Chasing the Tide
Page 84
Because today, Ellie and I are getting married.
“You look pretty,” I say and she does. Her dress isn’t white like I’ve seen in movies. It’s a pale yellow with flowers. Yellow like our living room that I painted just for her. The material feels soft when I touch it.
“You look pretty, too,” she says, laughing.
I laugh. I like laughing with Ellie.
“I’m glad you think so,” I say and I can feel my cheeks ache from smiling.
We smile a lot.
We laugh a lot.
I’m happy. Ellie’s happy.
“Are you ready?” she asks me, and I know that I am.
I’m marrying Ellie.
We talked about marrying each other one day and I asked her. She had cried and laughed and smiled. I felt warm all over when she had said yes.
Yes.
My favorite word ever.
She puts her fingers between mine and we walk out of the bedroom together.
We’re not getting married in a church with lots of people. I still don’t like crowds and I still don’t like people staring at me a lot.
Ellie said we could get married at the courthouse with just a few people there. I liked that idea.
Because getting married didn’t need to be about a bunch of people. It’s about Ellie and me.
I loop Murphy’s leash around his neck and he follows us out to the car.
The courthouse didn’t want us bringing Murphy. But Ellie made sure that he could come.
Murphy is part of our family. He should be there.
We only invited a few people. Ellie asked Dania and her daughter Lyla to come. Dania is nicer now, and I like her daughter. She’s loud but she makes me smile.
Julie, the social worker, would be there. Ellie said she was the closest thing she had to a mother. I pointed out that Julie is too young to have been her mother. Ellie told me that sometimes family was more than who shared your blood. It was the people you loved and trusted.
I liked the sound of that.
Nadine will be there too. I promised Ellie I wouldn’t say anything about the way she looks. I try hard not to say things I’m not supposed to anymore. I know it makes people feel bad.
I don’t want anyone to feel bad today.
Because today is going to be happy.
Ellie also invited two of her co-workers from her job. She works at a non-profit organization that helps kids from bad homes. She writes their grants and gets the word out in the community. She likes it there. I like it that she likes it.
I invited Imogen from college and Kevin, my counselor from North Carolina. I invited Leonard but he said something about professional boundaries, but he gave us a card. It was pretty with a white flower on it.
They are the only ones I want there.
It is sad that my mom can’t see this.
She always worried that Ellie wasn’t a real friend. That she didn’t really care about me.
She’d be happy to see that she was wrong.
She would be glad to know that we are going to be together forever. We are going to have kids and go on vacations. I am still learning to be okay with going places that are new.
I’m getting better, but it’s still hard. Ellie understands. She’s been learning how to be more patient and to not get so frustrated. She has a therapist that has been helping her the way Leonard helps me.
I open the back door and let Murphy in the car. I had put a blanket down so he doesn’t scratch the leather.
Ellie looks up at me and her eyes are bright. “Today I’m going to be your wife,” she says and I feel a fluttering in my insides. It’s not a bad feeling.
It’s the best feeling in the world.
“Today I’m going to be your husband,” I tell her. She kisses me. I love it when she kisses me. She tastes good. Like toothpaste and candy.
“Did you ever think we’d get here?” she asks. Her arms are around my neck and I like feeling her fingers in my hair. It doesn’t bother me that she’s so close. I don’t think about her messing up my hair or my clothes. I just like her being with me.
“Yes I did,” I tell her.
“Really? You didn’t ever doubt that at the end of all this, we’d be together?” she asks.
“I know that people that love each other should be together. And we love each other. Of course we would be together. Even when you left and you said you didn’t know if you were coming back. Even when you went away to school. I always knew that one day you’d be here. And we’d get married. And we’d have a life together.”
Ellie’s eyes are wet and I wipe away a tear. “Why are you crying? Did I say something wrong?” I ask, frowning.
Ellie sniffs and shakes her head. “Sometimes people cry because they’re happy.”
“You’re happy. I know you are. I can see it,” I tell her.
“I’m happy,” she says and I hug her.
We get in the car. Murphy is panting in the backseat so I roll the window down. It’s hot. Too hot for May.
I look over at Ellie. She looks at me.
“We will never have to miss each other again,” she says.
I smile.
She’s right.
We are home.
“You look pretty,” I say and she does. Her dress isn’t white like I’ve seen in movies. It’s a pale yellow with flowers. Yellow like our living room that I painted just for her. The material feels soft when I touch it.
“You look pretty, too,” she says, laughing.
I laugh. I like laughing with Ellie.
“I’m glad you think so,” I say and I can feel my cheeks ache from smiling.
We smile a lot.
We laugh a lot.
I’m happy. Ellie’s happy.
“Are you ready?” she asks me, and I know that I am.
I’m marrying Ellie.
We talked about marrying each other one day and I asked her. She had cried and laughed and smiled. I felt warm all over when she had said yes.
Yes.
My favorite word ever.
She puts her fingers between mine and we walk out of the bedroom together.
We’re not getting married in a church with lots of people. I still don’t like crowds and I still don’t like people staring at me a lot.
Ellie said we could get married at the courthouse with just a few people there. I liked that idea.
Because getting married didn’t need to be about a bunch of people. It’s about Ellie and me.
I loop Murphy’s leash around his neck and he follows us out to the car.
The courthouse didn’t want us bringing Murphy. But Ellie made sure that he could come.
Murphy is part of our family. He should be there.
We only invited a few people. Ellie asked Dania and her daughter Lyla to come. Dania is nicer now, and I like her daughter. She’s loud but she makes me smile.
Julie, the social worker, would be there. Ellie said she was the closest thing she had to a mother. I pointed out that Julie is too young to have been her mother. Ellie told me that sometimes family was more than who shared your blood. It was the people you loved and trusted.
I liked the sound of that.
Nadine will be there too. I promised Ellie I wouldn’t say anything about the way she looks. I try hard not to say things I’m not supposed to anymore. I know it makes people feel bad.
I don’t want anyone to feel bad today.
Because today is going to be happy.
Ellie also invited two of her co-workers from her job. She works at a non-profit organization that helps kids from bad homes. She writes their grants and gets the word out in the community. She likes it there. I like it that she likes it.
I invited Imogen from college and Kevin, my counselor from North Carolina. I invited Leonard but he said something about professional boundaries, but he gave us a card. It was pretty with a white flower on it.
They are the only ones I want there.
It is sad that my mom can’t see this.
She always worried that Ellie wasn’t a real friend. That she didn’t really care about me.
She’d be happy to see that she was wrong.
She would be glad to know that we are going to be together forever. We are going to have kids and go on vacations. I am still learning to be okay with going places that are new.
I’m getting better, but it’s still hard. Ellie understands. She’s been learning how to be more patient and to not get so frustrated. She has a therapist that has been helping her the way Leonard helps me.
I open the back door and let Murphy in the car. I had put a blanket down so he doesn’t scratch the leather.
Ellie looks up at me and her eyes are bright. “Today I’m going to be your wife,” she says and I feel a fluttering in my insides. It’s not a bad feeling.
It’s the best feeling in the world.
“Today I’m going to be your husband,” I tell her. She kisses me. I love it when she kisses me. She tastes good. Like toothpaste and candy.
“Did you ever think we’d get here?” she asks. Her arms are around my neck and I like feeling her fingers in my hair. It doesn’t bother me that she’s so close. I don’t think about her messing up my hair or my clothes. I just like her being with me.
“Yes I did,” I tell her.
“Really? You didn’t ever doubt that at the end of all this, we’d be together?” she asks.
“I know that people that love each other should be together. And we love each other. Of course we would be together. Even when you left and you said you didn’t know if you were coming back. Even when you went away to school. I always knew that one day you’d be here. And we’d get married. And we’d have a life together.”
Ellie’s eyes are wet and I wipe away a tear. “Why are you crying? Did I say something wrong?” I ask, frowning.
Ellie sniffs and shakes her head. “Sometimes people cry because they’re happy.”
“You’re happy. I know you are. I can see it,” I tell her.
“I’m happy,” she says and I hug her.
We get in the car. Murphy is panting in the backseat so I roll the window down. It’s hot. Too hot for May.
I look over at Ellie. She looks at me.
“We will never have to miss each other again,” she says.
I smile.
She’s right.
We are home.
