Chasing Impossible
Page 58
“Just making clear what my expectations are.” I focus on happy thoughts. Regardless of whatever rules they set, I’ll be able to see Logan. “What if this doesn’t work out?”
“I think it will.” Mrs. Collins makes a right and all the air is sucked out of my body.
“Did you take a wrong turn?”
She comes to a halt at a guard gate and when she explains who she is and where she’s going, I can’t decide if I’m going to cry or die or be happy. When the gate to the neighborhood lifts, Mrs. Collins speeds and for me it’s not fast enough. With every house we pass, my heart pounds harder and harder and when I see the house, I’m shaking.
“Are you for real? Or is this a joke? Are you shitting me?”
“The language is something you need to work on, Abby. Mr. and Mrs. Young won’t appreciate it. You didn’t speak nearly as foully when we first met, but it got worse as you continued to stay in the center.”
I toss my hands up in a she-wins. I’ll go mute if this is for real. “West and Rachel’s parents are going to be my foster parents? I mean, do they know who I am and what I did and how I hung out with their children before I was arrested?”
“Yes, and you’ll also know that they were heartbroken when they found out the truth, but after many family meetings, they came to this decision.” Mrs. Collins eases her car in front of the sprawling home and places it into Park. “You’ll return to Eastwick in January. I work there and you’ll be seeing me twice a week before school, and I’m serious on the expectations. The Youngs are risking a lot by taking you in. Don’t embarrass them. Don’t embarrass me.”
I rake a hand through my hair and gather it at the nape of my neck. Before I was shot, I had dinner here a couple of times a week. I spent nights with Rachel. I played video games with her twin, Ethan. I used to pretend that I was one of them and this was my home.
My lower lip trembles and I suck in air to control myself. “I swear to you, I will not screw this up.”
“Good,” she says. “Now, be prepared. I hear there is a surprise party waiting inside.”
Abby
“We have dinner together as a family every Friday,” Mrs. Young says as if I’m not already aware of this. Before being shot, I ate dinner with the Youngs several times a week, but I smile and nod, hoping that the expression looks as sincere as I want it to be.
Shock is what I’m feeling on the inside. This mansion...this palace...this is now my home and I just might be okay. My blood tingles and my hands shake and my face is hot. Yes, I’m in shock.
Mrs. Young and I are walking up the stairs together and I send down a pleading glance to the massive foyer below where Logan waits. He’s been by my side since the moment I walked in to find all my friends here. He’s just as I remember him. Tall, broad-shouldered, a bit dangerous and all mine.
I mouth, “Help me,” and he only shrugs. Mrs. Young was insistent that she give me this tour alone.
At the top of the stairs we go left instead of right—away from her master bedroom and away from Rachel’s room. We pass West’s old room and Rachel’s twin Ethan’s room and then come to a stop at a closed door.
“This used to be Jack’s room,” Mrs. Young says. Jack is one of Rachel’s way older brothers. He’s an adult now with his own place. Can’t imagine him returning anytime soon. “And now it will be yours.”
Mrs. Young is a beautiful woman. Blond hair and blue eyes just like Rachel, and it causes me to want to pop out of my own skin when she folds her hands in front of her, sucks in a deep breath, and avoids eye contact. Oh, God, please don’t let her have changed her mind.
“I’m sorry,” I say. Offense is the best defense, right? “For lying to you. About how I originally came to know Rachel and then about how I was a drug dealer and I messed up, but I’m more than that. I’m going to be more than that and if you’ll just continue to offer me this chance I promise I will not screw this up.”
“I was in love with Denny once,” she blurts and I shut the hell up. “But you know that, don’t you?”
I nod very slowly because my brain is swimming. Denny is my father’s best friend, a protector of mine when I had very few real warriors in my life and the reason he doesn’t have a wedding ring on his finger is because of her. Dad told me Denny’s sad story when I was old enough to understand that this woman came to Denny’s bar once a month for years to show Denny pictures...pictures of West.
“When Rachel first began hanging out with Isaiah, did you know who she was?”
I should lie. It’s what I’ve done my entire life, but I don’t. If I’m starting a new Chapter in my life, it should be a fresh page. “Yes. When I walked into Mac’s garage and found Rachel hanging out with Isaiah, I knew exactly who she was.”
I knew she was the daughter of the richest man in town. I knew she was the daughter of the woman a person I cared about loved. The reason why I befriended Rachel? “Rachel isn’t Denny’s child, but I knew he wouldn’t feel right with your daughter unprotected on the streets. Don’t get me wrong, Isaiah could have taken care of Rachel without me, but...”
I lift one shoulder up and drop it. If Mrs. Young was once in love with Denny then odds are she met my father and I don’t have to explain how my reach would have been different from Isaiah’s.
“You know who my father is then?” If she’s going there, then so am I.
Her lips thin out then she nods. “I grew up in that neighborhood. I was once friends with your father and with Denny, but I had no idea who you were until after West found out about Denny. Whenever I saw Denny, I wasn’t interested in learning about the lives of those I left behind. Lots of secrets came out when West learned the truth.”
I raise an eyebrow. That means she’s known I’m Mozart’s daughter since this spring. “Yet you allowed me to hang with your daughter?” Yet she continued to pretend to believe the cover story I had given her so I could be Rachel’s friend. That I was a rich private-school girl...just like her daughter.
“Why didn’t you ever tell Rachel or West of my connection with Denny?” she asks as if I never spoke. “Even after the truth came out, how come you never told them that you knew who I was?”
“Wasn’t my business to tell. Plus I didn’t know you. I just knew of you. Hearsay, even from the people I love, doesn’t equate to gospel truth.”
She tilts her head like I said something profound and that’s when it hits me. Mrs. Young is reading me...just like my father taught me to read others for the truth or for lies. “But you saw to it to look over my son and daughter when they stumbled into your world?”
“Yes. You meant something to Denny once. I watched over them not for you, but for him.”
Mrs. Young plows into me. The hugging type of tackle and I freeze.
“Thank you,” she whispers into my ear. “For taking care of them both.”
Uh... “You’re welcome?”
She pulls away, but keeps her hands on my shoulders. “There are no more secrets in this house. No more lies. You’re a part of us now and these rules apply to you. You did what you had to do to stay alive and I understand that, but that’s your past and your future is different, do you understand?”
Mrs. Young is staring straight at me and the truth is there in those majestic blue eyes. She’s keeping me. She’s offering me a second chance.
“Yes, I completely understand.”
She flashes a brilliant smile and steps back as she releases me. “Wonderful. Now with so many of you in the house, I need to make sure that snacks are being made for later. I’ll give you a few minutes alone to take in your room.”
Mrs. Young dashes away with an air of confidence that would have made her a fantastic drug dealer. This must mean there really is hope for me yet.
I turn the knob and begin to wonder about things I should have thought of before stuffing myself with several servings of turkey and potatoes and pie. For instance, clothes. I need clothes and personal products and maybe a few things to make me feel like this place might be a...
...a home.
The light is already on in the room and staring right back at me are easily a hundred different stuffed animals. The ones my Grams gave me. The ones Denny gave me. The ones my father brought home to me. My eyes burn and my throat swells as I cross the room and lift the worn white stuffed bunny my father gave to me when I was smaller.
After Grams had washed me up, blow-dried my hair, and tucked me into bed, my father entered, crouching down so that we were eye to eye. “Mom says you’re scared of the dark.”
I had gripped the edge of the covers. “Not of the dark.” Never the dark. “She comes in my dreams and she takes me away from you.” A woman in black. A woman who looked a lot like the woman who gave birth to me.
The stuffed bunny magically appeared from behind his back. “This bunny, he’ll keep you safe when I’m not around. He’ll scare away anything in your dreams and me, I can scare away anything in the waking world.”
Like I did that night, I hug the white bunny to me and my lower lip trembles. “I love you, Daddy.” And then my heart breaks a little more when I realize I’ll never see Grams again, that I’ll never return to my small tucked-away bedroom at the end of the hall. That I’ll never stand in her doorway and count her breaths. That she’ll never brush my hair again, that I’ll never read aloud to her at three.
“I think it will.” Mrs. Collins makes a right and all the air is sucked out of my body.
“Did you take a wrong turn?”
She comes to a halt at a guard gate and when she explains who she is and where she’s going, I can’t decide if I’m going to cry or die or be happy. When the gate to the neighborhood lifts, Mrs. Collins speeds and for me it’s not fast enough. With every house we pass, my heart pounds harder and harder and when I see the house, I’m shaking.
“Are you for real? Or is this a joke? Are you shitting me?”
“The language is something you need to work on, Abby. Mr. and Mrs. Young won’t appreciate it. You didn’t speak nearly as foully when we first met, but it got worse as you continued to stay in the center.”
I toss my hands up in a she-wins. I’ll go mute if this is for real. “West and Rachel’s parents are going to be my foster parents? I mean, do they know who I am and what I did and how I hung out with their children before I was arrested?”
“Yes, and you’ll also know that they were heartbroken when they found out the truth, but after many family meetings, they came to this decision.” Mrs. Collins eases her car in front of the sprawling home and places it into Park. “You’ll return to Eastwick in January. I work there and you’ll be seeing me twice a week before school, and I’m serious on the expectations. The Youngs are risking a lot by taking you in. Don’t embarrass them. Don’t embarrass me.”
I rake a hand through my hair and gather it at the nape of my neck. Before I was shot, I had dinner here a couple of times a week. I spent nights with Rachel. I played video games with her twin, Ethan. I used to pretend that I was one of them and this was my home.
My lower lip trembles and I suck in air to control myself. “I swear to you, I will not screw this up.”
“Good,” she says. “Now, be prepared. I hear there is a surprise party waiting inside.”
Abby
“We have dinner together as a family every Friday,” Mrs. Young says as if I’m not already aware of this. Before being shot, I ate dinner with the Youngs several times a week, but I smile and nod, hoping that the expression looks as sincere as I want it to be.
Shock is what I’m feeling on the inside. This mansion...this palace...this is now my home and I just might be okay. My blood tingles and my hands shake and my face is hot. Yes, I’m in shock.
Mrs. Young and I are walking up the stairs together and I send down a pleading glance to the massive foyer below where Logan waits. He’s been by my side since the moment I walked in to find all my friends here. He’s just as I remember him. Tall, broad-shouldered, a bit dangerous and all mine.
I mouth, “Help me,” and he only shrugs. Mrs. Young was insistent that she give me this tour alone.
At the top of the stairs we go left instead of right—away from her master bedroom and away from Rachel’s room. We pass West’s old room and Rachel’s twin Ethan’s room and then come to a stop at a closed door.
“This used to be Jack’s room,” Mrs. Young says. Jack is one of Rachel’s way older brothers. He’s an adult now with his own place. Can’t imagine him returning anytime soon. “And now it will be yours.”
Mrs. Young is a beautiful woman. Blond hair and blue eyes just like Rachel, and it causes me to want to pop out of my own skin when she folds her hands in front of her, sucks in a deep breath, and avoids eye contact. Oh, God, please don’t let her have changed her mind.
“I’m sorry,” I say. Offense is the best defense, right? “For lying to you. About how I originally came to know Rachel and then about how I was a drug dealer and I messed up, but I’m more than that. I’m going to be more than that and if you’ll just continue to offer me this chance I promise I will not screw this up.”
“I was in love with Denny once,” she blurts and I shut the hell up. “But you know that, don’t you?”
I nod very slowly because my brain is swimming. Denny is my father’s best friend, a protector of mine when I had very few real warriors in my life and the reason he doesn’t have a wedding ring on his finger is because of her. Dad told me Denny’s sad story when I was old enough to understand that this woman came to Denny’s bar once a month for years to show Denny pictures...pictures of West.
“When Rachel first began hanging out with Isaiah, did you know who she was?”
I should lie. It’s what I’ve done my entire life, but I don’t. If I’m starting a new Chapter in my life, it should be a fresh page. “Yes. When I walked into Mac’s garage and found Rachel hanging out with Isaiah, I knew exactly who she was.”
I knew she was the daughter of the richest man in town. I knew she was the daughter of the woman a person I cared about loved. The reason why I befriended Rachel? “Rachel isn’t Denny’s child, but I knew he wouldn’t feel right with your daughter unprotected on the streets. Don’t get me wrong, Isaiah could have taken care of Rachel without me, but...”
I lift one shoulder up and drop it. If Mrs. Young was once in love with Denny then odds are she met my father and I don’t have to explain how my reach would have been different from Isaiah’s.
“You know who my father is then?” If she’s going there, then so am I.
Her lips thin out then she nods. “I grew up in that neighborhood. I was once friends with your father and with Denny, but I had no idea who you were until after West found out about Denny. Whenever I saw Denny, I wasn’t interested in learning about the lives of those I left behind. Lots of secrets came out when West learned the truth.”
I raise an eyebrow. That means she’s known I’m Mozart’s daughter since this spring. “Yet you allowed me to hang with your daughter?” Yet she continued to pretend to believe the cover story I had given her so I could be Rachel’s friend. That I was a rich private-school girl...just like her daughter.
“Why didn’t you ever tell Rachel or West of my connection with Denny?” she asks as if I never spoke. “Even after the truth came out, how come you never told them that you knew who I was?”
“Wasn’t my business to tell. Plus I didn’t know you. I just knew of you. Hearsay, even from the people I love, doesn’t equate to gospel truth.”
She tilts her head like I said something profound and that’s when it hits me. Mrs. Young is reading me...just like my father taught me to read others for the truth or for lies. “But you saw to it to look over my son and daughter when they stumbled into your world?”
“Yes. You meant something to Denny once. I watched over them not for you, but for him.”
Mrs. Young plows into me. The hugging type of tackle and I freeze.
“Thank you,” she whispers into my ear. “For taking care of them both.”
Uh... “You’re welcome?”
She pulls away, but keeps her hands on my shoulders. “There are no more secrets in this house. No more lies. You’re a part of us now and these rules apply to you. You did what you had to do to stay alive and I understand that, but that’s your past and your future is different, do you understand?”
Mrs. Young is staring straight at me and the truth is there in those majestic blue eyes. She’s keeping me. She’s offering me a second chance.
“Yes, I completely understand.”
She flashes a brilliant smile and steps back as she releases me. “Wonderful. Now with so many of you in the house, I need to make sure that snacks are being made for later. I’ll give you a few minutes alone to take in your room.”
Mrs. Young dashes away with an air of confidence that would have made her a fantastic drug dealer. This must mean there really is hope for me yet.
I turn the knob and begin to wonder about things I should have thought of before stuffing myself with several servings of turkey and potatoes and pie. For instance, clothes. I need clothes and personal products and maybe a few things to make me feel like this place might be a...
...a home.
The light is already on in the room and staring right back at me are easily a hundred different stuffed animals. The ones my Grams gave me. The ones Denny gave me. The ones my father brought home to me. My eyes burn and my throat swells as I cross the room and lift the worn white stuffed bunny my father gave to me when I was smaller.
After Grams had washed me up, blow-dried my hair, and tucked me into bed, my father entered, crouching down so that we were eye to eye. “Mom says you’re scared of the dark.”
I had gripped the edge of the covers. “Not of the dark.” Never the dark. “She comes in my dreams and she takes me away from you.” A woman in black. A woman who looked a lot like the woman who gave birth to me.
The stuffed bunny magically appeared from behind his back. “This bunny, he’ll keep you safe when I’m not around. He’ll scare away anything in your dreams and me, I can scare away anything in the waking world.”
Like I did that night, I hug the white bunny to me and my lower lip trembles. “I love you, Daddy.” And then my heart breaks a little more when I realize I’ll never see Grams again, that I’ll never return to my small tucked-away bedroom at the end of the hall. That I’ll never stand in her doorway and count her breaths. That she’ll never brush my hair again, that I’ll never read aloud to her at three.
