Break
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He spat angry words into the phone, his face becoming red. “It’s not like that.” He glanced at me furtively.
Then I knew what was going to happen. I turned around, feeling oddly numb as I walked out of his bedroom and picked up my purse in the living room. I waited in the foyer with my suitcase and fiddled with a piece of paper in my pocket.
He’s done with me. That’s it.
I heard his slow footsteps creaking the wooden floorboards. He stopped at the base of the staircase, guilt written all over his face. He flipped his phone in his hands, looking at me, unable to say what I already knew.
“My dad’s going to donate all of his money to charity unless I end things with you.”
I nodded. A quiet storm was building up in my chest and my voice was already shaking with the first throes. “So that’s it, then. You’re going to do what he says.”
He shrugged miserably. “What choice do I have?”
“You have a choice,” I fired back. “And you’ve chosen to let daddy run your life.”
He flinched at the condescending tone. “Jessica, come on. Be fair. We’ve known each other for a couple months. It was really great, but I’m not going to give up my entire legacy for someone I barely know. It’s about five billion dollars, Jessica. Imagine what you could do with that kind of money.”
No, I can’t imagine what that would be like. I can’t even imagine a hundred thousand dollars in my bank account. The hardness in his voice was like a knife in my chest. “Do you really think he’ll keep his word? He’s a maniac. Today, you have to break up with me, but tomorrow it will be something else.”
“I can’t take that chance.”
I straightened myself, hating the calmness on his face. He was determined to write me off like I meant nothing. He’s not broke. He had a job that, no doubt, paid an impressive salary and a house in the city that was probably worth around ten million dollars, but he still was so fucking greedy. It made me sick.
“What he wanted from you was to be treated like a person, not a bank. He’s going to lose respect for you if you do this, and you’ll never get your precious money.” The sight of Luke’s unyielding face made me erupt. “You know what? He’s right. You’re nothing but a selfish, greedy WASP. All you care about is money. You’ll be miserable forever, just like your father.”
It was the most hateful thing I ever said, but I felt satisfied when I saw Luke’s stony face falter a little bit.
“I’m sorry,” he said in a tight voice. “But it’s over. I’ll pay you the rest of the money.”
“I don’t want your fucking money!” I screamed at his face. “I wanted you.” I got one look of his face, wretched with grief, before I grabbed my suitcase. I ripped it across the floor as I crashed through the door. My suitcase bounced on the steps and I sped up the hill in a blind rage, determined not to look back.
I waited at the MUNI bus stop and half-expected Luke to storm up the hill, to demand an apology, to beg for my forgiveness. I waited fifteen minutes, but nothing happened. He didn’t come.
Chapter 10
I arrived at my apartment and slammed the door shut. It was satisfying to feel the walls shake, even if I felt a little childish for such a display of temper. I was angrier than I ever was in my life, but for the first time I didn’t blame myself.
“You’re back!”
Natalie stood up from the couch in shock, but quickly sank back down at the look on my face. I was not a violent person, but in that moment I really wanted to hit her.
“Jess, I’m so sorry. Ben swore he wouldn’t tell anyone.” Her arms trembled as she approached me and her face shined with tears. “Please believe me.”
“Yeah, well.” I softened a bit when I saw how upset she was over it, but I still thought she should have kept silent. “You told him when I asked you not to tell anyone. I made you promise.”
She gave a frustrated sigh and brushed her hair back with her right hand. “I know, I’m so sorry.”
When I looked at her hands, I saw that she wasn’t wearing her engagement ring. Distracted, I momentarily forgot my anger. “What happened?”
Natalie’s eyes slowly watered and then before I knew it, she had launched herself in my arms. She sobbed into my shoulder and I reached around to pat her back.
“I don’t know if I’m ready to marry him. I don’t know whether he’s the one. I was so sure before we got engaged, but then he got his new position at the law firm. We barely see each other now. I was so lonely when you were gone and he started this whole mess with your foster parents.”
I was so angry about my situation that I didn’t even consider how she must have suffered. I clutched her shoulder and felt shaken. She reminded me how much I needed my best friend, and how much I missed her while I was abroad.
“I don’t want you to break up with him because of me.”
She shook her head. “I don’t know what I want anymore.”
A small amount of guilt began to worm its way inside my heart. I do not want this. If Natalie and Ben weren’t meant together, that was one thing—but I didn’t want her to break up over this. What if she regrets it years down the line and resents me for it?
I gently disengaged myself from her arms and sat down at the kitchen table. As I sat down, a wave of exhaustion slammed into me. I didn’t realize how tired I was from all the traveling.
Natalie sat down across from me, her hands balled on the table. “What are you going to do about your foster parents?”
A sick feeling turned my stomach at the mention of them. “What do you mean?”
“Well, they basically slandered you on television.”
I let out a hollow laugh. “I’ve no money to sue them. Besides, what they said was true. I did have a drug problem and I did act out.”
All of it seemed so long ago, and yet when I saw their faces I had such a visceral reaction.
“Only because they abused you.”
I heard the anger in her voice, but I felt strangely detached from the trauma. “Vincent, their son, raped me when I was ten. They knew about it, but they did nothing to stop it. I finally was able to leave at seventeen.”
I never told her that. I told Luke about it, a man I knew for no more than a couple months, but not my best friend. I could still hear his detached voice when he told me we were done. We shared each other’s dark secrets. I slept with him. He told me things that made me glow, but in the end nothing was more important than his money. I tried to swallow down the lump rising up my throat.
Then I knew what was going to happen. I turned around, feeling oddly numb as I walked out of his bedroom and picked up my purse in the living room. I waited in the foyer with my suitcase and fiddled with a piece of paper in my pocket.
He’s done with me. That’s it.
I heard his slow footsteps creaking the wooden floorboards. He stopped at the base of the staircase, guilt written all over his face. He flipped his phone in his hands, looking at me, unable to say what I already knew.
“My dad’s going to donate all of his money to charity unless I end things with you.”
I nodded. A quiet storm was building up in my chest and my voice was already shaking with the first throes. “So that’s it, then. You’re going to do what he says.”
He shrugged miserably. “What choice do I have?”
“You have a choice,” I fired back. “And you’ve chosen to let daddy run your life.”
He flinched at the condescending tone. “Jessica, come on. Be fair. We’ve known each other for a couple months. It was really great, but I’m not going to give up my entire legacy for someone I barely know. It’s about five billion dollars, Jessica. Imagine what you could do with that kind of money.”
No, I can’t imagine what that would be like. I can’t even imagine a hundred thousand dollars in my bank account. The hardness in his voice was like a knife in my chest. “Do you really think he’ll keep his word? He’s a maniac. Today, you have to break up with me, but tomorrow it will be something else.”
“I can’t take that chance.”
I straightened myself, hating the calmness on his face. He was determined to write me off like I meant nothing. He’s not broke. He had a job that, no doubt, paid an impressive salary and a house in the city that was probably worth around ten million dollars, but he still was so fucking greedy. It made me sick.
“What he wanted from you was to be treated like a person, not a bank. He’s going to lose respect for you if you do this, and you’ll never get your precious money.” The sight of Luke’s unyielding face made me erupt. “You know what? He’s right. You’re nothing but a selfish, greedy WASP. All you care about is money. You’ll be miserable forever, just like your father.”
It was the most hateful thing I ever said, but I felt satisfied when I saw Luke’s stony face falter a little bit.
“I’m sorry,” he said in a tight voice. “But it’s over. I’ll pay you the rest of the money.”
“I don’t want your fucking money!” I screamed at his face. “I wanted you.” I got one look of his face, wretched with grief, before I grabbed my suitcase. I ripped it across the floor as I crashed through the door. My suitcase bounced on the steps and I sped up the hill in a blind rage, determined not to look back.
I waited at the MUNI bus stop and half-expected Luke to storm up the hill, to demand an apology, to beg for my forgiveness. I waited fifteen minutes, but nothing happened. He didn’t come.
Chapter 10
I arrived at my apartment and slammed the door shut. It was satisfying to feel the walls shake, even if I felt a little childish for such a display of temper. I was angrier than I ever was in my life, but for the first time I didn’t blame myself.
“You’re back!”
Natalie stood up from the couch in shock, but quickly sank back down at the look on my face. I was not a violent person, but in that moment I really wanted to hit her.
“Jess, I’m so sorry. Ben swore he wouldn’t tell anyone.” Her arms trembled as she approached me and her face shined with tears. “Please believe me.”
“Yeah, well.” I softened a bit when I saw how upset she was over it, but I still thought she should have kept silent. “You told him when I asked you not to tell anyone. I made you promise.”
She gave a frustrated sigh and brushed her hair back with her right hand. “I know, I’m so sorry.”
When I looked at her hands, I saw that she wasn’t wearing her engagement ring. Distracted, I momentarily forgot my anger. “What happened?”
Natalie’s eyes slowly watered and then before I knew it, she had launched herself in my arms. She sobbed into my shoulder and I reached around to pat her back.
“I don’t know if I’m ready to marry him. I don’t know whether he’s the one. I was so sure before we got engaged, but then he got his new position at the law firm. We barely see each other now. I was so lonely when you were gone and he started this whole mess with your foster parents.”
I was so angry about my situation that I didn’t even consider how she must have suffered. I clutched her shoulder and felt shaken. She reminded me how much I needed my best friend, and how much I missed her while I was abroad.
“I don’t want you to break up with him because of me.”
She shook her head. “I don’t know what I want anymore.”
A small amount of guilt began to worm its way inside my heart. I do not want this. If Natalie and Ben weren’t meant together, that was one thing—but I didn’t want her to break up over this. What if she regrets it years down the line and resents me for it?
I gently disengaged myself from her arms and sat down at the kitchen table. As I sat down, a wave of exhaustion slammed into me. I didn’t realize how tired I was from all the traveling.
Natalie sat down across from me, her hands balled on the table. “What are you going to do about your foster parents?”
A sick feeling turned my stomach at the mention of them. “What do you mean?”
“Well, they basically slandered you on television.”
I let out a hollow laugh. “I’ve no money to sue them. Besides, what they said was true. I did have a drug problem and I did act out.”
All of it seemed so long ago, and yet when I saw their faces I had such a visceral reaction.
“Only because they abused you.”
I heard the anger in her voice, but I felt strangely detached from the trauma. “Vincent, their son, raped me when I was ten. They knew about it, but they did nothing to stop it. I finally was able to leave at seventeen.”
I never told her that. I told Luke about it, a man I knew for no more than a couple months, but not my best friend. I could still hear his detached voice when he told me we were done. We shared each other’s dark secrets. I slept with him. He told me things that made me glow, but in the end nothing was more important than his money. I tried to swallow down the lump rising up my throat.
