected that, but seeing it was difficult to witness. Knowing he was happy when I first walked in, and that only I was responsible for taking that away from him.
He sat his cup down on a shelf. Made a study of the ground at his feet. I waited some more, wondering what he was thinking. Would he fight this? Should I have said more? I kept questioning everything I had said, thinking I could have said it better.
He suddenly replied, “That’s it, then. I tried. I gave it my best, but never got the same from you. Knew that. Forgave you for it time and time again. But I held out hope that things would change. If I was there for you, loved you hard enough, became what you needed . . . that it would be enough. That I would be enough. But you’re spoiled, want what you can’t have. What I offered would have never been good enough . . . and that makes you not good enough for me. I want more, I want a woman who knows her own mind, can find her own damn happiness without a man’s help . . . and that will never be you. So go on, Dixie, leave and don’t come back. You want Asher, but he will never want you in return. He’s moved on with his life. Now go waste the rest of yours on a pointless, empty dream.”
Although I saw Steel Sutton standing before me and heard the words coming from his mouth, I was having a hard time believing he was saying such cruel, hurtful things to me, no matter how much I deserved them.
“Don’t stand there and look all hurt and offended. What did you expect from me? Tears? Hell no, Dixie! I’m done trying to make you love me. If this is what you want, then that’s what you can have. I just ask one final thing of you. Leave the diamond ring I gave you. It was meant for a woman who is worth it and deserves to wear it. That isn’t you.”
I had the ring in my pocket. That was what I’d planned to do, anyway. But I didn’t imagine it happening this way. I pulled it out just as Steel took a step toward me and extended his hand between us, his palm up and his fingers twitching with impatience. The glare in his eyes was so foreign to me. The Steel I knew was gone and a cruel, heartless man had taken his place. And that man was reaching for his ring. I placed it in his hand, his fingers closing on it quickly as if I would take it back and run. He then said, “You can go now.”
Thosee four words were filled with so much hate and disdain, that my legs almost gave out on me. I stumbled, but forced myself to draw strength from within, turning away, and sprinting from the barn and the monsters I had created.
Asher Sutton
JOE GREEN MADE wooden lawn furniture. It was a popular item in Malroy and the only place you could buy it was Denver’s. Today, I’d been going back and forth to Joe’s to get the chairs, tables, and front porch swings that he’d made for the summer season. Hannah waited on me out front to deliver every load. She was showing me where to display them. That was her job, other than answering the phone and working the entrance of the business. She handled the design of the store, the placement of the items they sold, and stuff like that.
I was on my last load when Dallas’s truck pulled in. Hannah noticed him first. She was moving a table around, to put a pot with some fancy ass flowers inside it, hoping to draw customers’ attention. Dallas wouldn’t be coming to see me unless there was a problem. He’d have me bring something home if we needed it at the house. No reason to come pick it up. I wiped the sweat from my forehead with my towel, tucking it back in my pocket, and hopping down from the bed of the truck just as he was headed my way.
“That your youngest brother?” Hannah asked, squinting against the sun.
I replied, “Yeah, give me a minute,” walking toward him. My first thoughts, of course, went to Momma. I was the worrier in the bunch.
“Take your time,” Hannah called after me, though I was too focused on Dallas to even care. The frown on his face meant this was about an annoyance rather than a problem. It couldn’t be Momma. I sighed with relief. “You seen Steel?” he asked.
“No, why, should I?”
Dallas shook his head and said, “Naw, just thought maybe he’d come looking for you. He’s been gone since Dixie came by this morning. She drove off and he left shortly after, slamming his door, then spinning his wheels so hard, gravel went flying all over the place. I was headed out to hit the bag some before work when I saw it all. Momma said to give him some time, then go looking for him. I figure he’s a big boy and can handle his shit, but fuck if I’m gonna tell Momma that. A world of hurt would rain down on me.”
I knew this was coming after Dixie had talked to me yesterday. She did the right thing and I was glad, though I knew Steel was crushed. She didn’t love him the way she should. He needed to move on, all three of us did. I was tougher than Steel. I’d handled this thing far longer. “I have two more hours here. Then I’ll go looking for him,” I promised.
Dallas scowled like that was stupid. “He needs to go get laid.”
“Tell Momma I’ll find him. Don’t worry about it. He doesn’t need your sarcastic comments. Not right now, anyway.”
“He’s sure as fuck not gonna want to see you, either. We all know she broke up with him because she’s still hung up on you.”
I parked at the barn. Didn’t walk past their house. This was stressful enough without the other Sutton boys getting involved in our talk. I closed my door gently, in case anyone was still sleeping, the short distance from my car to the barn covered in a matter of seconds. It still felt like the longest walk of my life.
Steel was there like I knew he would be. He was good at what he did, dependable, hard-working, staying as long as it was needed, and often remaining after everyone else had left for the day. He deserved so much more than I was ever capable of giving him. I stepped inside and he turned immediately, the heavy barn door creaking with my entrance. The cup of coffee in his hand was a familiar sight. He was just as I had pictured him there—dressed for hard work, knowing what he had to do, his hair roughed slightly from sleep.
“Well, good morning,” he said, with a slow lazy smile. He wasn’t fully awake yet. Not enough caffeine.
“Hey,” I replied, hating every word before I even said them.
Straightaway, he sensed my mood. He was smart, observant like that. I had to act fast, “Steel, let me talk first. Please? I want to say my peace. I didn’t come here to argue.”
He thought about it. Wanted to say more. It was all there in the way he was looking at me, but Steel remained silent because I’d asked. Another reason to love him. Another reason to let him go. I spoke again, “I can’t continue doing this. It’s unfair to you. I’ll love him until the day I die. I accept that. You’re a wonderful man. Someone who should have a girl on his arm who loves you as deeply as you love her . . . but I’ll never be that girl . . . I’m damaged . . . I need you to understand that . . . Steel, you have to let me go.”
I’d planned on saying more, my ramblings making me lose my train of thought and forget what I wanted to say. But I spoke the truth. I said the facts, and now I had to give Steel time to respond. His eyes held the disappointment and hurt I knew would come from this. I expected that, but seeing it was difficult to witness. Knowing he was happy when I first walked in, and that only I was responsible for taking that away from him.
He sat his cup down on a shelf. Made a study of the ground at his feet. I waited some more, wondering what he was thinking. Would he fight this? Should I have said more? I kept questioning everything I had said, thinking I could have said it better.
He suddenly replied, “That’s it, then. I tried. I gave it my best, but never got the same from you. Knew that. Forgave you for it time and time again. But I held out hope that things would change. If I was there for you, loved you hard enough, became what you needed . . . that it would be enough. That I would be enough. But you’re spoiled, want what you can’t have. What I offered would have never been good enough . . . and that makes you not good enough for me. I want more, I want a woman who knows her own mind, can find her own damn happiness without a man’s help . . . and that will never be you. So go on, Dixie, leave and don’t come back. You want Asher, but he will never want you in return. He’s moved on with his life. Now go waste the rest of yours on a pointless, empty dream.”
Although I saw Steel Sutton standing before me and heard the words coming from his mouth, I was having a hard time believing he was saying such cruel, hurtful things to me, no matter how much I deserved them.
“Don’t stand there and look all hurt and offended. What did you expect from me? Tears? Hell no, Dixie! I’m done trying to make you love me. If this is what you want, then that’s what you can have. I just ask one final thing of you. Leave the diamond ring I gave you. It was meant for a woman who is worth it and deserves to wear it. That isn’t you.”
I had the ring in my pocket. That was what I’d planned to do, anyway. But I didn’t imagine it happening this way. I pulled it out just as Steel took a step toward me and extended his hand between us, his palm up and his fingers twitching with impatience. The glare in his eyes was so foreign to me. The Steel I knew was gone and a cruel, heartless man had taken his place. And that man was reaching for his ring. I placed it in his hand, his fingers closing on it quickly as if I would take it back and run. He then said, “You can go now.”
Thosee four words were filled with so much hate and disdain, that my legs almost gave out on me. I stumbled, but forced myself to draw strength from within, turning away, and sprinting from the barn and the monsters I had created.
Asher Sutton
JOE GREEN MADE wooden lawn furniture. It was a popular item in Malroy and the only place you could buy it was Denver’s. Today, I’d been going back and forth to Joe’s to get the chairs, tables, and front porch swings that he’d made for the summer season. Hannah waited on me out front to deliver every load. She was showing me where to display them. That was her job, other than answering the phone and working the entrance of the business. She handled the design of the store, the placement of the items they sold, and stuff like that.
I was on my last load when Dallas’s truck pulled in. Hannah noticed him first. She was moving a table around, to put a pot with some fancy ass flowers inside it, hoping to draw customers’ attention. Dallas wouldn’t be coming to see me unless there was a problem. He’d have me bring something home if we needed it at the house. No reason to come pick it up. I wiped the sweat from my forehead with my towel, tucking it back in my pocket, and hopping down from the bed of the truck just as he was headed my way.
“That your youngest brother?” Hannah asked, squinting against the sun.
I replied, “Yeah, give me a minute,” walking toward him. My first thoughts, of course, went to Momma. I was the worrier in the bunch.
“Take your time,” Hannah called after me, though I was too focused on Dallas to even care. The frown on his face meant this was about an annoyance rather than a problem. It couldn’t be Momma. I sighed with relief. “You seen Steel?” he asked.
“No, why, should I?”
Dallas shook his head and said, “Naw, just thought maybe he’d come looking for you. He’s been gone since Dixie came by this morning. She drove off and he left shortly after, slamming his door, then spinning his wheels so hard, gravel went flying all over the place. I was headed out to hit the bag some before work when I saw it all. Momma said to give him some time, then go looking for him. I figure he’s a big boy and can handle his shit, but fuck if I’m gonna tell Momma that. A world of hurt would rain down on me.”
I knew this was coming after Dixie had talked to me yesterday. She did the right thing and I was glad, though I knew Steel was crushed. She didn’t love him the way she should. He needed to move on, all three of us did. I was tougher than Steel. I’d handled this thing far longer. “I have two more hours here. Then I’ll go looking for him,” I promised.
Dallas scowled like that was stupid. “He needs to go get laid.”
“Tell Momma I’ll find him. Don’t worry about it. He doesn’t need your sarcastic comments. Not right now, anyway.”
“He’s sure as fuck not gonna want to see you, either. We all know she broke up with him because she’s still hung up on you.”
