Carnal Secrets
Page 34
“You should know something. I talked to him earlier.…He knows you worry he’ll leave you for a dominant female.”
It annoyed Shaya that her mate was so astute. “It’s only natural for me to worry,” she said defensively.
“I don’t think it is. You’re an amazing person, Shaya. Why would you think that you’re not good enough for him exactly as you are? Look, I know your mom’s done a number on you, and I know that what Mason did made it all ten times worse, but don’t let it mess this up for you. Don’t let her and Mason make you hold back from Nick. I wouldn’t root for him if he hadn’t just told me he cares about you. You deserve to have that.”
Shaya scrubbed at her forehead. “I want to trust him. I just…I don’t know how. I honestly don’t know how to totally trust another person. I trust you about as much as I’m capable of trusting someone. But Nick…he’s my mate, and he’ll want more than that, it’s only natural. I just can’t yet.”
Taryn was silent for a moment. “Okay. Just think about what I’ve said. Oh, and you should probably know something else too. Derren has every intention of making Nick into an Alpha and forming a pack.”
Shaya smiled a little. “I can’t say I’m surprised.”
“It would make you an Alpha female, if you mated with him. Would you want that? Don’t say you couldn’t manage that position. You could, and you know it.”
“I don’t really know how I feel about that yet.”
“Then I guess that’s something else for you to think about. And now I hear my son crying.”
“Go. We’ll talk again later.” As Taryn skipped down the stairs to tend to Kye, Shaya trailed after Nick, knowing he had gone into the bathroom to retrieve some of his pills from the cabinet. To her surprise, she found him lounging in the bathtub, eyes closed. His lids lifted when she shut the door behind her.
“Hey, baby.” Nick tried to play it down as he always did, but his pain was even in his voice, which was undoubtedly what made Shaya wince.
“You should have let Amber heal you,” she admonished quietly, knowing his hearing was always sensitive when he had one of his headaches. Having kicked off her stilettos, she crouched beside the tub and dipped her hands in the hot water. “I admit I don’t like her touching you. But I prefer that to you being in pain.”
Yeah, well, he preferred the pain to her being upset at seeing another female touch him, especially Amber. “The headache’s already fading.” When she began massaging his temples, he groaned and closed his eyes again. “Now I understand why my dad used to lock himself in his room when he had one of his headaches.” Every little noise was like a hammer to his head.
“I don’t like how many pills you take a day. It can’t be good for you.” The feeling of helplessness plagued her and her wolf. “What can I do?”
“Come here. You’re better than any pill.” Slipping a hand behind her head to tangle in her curls, he gently brought her face to his and slowly took her mouth, sipped from it, licked at it, and sucked on her bottom lip. Tightening his hold on her hair, he tugged hard and, without breaking the kiss, slid deeper into the water, effectively urging her inside the tub. She compliantly followed as he’d known she would, coming to straddle and drape over him. Needing her skin against his, he slid her top up and over her head and removed her bra. Then he flattened her upper body to his, feeling her pebbled ni**les stab his chest. Releasing her mouth, he ran a hand through her curls. “So beautiful.” She blushed cutely.
Massaging his scalp with both hands, Shaya lightly kissed him. Hoping to distract him from the pain, she said, “May I just note for the record that it would be great if you could stop leaving bite marks all over my br**sts? Most of them are in spots that are easily visible to others.”
A self-satisfied smile spread across Nick’s face. “I was marking them as mine. And I like looking at your br**sts and seeing my brands right there, just as I like knowing that if anyone else dares to look at them, they’ll know you’re taken.”
The latter word sounded so final and absolute—a balm to her lingering insecurities and her worry that he would leave her alone again. “It would also be great if you could give the dozens of marks on my inner thighs time to fade before leaving any more. I can hardly wear a bikini when I look like I’ve been assaulted.”
“You won’t be wearing a bikini unless we’re alone. No, baby, I’ve seen how skimpy your bikinis are. As much as I approve, I’m not going to deal well with other guys drooling over you worse than they already do.”
“There has been no drooling. That’s just you being paranoid and possessive.”
She really didn’t see how beautiful she was, and Nick didn’t understand it. “Believe me, they look, and they drool. Not that I can blame them.” He skimmed his hands up and down her back, clutching her close.
“I’m too thin and pale,” she contradicted, echoing Paisley’s claims. They weren’t insults she hadn’t heard before—her mother informed her of this on a regular basis.
Nick gave her a stern look. “No, you’re perfect. The most perfect thing I’ve ever dared to touch. Every single inch of you is delectable, especially this.” He slid his hands inside her cutoff shorts to cup her ass. “It’s every guy’s fantasy.” So many females these days didn’t seem to have an ass; there was nothing to hold and clutch and squeeze. But the one in his hands…Perfect.
“The one who gets drooled over is you,” she insisted. “And it’s freaking annoying.”
“I wouldn’t know about that. My attention’s always on you.”
That would have sounded like a pathetic, kiss-ass comment if it wasn’t for the fact that Shaya knew it was true. His focus was always on her. When he did notice another female was ogling him, he would touch Shaya or pull her close, as if to reassure her that she was the one who mattered to him. She hated that she needed that reassurance so much, but a part of her would always be locked away until she felt she could totally trust him.
As she started to shift away, Nick could feel her emotionally withdrawing a little. “Why do you hold so much of yourself back, Shay?” he asked softly, tightening his arms around her to keep her close. It was another thing he had come to learn about her. “You don’t just do it with me. You can bond so easily with people, but you never give them all of you. Why?”
It was disconcerting just how well he could read her. “When I was sixteen, I met this guy, Mason. He was ten years older than me.”
His wolf growled, not liking another male’s name on her lips. Nick didn’t like it much either, but this was important. “Go on.”
“He had all the right words, said exactly what a sixteen-year-old girl with an empty space inside her would want to hear. If I hadn’t felt so starved of a connection, maybe I wouldn’t have fallen for it, maybe I wouldn’t have let him convince me we were mates. I wasn’t the first girl he’d done it to. The weird a**hole had a thing for virgins. When I realized I’d given my virginity to a complete a**hole, I hated myself and I swore I’d never be that naive again. I became pretty distrustful and wary, not intending to give so much of myself again unless it was my true mate—someone I was confident wouldn’t betray me.”
As guilt and shame slithered over him, Nick’s eyes fell closed. “I don’t know who I’m angrier with—me or Mason.” He kissed her neck. “As much as you avoid deep connections, it’s what you really want, isn’t it?”
Yes, it was. She had been her own worst enemy, really—craving a soul-deep connection but at the same time avoiding forming one because she didn’t want to risk feeling the pain of losing it. “I want to feel indispensable to someone.”
His hands framed her face, seizing her gaze. “You’re indispensable to me—essential to me on every level. I wouldn’t be here, suffering the company of your old pack and listening to some pervert constantly hit on you with cheesy pickup lines if you weren’t.”
She would have chuckled if his mouth hadn’t mashed with hers. “You know, I once shook hands with Jaime on a plan to get a gun and assassinate you.” Without moving his mouth from hers, he laughed. “And I planned on getting ‘Nick Axton Is a Fuck-Ass’ tattooed across my forehead. It was just that…when I found you, it was terrifying and electrifying, pain and pleasure, and then…” And then utter agony when he’d walked away. When he looked about to apologize, she put a finger to his lips. “It’s okay. Roni told me how hard it was for you to walk away that night.”
Hearing her be so understanding actually made it worse. “Fate should have given you someone better than me.”
She gave him a look full of censure and disapproval. “You’re a deserving person.”
He cupped her chin. “If you really believed that, you’d want me to claim you—I’m not bringing it up to push you, I’m just pointing out an important fact. You’re beautiful and perfect, and you deserve better. Any shifter would be proud to have you. But none of them can have you—you’re mine, even if you don’t want to be.”
Before she could say a word, his lips were on hers and his tongue was shooting into her mouth, sweeping away any intention of speaking, any intention of telling him he was wrong and she did want to be his, of easing the hurt in his voice. His hands cupped her ass again, pulling her tight to him. Even through the denim, the feel of his hard c*ck against her cl*t made her gasp. Sliding her hand between their bodies, she fisted him and began to pump, making him groan.
Pulling back, Nick stared at her red, kiss-swollen mouth…and had only one thought going on in his mind. “Tell me…whose mouth is this?”
Shaya swallowed hard. “Yours.”
“That’s right. It’s mine.” Swiping his thumb across her lips, he met her eyes. “I want this pretty mouth wrapped around my cock, Shay.”
It wasn’t a request, she knew. And it vibrated with enough dominance to make both her and her wolf quiver.
“I want you to step onto the mat, take off your shorts, and dry yourself off. Can you do that for me?”
Nodding, she did exactly as he asked—all the while, he held her gaze, refusing to let it go. Then he stepped out of the tub and she patted him dry, their eyes still locked. Abruptly his fingers tunneled into her hair as his tongue drove into her mouth, stroking her own. As always, his kiss took her over, demanded everything from her but at the same time gave her everything back—a give and take that she wouldn’t have expected from this alpha male who could at times be so remote and distant with others.
“I want your mouth now, Shay.” With the hand knotted in her hair, he pushed down gently but firmly on her head.
Shaya slowly went to her knees, finding herself level with one hell of a hard-on. Knowing that she could induce this response from such a darkly sensual male sent a sizzling thrill through her body.
“Clasp your hands behind your back.” Without moving her eyes from his cock, she did as he’d asked; the action elevated her br**sts the way he liked. Tightening his hand in her hair, he said, “Lick it.” Without hesitation, she ran her tongue along the length of his c*ck from base to tip and then lathed the head. Christ. “Open your mouth.” The second she did, he eagerly surged inside, and the feel of her hot mouth surrounding him was too good.
She was his living, breathing sexual fantasy. She was always game for whatever he wanted to do, always eager to please him, and always trusted herself to him. It was the one time that she didn’t hide or hold back from him. Her cheeks hollowed as she repeatedly took him into her mouth, dancing her tongue along his shaft as she did. “Fuck, that’s it. Look me in the eye, baby.” Her gaze flicked to his, searing him. “I’m going to f**k you, Shay. I’m going to f**k you so hard. Do you want that?”
Shaya paused in her sucking to nod. His eyes flashed with approval.
“Very good.” He traced the outline of her mouth. “You’re going to scream for me when my c*ck is in you, Shay.”
Yeah, she most certainly would, she thought. She always did. As she began sucking harder while cupping his balls, his face scrunched up in a kind of pleasurable agony.
“Fuuuuuuck.” Close to the edge, Nick roughly speared his free hand into her hair so that both his hands then held her captive. He angled her head slightly and held her still as he pumped his hips. She didn’t fight him; she stayed still other than to scratch her nails along his thighs. Then she moaned around his cock, and he couldn’t take any more. With a guttural groan, he exploded into her mouth. “Swallow it all, baby. All of it.” It was another way to mark her, another way for her to accept that she was his to mark.
When Shaya felt him begin to go flaccid in her mouth, she pulled back and sat on her heels, peeking up at him.
He rubbed a hand down his face. “Christ. That was too good, baby.” Again, he traced her mouth. “Now get up and sit on the edge of the tub while I take the rest of what’s mine.” It wasn’t until he’d licked her to orgasm twice that he sat back and lifted her, impaling her on him fully. When he exploded inside her, he came much too close to claiming her right then, consequences be damned. Not because of how possessive he felt or how determined he was that she accept that she was irrevocably his. But because he realized just how much he’d come to care about her, knew he was nothing and no one without her. He really couldn’t let her go, and he hoped to God she didn’t ask him to. He’d give her anything she wanted, but not that one thing.
It annoyed Shaya that her mate was so astute. “It’s only natural for me to worry,” she said defensively.
“I don’t think it is. You’re an amazing person, Shaya. Why would you think that you’re not good enough for him exactly as you are? Look, I know your mom’s done a number on you, and I know that what Mason did made it all ten times worse, but don’t let it mess this up for you. Don’t let her and Mason make you hold back from Nick. I wouldn’t root for him if he hadn’t just told me he cares about you. You deserve to have that.”
Shaya scrubbed at her forehead. “I want to trust him. I just…I don’t know how. I honestly don’t know how to totally trust another person. I trust you about as much as I’m capable of trusting someone. But Nick…he’s my mate, and he’ll want more than that, it’s only natural. I just can’t yet.”
Taryn was silent for a moment. “Okay. Just think about what I’ve said. Oh, and you should probably know something else too. Derren has every intention of making Nick into an Alpha and forming a pack.”
Shaya smiled a little. “I can’t say I’m surprised.”
“It would make you an Alpha female, if you mated with him. Would you want that? Don’t say you couldn’t manage that position. You could, and you know it.”
“I don’t really know how I feel about that yet.”
“Then I guess that’s something else for you to think about. And now I hear my son crying.”
“Go. We’ll talk again later.” As Taryn skipped down the stairs to tend to Kye, Shaya trailed after Nick, knowing he had gone into the bathroom to retrieve some of his pills from the cabinet. To her surprise, she found him lounging in the bathtub, eyes closed. His lids lifted when she shut the door behind her.
“Hey, baby.” Nick tried to play it down as he always did, but his pain was even in his voice, which was undoubtedly what made Shaya wince.
“You should have let Amber heal you,” she admonished quietly, knowing his hearing was always sensitive when he had one of his headaches. Having kicked off her stilettos, she crouched beside the tub and dipped her hands in the hot water. “I admit I don’t like her touching you. But I prefer that to you being in pain.”
Yeah, well, he preferred the pain to her being upset at seeing another female touch him, especially Amber. “The headache’s already fading.” When she began massaging his temples, he groaned and closed his eyes again. “Now I understand why my dad used to lock himself in his room when he had one of his headaches.” Every little noise was like a hammer to his head.
“I don’t like how many pills you take a day. It can’t be good for you.” The feeling of helplessness plagued her and her wolf. “What can I do?”
“Come here. You’re better than any pill.” Slipping a hand behind her head to tangle in her curls, he gently brought her face to his and slowly took her mouth, sipped from it, licked at it, and sucked on her bottom lip. Tightening his hold on her hair, he tugged hard and, without breaking the kiss, slid deeper into the water, effectively urging her inside the tub. She compliantly followed as he’d known she would, coming to straddle and drape over him. Needing her skin against his, he slid her top up and over her head and removed her bra. Then he flattened her upper body to his, feeling her pebbled ni**les stab his chest. Releasing her mouth, he ran a hand through her curls. “So beautiful.” She blushed cutely.
Massaging his scalp with both hands, Shaya lightly kissed him. Hoping to distract him from the pain, she said, “May I just note for the record that it would be great if you could stop leaving bite marks all over my br**sts? Most of them are in spots that are easily visible to others.”
A self-satisfied smile spread across Nick’s face. “I was marking them as mine. And I like looking at your br**sts and seeing my brands right there, just as I like knowing that if anyone else dares to look at them, they’ll know you’re taken.”
The latter word sounded so final and absolute—a balm to her lingering insecurities and her worry that he would leave her alone again. “It would also be great if you could give the dozens of marks on my inner thighs time to fade before leaving any more. I can hardly wear a bikini when I look like I’ve been assaulted.”
“You won’t be wearing a bikini unless we’re alone. No, baby, I’ve seen how skimpy your bikinis are. As much as I approve, I’m not going to deal well with other guys drooling over you worse than they already do.”
“There has been no drooling. That’s just you being paranoid and possessive.”
She really didn’t see how beautiful she was, and Nick didn’t understand it. “Believe me, they look, and they drool. Not that I can blame them.” He skimmed his hands up and down her back, clutching her close.
“I’m too thin and pale,” she contradicted, echoing Paisley’s claims. They weren’t insults she hadn’t heard before—her mother informed her of this on a regular basis.
Nick gave her a stern look. “No, you’re perfect. The most perfect thing I’ve ever dared to touch. Every single inch of you is delectable, especially this.” He slid his hands inside her cutoff shorts to cup her ass. “It’s every guy’s fantasy.” So many females these days didn’t seem to have an ass; there was nothing to hold and clutch and squeeze. But the one in his hands…Perfect.
“The one who gets drooled over is you,” she insisted. “And it’s freaking annoying.”
“I wouldn’t know about that. My attention’s always on you.”
That would have sounded like a pathetic, kiss-ass comment if it wasn’t for the fact that Shaya knew it was true. His focus was always on her. When he did notice another female was ogling him, he would touch Shaya or pull her close, as if to reassure her that she was the one who mattered to him. She hated that she needed that reassurance so much, but a part of her would always be locked away until she felt she could totally trust him.
As she started to shift away, Nick could feel her emotionally withdrawing a little. “Why do you hold so much of yourself back, Shay?” he asked softly, tightening his arms around her to keep her close. It was another thing he had come to learn about her. “You don’t just do it with me. You can bond so easily with people, but you never give them all of you. Why?”
It was disconcerting just how well he could read her. “When I was sixteen, I met this guy, Mason. He was ten years older than me.”
His wolf growled, not liking another male’s name on her lips. Nick didn’t like it much either, but this was important. “Go on.”
“He had all the right words, said exactly what a sixteen-year-old girl with an empty space inside her would want to hear. If I hadn’t felt so starved of a connection, maybe I wouldn’t have fallen for it, maybe I wouldn’t have let him convince me we were mates. I wasn’t the first girl he’d done it to. The weird a**hole had a thing for virgins. When I realized I’d given my virginity to a complete a**hole, I hated myself and I swore I’d never be that naive again. I became pretty distrustful and wary, not intending to give so much of myself again unless it was my true mate—someone I was confident wouldn’t betray me.”
As guilt and shame slithered over him, Nick’s eyes fell closed. “I don’t know who I’m angrier with—me or Mason.” He kissed her neck. “As much as you avoid deep connections, it’s what you really want, isn’t it?”
Yes, it was. She had been her own worst enemy, really—craving a soul-deep connection but at the same time avoiding forming one because she didn’t want to risk feeling the pain of losing it. “I want to feel indispensable to someone.”
His hands framed her face, seizing her gaze. “You’re indispensable to me—essential to me on every level. I wouldn’t be here, suffering the company of your old pack and listening to some pervert constantly hit on you with cheesy pickup lines if you weren’t.”
She would have chuckled if his mouth hadn’t mashed with hers. “You know, I once shook hands with Jaime on a plan to get a gun and assassinate you.” Without moving his mouth from hers, he laughed. “And I planned on getting ‘Nick Axton Is a Fuck-Ass’ tattooed across my forehead. It was just that…when I found you, it was terrifying and electrifying, pain and pleasure, and then…” And then utter agony when he’d walked away. When he looked about to apologize, she put a finger to his lips. “It’s okay. Roni told me how hard it was for you to walk away that night.”
Hearing her be so understanding actually made it worse. “Fate should have given you someone better than me.”
She gave him a look full of censure and disapproval. “You’re a deserving person.”
He cupped her chin. “If you really believed that, you’d want me to claim you—I’m not bringing it up to push you, I’m just pointing out an important fact. You’re beautiful and perfect, and you deserve better. Any shifter would be proud to have you. But none of them can have you—you’re mine, even if you don’t want to be.”
Before she could say a word, his lips were on hers and his tongue was shooting into her mouth, sweeping away any intention of speaking, any intention of telling him he was wrong and she did want to be his, of easing the hurt in his voice. His hands cupped her ass again, pulling her tight to him. Even through the denim, the feel of his hard c*ck against her cl*t made her gasp. Sliding her hand between their bodies, she fisted him and began to pump, making him groan.
Pulling back, Nick stared at her red, kiss-swollen mouth…and had only one thought going on in his mind. “Tell me…whose mouth is this?”
Shaya swallowed hard. “Yours.”
“That’s right. It’s mine.” Swiping his thumb across her lips, he met her eyes. “I want this pretty mouth wrapped around my cock, Shay.”
It wasn’t a request, she knew. And it vibrated with enough dominance to make both her and her wolf quiver.
“I want you to step onto the mat, take off your shorts, and dry yourself off. Can you do that for me?”
Nodding, she did exactly as he asked—all the while, he held her gaze, refusing to let it go. Then he stepped out of the tub and she patted him dry, their eyes still locked. Abruptly his fingers tunneled into her hair as his tongue drove into her mouth, stroking her own. As always, his kiss took her over, demanded everything from her but at the same time gave her everything back—a give and take that she wouldn’t have expected from this alpha male who could at times be so remote and distant with others.
“I want your mouth now, Shay.” With the hand knotted in her hair, he pushed down gently but firmly on her head.
Shaya slowly went to her knees, finding herself level with one hell of a hard-on. Knowing that she could induce this response from such a darkly sensual male sent a sizzling thrill through her body.
“Clasp your hands behind your back.” Without moving her eyes from his cock, she did as he’d asked; the action elevated her br**sts the way he liked. Tightening his hand in her hair, he said, “Lick it.” Without hesitation, she ran her tongue along the length of his c*ck from base to tip and then lathed the head. Christ. “Open your mouth.” The second she did, he eagerly surged inside, and the feel of her hot mouth surrounding him was too good.
She was his living, breathing sexual fantasy. She was always game for whatever he wanted to do, always eager to please him, and always trusted herself to him. It was the one time that she didn’t hide or hold back from him. Her cheeks hollowed as she repeatedly took him into her mouth, dancing her tongue along his shaft as she did. “Fuck, that’s it. Look me in the eye, baby.” Her gaze flicked to his, searing him. “I’m going to f**k you, Shay. I’m going to f**k you so hard. Do you want that?”
Shaya paused in her sucking to nod. His eyes flashed with approval.
“Very good.” He traced the outline of her mouth. “You’re going to scream for me when my c*ck is in you, Shay.”
Yeah, she most certainly would, she thought. She always did. As she began sucking harder while cupping his balls, his face scrunched up in a kind of pleasurable agony.
“Fuuuuuuck.” Close to the edge, Nick roughly speared his free hand into her hair so that both his hands then held her captive. He angled her head slightly and held her still as he pumped his hips. She didn’t fight him; she stayed still other than to scratch her nails along his thighs. Then she moaned around his cock, and he couldn’t take any more. With a guttural groan, he exploded into her mouth. “Swallow it all, baby. All of it.” It was another way to mark her, another way for her to accept that she was his to mark.
When Shaya felt him begin to go flaccid in her mouth, she pulled back and sat on her heels, peeking up at him.
He rubbed a hand down his face. “Christ. That was too good, baby.” Again, he traced her mouth. “Now get up and sit on the edge of the tub while I take the rest of what’s mine.” It wasn’t until he’d licked her to orgasm twice that he sat back and lifted her, impaling her on him fully. When he exploded inside her, he came much too close to claiming her right then, consequences be damned. Not because of how possessive he felt or how determined he was that she accept that she was irrevocably his. But because he realized just how much he’d come to care about her, knew he was nothing and no one without her. He really couldn’t let her go, and he hoped to God she didn’t ask him to. He’d give her anything she wanted, but not that one thing.
