Breaking Away
Page 113
When his head cocked to the side, she held her breath as he took in a deep breath before resting his hands on his hips. “Okay, and you’re sorry for this because?”
Well, she sure didn’t expect him to say that. Placing her hands on her hips, mimicking his stance, she said, “This is supposed to be fun, and I f**ked it up by falling for you. I’m so sorry. Please, I can’t believe I did such a stupid thing. I know that we said we’d end this when it got boring, but I think we need to end it because I fell and I’m stupid and I—”
“Will you shut the hell up, please?”
She looked up to see him pinching the bridge of his nose.
“I’m trying to tell you that I am sorry because this can’t happen. I can’t be in love with you because it—”
“Didn’t I ask you to shut up?” he asked, a little more forceful this time. She closed her lips tight as she watched him drop his hand and look at her. His eyes were darker than storm clouds as he held her gaze. “Did it ever occur to you that I fell? That I f**king love you?”
She fell into her chair and slowly shook her head. “No, Phillip, because we don’t want that, we want this to be light, fun, and easy. We don’t want messy. Don’t say you love me because I did.”
He shook his head. “No, I’m saying it because I mean it. I may not have wanted to fall for you, but I don’t regret it at all. I want messy, I want hard, and I want fun as long as it’s with you because I love you. With everything inside me. I have for a long time. I just haven’t had the balls to tell you because I knew you’d act like this.”
“Act like what? I’m being real here. This isn’t what we wanted; this isn’t how we planned this. This wasn’t supposed to happen!”
“You can’t control what we feel, Reese. I love you. Do you know how amazing it is to say that to you right now? It’s like scoring the winning goal in game seven of the playoffs. It’s perfect.”
She shook her head, running her fingers through her head as he took a step towards her. “Oh my God, Phillip, don’t go all hockey on me!” she yelled, standing up to move away from him. She had to put distance between them before she did something crazy, like wrap her arms around him and kiss him.
“That’s what I am. I am a hockey player, I am an uncle, and I am yours. Those are my identifiers, and I’m f**king proud of them. I need you to stop,” he said, reaching out to stop her from moving. “I need you to look at me and know that I only want you, that I am completely yours, and that I would die before letting anyone or anything, including myself, hurt you.”
Her lip started to tremble as she looked into his eyes. She had heard those words before and then Kevin ruined her. “I can’t do this. I can’t. Because if I allow this to happen, if I throw everything into this, if I allow myself to love you, you could destroy me if this goes south.”
He nodded, cupping her face with his large, strong hands. “And you could destroy me, Reese, but the thing is that we have to choose not to destroy each other. To only love each other. Support each other and be happy. I know I come in with baggage, but she is a really cool kid that loves you like I do. I’m not asking for forever, Reese. I’m asking for now and hopefully that will lead to forever. We are good together. You know we are.”
“You knows it’s not Claire and I know that we are, but I don’t think I am made for this. I don’t know how to do this again.”
“What the hell are you talking about? We’ve been doing it, Reese. We just haven’t been labeling it and we still don’t have to. But when I look at you, you will know I love you and I’m probably going to say it because I f**king want to.”
“No… No, Phillip, this could end,” she stressed.
He shook his head, squeezing her hands. “And it couldn’t. We could get married, have babies, and grow old together. Who knows! All I do know is that I need you and Claire in my life. My heart belongs to you two.”
She shook her head, wiping her cheeks free of the stupid tears that rolled down them. She couldn’t do this. Kevin ruined her, she thought she couldn’t love anyone the way she loved him, but somehow she fell for Phillip and that completely blew her mind. How could this happen? When did it happen and why didn’t she shield her heart from this? She couldn’t, wouldn’t, be ruined by another man. No matter how much she loved him. This was going to kill her to do this, but she had no choice. She had to protect her heart.
Hiccupping a sob, she looked away as she whispered, “I’m sorry, but you scare the shit out of me. This is so hard for me. You don’t understand how hard it is to sit here and tell you that I am scared out of my mind. I can’t do this because I am scared. I usually hold all of it in because I don’t want people to know what I am feeling, but it’s different with you. I’m scared of what you could do to me if this goes south, and I can’t let myself get hurt again. I’m sorry, Phillip.”
Phillip was silent for a moment and when she looked up at him, all she saw was rage and sorrow in his eyes.
“I won’t hurt you though. I’d die before I allowed that to happen.”
“I’ve been told that before. I can’t risk it. I can’t let what happened before happen again because you are different, way different, and I know I won’t come back from being hurt by you. I’d rather just part ways as friends.”
Well, she sure didn’t expect him to say that. Placing her hands on her hips, mimicking his stance, she said, “This is supposed to be fun, and I f**ked it up by falling for you. I’m so sorry. Please, I can’t believe I did such a stupid thing. I know that we said we’d end this when it got boring, but I think we need to end it because I fell and I’m stupid and I—”
“Will you shut the hell up, please?”
She looked up to see him pinching the bridge of his nose.
“I’m trying to tell you that I am sorry because this can’t happen. I can’t be in love with you because it—”
“Didn’t I ask you to shut up?” he asked, a little more forceful this time. She closed her lips tight as she watched him drop his hand and look at her. His eyes were darker than storm clouds as he held her gaze. “Did it ever occur to you that I fell? That I f**king love you?”
She fell into her chair and slowly shook her head. “No, Phillip, because we don’t want that, we want this to be light, fun, and easy. We don’t want messy. Don’t say you love me because I did.”
He shook his head. “No, I’m saying it because I mean it. I may not have wanted to fall for you, but I don’t regret it at all. I want messy, I want hard, and I want fun as long as it’s with you because I love you. With everything inside me. I have for a long time. I just haven’t had the balls to tell you because I knew you’d act like this.”
“Act like what? I’m being real here. This isn’t what we wanted; this isn’t how we planned this. This wasn’t supposed to happen!”
“You can’t control what we feel, Reese. I love you. Do you know how amazing it is to say that to you right now? It’s like scoring the winning goal in game seven of the playoffs. It’s perfect.”
She shook her head, running her fingers through her head as he took a step towards her. “Oh my God, Phillip, don’t go all hockey on me!” she yelled, standing up to move away from him. She had to put distance between them before she did something crazy, like wrap her arms around him and kiss him.
“That’s what I am. I am a hockey player, I am an uncle, and I am yours. Those are my identifiers, and I’m f**king proud of them. I need you to stop,” he said, reaching out to stop her from moving. “I need you to look at me and know that I only want you, that I am completely yours, and that I would die before letting anyone or anything, including myself, hurt you.”
Her lip started to tremble as she looked into his eyes. She had heard those words before and then Kevin ruined her. “I can’t do this. I can’t. Because if I allow this to happen, if I throw everything into this, if I allow myself to love you, you could destroy me if this goes south.”
He nodded, cupping her face with his large, strong hands. “And you could destroy me, Reese, but the thing is that we have to choose not to destroy each other. To only love each other. Support each other and be happy. I know I come in with baggage, but she is a really cool kid that loves you like I do. I’m not asking for forever, Reese. I’m asking for now and hopefully that will lead to forever. We are good together. You know we are.”
“You knows it’s not Claire and I know that we are, but I don’t think I am made for this. I don’t know how to do this again.”
“What the hell are you talking about? We’ve been doing it, Reese. We just haven’t been labeling it and we still don’t have to. But when I look at you, you will know I love you and I’m probably going to say it because I f**king want to.”
“No… No, Phillip, this could end,” she stressed.
He shook his head, squeezing her hands. “And it couldn’t. We could get married, have babies, and grow old together. Who knows! All I do know is that I need you and Claire in my life. My heart belongs to you two.”
She shook her head, wiping her cheeks free of the stupid tears that rolled down them. She couldn’t do this. Kevin ruined her, she thought she couldn’t love anyone the way she loved him, but somehow she fell for Phillip and that completely blew her mind. How could this happen? When did it happen and why didn’t she shield her heart from this? She couldn’t, wouldn’t, be ruined by another man. No matter how much she loved him. This was going to kill her to do this, but she had no choice. She had to protect her heart.
Hiccupping a sob, she looked away as she whispered, “I’m sorry, but you scare the shit out of me. This is so hard for me. You don’t understand how hard it is to sit here and tell you that I am scared out of my mind. I can’t do this because I am scared. I usually hold all of it in because I don’t want people to know what I am feeling, but it’s different with you. I’m scared of what you could do to me if this goes south, and I can’t let myself get hurt again. I’m sorry, Phillip.”
Phillip was silent for a moment and when she looked up at him, all she saw was rage and sorrow in his eyes.
“I won’t hurt you though. I’d die before I allowed that to happen.”
“I’ve been told that before. I can’t risk it. I can’t let what happened before happen again because you are different, way different, and I know I won’t come back from being hurt by you. I’d rather just part ways as friends.”
