Clipped by Love
Page 93
Looking over at her, I grin. “You were on a mission to get drunk. I wasn’t going to spoil your fun with your friends.”
Wrinkling her nose, she closes her eyes as she leans her head against the pillow. “Yeah, they were great and all, but man, they got on my nerves toward the end there. Hanging with guys is so much easier.”
“Really? Seemed like y’all had a blast,” I note, and she shrugs.
“I mean, yeah, it was, and I love them, I do. But they brought up some stuff and it bothered me,” she says as she rolls onto her stomach, her face coming near mine.
Puckering my lips, I kiss her nose, and she smiles as I ask, “About?”
I don’t expect her to answer me. I fully expect her tell me nothing or deflect, but then she opens her eyes and says, “You.”
Surprised, I point to myself and ask, “Me?”
“Yeah,” she says, and then she comes up on her forearms, picking at her pillow as she chews on her lip.
As I watch her, I move her hair behind her ear, running the back of my hand along her cheek. “Can I know what? Or are you gonna keep it to yourself?”
She looks over at me, leaning into my hand as she whispers, “I’m thinking, hold on.” Holding my gaze, she swallows loudly, and I wonder what is going on. She’s actually making me a bit nervous. What did those girls say to her? Finally, she clears her throat and asks, “Does it bother you that I want to keep our relationship a secret?”
Letting my head fall to the side, I’m surprised by the question. Why were they worried about that? Going with the truth, I nod. “Kinda, but I understand why.”
“They think I need to tell my dad,” she says softly. “That I don’t need to hide us because you should be able to show me off.”
“I’d like to,” I admit, and she rolls her eyes.
“There is nothing to show off.”
“Says the person who can’t take a compliment or see that she is the most beautiful girl in the world. But who’s keeping tabs, eh?” I ask, and she looks away, rubbing her nose against the pillow. She is so ridiculously adorable.
“Anyway,” she says sharply. “I tried to explain that I’m doing this for you. That he’ll freak, and I don’t want anything ruining your career.”
Nodding my head, I pinch her chin, bringing her gaze to mine. “Yeah, I get that, that’s why I don’t mind it. But why does it matter to them?”
“Because they think you don’t mind for another reason.”
“Which is?”
“They think it’s ’cause you are in love with me.”
That catches me off guard. How did they know that? Am I really that obvious? But then the real question is, if they know, how does she not know? But with one look in her eyes, I know why.
Because she doesn’t want to.
Her eyes are swimming in uneasiness, her face is creeping with color, and I really don’t understand why. Would it really be that bad if I loved her? Before I can answer her though, when honestly, I have no clue what I would say, she is rambling. “Yeah, crazy, right? But I told them that’s insane. Why would you love me? I’m not that great, and it’s early, right? They are insane.”
“You’re rambling,” I inform her, and she lets out a long breath before shaking her head. “And you are great, stop putting yourself down. It’s annoying as hell.”
Glaring at me, she shakes her head. “I just… I don’t know, it’s just bothering me,” she admits then. “But really, you don’t love me, right?”
Her eyes tell me to say no, but my heart is screaming yes. Looking away, I laugh. “That’s usually not how it’s asked,” I joke, trying to ease her fears. But she doesn’t laugh, she just watches me.
“I just think it’d be stupid for us to feel something like that because it is so new. I mean, we’ve only been together a couple weeks.”
“Very true,” I say because I know that’s what she wants.
“So, no, right?”
Looking over at her, I know that I need to tell her the truth, but she isn’t ready. I don’t want to lie to her, I don’t, but her eyes are telling me that even if I did admit it, she’d deflect it and then run. So I do the one thing I promised I wouldn’t. I become a doormat, and I push aside my feelings to accommodate hers.
“No, not yet, Bay.”
But then again, maybe I’m not. Because the way I see it, I’m doing this to ease her into accepting the fact that I do love her. So does that make me a doormat?
Fuck, who the hell even knows?
What I do know is that I love her and that I really want her to love me.
But first, she has to realize she is capable of it.
“Yet?” she asks, her eyes going wide. “So you think you will?”
“Oh, I know I will,” I say with all the conviction in the world. “How could I not? You’re talented, smart, and you’ve got a great ass,” I say, taking a handful of said ass. I hope to make her laugh, but she’s still looking at me like I admitted to loving her. Making a face at her, I ask, “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Because, I don’t know, I thought maybe this was just a college thing…” she says warily, looking away.
“Do you really believe that?” I ask with a scoff. “Is that how you see this?”
“Delanie and Mandie said the same thing,” she says before looking over at me.
“And?”
“And no, I don’t see us that way. I’d like to see it being long-term.”
“Then isn’t it part of the process for me to fall for you?” I ask, and she nods.
“Yeah, right now, it just seems early to me.”
“Maybe, but it happens when it wants to. You can’t control it,” I remind her, and she nods.
“Oh, I know that. If I could, I wouldn’t have wasted my love on Seth,” she says, sucking in a deep breath. She lets it out as I watch her, trying to read her. She’s trying to close up on me, and I curse Delanie and Mandie. Couldn’t they just leave her alone?
“I don’t know, it just freaks me out.”
“What does?”
“Love,” she answers with a shake of her head.
“Why’s that?” I ask, and slowly she brings her lip between her teeth. She doesn’t answer for a long time, she only sits there, her fingers moving against the palm of my hand as she continues to chew on her lip.
Wrinkling her nose, she closes her eyes as she leans her head against the pillow. “Yeah, they were great and all, but man, they got on my nerves toward the end there. Hanging with guys is so much easier.”
“Really? Seemed like y’all had a blast,” I note, and she shrugs.
“I mean, yeah, it was, and I love them, I do. But they brought up some stuff and it bothered me,” she says as she rolls onto her stomach, her face coming near mine.
Puckering my lips, I kiss her nose, and she smiles as I ask, “About?”
I don’t expect her to answer me. I fully expect her tell me nothing or deflect, but then she opens her eyes and says, “You.”
Surprised, I point to myself and ask, “Me?”
“Yeah,” she says, and then she comes up on her forearms, picking at her pillow as she chews on her lip.
As I watch her, I move her hair behind her ear, running the back of my hand along her cheek. “Can I know what? Or are you gonna keep it to yourself?”
She looks over at me, leaning into my hand as she whispers, “I’m thinking, hold on.” Holding my gaze, she swallows loudly, and I wonder what is going on. She’s actually making me a bit nervous. What did those girls say to her? Finally, she clears her throat and asks, “Does it bother you that I want to keep our relationship a secret?”
Letting my head fall to the side, I’m surprised by the question. Why were they worried about that? Going with the truth, I nod. “Kinda, but I understand why.”
“They think I need to tell my dad,” she says softly. “That I don’t need to hide us because you should be able to show me off.”
“I’d like to,” I admit, and she rolls her eyes.
“There is nothing to show off.”
“Says the person who can’t take a compliment or see that she is the most beautiful girl in the world. But who’s keeping tabs, eh?” I ask, and she looks away, rubbing her nose against the pillow. She is so ridiculously adorable.
“Anyway,” she says sharply. “I tried to explain that I’m doing this for you. That he’ll freak, and I don’t want anything ruining your career.”
Nodding my head, I pinch her chin, bringing her gaze to mine. “Yeah, I get that, that’s why I don’t mind it. But why does it matter to them?”
“Because they think you don’t mind for another reason.”
“Which is?”
“They think it’s ’cause you are in love with me.”
That catches me off guard. How did they know that? Am I really that obvious? But then the real question is, if they know, how does she not know? But with one look in her eyes, I know why.
Because she doesn’t want to.
Her eyes are swimming in uneasiness, her face is creeping with color, and I really don’t understand why. Would it really be that bad if I loved her? Before I can answer her though, when honestly, I have no clue what I would say, she is rambling. “Yeah, crazy, right? But I told them that’s insane. Why would you love me? I’m not that great, and it’s early, right? They are insane.”
“You’re rambling,” I inform her, and she lets out a long breath before shaking her head. “And you are great, stop putting yourself down. It’s annoying as hell.”
Glaring at me, she shakes her head. “I just… I don’t know, it’s just bothering me,” she admits then. “But really, you don’t love me, right?”
Her eyes tell me to say no, but my heart is screaming yes. Looking away, I laugh. “That’s usually not how it’s asked,” I joke, trying to ease her fears. But she doesn’t laugh, she just watches me.
“I just think it’d be stupid for us to feel something like that because it is so new. I mean, we’ve only been together a couple weeks.”
“Very true,” I say because I know that’s what she wants.
“So, no, right?”
Looking over at her, I know that I need to tell her the truth, but she isn’t ready. I don’t want to lie to her, I don’t, but her eyes are telling me that even if I did admit it, she’d deflect it and then run. So I do the one thing I promised I wouldn’t. I become a doormat, and I push aside my feelings to accommodate hers.
“No, not yet, Bay.”
But then again, maybe I’m not. Because the way I see it, I’m doing this to ease her into accepting the fact that I do love her. So does that make me a doormat?
Fuck, who the hell even knows?
What I do know is that I love her and that I really want her to love me.
But first, she has to realize she is capable of it.
“Yet?” she asks, her eyes going wide. “So you think you will?”
“Oh, I know I will,” I say with all the conviction in the world. “How could I not? You’re talented, smart, and you’ve got a great ass,” I say, taking a handful of said ass. I hope to make her laugh, but she’s still looking at me like I admitted to loving her. Making a face at her, I ask, “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Because, I don’t know, I thought maybe this was just a college thing…” she says warily, looking away.
“Do you really believe that?” I ask with a scoff. “Is that how you see this?”
“Delanie and Mandie said the same thing,” she says before looking over at me.
“And?”
“And no, I don’t see us that way. I’d like to see it being long-term.”
“Then isn’t it part of the process for me to fall for you?” I ask, and she nods.
“Yeah, right now, it just seems early to me.”
“Maybe, but it happens when it wants to. You can’t control it,” I remind her, and she nods.
“Oh, I know that. If I could, I wouldn’t have wasted my love on Seth,” she says, sucking in a deep breath. She lets it out as I watch her, trying to read her. She’s trying to close up on me, and I curse Delanie and Mandie. Couldn’t they just leave her alone?
“I don’t know, it just freaks me out.”
“What does?”
“Love,” she answers with a shake of her head.
“Why’s that?” I ask, and slowly she brings her lip between her teeth. She doesn’t answer for a long time, she only sits there, her fingers moving against the palm of my hand as she continues to chew on her lip.
