Brawn
Page 37
“What castle?”
She grinned. “It’s a saying. She wanted you to come after her and tell her that she had changed your mind about humans.” She sobered. “You didn’t and now she believes you only want the baby. She carries your son and she feels like you’re only trying to be with her for the sake of the child. No woman wants to be with a man who only wants her because she got pregnant.”
Brawn frowned. “Becca did change my mind about humans and I want her. The child is a bonus but I’d want her even if there wasn’t one.”
“You need to talk to her, Brawn. She thinks you are going to feel trapped with her because of the baby. She thinks she can never sexually please you and that you will seek out other women to fill that need. She is afraid that because of your differences you can never love her and be happy with her. Her husband never loved her or made her happy. She’s been hurt inside badly.”
“I am not him,” Brawn growled. “I would never hate her and I would never seek another woman. She does please me.”
“Her husband married her for the wrong reasons, Brawn. You are trying to claim her for the wrong reasons. She shouldn’t be your mate because she’s carrying your child. She should be your mate because you love her and want to spend the rest of your lives together. The baby should just be a result of that love.”
“I will talk to her.”
Trisha nodded. “Keep talking to her because she’s been hurt by another man. You are going to have to find patience and keep your temper in check.”
“I do not have patience.”
Trisha stood and lifted her bag off the floor. “It is a good time to learn.”
Brawn watched Trisha leave the bedroom and waited until he heard the hotel room door close. He took a few deep breaths and tried to get his thoughts in order before walking out into the living room. Becca sat on the couch. Their gazes met.
Brawn slowly stalked toward the couch, sank to his knees on the floor before her and searched her eyes. She wasn’t crying anymore but the look of sadness he found there nearly tore his heart from his chest.
“I understand why you cry, Becca.”
“You didn’t hurt me in bed. I didn’t want you thinking you had. I’m sorry I unloaded my past on you but you don’t seem to understand why we can’t be together.”
“When I met you, I was very attracted to you.”
That statement surprised her and her eyes widened.
“I admitted as much when you were presenting your ass to me in the bedroom while you removed the sheets from the bed. Do you want to know what I wanted to do?” He didn’t wait for her response. “I wanted to fall to my knees behind you and touch you, Becca. I wanted to smell you, taste you and bury my dick deep inside you. I wanted to hear you make noises of pleasure until you cried out my name.”
“But I’m human.”
“I’ve never wanted a human before but I wanted you, Becca. It shocked me and it made me angry.”
She bit her lip. “Why?”
“I never understood why a few of my kind were attracted to yours and would take a human as a mate. All I have known are our females, Becca. Wasn’t it a little daunting for you to be attracted to me?”
“I was a little surprised but you’re very good-looking. It didn’t matter to me that we’re different.”
“When we were kidnapped you got a taste of what I’ve been subjected to in the past. Imprisoned, forced to undergo testing and being under the control of others and the constant fear of our usefulness being over. They killed us sometimes. You were forced to touch me to get those s**en samples. I felt guilty for enjoying it but I did. My mind has become as twisted as my captors in that regard. I thought you’d be better off without me yet I wanted you, Becca. I missed you when we were freed and I wanted you back in my life. I feared you might hate me for what you’d endured.”
Becca stared into his eyes and hoped the sincerity she saw was real and not just wishful thinking on her part. “I could never hate you for what happened to us. You kept me going, comforted me, but you have to admit we wouldn’t have gotten into this situation if you’d been given a choice.” She glanced down at her rounded belly before holding his gaze. “It was comfort sex.”
“I loved touching you. That’s why I felt guilty. You are so soft and so beautiful, Becca. I wanted you in the worst way and was glad to be locked inside a cage with you. I was almost grateful because I could touch you. I never thought being with a human female would be good and it wasn’t, Becca. It was so much better than good that it is an insult to use such a weak word. You felt right to me, beautiful. Your touch and your scent. Your body around mine. You were perfect to me. Do you understand? The look in your eyes, the taste of your mouth and the feel of you inside where I didn’t want to leave has driven me crazy daily since we were freed.”
“That’s not true. You would have called me if you wanted to see me again. You didn’t.”
“I was ordered not to and had to agree that it might only cause you pain. I believed you’d come after me if you wanted to see me. I think like a Species because I am one. Our women are very blunt, aggressive and tell us what they want. I made a mistake and should have come after you.”
She was speechless, wanted to believe him and finally found her voice. “If it wasn’t for this baby we would never have seen each other again. You would have gotten on with your life and forgotten all about me. A baby isn’t a reason to start a relationship, Brawn. I won’t be with you just because I got knocked up.”
“I was glad when I learned of the child.” He took a deep breath and calmed down. “That makes me an asshole, doesn’t it? I am glad that my seed took inside you. When they told me that the doctors would make sure you had not gotten impregnated with medicines, I wanted to roar my rage because if my seed took I knew I could have you again and again because I would have a right to you.” His eyes narrowed and his nose flared. “I am a bastard and an as**ole but damn it, Becca, never think I will hate you or feel trapped by you having this baby. You should feel trapped because I am not letting you go. You might be horror-filled to have my baby but I am very well pleased by it. Trisha says I need patience but what I need is for you to realize you are my mate and that you belong to me. You need to stop fighting it because it drives me insane.”
“I’m not the kind of mate who will make you happy.”
He growled at her. “Why do you think that?”
“I’m forever pissing you off. You are growling at me again and showing teeth, first off. Second off, in the bedroom, while we were having sex, you had to hold back and you obviously didn’t want to. Admit it, Brawn. Wouldn’t you have loved not to have to be careful? Wouldn’t it have felt better for you if you could have done all the things you knew would hurt me?”
His eyes locked with hers. “You were not a virgin. You have been with another male, Becca. You were married. Your husband touched you. Is my touching you the same as it was with him?”
“No.” She shook her head, her eyes locked with his. “There’s no comparison. It’s completely different.”
He nodded. “Then you should understand that what I experience with you has no comparison to what I knew before. It is more with you. Stronger. The best, Becca. I have never felt the way I feel with you. You bring out so much inside me and you are very wrong if you think you do not please me when we are touching. You please me more than I’ve ever been.” He cupped her face, his gaze holding hers. “You make me roar, beautiful. I don’t do that for any female except you. All that control I must find not to hurt you actually makes our shared sex feel much better at the end when I release that control before I seed you.”
“I want to believe you.”
“I would not lie. After we were found and we were set free from the cages I wanted to hit that Trey for hugging you. I don’t like any male touching you. I wanted to pick you up and carry you out of there and take you home with me so I could keep you. I knew I couldn’t. You do not like bossy men. I heard this while you were talking to Trey in your kitchen. I am dominating, Becca.”
She suddenly laughed. “Really? I’m shocked!”
He smiled. “Sarcasm. I know what this is.”
The doorbell rang and Brawn moved. “I will get your food.”
He opened the door and Breeze stood there with the cart. She stared at him with a grim expression. “Brawn. I was on kitchen duty. Here is her food.”
Becca wanted to flinch. This was the woman he’d had a date with the day Becca had arrived at Reservation. Brawn took the cart and pulled it into the room. The woman glanced at Becca from the door, took a deep breath and walked inside the room. She closed the door behind her.
Brawn spun, a growl tearing from his lips. The woman backed up against the door and her eyes flew to Becca.
“I wanted to talk to you. Could you please tell Brawn to allow it before he tears out my throat for daring to speak to you? It’s important.”
Brawn took a threatening step toward the woman but Becca reacted. “Brawn! Stop.”
He froze and swung his head to Becca, a furious look on his face. “I told her not to come here or ever speak to you. You got upset with me for having a date with her when you arrived. It was innocent but you believe I planned to share sex with her. I didn’t.”
Becca studied Breeze. “Hi, Breeze. What did you want to tell me?”
Breeze looked grim. “You remember my name.”
“That whole day kind of stuck in my mind.”
“I did not know you were carrying Brawn’s child or I would have known we no longer had a date. I am sorry for what I said. Tiger was touching you and no male will allow another to touch his mate so I mistook Tiger as the father of the baby. Brawn did not and has not gone out with me or any other female since he returned after he was taken by the Mercile people. I wanted to tell you this.”
Relief swept through Becca. Brawn had canceled his date with Breeze and Breeze had no reason to lie. She was willing to trust the other woman’s word. “Thank you for telling me that. I appreciate it. Really.”
Breeze nodded. “Did he explain to you about the relationships between our males and females?”
“Some of it.”
Breeze glanced at Brawn warily before inching closer to Becca. “May I talk with you while you eat? I promise not to upset you or say hurtful things. I think it will make you feel much better and happy.”
Becca hesitated but nodded. “Do you want to sit down?”
Brawn growled. “I don’t think this is a good idea. I do not want you to cry again. We were laughing when she came.”
“I have human friends,” Breeze stated. “I said something hurtful to her about our date. I will make her feel better, I swear, Brawn. I would like to be her friend.”
He frowned.
“Have a seat,” Becca urged softly.
Brawn didn’t look happy but he brought Becca her food and a large glass of milk. He placed them in front of her. He turned to the cart and then placed silverware down for her. “Eat, please.” He sat next to her.
Breeze sat down in a chair. “Species females don’t want relationships the way human females do,” Breeze explained. “Do you know anything about our lives before we were freed?”
“A little.” Becca started to cut up her steak.
“We were passed between our males for breeding tests often. All our lives we have been told what to do and who to do it with. Once we were freed we became very resistant to taking orders. We don’t want a male to tell us what to do. We have dominating males. It is how they are. They dominate as easily as they eat and breathe. For this reason we only agree to have temporary sexual contact with our males if we want sexual release. We don’t date the same male more than once in a long while. We don’t want them to suspect we might want more from them than sex. Am I explaining this well?”
Becca was a bit shocked but she understood. She nodded.
“Brawn and I have no love feelings for each other. There is no need for you to feel jealous, upset, or threatened by me because we had set a date. We are from the same testing facility. We have been bred many times over the years together. We still do not have love feelings for each other the way humans have in relationships. I respect him, we are friends and I care what happens to him. That’s it. He was depressed after he was returned to us and I forced him to agree to spend time with me, thinking it would cheer him up because, as my friend, I worried about him. Once our males decide to mate with a female it is different from just sharing sex. Mating is the commitment to stay with one female and emotions are involved. He will not touch anyone but you ever again. They are fiercely loyal to a mate. Did he explain any of this to you?”
“No.”
“I thought not.” Breeze gave her a smile. “He told me about you. Did he mention this? After he was captured and returned, he snarled at everyone. He missed you. He thought about you all the time. You put him in a very foul mood. Many feared he would harm them and Brawn is usually very happy and mellow. He wasn’t when he returned because he wanted you. Did he tell you this?”
Becca forgot to eat. Her attention focused on Brawn. He watched her silently and shrugged. “I told you that I didn’t want to let you go and that I wished to come get you. I thought it would harm you more if you saw me.”
“That’s true,” Breeze stated softly. “He even told me that he wished to go to your home, throw you over his shoulder and take you to his house. He wanted to lock you inside with him until he planted his seed inside you until it took.” The Species glanced at her belly. “It did so he got his wish.”
She grinned. “It’s a saying. She wanted you to come after her and tell her that she had changed your mind about humans.” She sobered. “You didn’t and now she believes you only want the baby. She carries your son and she feels like you’re only trying to be with her for the sake of the child. No woman wants to be with a man who only wants her because she got pregnant.”
Brawn frowned. “Becca did change my mind about humans and I want her. The child is a bonus but I’d want her even if there wasn’t one.”
“You need to talk to her, Brawn. She thinks you are going to feel trapped with her because of the baby. She thinks she can never sexually please you and that you will seek out other women to fill that need. She is afraid that because of your differences you can never love her and be happy with her. Her husband never loved her or made her happy. She’s been hurt inside badly.”
“I am not him,” Brawn growled. “I would never hate her and I would never seek another woman. She does please me.”
“Her husband married her for the wrong reasons, Brawn. You are trying to claim her for the wrong reasons. She shouldn’t be your mate because she’s carrying your child. She should be your mate because you love her and want to spend the rest of your lives together. The baby should just be a result of that love.”
“I will talk to her.”
Trisha nodded. “Keep talking to her because she’s been hurt by another man. You are going to have to find patience and keep your temper in check.”
“I do not have patience.”
Trisha stood and lifted her bag off the floor. “It is a good time to learn.”
Brawn watched Trisha leave the bedroom and waited until he heard the hotel room door close. He took a few deep breaths and tried to get his thoughts in order before walking out into the living room. Becca sat on the couch. Their gazes met.
Brawn slowly stalked toward the couch, sank to his knees on the floor before her and searched her eyes. She wasn’t crying anymore but the look of sadness he found there nearly tore his heart from his chest.
“I understand why you cry, Becca.”
“You didn’t hurt me in bed. I didn’t want you thinking you had. I’m sorry I unloaded my past on you but you don’t seem to understand why we can’t be together.”
“When I met you, I was very attracted to you.”
That statement surprised her and her eyes widened.
“I admitted as much when you were presenting your ass to me in the bedroom while you removed the sheets from the bed. Do you want to know what I wanted to do?” He didn’t wait for her response. “I wanted to fall to my knees behind you and touch you, Becca. I wanted to smell you, taste you and bury my dick deep inside you. I wanted to hear you make noises of pleasure until you cried out my name.”
“But I’m human.”
“I’ve never wanted a human before but I wanted you, Becca. It shocked me and it made me angry.”
She bit her lip. “Why?”
“I never understood why a few of my kind were attracted to yours and would take a human as a mate. All I have known are our females, Becca. Wasn’t it a little daunting for you to be attracted to me?”
“I was a little surprised but you’re very good-looking. It didn’t matter to me that we’re different.”
“When we were kidnapped you got a taste of what I’ve been subjected to in the past. Imprisoned, forced to undergo testing and being under the control of others and the constant fear of our usefulness being over. They killed us sometimes. You were forced to touch me to get those s**en samples. I felt guilty for enjoying it but I did. My mind has become as twisted as my captors in that regard. I thought you’d be better off without me yet I wanted you, Becca. I missed you when we were freed and I wanted you back in my life. I feared you might hate me for what you’d endured.”
Becca stared into his eyes and hoped the sincerity she saw was real and not just wishful thinking on her part. “I could never hate you for what happened to us. You kept me going, comforted me, but you have to admit we wouldn’t have gotten into this situation if you’d been given a choice.” She glanced down at her rounded belly before holding his gaze. “It was comfort sex.”
“I loved touching you. That’s why I felt guilty. You are so soft and so beautiful, Becca. I wanted you in the worst way and was glad to be locked inside a cage with you. I was almost grateful because I could touch you. I never thought being with a human female would be good and it wasn’t, Becca. It was so much better than good that it is an insult to use such a weak word. You felt right to me, beautiful. Your touch and your scent. Your body around mine. You were perfect to me. Do you understand? The look in your eyes, the taste of your mouth and the feel of you inside where I didn’t want to leave has driven me crazy daily since we were freed.”
“That’s not true. You would have called me if you wanted to see me again. You didn’t.”
“I was ordered not to and had to agree that it might only cause you pain. I believed you’d come after me if you wanted to see me. I think like a Species because I am one. Our women are very blunt, aggressive and tell us what they want. I made a mistake and should have come after you.”
She was speechless, wanted to believe him and finally found her voice. “If it wasn’t for this baby we would never have seen each other again. You would have gotten on with your life and forgotten all about me. A baby isn’t a reason to start a relationship, Brawn. I won’t be with you just because I got knocked up.”
“I was glad when I learned of the child.” He took a deep breath and calmed down. “That makes me an asshole, doesn’t it? I am glad that my seed took inside you. When they told me that the doctors would make sure you had not gotten impregnated with medicines, I wanted to roar my rage because if my seed took I knew I could have you again and again because I would have a right to you.” His eyes narrowed and his nose flared. “I am a bastard and an as**ole but damn it, Becca, never think I will hate you or feel trapped by you having this baby. You should feel trapped because I am not letting you go. You might be horror-filled to have my baby but I am very well pleased by it. Trisha says I need patience but what I need is for you to realize you are my mate and that you belong to me. You need to stop fighting it because it drives me insane.”
“I’m not the kind of mate who will make you happy.”
He growled at her. “Why do you think that?”
“I’m forever pissing you off. You are growling at me again and showing teeth, first off. Second off, in the bedroom, while we were having sex, you had to hold back and you obviously didn’t want to. Admit it, Brawn. Wouldn’t you have loved not to have to be careful? Wouldn’t it have felt better for you if you could have done all the things you knew would hurt me?”
His eyes locked with hers. “You were not a virgin. You have been with another male, Becca. You were married. Your husband touched you. Is my touching you the same as it was with him?”
“No.” She shook her head, her eyes locked with his. “There’s no comparison. It’s completely different.”
He nodded. “Then you should understand that what I experience with you has no comparison to what I knew before. It is more with you. Stronger. The best, Becca. I have never felt the way I feel with you. You bring out so much inside me and you are very wrong if you think you do not please me when we are touching. You please me more than I’ve ever been.” He cupped her face, his gaze holding hers. “You make me roar, beautiful. I don’t do that for any female except you. All that control I must find not to hurt you actually makes our shared sex feel much better at the end when I release that control before I seed you.”
“I want to believe you.”
“I would not lie. After we were found and we were set free from the cages I wanted to hit that Trey for hugging you. I don’t like any male touching you. I wanted to pick you up and carry you out of there and take you home with me so I could keep you. I knew I couldn’t. You do not like bossy men. I heard this while you were talking to Trey in your kitchen. I am dominating, Becca.”
She suddenly laughed. “Really? I’m shocked!”
He smiled. “Sarcasm. I know what this is.”
The doorbell rang and Brawn moved. “I will get your food.”
He opened the door and Breeze stood there with the cart. She stared at him with a grim expression. “Brawn. I was on kitchen duty. Here is her food.”
Becca wanted to flinch. This was the woman he’d had a date with the day Becca had arrived at Reservation. Brawn took the cart and pulled it into the room. The woman glanced at Becca from the door, took a deep breath and walked inside the room. She closed the door behind her.
Brawn spun, a growl tearing from his lips. The woman backed up against the door and her eyes flew to Becca.
“I wanted to talk to you. Could you please tell Brawn to allow it before he tears out my throat for daring to speak to you? It’s important.”
Brawn took a threatening step toward the woman but Becca reacted. “Brawn! Stop.”
He froze and swung his head to Becca, a furious look on his face. “I told her not to come here or ever speak to you. You got upset with me for having a date with her when you arrived. It was innocent but you believe I planned to share sex with her. I didn’t.”
Becca studied Breeze. “Hi, Breeze. What did you want to tell me?”
Breeze looked grim. “You remember my name.”
“That whole day kind of stuck in my mind.”
“I did not know you were carrying Brawn’s child or I would have known we no longer had a date. I am sorry for what I said. Tiger was touching you and no male will allow another to touch his mate so I mistook Tiger as the father of the baby. Brawn did not and has not gone out with me or any other female since he returned after he was taken by the Mercile people. I wanted to tell you this.”
Relief swept through Becca. Brawn had canceled his date with Breeze and Breeze had no reason to lie. She was willing to trust the other woman’s word. “Thank you for telling me that. I appreciate it. Really.”
Breeze nodded. “Did he explain to you about the relationships between our males and females?”
“Some of it.”
Breeze glanced at Brawn warily before inching closer to Becca. “May I talk with you while you eat? I promise not to upset you or say hurtful things. I think it will make you feel much better and happy.”
Becca hesitated but nodded. “Do you want to sit down?”
Brawn growled. “I don’t think this is a good idea. I do not want you to cry again. We were laughing when she came.”
“I have human friends,” Breeze stated. “I said something hurtful to her about our date. I will make her feel better, I swear, Brawn. I would like to be her friend.”
He frowned.
“Have a seat,” Becca urged softly.
Brawn didn’t look happy but he brought Becca her food and a large glass of milk. He placed them in front of her. He turned to the cart and then placed silverware down for her. “Eat, please.” He sat next to her.
Breeze sat down in a chair. “Species females don’t want relationships the way human females do,” Breeze explained. “Do you know anything about our lives before we were freed?”
“A little.” Becca started to cut up her steak.
“We were passed between our males for breeding tests often. All our lives we have been told what to do and who to do it with. Once we were freed we became very resistant to taking orders. We don’t want a male to tell us what to do. We have dominating males. It is how they are. They dominate as easily as they eat and breathe. For this reason we only agree to have temporary sexual contact with our males if we want sexual release. We don’t date the same male more than once in a long while. We don’t want them to suspect we might want more from them than sex. Am I explaining this well?”
Becca was a bit shocked but she understood. She nodded.
“Brawn and I have no love feelings for each other. There is no need for you to feel jealous, upset, or threatened by me because we had set a date. We are from the same testing facility. We have been bred many times over the years together. We still do not have love feelings for each other the way humans have in relationships. I respect him, we are friends and I care what happens to him. That’s it. He was depressed after he was returned to us and I forced him to agree to spend time with me, thinking it would cheer him up because, as my friend, I worried about him. Once our males decide to mate with a female it is different from just sharing sex. Mating is the commitment to stay with one female and emotions are involved. He will not touch anyone but you ever again. They are fiercely loyal to a mate. Did he explain any of this to you?”
“No.”
“I thought not.” Breeze gave her a smile. “He told me about you. Did he mention this? After he was captured and returned, he snarled at everyone. He missed you. He thought about you all the time. You put him in a very foul mood. Many feared he would harm them and Brawn is usually very happy and mellow. He wasn’t when he returned because he wanted you. Did he tell you this?”
Becca forgot to eat. Her attention focused on Brawn. He watched her silently and shrugged. “I told you that I didn’t want to let you go and that I wished to come get you. I thought it would harm you more if you saw me.”
“That’s true,” Breeze stated softly. “He even told me that he wished to go to your home, throw you over his shoulder and take you to his house. He wanted to lock you inside with him until he planted his seed inside you until it took.” The Species glanced at her belly. “It did so he got his wish.”
