Breaking Away
Page 114
He shook his head slowly. “Friends, f**k, Reese, you make me feel like a f**king girl right now. I’m standing here, telling you how much I f**king love you, how much I need you and how much I’ll never hurt you. I mean, I’m putting my heart out on a platter for you and begging you to take it and all you are doing is standing there, telling me you’re sorry. I know you love me, stop saying you’re sorry, that you’re scared, that I’ll hurt you, because you aren’t a f**king psychic, you don’t know this! Take the chance with me. Love me… don’t let anything change what we have because it doesn’t have to change. We can keep being happy and loving each other.”
All she could do was blink, her eyes pooling with tears, spilling over before rolling down her cheeks. Her heart was pounding in her chest, her breathing ragged because she didn’t know how she was going to watch him walk away and stay intact but she knew she had to. Not trusting herself, she just looked up into his eyes before taking a slow step back.
“Say something!” he yelled, causing her to jump.
“I’m sorry,” she said, sucking in a deep breath. “I’m so sorry, but I can’t.”
He shook his head. “Don’t let me walk away, Reese.”
Clearing her throat, she whispered, “I have to.”
“NO! You don’t! We can have it all, but you’re just too scared to jump in with me. Yeah, it’s f**king scary. I’m scared shitless of you, but that doesn’t keep me from loving you, Reese.”
“I can’t let you destroy me.”
“I won’t. Baby, I am going to be there to support you, to help you soar. We can do it together.”
She shook her head as her lip quivered, and she looked away. She felt him watching her for what seemed like hours but it was only seconds before he whispered, “Don’t do this.”
“I have to,” she said, looking up at him. “I have to protect myself.”
“No, let me protect you, let me love you.”
“And what happens when you stop… because he did. He stopped loving me and let me go. I can’t let it happen again.”
His eyes widened and then he looked away, shaking his head. “I wouldn’t do that but it doesn’t matter what I say because you’ve made up your mind, you’ve put me in his category, and there is no way out for me.”
With his shoulders falling in defeat, he headed for the door and swung it open when he reached it. Turning to look at her, he shook his head and she could see the tears in his eyes. “You are going to realize the mistake you just made and I can’t promise you that I’ll be there to take you back so, if I were you, I’d take my head out of my ass and follow your heart. I know you have one, it’s in there, but you have that sucker locked down tighter than the Pentagon. It’s time to stop that because letting me walk away will be the biggest mistake of your life. You will miss me and you will hurt over me more now with the regret than if we had let this play out and see where it went. Which I know how it would have gone… it would have been great and we would be happy, working as a team to raise Claire, but instead of taking the chance on me, believing in us, you chose to be alone. Yeah. Good luck with that.”
With that, he slammed the door shut and she didn’t stop him. Instead, she crumbled to the floor and hoped she drowned in her tears. She had thought she was making the right decision but if she was, why did it hurt so badly?
Slamming the door behind him, Phillip stomped through the house to the fridge for a beer. He didn’t care if it was only seven in the morning, and he sure as hell didn’t care that he just hailed a cab in only a pair of boxers. All he did care about was the fact that his heart was breaking in his chest, and he felt like smashing someone’s face in. How did she make any f**king sense? She loved him, but she didn’t want to be with him because she was still holding on to what the douche did to her. It was f**king stupid! She was insane and, f**k, he still loved her.
Banging his head on the fridge, he couldn’t grasp what had just happened. He felt so good when she uttered the words, felt like he had just gotten his fix of her, but then she ruined it by crying and saying she couldn’t love him. She blew his ego to hell and probably didn’t give two shits while doing it. It was gut wrenching, watching her cry, because all he wanted to do was wrap her up in his arm and make her stop. Kiss away those tears, promise only to make happy ones fall for the rest of their lives, but she wasn’t giving him the chance to.
Ahhh! Letting out a yell, he punched the fridge and then very quickly regretted it when the pain shot up his arm. Damn it. Opening the freezer, he placed his hand on an ice tray and forced the tears back. He wasn’t going to cry. Not over someone that didn’t want him. He had done that time and time again, but not this time. If she didn’t want him, fine, he’d pick up his shattered heart and move on. To what, he wasn’t sure, but the great thing was that he still had Claire. He’d always have Claire. Well, that was until she turned eighteen, went to college, and left him. Then he’d be alone.
So f**king alone because no one could ever be Reese.
Sucking in a deep breath, he let it out slowly as he shook his head. He wanted to go back and beg her to reconsider, but why should he? He had done nothing wrong. He had played by her rules, he had loved her, and she couldn’t even try to do the same for him when she was there. She only had to allow herself to follow her heart and he would be there waiting for her, but she wouldn’t and he couldn’t understand why. It all came back to the question on why he wasn’t enough? What was he doing wrong?
All she could do was blink, her eyes pooling with tears, spilling over before rolling down her cheeks. Her heart was pounding in her chest, her breathing ragged because she didn’t know how she was going to watch him walk away and stay intact but she knew she had to. Not trusting herself, she just looked up into his eyes before taking a slow step back.
“Say something!” he yelled, causing her to jump.
“I’m sorry,” she said, sucking in a deep breath. “I’m so sorry, but I can’t.”
He shook his head. “Don’t let me walk away, Reese.”
Clearing her throat, she whispered, “I have to.”
“NO! You don’t! We can have it all, but you’re just too scared to jump in with me. Yeah, it’s f**king scary. I’m scared shitless of you, but that doesn’t keep me from loving you, Reese.”
“I can’t let you destroy me.”
“I won’t. Baby, I am going to be there to support you, to help you soar. We can do it together.”
She shook her head as her lip quivered, and she looked away. She felt him watching her for what seemed like hours but it was only seconds before he whispered, “Don’t do this.”
“I have to,” she said, looking up at him. “I have to protect myself.”
“No, let me protect you, let me love you.”
“And what happens when you stop… because he did. He stopped loving me and let me go. I can’t let it happen again.”
His eyes widened and then he looked away, shaking his head. “I wouldn’t do that but it doesn’t matter what I say because you’ve made up your mind, you’ve put me in his category, and there is no way out for me.”
With his shoulders falling in defeat, he headed for the door and swung it open when he reached it. Turning to look at her, he shook his head and she could see the tears in his eyes. “You are going to realize the mistake you just made and I can’t promise you that I’ll be there to take you back so, if I were you, I’d take my head out of my ass and follow your heart. I know you have one, it’s in there, but you have that sucker locked down tighter than the Pentagon. It’s time to stop that because letting me walk away will be the biggest mistake of your life. You will miss me and you will hurt over me more now with the regret than if we had let this play out and see where it went. Which I know how it would have gone… it would have been great and we would be happy, working as a team to raise Claire, but instead of taking the chance on me, believing in us, you chose to be alone. Yeah. Good luck with that.”
With that, he slammed the door shut and she didn’t stop him. Instead, she crumbled to the floor and hoped she drowned in her tears. She had thought she was making the right decision but if she was, why did it hurt so badly?
Slamming the door behind him, Phillip stomped through the house to the fridge for a beer. He didn’t care if it was only seven in the morning, and he sure as hell didn’t care that he just hailed a cab in only a pair of boxers. All he did care about was the fact that his heart was breaking in his chest, and he felt like smashing someone’s face in. How did she make any f**king sense? She loved him, but she didn’t want to be with him because she was still holding on to what the douche did to her. It was f**king stupid! She was insane and, f**k, he still loved her.
Banging his head on the fridge, he couldn’t grasp what had just happened. He felt so good when she uttered the words, felt like he had just gotten his fix of her, but then she ruined it by crying and saying she couldn’t love him. She blew his ego to hell and probably didn’t give two shits while doing it. It was gut wrenching, watching her cry, because all he wanted to do was wrap her up in his arm and make her stop. Kiss away those tears, promise only to make happy ones fall for the rest of their lives, but she wasn’t giving him the chance to.
Ahhh! Letting out a yell, he punched the fridge and then very quickly regretted it when the pain shot up his arm. Damn it. Opening the freezer, he placed his hand on an ice tray and forced the tears back. He wasn’t going to cry. Not over someone that didn’t want him. He had done that time and time again, but not this time. If she didn’t want him, fine, he’d pick up his shattered heart and move on. To what, he wasn’t sure, but the great thing was that he still had Claire. He’d always have Claire. Well, that was until she turned eighteen, went to college, and left him. Then he’d be alone.
So f**king alone because no one could ever be Reese.
Sucking in a deep breath, he let it out slowly as he shook his head. He wanted to go back and beg her to reconsider, but why should he? He had done nothing wrong. He had played by her rules, he had loved her, and she couldn’t even try to do the same for him when she was there. She only had to allow herself to follow her heart and he would be there waiting for her, but she wouldn’t and he couldn’t understand why. It all came back to the question on why he wasn’t enough? What was he doing wrong?
