Breathe with Me
Page 79
Finally, I pull away and climb off his lap.
“I love you more than I can ever tell you, Mark. But, I can’t bear the thought of losing you the way I lost my family.” I swallow hard as he frowns in confusion. “I just can’t do this.”
“Can’t do what, exactly?”
“I can’t be with you.”
“You are with me, Meredith.”
I shake my head and rub my forehead with my fingertips. Jesus, how do I find the words for this?
“I don’t think I can be in a relationship with you.” The last few words are said on a sob. His jaw drops just as the nurse bustles in.
“Okay, Mr. Williams…”
I leave as she’s giving him his instructions and rush out of the ER, through the waiting room and outside.
Fuck me, I don’t have my car.
“Meredith!”
Natalie runs out after me, catching up to me when I get to the parking lot and realize I don’t have a ride home. He’s going to come marching out here any second.
“I need to leave, Natalie.”
“Is he okay?”
“Yes, he’s just scraped up. He’ll be fine.” This time.
But what about the next time?
“Oh, good.” She breathes a sigh of relief and then sobers when she sees the look on my face. “Where are you going, Mer?”
“I’m leaving. I just broke it off with Mark.”
“Wow, talk about kicking a man when he’s down.”
“Fuck you, Natalie. You don’t know me or what I’ve been through.” It’s not her fault, but I can’t stop myself from going after her verbally, and I hate myself even more for it. “You haven’t had to bury your parents and your sister and watch everyone around you that you love the most die!”
“Yes I have.”
“And you haven’t…” I stop, stunned. “What?”
“My parents both died when I was in college,” she replies calmly. “I’m an only child.”
I blink twice and feel about three inches tall.
“Scared you, didn’t it?”
“I’m fucking terrified.”
Nat nods and pushes her hair out of her face as the wind kicks up. “He won’t let you just break it off, you know.”
“He doesn’t have a choice.”
She narrows her eyes and watches me for a moment. My eyes fill with tears again, pissing me off even more.
“Why would you do this? Even a blind woman can see that you’re completely in love with each other.”
“I would rather give him up voluntarily,” I begin and have to swallow hard against the bile rising in my throat. “Than have to lose him the way I did my sister and my dad. I watched my mom lay on my dad’s chest and say goodbye to him, Natalie. I can’t do that.”
“I don’t know how anyone can do that,” she says softly, her own eyes full of tears. “What a horrible thing, Meredith. But you don’t know that you would ever be in that situation.”
“I don’t know that I won’t.”
“You didn’t strike me as a quitter.”
My eyes whip over to hers. “I. Can’t. Do. It.”
She nods thoughtfully, then hugs me as Jax pulls his car up to us. “Think it over. A love like yours doesn’t come along every day, you know. Love him. Let him love you. Make the most out of every single day, so at the end of it all, you can say you don’t have any regrets, Mer. Life’s too short for that, and no one knows that better than you and me.”
She pats my shoulder and jogs back into the hospital. I watch her go then climb into Jax’s sporty little car. “Take me home.”
“Is he okay?”
“Yes.” He eyes me, taking in my tears and my shaking hands.
“Are you?”
I shake my head and sob again. “Take me home.”
Chapter Twenty Two
~Mark~
“Are you okay?” Mom rushes to me as I walk into the waiting room.
“I’m fine. Where did Meredith go?” Fucking hell, those pills have knocked me on my ass. My arms and legs feel heavy and my head is fuzzy.
“Jax picked her up,” Nat says. “She’s scared, Mark.”
“I get it, but she’s not getting rid of me that easy. I need your car,” I say to Luke who just smirks at me. I growl at him and would advance on him if my feet would move.
“You need to fill those prescriptions and rest,” Mom interjects, pointing at the papers in my hand. “I love Meredith to death, but you’re in no shape to be running all over the damn world.”
“Mom.” I take a deep breath to calm my temper. “I need to fix this with her. She’s not okay.” I remember the feel of her in my arms, the trembling, the absolute despair rolling off her in waves. “She’s not trying to be dramatic. Meredith isn’t like that. She’s hurting.”
Luke takes the papers from my hand and rattles his keys in his hand. “You’re not driving anywhere, Mark. Nat and I will take care of these and Sam will get you settled at home.” He points outside and wraps his arm around Mom’s shoulders. “Why don’t you come with us, Mom?”
She continues to watch me and finally stands on tip-toe to kiss my cheek.
“We’ll meet you at your house,” Mom says.
“Why won’t you all listen to me? I need to see Meredith!”
“I love you more than I can ever tell you, Mark. But, I can’t bear the thought of losing you the way I lost my family.” I swallow hard as he frowns in confusion. “I just can’t do this.”
“Can’t do what, exactly?”
“I can’t be with you.”
“You are with me, Meredith.”
I shake my head and rub my forehead with my fingertips. Jesus, how do I find the words for this?
“I don’t think I can be in a relationship with you.” The last few words are said on a sob. His jaw drops just as the nurse bustles in.
“Okay, Mr. Williams…”
I leave as she’s giving him his instructions and rush out of the ER, through the waiting room and outside.
Fuck me, I don’t have my car.
“Meredith!”
Natalie runs out after me, catching up to me when I get to the parking lot and realize I don’t have a ride home. He’s going to come marching out here any second.
“I need to leave, Natalie.”
“Is he okay?”
“Yes, he’s just scraped up. He’ll be fine.” This time.
But what about the next time?
“Oh, good.” She breathes a sigh of relief and then sobers when she sees the look on my face. “Where are you going, Mer?”
“I’m leaving. I just broke it off with Mark.”
“Wow, talk about kicking a man when he’s down.”
“Fuck you, Natalie. You don’t know me or what I’ve been through.” It’s not her fault, but I can’t stop myself from going after her verbally, and I hate myself even more for it. “You haven’t had to bury your parents and your sister and watch everyone around you that you love the most die!”
“Yes I have.”
“And you haven’t…” I stop, stunned. “What?”
“My parents both died when I was in college,” she replies calmly. “I’m an only child.”
I blink twice and feel about three inches tall.
“Scared you, didn’t it?”
“I’m fucking terrified.”
Nat nods and pushes her hair out of her face as the wind kicks up. “He won’t let you just break it off, you know.”
“He doesn’t have a choice.”
She narrows her eyes and watches me for a moment. My eyes fill with tears again, pissing me off even more.
“Why would you do this? Even a blind woman can see that you’re completely in love with each other.”
“I would rather give him up voluntarily,” I begin and have to swallow hard against the bile rising in my throat. “Than have to lose him the way I did my sister and my dad. I watched my mom lay on my dad’s chest and say goodbye to him, Natalie. I can’t do that.”
“I don’t know how anyone can do that,” she says softly, her own eyes full of tears. “What a horrible thing, Meredith. But you don’t know that you would ever be in that situation.”
“I don’t know that I won’t.”
“You didn’t strike me as a quitter.”
My eyes whip over to hers. “I. Can’t. Do. It.”
She nods thoughtfully, then hugs me as Jax pulls his car up to us. “Think it over. A love like yours doesn’t come along every day, you know. Love him. Let him love you. Make the most out of every single day, so at the end of it all, you can say you don’t have any regrets, Mer. Life’s too short for that, and no one knows that better than you and me.”
She pats my shoulder and jogs back into the hospital. I watch her go then climb into Jax’s sporty little car. “Take me home.”
“Is he okay?”
“Yes.” He eyes me, taking in my tears and my shaking hands.
“Are you?”
I shake my head and sob again. “Take me home.”
Chapter Twenty Two
~Mark~
“Are you okay?” Mom rushes to me as I walk into the waiting room.
“I’m fine. Where did Meredith go?” Fucking hell, those pills have knocked me on my ass. My arms and legs feel heavy and my head is fuzzy.
“Jax picked her up,” Nat says. “She’s scared, Mark.”
“I get it, but she’s not getting rid of me that easy. I need your car,” I say to Luke who just smirks at me. I growl at him and would advance on him if my feet would move.
“You need to fill those prescriptions and rest,” Mom interjects, pointing at the papers in my hand. “I love Meredith to death, but you’re in no shape to be running all over the damn world.”
“Mom.” I take a deep breath to calm my temper. “I need to fix this with her. She’s not okay.” I remember the feel of her in my arms, the trembling, the absolute despair rolling off her in waves. “She’s not trying to be dramatic. Meredith isn’t like that. She’s hurting.”
Luke takes the papers from my hand and rattles his keys in his hand. “You’re not driving anywhere, Mark. Nat and I will take care of these and Sam will get you settled at home.” He points outside and wraps his arm around Mom’s shoulders. “Why don’t you come with us, Mom?”
She continues to watch me and finally stands on tip-toe to kiss my cheek.
“We’ll meet you at your house,” Mom says.
“Why won’t you all listen to me? I need to see Meredith!”
