Changing Everything
Page 14
My lips parted on a nearly inaudible gasp, and the ache inside me grew at hearing Eli say those words. Words I had been craving from him for twelve years.
His large hands cupped my cheeks and tilted my head back to look at him. “I love you, Paisley Morro. I’m in love with you. I can’t lose you.”
I’d wanted this, waited for this, and dreamt about this day for years. But after talking with Jason and Kristen . . . after two weeks of nothing from him . . . I couldn’t tell if the passion and honesty in his voice was sincere, or something my mind was making up. As much as it killed me, I shook my head and stepped away from his grasp.
“You’re just saying that because you want your wingman back, Eli. I can’t be her anymore. I’m sorry.”
“Paisley—”
“Please, go home.” Stepping into my apartment, I shut and locked the door, and stood there for long seconds as I tried to compose myself. When I turned around, Brett was standing a few feet away watching me, and I knew from his expression that he’d heard every word. “I guess I should explain that,” I whispered.
With a sad smile, he nodded and turned to follow me to the couch, then sat stiffly as he waited for the story.
September 20, 2013
Eli
I LOOKED UP when a sandwich was dropped on my desk, and shot Jason a glare before I went back to working.
“You’re welcome for feeding you.”
“Thanks,” I mumbled.
“You look like shit.”
“Appreciate it.”
“I knew this was going to happen,” he continued, and I sat back in my desk chair and sighed.
“So you’re coming in here to throw it in my face now? That’s what this is?” I held my hands out and shrugged. “Go for it. Say, ‘I told you so.’ Tell me how you tried to warn me that I was going to lose my best friend.”
He raised an eyebrow at me and unwrapped his sandwich. “Looks like you’re telling yourself that enough for me. So I’ll just sit here and eat.”
“Nice,” I sneered.
“Everyone’s going to O’Malley’s tonight, are you going to show?”
I rubbed at my aching temples and closed my eyes. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because you’ve been hiding ever since she told you how she felt. You’ve been gone from everything we normally do the last couple weeks—I don’t know why I would possibly think you wouldn’t show.”
“I was gone for a week dealing with shit you wouldn’t understand. And before that, my best friend had blown my world and I felt like shit for everything I’d ever done to her. I didn’t know how to be around her then.”
“And now?”
My eyes lifted to meet his and I swallowed roughly. “And now she’s moving on with her life, and I’m too late.”
Jason was quiet for a long time after that as he ate his sandwich. I still hadn’t touched mine by the time he asked, “What made you finally realize you were in love with her?”
I didn’t know if Paisley had told Kristen and Jason, or if he just guessed it by the way I’d been acting this whole week, but I wasn’t surprised by his question. “Last week I almost lost one of my sisters and my dad, both within twenty-four hours. I hated that with all that bullshit going on I felt like I couldn’t even call Paisley to tell her what was happening. I hated that I’d already lost her. And it hurt—it hurt so much more than I could’ve ever imagined it would. Then my sister said something in reference to her fiancé, and it all just clicked. You remember how you told me I would be losing my best friend, not just my wingman?”
Jason nodded as he stared at me intently.
“My sister Rachel said something about the other half of her soul. And I knew it right then. The pain, feeling like nothing would be right again, all of it. I just thought to myself that I’d lost the girl who could touch my soul. I knew I was in love with her, and couldn’t think of a time when I wasn’t in love with her.”
“Then tell her!”
I eyed him uncertainly. “Has she not talked to Kristen this week? I went over there on Saturday. Told her how I felt . . . she thought I was just saying it to get my wingman back. That guy was there; she wouldn’t even let me in. Talked to me outside and then ran back in without letting me defend what I’d told her.”
Jason nodded like he wasn’t even realizing he was doing the movement. “Brett was there?”
“Yeah. I tried to walk in and she closed the door a bit, but she was still standing in the doorway so I could see in. I don’t know how long he was there, but when Pay told me to go and was shutting the door, I looked up and he was a few feet behind her glaring at me.”
Jason was quiet for a minute, but it was obvious he was trying to figure out if he should say what he was thinking. “He seems like a great guy and he’s nice, but not in a way that’s so perfect that you can hate him either. He even has an accent that Kristen can’t stop talking about. But he kept rubbing me the wrong way. Every time a guy hugged Paisley at her birthday party, swear to God I thought Brett was going to rip Paisley away from them.”
My brow pinched together. “What do you mean?”
“I mean he looked fucking pissed that she was touching another guy, but as soon as the look was there, it was gone again.”
“Did you tell Kristen or Pay?”
“Kristen. She thinks I’m seeing things because I’m trying to find something about Brett not to like. Which—I don’t know—might be true. We all wanted you with her, and I still do even though I’m not sure if you deserve her after how you treated her for all those years; but right now it doesn’t matter because the girls are acting like Brett walks on water. Which means you’re screwed.”
I groaned into my hands and leaned the chair back so I was looking up at the ceiling when I moved my hands away. “Did you know?”
“About Brett?”
“No. Did you know she was in love with me?”
He let out a long sigh. “To be honest, I think you’re the only one who didn’t know, Eli.”
I sat down so I was facing him again and gave him a look. “Why didn’t you say something?”
“Besides the fact that my wife is one of her best friends, and they both made me swear, and I don’t feel like sleeping on the couch? You should have seen it. I wanted to tell you a thousand times because I hated watching the way you crushed her with every girl you picked up, or dodged by using Paisley. But I kept telling myself if everyone else could see it in her, then surely her best friend would be able to see how much he was killing her.”
“Twist that knife a little more,” I whispered, and rubbed at my chest.
“Happy to. You’re fucking dumb. You should have noticed how much she meant to you a long time ago, and you deserve to go through this pain for a few weeks when she went through it for years.”
I glared up at him. “Anything else?”
“Are you letting her go?”
“Fuck no. She’s mine,” I growled.
He stood with a smile on his face. “Then I guess I’m done here. See you tonight.”
September 20, 2013
Paisley
His large hands cupped my cheeks and tilted my head back to look at him. “I love you, Paisley Morro. I’m in love with you. I can’t lose you.”
I’d wanted this, waited for this, and dreamt about this day for years. But after talking with Jason and Kristen . . . after two weeks of nothing from him . . . I couldn’t tell if the passion and honesty in his voice was sincere, or something my mind was making up. As much as it killed me, I shook my head and stepped away from his grasp.
“You’re just saying that because you want your wingman back, Eli. I can’t be her anymore. I’m sorry.”
“Paisley—”
“Please, go home.” Stepping into my apartment, I shut and locked the door, and stood there for long seconds as I tried to compose myself. When I turned around, Brett was standing a few feet away watching me, and I knew from his expression that he’d heard every word. “I guess I should explain that,” I whispered.
With a sad smile, he nodded and turned to follow me to the couch, then sat stiffly as he waited for the story.
September 20, 2013
Eli
I LOOKED UP when a sandwich was dropped on my desk, and shot Jason a glare before I went back to working.
“You’re welcome for feeding you.”
“Thanks,” I mumbled.
“You look like shit.”
“Appreciate it.”
“I knew this was going to happen,” he continued, and I sat back in my desk chair and sighed.
“So you’re coming in here to throw it in my face now? That’s what this is?” I held my hands out and shrugged. “Go for it. Say, ‘I told you so.’ Tell me how you tried to warn me that I was going to lose my best friend.”
He raised an eyebrow at me and unwrapped his sandwich. “Looks like you’re telling yourself that enough for me. So I’ll just sit here and eat.”
“Nice,” I sneered.
“Everyone’s going to O’Malley’s tonight, are you going to show?”
I rubbed at my aching temples and closed my eyes. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because you’ve been hiding ever since she told you how she felt. You’ve been gone from everything we normally do the last couple weeks—I don’t know why I would possibly think you wouldn’t show.”
“I was gone for a week dealing with shit you wouldn’t understand. And before that, my best friend had blown my world and I felt like shit for everything I’d ever done to her. I didn’t know how to be around her then.”
“And now?”
My eyes lifted to meet his and I swallowed roughly. “And now she’s moving on with her life, and I’m too late.”
Jason was quiet for a long time after that as he ate his sandwich. I still hadn’t touched mine by the time he asked, “What made you finally realize you were in love with her?”
I didn’t know if Paisley had told Kristen and Jason, or if he just guessed it by the way I’d been acting this whole week, but I wasn’t surprised by his question. “Last week I almost lost one of my sisters and my dad, both within twenty-four hours. I hated that with all that bullshit going on I felt like I couldn’t even call Paisley to tell her what was happening. I hated that I’d already lost her. And it hurt—it hurt so much more than I could’ve ever imagined it would. Then my sister said something in reference to her fiancé, and it all just clicked. You remember how you told me I would be losing my best friend, not just my wingman?”
Jason nodded as he stared at me intently.
“My sister Rachel said something about the other half of her soul. And I knew it right then. The pain, feeling like nothing would be right again, all of it. I just thought to myself that I’d lost the girl who could touch my soul. I knew I was in love with her, and couldn’t think of a time when I wasn’t in love with her.”
“Then tell her!”
I eyed him uncertainly. “Has she not talked to Kristen this week? I went over there on Saturday. Told her how I felt . . . she thought I was just saying it to get my wingman back. That guy was there; she wouldn’t even let me in. Talked to me outside and then ran back in without letting me defend what I’d told her.”
Jason nodded like he wasn’t even realizing he was doing the movement. “Brett was there?”
“Yeah. I tried to walk in and she closed the door a bit, but she was still standing in the doorway so I could see in. I don’t know how long he was there, but when Pay told me to go and was shutting the door, I looked up and he was a few feet behind her glaring at me.”
Jason was quiet for a minute, but it was obvious he was trying to figure out if he should say what he was thinking. “He seems like a great guy and he’s nice, but not in a way that’s so perfect that you can hate him either. He even has an accent that Kristen can’t stop talking about. But he kept rubbing me the wrong way. Every time a guy hugged Paisley at her birthday party, swear to God I thought Brett was going to rip Paisley away from them.”
My brow pinched together. “What do you mean?”
“I mean he looked fucking pissed that she was touching another guy, but as soon as the look was there, it was gone again.”
“Did you tell Kristen or Pay?”
“Kristen. She thinks I’m seeing things because I’m trying to find something about Brett not to like. Which—I don’t know—might be true. We all wanted you with her, and I still do even though I’m not sure if you deserve her after how you treated her for all those years; but right now it doesn’t matter because the girls are acting like Brett walks on water. Which means you’re screwed.”
I groaned into my hands and leaned the chair back so I was looking up at the ceiling when I moved my hands away. “Did you know?”
“About Brett?”
“No. Did you know she was in love with me?”
He let out a long sigh. “To be honest, I think you’re the only one who didn’t know, Eli.”
I sat down so I was facing him again and gave him a look. “Why didn’t you say something?”
“Besides the fact that my wife is one of her best friends, and they both made me swear, and I don’t feel like sleeping on the couch? You should have seen it. I wanted to tell you a thousand times because I hated watching the way you crushed her with every girl you picked up, or dodged by using Paisley. But I kept telling myself if everyone else could see it in her, then surely her best friend would be able to see how much he was killing her.”
“Twist that knife a little more,” I whispered, and rubbed at my chest.
“Happy to. You’re fucking dumb. You should have noticed how much she meant to you a long time ago, and you deserve to go through this pain for a few weeks when she went through it for years.”
I glared up at him. “Anything else?”
“Are you letting her go?”
“Fuck no. She’s mine,” I growled.
He stood with a smile on his face. “Then I guess I’m done here. See you tonight.”
September 20, 2013
Paisley
