Chasing the Tide
Page 22
But the thing about small towns is that you could never escape the very people you hoped to avoid. So it was with a predictable certainty that I was confronted with the unfortunate reality of what it meant to make my life in Wellston.
“I didn’t realize you were back.” I startled at the voice, freezing for a moment.
I thought about ignoring her. It’s what my instinct told me to do.
But instead I found myself turning around to see the person I hadn’t spoken to once in the three years I had been away.
The person I had left behind in my efforts to put distance between myself and the horrible person I had been.
I didn’t want to see her. She reminded me of the pain. Of the ugliness.
Of the truth.
So I didn’t smile the way I once would have. I didn’t pretend that I was happy to see her. Because I wasn’t.
But I found myself greeting her all the same.
“Hi, Dania.”
Dania’s once long, dark hair was now short, just above the shoulders. She had put on some weight, mostly in the hips. Long gone were the booty shorts and halter-tops that had defined her wardrobe the entire time I had known her.
She was dressed simply, dare I say, matronly, in a long jean skirt and plain white sweater. She wasn’t wearing any make up and her eyes looked tired, ringed in dark circles.
But not from drugs. She didn’t seem strung out or high. She just looked exhausted.
And then I saw the reason why.
“Mommy!” A little girl, no more than two, with dark hair and heart shaped face, reached her arms up out of the cart where she was sitting, wanting to be picked up.
I watched in something akin to horror as Dania lifted the pretty toddler out of the grocery cart and sat her on her hip.
My eyes almost popped out of my head. I knew that I wasn’t doing a very good job of hiding my shock because Dania’s face soured.
“This is Lyla Grace,” Dania said, indicating the child who was currently putting her mother’s hair in her mouth.
“Oh, wow. Um, I had no idea you had another kid,” I said stupidly. Of course I wouldn’t know. It’s not like I had kept tabs on Dania’s life.
“Well, no you wouldn’t, would you?” Dania said shortly, calling me out.
“Yeah,” was all I said, wishing like hell I could run away as far and as fast as my legs could carry me.
“Mommy!” little Lyla yelled, pointing to her mouth.
Dania looked down at her spitting image and gave her an uncharacteristically sweet smile. “Are you hungry, baby?” she cooed, kissing the mop of dark curls before reaching into her purse and pulling out a bag of grapes and giving Lyla one.
I stood there, staring at my former friend, completely dumbfounded.
I had no idea what to say. Too much time had passed to make this exchange anything but uncomfortable. But here was Dania, a mother once again, and a seemingly decent one at that.
“She’s beautiful, Dania,” I said finally.
Dania’s face was soft as she looked at her daughter. “She is. She’s pretty amazing.” Dania looked back at me and the softness disappeared in an instant.
“I never thought I’d see the day Ellie McCallum would come waltzing back into town,” Dania stated with a hint of bitterness.
She was pissed. I hadn’t expected anything less.
Though I was more than a little shocked that she wasn’t tearing me a new one in the middle of the grocery store.
Dania had always been the sort to like making a scene. The more attention the better. It didn’t matter if she made herself look like a psychopath in the process.
“Yeah, well I never thought I would either,” I said curtly, grabbing a box of pasta and putting it in my basket.
Dania stared at me, just as I had been staring at her. Lyla started fussing and Dania bounced her on her hip, shushing the girl quietly.
“I didn’t think you wanted anymore kids,” I stated bluntly.
“And I thought you were too good for the rest of us. At least that’s the feeling I got when I never heard from you again,” Dania spat out, her light blue eyes flashing dangerously.
There was the Dania Blevins that I knew and feared.
Once upon a time I would have backed down instantly. Dania and I had an unhealthy, co-dependent dynamic that made absolutely no sense. We had been two horrible people bound together by crappy circumstances. As hard and bad as I had been, she had been the one person I had never been able to stand up to. No matter how nasty she was to me. I took it. Because I had this warped sense of loyalty where she was concerned.
I still felt it, even after all this time. The need to back down. The desire to make her feel better. The urge to justify my actions to her was strong.
But I wasn’t the Ellie she remembered. I had made sure of that.
“What do you want me to say, Dania? That I’m sorry for not calling you? Because I’m not,” I told her sharply.
Dania drew herself upright. Lyla, as though sensing her mother’s tension, began to cry. Dania fumbled in her purse and pulled out a pacifier, putting it in the crying child’s mouth. It did the trick and Lyla was instantly quiet.
“I didn’t expect you to be sorry. Remorse has always been beyond you,” Dania said angrily.
My face flushed with indignation. I resented Dania standing there, acting as though I had wronged her. I had always been there for her. Even when she had treated me like shit on her shoe, I had helped her and supported her in any way that I could.
I had made the decision to leave with her blessing. She had encouraged me to go to school. She had no right to act betrayed because I had done it.
“I didn’t realize you were back.” I startled at the voice, freezing for a moment.
I thought about ignoring her. It’s what my instinct told me to do.
But instead I found myself turning around to see the person I hadn’t spoken to once in the three years I had been away.
The person I had left behind in my efforts to put distance between myself and the horrible person I had been.
I didn’t want to see her. She reminded me of the pain. Of the ugliness.
Of the truth.
So I didn’t smile the way I once would have. I didn’t pretend that I was happy to see her. Because I wasn’t.
But I found myself greeting her all the same.
“Hi, Dania.”
Dania’s once long, dark hair was now short, just above the shoulders. She had put on some weight, mostly in the hips. Long gone were the booty shorts and halter-tops that had defined her wardrobe the entire time I had known her.
She was dressed simply, dare I say, matronly, in a long jean skirt and plain white sweater. She wasn’t wearing any make up and her eyes looked tired, ringed in dark circles.
But not from drugs. She didn’t seem strung out or high. She just looked exhausted.
And then I saw the reason why.
“Mommy!” A little girl, no more than two, with dark hair and heart shaped face, reached her arms up out of the cart where she was sitting, wanting to be picked up.
I watched in something akin to horror as Dania lifted the pretty toddler out of the grocery cart and sat her on her hip.
My eyes almost popped out of my head. I knew that I wasn’t doing a very good job of hiding my shock because Dania’s face soured.
“This is Lyla Grace,” Dania said, indicating the child who was currently putting her mother’s hair in her mouth.
“Oh, wow. Um, I had no idea you had another kid,” I said stupidly. Of course I wouldn’t know. It’s not like I had kept tabs on Dania’s life.
“Well, no you wouldn’t, would you?” Dania said shortly, calling me out.
“Yeah,” was all I said, wishing like hell I could run away as far and as fast as my legs could carry me.
“Mommy!” little Lyla yelled, pointing to her mouth.
Dania looked down at her spitting image and gave her an uncharacteristically sweet smile. “Are you hungry, baby?” she cooed, kissing the mop of dark curls before reaching into her purse and pulling out a bag of grapes and giving Lyla one.
I stood there, staring at my former friend, completely dumbfounded.
I had no idea what to say. Too much time had passed to make this exchange anything but uncomfortable. But here was Dania, a mother once again, and a seemingly decent one at that.
“She’s beautiful, Dania,” I said finally.
Dania’s face was soft as she looked at her daughter. “She is. She’s pretty amazing.” Dania looked back at me and the softness disappeared in an instant.
“I never thought I’d see the day Ellie McCallum would come waltzing back into town,” Dania stated with a hint of bitterness.
She was pissed. I hadn’t expected anything less.
Though I was more than a little shocked that she wasn’t tearing me a new one in the middle of the grocery store.
Dania had always been the sort to like making a scene. The more attention the better. It didn’t matter if she made herself look like a psychopath in the process.
“Yeah, well I never thought I would either,” I said curtly, grabbing a box of pasta and putting it in my basket.
Dania stared at me, just as I had been staring at her. Lyla started fussing and Dania bounced her on her hip, shushing the girl quietly.
“I didn’t think you wanted anymore kids,” I stated bluntly.
“And I thought you were too good for the rest of us. At least that’s the feeling I got when I never heard from you again,” Dania spat out, her light blue eyes flashing dangerously.
There was the Dania Blevins that I knew and feared.
Once upon a time I would have backed down instantly. Dania and I had an unhealthy, co-dependent dynamic that made absolutely no sense. We had been two horrible people bound together by crappy circumstances. As hard and bad as I had been, she had been the one person I had never been able to stand up to. No matter how nasty she was to me. I took it. Because I had this warped sense of loyalty where she was concerned.
I still felt it, even after all this time. The need to back down. The desire to make her feel better. The urge to justify my actions to her was strong.
But I wasn’t the Ellie she remembered. I had made sure of that.
“What do you want me to say, Dania? That I’m sorry for not calling you? Because I’m not,” I told her sharply.
Dania drew herself upright. Lyla, as though sensing her mother’s tension, began to cry. Dania fumbled in her purse and pulled out a pacifier, putting it in the crying child’s mouth. It did the trick and Lyla was instantly quiet.
“I didn’t expect you to be sorry. Remorse has always been beyond you,” Dania said angrily.
My face flushed with indignation. I resented Dania standing there, acting as though I had wronged her. I had always been there for her. Even when she had treated me like shit on her shoe, I had helped her and supported her in any way that I could.
I had made the decision to leave with her blessing. She had encouraged me to go to school. She had no right to act betrayed because I had done it.
