Chasing Impossible
Page 56
Abby doesn’t skip a beat as she continues, “You will not say a word to the police officer. You will not follow me out to the car. You will not show up at my arraignment. You will not try to bail me out of jail. There will be no bail.”
She points at West. “You and your sister will not beg your rich daddy to pull strings. You will all let me rot in that detention center until the system decides to let me out.”
I keep staring at Abby, feeling the coldness of shock, and she doesn’t take her eyes off of me. Isaiah joins us and West gives a brief rundown of what’s going on and Isaiah’s talking. Fast. Saying the words I want to say, getting pissed like how I want to get pissed, but the way Abby tilts her head and squeezes my hand, I understand she has a plan.
“Why this way?” I ask, and Isaiah shuts up.
“I can stay in Louisville this way,” she says. “Ricky won’t touch me physically and he won’t ask me to sell with law enforcement watching me as a possible dealer. If I do this, I don’t have to give up being me. I don’t have to leave town. I don’t have to be anyone other than Abby and I like being Abby. Almost as much as I love queso and bunnies.”
“How long?”
Abby briefly glances away and then slowly breathes out. “I made this deal and I asked them to keep me until at least a month before I graduate from high school. That way I won’t be in the foster system for long.”
West is shouting, “Hell no,” Isaiah picks up the pool stick and tosses it across the table, knocking several of the balls onto the floor. I step forward and cradle Abby’s face, lowering my forehead to hers. “Why?”
Her hazel eyes search mine for approval, for understanding. “Because I need to graduate. When I leave, I won’t have anything. Mac will sell the house to take care of Grams, there isn’t a social worker on the planet that will return custody to him. I don’t want to be in the system for long. I turn eighteen right before I graduate and I need to graduate. In juvie, I’ll have a somewhat stable place to live, hot meals, and an education. Since I walk out of there a ward of the state, I’ll get to take advantage of them paying for my college education.”
She smiles but it doesn’t meet her eyes. “Can’t you see I’m working an angle? Harvard wanted me, Logan. That means I got a shot at something decent if I can pull myself out of this mess.”
I breathe in, trying to memorize her scent. I kiss her lips, promising myself and her that I’ll do this again. “We still together?”
She nods. “There’s a bunny I plan on collecting at the end of this and I will be really fucking pissed off he dies before I get to hold him again.”
I haul Abby into me, hugging her as if I can keep her safe from her past, but I can’t. In order for her to move forward, she has to pay for her past sins. Better now than later. Better this way than her payment being her life.
“I’ve got to go,” Abby whispers.
I release her and try to ignore the burn in my throat as she hugs Rachel and then sends a pleading goodbye glance to West and Isaiah.
Abby blows out a long breath of air and when she inhales, back is the girl I first met at the garage. The girl who can face down death and not feel fear. That mask that has kept her safe, that will keep her safe, and will eventually bring her back to us as the person she wants to be.
Abby turns away from us and when she reaches the halfway point, Isaiah steps forward. “I can’t let her do this.”
I grab his bicep and press my fingers down hard. “Stay here.”
He circles, his back to the bar, unable to watch his best friend be arrested. I keep hold of his arm and Rachel slides up to his other side and offers support as if he’s a house on the verge of collapsing.
Abby leans over the bar to call the bartender and mouths move as she begins her conversation with the undercover police officer. After Abby shows him whatever was in her back pocket, in slow motion, the officers stands and shows her his badge.
My eyes burn when Abby’s shoulders sag in relief. Relief. Fuck. What has this world come to that this is relief? He produces handcuffs and when she turns, it’s not only Isaiah that needs help. I grip his arm tighter and in return he’s gripping me and Rachel is now hugging her brother.
“She’s coming back,” I say, and I hate how my voice comes out hoarse. “She’s coming back and she’s coming back to stay.”
“God, I hope so,” mutters Isaiah.
She will. Abby will because she loves us...because I bought her a bunny.
Emails
To: Abby
From: Logan
Re: I dare you
Date: August 24
Abby,
Dare accepted. Twenty-five new things in three weeks. I’m feeling good on this dare. I’m not the one behind walls. My possibilities are more endless.
I’m attaching a pic of your Grams. She asked for you today. Didn’t say much else, but she did say your name. Isaiah and West checked out some nursing homes for when the money runs out. Chris knows someone who works at a good place. All three are headed there this weekend. Mac put the house up for sale so he’ll have the money for it.
Be prepared to lose the dare.
Logan
To: Logan
From: Abby
Re: I dare you
Date: August 26
Logan,
Sorry about your luck, but trying out for your new school’s baseball team doesn’t count. You’ve already played baseball before. This has to be something totally new and different. And yes, I am cheating with our program of trying twenty-five new things in three weeks and that’s okay. I’m the one serving a life sentence in girl hell. My roommate needs to stop crying or having emotions or maybe she has broken tear ducts—just saying.
I tried crocheting last night. I decided I would have died before industrialization from exposure. Crocheting is impossible. There’s a girl here who is good at it. She scares me a little. I’m going to eat lunch with her tomorrow. :-)
I’m in the lead!
Abby
To: Abby
From: Logan
Found something I like
Date: September 6
Abby,
Try new things number twenty-three—working on the dairy farm with Chris. And before you laugh, yes, I was running out of ideas for new things to try. Did it just to check the box, but I liked it. Kept me busy, cows had the right amount of conversational skills that I prefer, and I saw how much money Chris will be making off of it when he inherits the farm. Not bad.
Baseball is good. Team is good enough to go to state. I’ll play for the rest of the year, but I told the coach I’m not interested in a college scholarship. Something like that needs to go to someone who is passionate about it. A couple of schools are showing interest in me from those summer sessions. I think I’ll peruse those places for admission and money.
Your rabbit took a dump on my bed last night. You should be happy Thumper is yours.
Logan
To: Logan
From: Abby
Re: Found something I like
Date: September 6
Logan,
Have you thought of doing it? Being a cattle farmer? If that’s what it’s called? I think we should do that, but replace cattle with bunnies and then we don’t milk or eat the bunnies. We just let them multiply. Then we’ll take over the world. Me the queen. You the king. Our bunnies the army nobody can defeat.
Mac told me they have someone interested in buying the house and that the seller has agreed to not move in until the day the money runs out for the nurses. Not sure how I feel about this. Sort of sad. Sort of...I don’t know.
Tell Ryan thanks for the nursing home recommendation. Guess he got the name of this place from his mom. I emailed him a thanks, but I’d like you to thank him for me, too.
Everyone has emailed and said they like it the best. It’s weird to think all of you spent time researching this stuff. I guess tell them all thank you.
In case you’re wondering, I won. Completed my twenty-fifth new thing last night. I cooked. A cake. I guess that’s baking, but still. I’ve never cooked or baked and I liked it. This lady came in, a volunteer, and I was one of the people chosen to do it. She taught me how to make a flower out of frosting. I want to do more of this.
Everyone has emailed me now and I mean everyone, even Denny and Houston. Not sure how Houston knew I was sent to juvie or how he found me here, but he’s claiming he means the whole friend thing and wanted to make sure I was fine. He sent a picture of him holding a Hallmark card in a grocery store that said, Get Better Soon. The kid is a nutcase.
Please tell everyone that if I don’t email right away that I’m not ignoring them. I’m only allowed thirty minutes for emails and I’ll admit to reading yours first.
Just curious...why were you sleeping with my bunny? :-p
Abby
To: Abby
From: Logan
I’m sorry
Date: September 30
Abby,
I’m so sorry. Mac called Isaiah and Isaiah just told me. I know how much you loved your Grams. I know she loved you, too. He said she passed in her sleep and that Nate was with her.
I hate that you’re in there and I’m out here. I hate that I can’t be with you. I’m holding you, Abby. I know that it’s not the same thing, but I’m holding you.
I love you. Please know I love you,
Logan
To: Logan
From: Abby
Re: I’m sorry
She points at West. “You and your sister will not beg your rich daddy to pull strings. You will all let me rot in that detention center until the system decides to let me out.”
I keep staring at Abby, feeling the coldness of shock, and she doesn’t take her eyes off of me. Isaiah joins us and West gives a brief rundown of what’s going on and Isaiah’s talking. Fast. Saying the words I want to say, getting pissed like how I want to get pissed, but the way Abby tilts her head and squeezes my hand, I understand she has a plan.
“Why this way?” I ask, and Isaiah shuts up.
“I can stay in Louisville this way,” she says. “Ricky won’t touch me physically and he won’t ask me to sell with law enforcement watching me as a possible dealer. If I do this, I don’t have to give up being me. I don’t have to leave town. I don’t have to be anyone other than Abby and I like being Abby. Almost as much as I love queso and bunnies.”
“How long?”
Abby briefly glances away and then slowly breathes out. “I made this deal and I asked them to keep me until at least a month before I graduate from high school. That way I won’t be in the foster system for long.”
West is shouting, “Hell no,” Isaiah picks up the pool stick and tosses it across the table, knocking several of the balls onto the floor. I step forward and cradle Abby’s face, lowering my forehead to hers. “Why?”
Her hazel eyes search mine for approval, for understanding. “Because I need to graduate. When I leave, I won’t have anything. Mac will sell the house to take care of Grams, there isn’t a social worker on the planet that will return custody to him. I don’t want to be in the system for long. I turn eighteen right before I graduate and I need to graduate. In juvie, I’ll have a somewhat stable place to live, hot meals, and an education. Since I walk out of there a ward of the state, I’ll get to take advantage of them paying for my college education.”
She smiles but it doesn’t meet her eyes. “Can’t you see I’m working an angle? Harvard wanted me, Logan. That means I got a shot at something decent if I can pull myself out of this mess.”
I breathe in, trying to memorize her scent. I kiss her lips, promising myself and her that I’ll do this again. “We still together?”
She nods. “There’s a bunny I plan on collecting at the end of this and I will be really fucking pissed off he dies before I get to hold him again.”
I haul Abby into me, hugging her as if I can keep her safe from her past, but I can’t. In order for her to move forward, she has to pay for her past sins. Better now than later. Better this way than her payment being her life.
“I’ve got to go,” Abby whispers.
I release her and try to ignore the burn in my throat as she hugs Rachel and then sends a pleading goodbye glance to West and Isaiah.
Abby blows out a long breath of air and when she inhales, back is the girl I first met at the garage. The girl who can face down death and not feel fear. That mask that has kept her safe, that will keep her safe, and will eventually bring her back to us as the person she wants to be.
Abby turns away from us and when she reaches the halfway point, Isaiah steps forward. “I can’t let her do this.”
I grab his bicep and press my fingers down hard. “Stay here.”
He circles, his back to the bar, unable to watch his best friend be arrested. I keep hold of his arm and Rachel slides up to his other side and offers support as if he’s a house on the verge of collapsing.
Abby leans over the bar to call the bartender and mouths move as she begins her conversation with the undercover police officer. After Abby shows him whatever was in her back pocket, in slow motion, the officers stands and shows her his badge.
My eyes burn when Abby’s shoulders sag in relief. Relief. Fuck. What has this world come to that this is relief? He produces handcuffs and when she turns, it’s not only Isaiah that needs help. I grip his arm tighter and in return he’s gripping me and Rachel is now hugging her brother.
“She’s coming back,” I say, and I hate how my voice comes out hoarse. “She’s coming back and she’s coming back to stay.”
“God, I hope so,” mutters Isaiah.
She will. Abby will because she loves us...because I bought her a bunny.
Emails
To: Abby
From: Logan
Re: I dare you
Date: August 24
Abby,
Dare accepted. Twenty-five new things in three weeks. I’m feeling good on this dare. I’m not the one behind walls. My possibilities are more endless.
I’m attaching a pic of your Grams. She asked for you today. Didn’t say much else, but she did say your name. Isaiah and West checked out some nursing homes for when the money runs out. Chris knows someone who works at a good place. All three are headed there this weekend. Mac put the house up for sale so he’ll have the money for it.
Be prepared to lose the dare.
Logan
To: Logan
From: Abby
Re: I dare you
Date: August 26
Logan,
Sorry about your luck, but trying out for your new school’s baseball team doesn’t count. You’ve already played baseball before. This has to be something totally new and different. And yes, I am cheating with our program of trying twenty-five new things in three weeks and that’s okay. I’m the one serving a life sentence in girl hell. My roommate needs to stop crying or having emotions or maybe she has broken tear ducts—just saying.
I tried crocheting last night. I decided I would have died before industrialization from exposure. Crocheting is impossible. There’s a girl here who is good at it. She scares me a little. I’m going to eat lunch with her tomorrow. :-)
I’m in the lead!
Abby
To: Abby
From: Logan
Found something I like
Date: September 6
Abby,
Try new things number twenty-three—working on the dairy farm with Chris. And before you laugh, yes, I was running out of ideas for new things to try. Did it just to check the box, but I liked it. Kept me busy, cows had the right amount of conversational skills that I prefer, and I saw how much money Chris will be making off of it when he inherits the farm. Not bad.
Baseball is good. Team is good enough to go to state. I’ll play for the rest of the year, but I told the coach I’m not interested in a college scholarship. Something like that needs to go to someone who is passionate about it. A couple of schools are showing interest in me from those summer sessions. I think I’ll peruse those places for admission and money.
Your rabbit took a dump on my bed last night. You should be happy Thumper is yours.
Logan
To: Logan
From: Abby
Re: Found something I like
Date: September 6
Logan,
Have you thought of doing it? Being a cattle farmer? If that’s what it’s called? I think we should do that, but replace cattle with bunnies and then we don’t milk or eat the bunnies. We just let them multiply. Then we’ll take over the world. Me the queen. You the king. Our bunnies the army nobody can defeat.
Mac told me they have someone interested in buying the house and that the seller has agreed to not move in until the day the money runs out for the nurses. Not sure how I feel about this. Sort of sad. Sort of...I don’t know.
Tell Ryan thanks for the nursing home recommendation. Guess he got the name of this place from his mom. I emailed him a thanks, but I’d like you to thank him for me, too.
Everyone has emailed and said they like it the best. It’s weird to think all of you spent time researching this stuff. I guess tell them all thank you.
In case you’re wondering, I won. Completed my twenty-fifth new thing last night. I cooked. A cake. I guess that’s baking, but still. I’ve never cooked or baked and I liked it. This lady came in, a volunteer, and I was one of the people chosen to do it. She taught me how to make a flower out of frosting. I want to do more of this.
Everyone has emailed me now and I mean everyone, even Denny and Houston. Not sure how Houston knew I was sent to juvie or how he found me here, but he’s claiming he means the whole friend thing and wanted to make sure I was fine. He sent a picture of him holding a Hallmark card in a grocery store that said, Get Better Soon. The kid is a nutcase.
Please tell everyone that if I don’t email right away that I’m not ignoring them. I’m only allowed thirty minutes for emails and I’ll admit to reading yours first.
Just curious...why were you sleeping with my bunny? :-p
Abby
To: Abby
From: Logan
I’m sorry
Date: September 30
Abby,
I’m so sorry. Mac called Isaiah and Isaiah just told me. I know how much you loved your Grams. I know she loved you, too. He said she passed in her sleep and that Nate was with her.
I hate that you’re in there and I’m out here. I hate that I can’t be with you. I’m holding you, Abby. I know that it’s not the same thing, but I’m holding you.
I love you. Please know I love you,
Logan
To: Logan
From: Abby
Re: I’m sorry
