Clipped by Love
Page 94
Finally looking over at me, she looks deep into my eyes and whispers, “Because my dad loved my mom so much. They were supposed to get married and all this jazz, but she just left him, me. Then Seth used me and left me. It seems like everyone I love leaves me.”
“But your dad,” I remind her. “He wouldn’t leave you for anything. He quit for you because he loves you so much.”
A small smile pulls at her lips as she nods. “He’s the only reason I even believe in love.”
Staring at her profile, I honestly want to cry for the girl who’s been hurt by these people who should have done right by her. I wish I had been her first love because I would have been her only. I would never have used her or thrown her to the side. I would have loved her with all my soul and cared for her the way she needed to be cared for. I can’t erase what her mom did to her, but I can and will erase what that douche-bag did to her. But I gotta make her realize that there is love out there for her. My love.
“Maybe I can be another reason?” I suggest almost in a whisper.
Her eyes widen a bit as her gaze holds mine. Sucking in a breath and then letting it out her nose, she slowly nods. “I think you could be.”
I don’t know what I expected her to say, but that surprises the living hell out of me, that’s for sure. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” she says, leaning to me and rubbing her nose against mine. “I just worry that I’m not worth all the trouble.”
Wrapping my arms around her, I pull her in close and close my eyes against her cheek. “You’re more than worth it, Baylor. I promise you that.”
As we hold each other, I feel like I’ve cracked another level of her. She tries so hard not to be sensitive, to hold all this in, and really, I don’t know why. She is such a beautiful person, inside and out, and I feel so blessed to be the one to see every piece. I just want her to let go. To live the life she wants, and I really do feel she’s getting there.
I’m about to fall asleep holding her when she whispers, “Why do you even believe in it, Jayden?”
Opening my eyes, I nuzzle her cheek. “Believe in what?”
“Love. After all you’ve been through, how could you?”
Smiling, I think, because of you. And it’s what I want to say, but I know it isn’t the right time—which, again, could make me a doormat, but at this point I don’t care. She’s slowly but surely opening up to me, and that’s all I can ask for. I said I wanted her to try. She’s fucking trying, and soon she’ll be screaming that she loves me.
I just know it.
She’s my kind of perfect, and you don’t throw perfect away.
Kissing her cheek, I whisper, “Because I want to.”
“Why, though?”
“Because being loved by someone I love is my nirvana.”
“I want that nirvana,” she whispers against my cheek.
“Then take it,” I suggest, and I can feel her smiling against my cheek.
“It isn’t that easy.”
“It is,” I say, pulling back to look at her, her sleepy hazel eyes burning into mine. “You just have to ask for it.”
Holding my gaze, she sucks in a deep breath, and I feel like she’s going to ask. My heart starts to pound in my chest, and I can’t seem to catch my breath. I can see it in her eyes. She wants to ask, but then she’s looking away, tucking her face into my neck.
“Maybe one day,” she whispers, and I want to scream in frustration.
But I don’t.
Instead, I wrap my arms tightly around her and kiss her jaw as she cuddles deeper against me. As her breathing slows and she falls asleep, I pray that that one day comes quickly.
Because I don’t think I can hold in my love for her much longer.
“So she’s making me dance at the wedding, like a whole choreographed dance.”
Laughing, I look over at Jude on FaceTime as he leans on his hand while I brush my hair. “Better start watching Dirty Dancing,” I tease and he rolls his eyes.
“Whatever, dude.”
“Just kidding,” I laugh. “That sounds awful.”
“Right?” he says, shaking his head.
“Having to dance with your hot wife and feel her all up. Man, I’d hate to be in your shoes,” I add, and he shrugs, thinking that over for a moment.
“Maybe I need to rethink this,” he says, and I roll my eyes at him. He’s such a dweeb. “Oh, but I did say that if I have to dance, then you and Jace do too.”
Scoffing, I shake my head. “I’m not doing any kind of wedding dance. That shit is wack. Forget it.”
“My thoughts exactly, but she wants to do it,” he groans. “Mom thinks it’s amazing.”
I laugh before reaching for my tie. “Mom is just excited for the wedding, but I’m not doing some dance.”
Letting out a breath, he leans in his chair. “Yeah, okay. You tell Claire that.”
“I will,” I say with a grin. “I’m not scared of her.”
“Sure, you aren’t,” he laughs and I shrug. She isn’t that scary.
“Have y’all even set a date yet?”
Shaking his head, he runs his hand through his hair. “No, we are doing that tonight when she gets in.”
“Cool, let me know,” I say, tying my tie.
“Is Mom coming tonight?” he asks, speaking of the Bullies fund raising dinner. We do this every year to celebrate our benefactors and to auction stuff off for all our traveling. It’s always fun, but I have to say, I’m most excited about seeing Baylor all dressed up. It’s been a month since she got hurt, and you wouldn’t be able to tell she even hit her head. She’s been working her ass off and taking names; she’s amazing. She played for only for ten minutes her first game back, but she was out there and rocked it. Scored a goal and everything. Since then, we’ve played five games and won them all. Everyone still guns for her, but she’s worked hard and is taking the hits like a champ. She’s also starting to like running, I think.
Okay, kinda.
Actually, no, she still hates it.
But she likes me and I feel we are solid. We spend most of our time holed up in my room or hers, watching Supernatural between partying with the guys and doing homework. We are still keeping us a secret, but I’m pretty sure everyone knows we are together, except for Coach. He has no clue, and no one has said anything. Even Jace and Markus don’t even tease us anymore; they just accept what we are.
“But your dad,” I remind her. “He wouldn’t leave you for anything. He quit for you because he loves you so much.”
A small smile pulls at her lips as she nods. “He’s the only reason I even believe in love.”
Staring at her profile, I honestly want to cry for the girl who’s been hurt by these people who should have done right by her. I wish I had been her first love because I would have been her only. I would never have used her or thrown her to the side. I would have loved her with all my soul and cared for her the way she needed to be cared for. I can’t erase what her mom did to her, but I can and will erase what that douche-bag did to her. But I gotta make her realize that there is love out there for her. My love.
“Maybe I can be another reason?” I suggest almost in a whisper.
Her eyes widen a bit as her gaze holds mine. Sucking in a breath and then letting it out her nose, she slowly nods. “I think you could be.”
I don’t know what I expected her to say, but that surprises the living hell out of me, that’s for sure. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” she says, leaning to me and rubbing her nose against mine. “I just worry that I’m not worth all the trouble.”
Wrapping my arms around her, I pull her in close and close my eyes against her cheek. “You’re more than worth it, Baylor. I promise you that.”
As we hold each other, I feel like I’ve cracked another level of her. She tries so hard not to be sensitive, to hold all this in, and really, I don’t know why. She is such a beautiful person, inside and out, and I feel so blessed to be the one to see every piece. I just want her to let go. To live the life she wants, and I really do feel she’s getting there.
I’m about to fall asleep holding her when she whispers, “Why do you even believe in it, Jayden?”
Opening my eyes, I nuzzle her cheek. “Believe in what?”
“Love. After all you’ve been through, how could you?”
Smiling, I think, because of you. And it’s what I want to say, but I know it isn’t the right time—which, again, could make me a doormat, but at this point I don’t care. She’s slowly but surely opening up to me, and that’s all I can ask for. I said I wanted her to try. She’s fucking trying, and soon she’ll be screaming that she loves me.
I just know it.
She’s my kind of perfect, and you don’t throw perfect away.
Kissing her cheek, I whisper, “Because I want to.”
“Why, though?”
“Because being loved by someone I love is my nirvana.”
“I want that nirvana,” she whispers against my cheek.
“Then take it,” I suggest, and I can feel her smiling against my cheek.
“It isn’t that easy.”
“It is,” I say, pulling back to look at her, her sleepy hazel eyes burning into mine. “You just have to ask for it.”
Holding my gaze, she sucks in a deep breath, and I feel like she’s going to ask. My heart starts to pound in my chest, and I can’t seem to catch my breath. I can see it in her eyes. She wants to ask, but then she’s looking away, tucking her face into my neck.
“Maybe one day,” she whispers, and I want to scream in frustration.
But I don’t.
Instead, I wrap my arms tightly around her and kiss her jaw as she cuddles deeper against me. As her breathing slows and she falls asleep, I pray that that one day comes quickly.
Because I don’t think I can hold in my love for her much longer.
“So she’s making me dance at the wedding, like a whole choreographed dance.”
Laughing, I look over at Jude on FaceTime as he leans on his hand while I brush my hair. “Better start watching Dirty Dancing,” I tease and he rolls his eyes.
“Whatever, dude.”
“Just kidding,” I laugh. “That sounds awful.”
“Right?” he says, shaking his head.
“Having to dance with your hot wife and feel her all up. Man, I’d hate to be in your shoes,” I add, and he shrugs, thinking that over for a moment.
“Maybe I need to rethink this,” he says, and I roll my eyes at him. He’s such a dweeb. “Oh, but I did say that if I have to dance, then you and Jace do too.”
Scoffing, I shake my head. “I’m not doing any kind of wedding dance. That shit is wack. Forget it.”
“My thoughts exactly, but she wants to do it,” he groans. “Mom thinks it’s amazing.”
I laugh before reaching for my tie. “Mom is just excited for the wedding, but I’m not doing some dance.”
Letting out a breath, he leans in his chair. “Yeah, okay. You tell Claire that.”
“I will,” I say with a grin. “I’m not scared of her.”
“Sure, you aren’t,” he laughs and I shrug. She isn’t that scary.
“Have y’all even set a date yet?”
Shaking his head, he runs his hand through his hair. “No, we are doing that tonight when she gets in.”
“Cool, let me know,” I say, tying my tie.
“Is Mom coming tonight?” he asks, speaking of the Bullies fund raising dinner. We do this every year to celebrate our benefactors and to auction stuff off for all our traveling. It’s always fun, but I have to say, I’m most excited about seeing Baylor all dressed up. It’s been a month since she got hurt, and you wouldn’t be able to tell she even hit her head. She’s been working her ass off and taking names; she’s amazing. She played for only for ten minutes her first game back, but she was out there and rocked it. Scored a goal and everything. Since then, we’ve played five games and won them all. Everyone still guns for her, but she’s worked hard and is taking the hits like a champ. She’s also starting to like running, I think.
Okay, kinda.
Actually, no, she still hates it.
But she likes me and I feel we are solid. We spend most of our time holed up in my room or hers, watching Supernatural between partying with the guys and doing homework. We are still keeping us a secret, but I’m pretty sure everyone knows we are together, except for Coach. He has no clue, and no one has said anything. Even Jace and Markus don’t even tease us anymore; they just accept what we are.
