Clipped by Love
Page 72
“No answer, only that blank look that I’ve come to like a lot,” he says, looking away with a grin on his lips. “This is the part where I drop the mic and walk away, letting everything I said sink in. Hit me up if you want what I want, Baylor. But realize that I won’t wait forever.”
I watch as he gathers up all the drinks and turns to walk away. But before he is out of earshot, I say, “You shouldn’t have to.”
He looks over his shoulder at me. “But I would if I hadn’t promised I wouldn’t. So, yeah, don’t make me wait long, okay?”
Giving me one last wink, he walks away as I whisper, “Okay.”
But it isn’t okay.
It’s so far from okay, it’s insane because I have no fucking clue what to do.
But I do know I want him.
And that alone has me holding on to the bar for support.
Jayden’s right across the hall.
And I want him so bad, it’s unreasonable.
I keep replaying our conversation last night, and I’m still so breathless. He wants me, and God, I want him. I know all I have to do is walk over there and say, “Hey, wanna hook up?” and he’d be down, but something is keeping me from doing that. It’s driving me insane; I’ve never thought this much about a guy. But here I am, actually sitting here, thinking about the way his hair falls in his eyes. And how that beanie that was on his head last night made him ten times hotter. It’s ridiculous. Pathetic almost, but it’s what I’m doing.
But still I don’t go over there.
I mean, come on, I’m a big girl, and being scared of him is a little pitiful. I need to look at this like a game. The variables are there. We have a boy and a girl. They like each other and they want to have fun, get to know each other. But the problem with getting to know each other is that I have to open up parts of me that I never open to anyone because I know Jayden won’t sit back and let me only give him pieces. And I know that’s what’s holding me back. I feel some pretty shitty stuff, and my dad doesn’t even know half of it. No one does, but I know Jayden will want to know.
He’ll want all of me.
“Hey, Moore, wanna come down and play Mario Kart?”
Looking from where I am staring at the ceiling over to Markus, I shake my head. While I love Mario Kart and would love to kick their sorry little asses, I’m too obsessed with figuring out this whole Jayden thing. “Sorry, I’m busy.”
His brows come up before he says, “You’re lying in the bed, staring at the ceiling.”
“Thinking,” I point out before waving him away. “Leave me be with my thoughts.”
But he doesn’t go away. I kinda didn’t expect him to. I’m learning that Markus marches to his own drum; he doesn’t care that I don’t want to be his friend. He’s gonna make me be his friend. Kind of like Delanie did. Maybe that’s how I work, you have to make me be your friend. And shit, that’s sad. I really need to work on that.
Coming to my bed, he sits down and places his hand on my knee. “Tell Dr. Markus what’s wrong.”
I laugh as I roll my eyes, pushing his hand off me. “Whatever, get out.”
“No, you need to talk, and I want to listen,” he says, crossing his arms and grinning down at me. His eyes are such an inviting caramel color. He’s very adorable, and for some reason, I start talking.
“There’s this guy,” I say, letting out a breath as I sit up.
Grinning at me, he says, “That’s usually how it starts. Dudes be fucking up females on the real.”
“True that,” I agree and he grins.
“And?”
“And…well, I like him. A lot.”
“Okay, not seeing a problem. Wait, does he not like you? Because if he doesn’t, he’s an idiot. You’re amazing.”
Pushing him playfully, I roll my eyes. “Focus, Dr. Markus,” I say, and he laughs.
“Has anyone ever told you that you don’t take compliments well?”
Laughing, I nod. “He’s told me that.”
“So he likes you?” he asks with a goofy grin, and I shrug, looking away.
“Yeah, and it scares me. So damn bad,” I say softly.
“Why?”
Sucking in a deep breath, I shake my head. “Because...I don’t know.”
“That’s a lie,” he says, and I laugh.
Does everyone know when I’m lying? Jeez!
“Because I can’t control it. I can’t make sure he won’t hurt me. I mean, he already makes me feel stuff that I’ve never felt before, and I haven’t even committed to him. I could fall for him, easy, and I don’t know how to give away that control. I did it before and got my heart broken.”
When he just grins at me, I make a face. “What?”
Patting my knee, he goes, “You know this is the most you’ve ever told me about yourself?”
I look up, meeting his sweet gaze, and I nod. “I don’t do people well.”
“I know, but it’s good for you. You need people, or you’ll be alone.”
“Yeah, that’s the rumor I’ve been told.”
He laughs. “Here’s my thing, Baylor. Is this guy anything like the douche from before?”
Shaking my head, I bite into my lip. “Not even close. Seth was selfish and only cared about him. This guy is so different. He thinks of everyone else before he does himself, he’s just refreshing and can make me smile. It’s hard to make me smile.”
“Yeah, Jayden’s good like that. Real team player, and he’s funny as shit,” he says softly, causing my eyes to go wide. “Oh, wait, I wasn’t supposed to know that, right? Okay, ignore that.”
“You’re such an ass!” I yell, smacking his arm, and he laughs.
“Dude, it’s obvious y’all are hot for each other. And yeah, you can’t control it, but the best things in life are the things you can’t control.”
I hold his gaze. “So are the worst things.”
“Yeah, you’re right. So you just need to decide what you want. Stop being such a control freak,” he adds and I smile.
“Hey.”
My smile drops when I hear his voice. Looking toward my door, I find that Jayden is leaning against my doorframe, a grin on his sinful lips.
I watch as he gathers up all the drinks and turns to walk away. But before he is out of earshot, I say, “You shouldn’t have to.”
He looks over his shoulder at me. “But I would if I hadn’t promised I wouldn’t. So, yeah, don’t make me wait long, okay?”
Giving me one last wink, he walks away as I whisper, “Okay.”
But it isn’t okay.
It’s so far from okay, it’s insane because I have no fucking clue what to do.
But I do know I want him.
And that alone has me holding on to the bar for support.
Jayden’s right across the hall.
And I want him so bad, it’s unreasonable.
I keep replaying our conversation last night, and I’m still so breathless. He wants me, and God, I want him. I know all I have to do is walk over there and say, “Hey, wanna hook up?” and he’d be down, but something is keeping me from doing that. It’s driving me insane; I’ve never thought this much about a guy. But here I am, actually sitting here, thinking about the way his hair falls in his eyes. And how that beanie that was on his head last night made him ten times hotter. It’s ridiculous. Pathetic almost, but it’s what I’m doing.
But still I don’t go over there.
I mean, come on, I’m a big girl, and being scared of him is a little pitiful. I need to look at this like a game. The variables are there. We have a boy and a girl. They like each other and they want to have fun, get to know each other. But the problem with getting to know each other is that I have to open up parts of me that I never open to anyone because I know Jayden won’t sit back and let me only give him pieces. And I know that’s what’s holding me back. I feel some pretty shitty stuff, and my dad doesn’t even know half of it. No one does, but I know Jayden will want to know.
He’ll want all of me.
“Hey, Moore, wanna come down and play Mario Kart?”
Looking from where I am staring at the ceiling over to Markus, I shake my head. While I love Mario Kart and would love to kick their sorry little asses, I’m too obsessed with figuring out this whole Jayden thing. “Sorry, I’m busy.”
His brows come up before he says, “You’re lying in the bed, staring at the ceiling.”
“Thinking,” I point out before waving him away. “Leave me be with my thoughts.”
But he doesn’t go away. I kinda didn’t expect him to. I’m learning that Markus marches to his own drum; he doesn’t care that I don’t want to be his friend. He’s gonna make me be his friend. Kind of like Delanie did. Maybe that’s how I work, you have to make me be your friend. And shit, that’s sad. I really need to work on that.
Coming to my bed, he sits down and places his hand on my knee. “Tell Dr. Markus what’s wrong.”
I laugh as I roll my eyes, pushing his hand off me. “Whatever, get out.”
“No, you need to talk, and I want to listen,” he says, crossing his arms and grinning down at me. His eyes are such an inviting caramel color. He’s very adorable, and for some reason, I start talking.
“There’s this guy,” I say, letting out a breath as I sit up.
Grinning at me, he says, “That’s usually how it starts. Dudes be fucking up females on the real.”
“True that,” I agree and he grins.
“And?”
“And…well, I like him. A lot.”
“Okay, not seeing a problem. Wait, does he not like you? Because if he doesn’t, he’s an idiot. You’re amazing.”
Pushing him playfully, I roll my eyes. “Focus, Dr. Markus,” I say, and he laughs.
“Has anyone ever told you that you don’t take compliments well?”
Laughing, I nod. “He’s told me that.”
“So he likes you?” he asks with a goofy grin, and I shrug, looking away.
“Yeah, and it scares me. So damn bad,” I say softly.
“Why?”
Sucking in a deep breath, I shake my head. “Because...I don’t know.”
“That’s a lie,” he says, and I laugh.
Does everyone know when I’m lying? Jeez!
“Because I can’t control it. I can’t make sure he won’t hurt me. I mean, he already makes me feel stuff that I’ve never felt before, and I haven’t even committed to him. I could fall for him, easy, and I don’t know how to give away that control. I did it before and got my heart broken.”
When he just grins at me, I make a face. “What?”
Patting my knee, he goes, “You know this is the most you’ve ever told me about yourself?”
I look up, meeting his sweet gaze, and I nod. “I don’t do people well.”
“I know, but it’s good for you. You need people, or you’ll be alone.”
“Yeah, that’s the rumor I’ve been told.”
He laughs. “Here’s my thing, Baylor. Is this guy anything like the douche from before?”
Shaking my head, I bite into my lip. “Not even close. Seth was selfish and only cared about him. This guy is so different. He thinks of everyone else before he does himself, he’s just refreshing and can make me smile. It’s hard to make me smile.”
“Yeah, Jayden’s good like that. Real team player, and he’s funny as shit,” he says softly, causing my eyes to go wide. “Oh, wait, I wasn’t supposed to know that, right? Okay, ignore that.”
“You’re such an ass!” I yell, smacking his arm, and he laughs.
“Dude, it’s obvious y’all are hot for each other. And yeah, you can’t control it, but the best things in life are the things you can’t control.”
I hold his gaze. “So are the worst things.”
“Yeah, you’re right. So you just need to decide what you want. Stop being such a control freak,” he adds and I smile.
“Hey.”
My smile drops when I hear his voice. Looking toward my door, I find that Jayden is leaning against my doorframe, a grin on his sinful lips.
