Closer to the Edge
Page 22
“You’re a very lucky man, Cole,” she finally says when she reaches the end of the paperwork, tossing the folder down on the coffee table in front of us. “If you hadn’t received medical attention as quickly as you did, you wouldn’t even have that leg anymore. Getting the knee stabilized so quickly after the injury was the only thing that saved you.”
I nod my head in agreement, knowing I have Hoss to thank for hauling my ass back to the extraction point as fast as he could.
“It was a pretty bad situation. Our team of four was cut in half pretty quickly, so it was just me and Hoss left behind to finish the job.”
She looks up at me and her eyes soften. “You don’t have to tell me if it’s too painful.”
I shake my head in disagreement. “No, I need to talk about it. I should have talked to you about everything a long time ago.”
I start thinking about Dragon and King—my reasons for going back to the Dominican. As Navy SEALS, each of us took an oath to never quit and be physically and mentally stronger than our enemies. As friends and brothers, we took an oath to always have each other’s backs no matter what. I don’t realize my hands are shaking until I feel Olivia’s softer ones slide on top of them to still their movement. I look up into her face and I don’t see pity, like I feared. I see understanding and compassion.
“How about for right now, we just focus on the injury itself. You have six weeks of my torture sessions to talk about anything you want. In between cursing at me, of course,” she jokes softly.
God, I love this woman. No matter what I told her when I left, I knew I would love her until I took my last breath.
“I’ve been warned PT actually stands for pain and torture instead of physical therapy,” I tell her with a smile, flipping my hand over until her palm is resting against mine.
She doesn’t immediately pull away and I take that as a good sign. Feeling a little bold and hopeful, I slide my fingers through hers and give her hand a squeeze.
“It’s true. I get a sadistic kick out of tormenting my patients, but you’ll be happy to know they all thank me in the end.”
Not wanting to ruin the moment by saying something stupid about how good it feels to have her hand in mine, I pretend like it’s totally natural to be sitting next to her on the couch holding hands and I launch into the explanation of how my knee got fucked up. As I’m winding down a few minutes later, I realize how good it feels to talk about this with someone. I knew that repairing the damage between Olivia and I meant I’d have to tell her everything. Even though I haven’t gotten to the heart of the reason why I left her, I’ve told her more than I ever thought I would. I’ve brought her into the part of my world that I’d kept locked away and it feels good.
“I’m telling you, adrenaline should be bottled and sold on street corners. I was so fucking high that I didn’t even feel the bullet go in. It wasn’t until Hoss put a hand on my shoulder and I realized the house was completely silent that it hit me. The bullet most likely slammed into my knee as soon as we entered, but I didn’t feel a thing until we were finished. I owe Hoss big time. That country bumpkin bastard tossed me over his shoulder and hauled my ass through the woods for two miles to the HELO that was waiting to take us to safety.”
I laugh thinking about that HELO ride. I was in and out of consciousness, but I remember a few things before they shot me full of morphine. I recall Hoss calling me a pussy and telling me it was just a flesh wound, even though I knew from the pain that my knee was most likely a mangled mess of blood, flesh and bone. I also remember Hoss asking one of the medical corpsman if he had any beer mixed in with the cooler of blood bags because “it’s been a rough fucking day and I could use a brewski”.
“What about the other two guys? Did they make it out okay?” Olivia asks.
I nod my head with a smile on my face. “Yep, Lucky got Zeus to the extraction point in record time and the bullet Zeus took to the shoulder was through and through, so the doctors were able to fix him up pretty quick. Thank God Lucky had the sense to radio for a second HELO as soon as theirs took off.”
We sit next to each other on the couch, still holding hands, staring silently at the brace on my knee. I know that things could have gone to complete shit in the Dominican if it hadn’t been for the competence of my team. I am so fucking grateful for the opportunity to be sitting here next to Olivia, breathing the same air as her. Fuck, the fact I’m still topside is a miracle in itself. I am NOT going to fuck it up this time.
“It killed me to leave you,” I whisper, keeping my gaze locked on my knee. I can’t look at her for this next part. My reasons for leaving seem like complete and utter bullshit when I look at her face and see what my abandonment did to her.
“So why did you?” she whispers back.
With a deep sigh, I close my eyes and go back to the beginning. Back to where it all started, where friendships were made and unbreakable bonds were formed.
“If you can believe it, I was a scrawny little shit in high school. I’d shot up to six feet the summer before ninth grade but I was all of a buck twenty-five soaking wet. Combine that with my love of all things Star Wars and I was an easy target for the asshole bullies in the pretentious private school my parents made me attend,” I told her, thinking about all the times I’d been shoved against lockers and tripped in the hallways.
“One day, right at the start of football season, these four douchebags from the lacrosse team were chasing me across the field. I don’t even remember why I was running from them, I just remember busting onto the field right in the middle of the Varsity football practice. I realized after I got to the end zone that no one was chasing me anymore. When I stopped and turned around, I saw two guys in football gear beating the hell out of the assholes who’d been chasing me. When the lacrosse guys managed to get away, my saviors walked over and introduced themselves—Jared King and Chris Dragon, the only two freshmen on the Varsity football team because they were fucking beasts even at fifteen years old. I knew who they were; hell, everyone knew who they were, but we obviously didn’t run in the same circles and I assumed they didn’t even know my name. I actually put up my hands in front of my face like the pussy I was because I just assumed they were coming over to kick my ass, too. I’ll never forget the first words Jared said to me.”
I nod my head in agreement, knowing I have Hoss to thank for hauling my ass back to the extraction point as fast as he could.
“It was a pretty bad situation. Our team of four was cut in half pretty quickly, so it was just me and Hoss left behind to finish the job.”
She looks up at me and her eyes soften. “You don’t have to tell me if it’s too painful.”
I shake my head in disagreement. “No, I need to talk about it. I should have talked to you about everything a long time ago.”
I start thinking about Dragon and King—my reasons for going back to the Dominican. As Navy SEALS, each of us took an oath to never quit and be physically and mentally stronger than our enemies. As friends and brothers, we took an oath to always have each other’s backs no matter what. I don’t realize my hands are shaking until I feel Olivia’s softer ones slide on top of them to still their movement. I look up into her face and I don’t see pity, like I feared. I see understanding and compassion.
“How about for right now, we just focus on the injury itself. You have six weeks of my torture sessions to talk about anything you want. In between cursing at me, of course,” she jokes softly.
God, I love this woman. No matter what I told her when I left, I knew I would love her until I took my last breath.
“I’ve been warned PT actually stands for pain and torture instead of physical therapy,” I tell her with a smile, flipping my hand over until her palm is resting against mine.
She doesn’t immediately pull away and I take that as a good sign. Feeling a little bold and hopeful, I slide my fingers through hers and give her hand a squeeze.
“It’s true. I get a sadistic kick out of tormenting my patients, but you’ll be happy to know they all thank me in the end.”
Not wanting to ruin the moment by saying something stupid about how good it feels to have her hand in mine, I pretend like it’s totally natural to be sitting next to her on the couch holding hands and I launch into the explanation of how my knee got fucked up. As I’m winding down a few minutes later, I realize how good it feels to talk about this with someone. I knew that repairing the damage between Olivia and I meant I’d have to tell her everything. Even though I haven’t gotten to the heart of the reason why I left her, I’ve told her more than I ever thought I would. I’ve brought her into the part of my world that I’d kept locked away and it feels good.
“I’m telling you, adrenaline should be bottled and sold on street corners. I was so fucking high that I didn’t even feel the bullet go in. It wasn’t until Hoss put a hand on my shoulder and I realized the house was completely silent that it hit me. The bullet most likely slammed into my knee as soon as we entered, but I didn’t feel a thing until we were finished. I owe Hoss big time. That country bumpkin bastard tossed me over his shoulder and hauled my ass through the woods for two miles to the HELO that was waiting to take us to safety.”
I laugh thinking about that HELO ride. I was in and out of consciousness, but I remember a few things before they shot me full of morphine. I recall Hoss calling me a pussy and telling me it was just a flesh wound, even though I knew from the pain that my knee was most likely a mangled mess of blood, flesh and bone. I also remember Hoss asking one of the medical corpsman if he had any beer mixed in with the cooler of blood bags because “it’s been a rough fucking day and I could use a brewski”.
“What about the other two guys? Did they make it out okay?” Olivia asks.
I nod my head with a smile on my face. “Yep, Lucky got Zeus to the extraction point in record time and the bullet Zeus took to the shoulder was through and through, so the doctors were able to fix him up pretty quick. Thank God Lucky had the sense to radio for a second HELO as soon as theirs took off.”
We sit next to each other on the couch, still holding hands, staring silently at the brace on my knee. I know that things could have gone to complete shit in the Dominican if it hadn’t been for the competence of my team. I am so fucking grateful for the opportunity to be sitting here next to Olivia, breathing the same air as her. Fuck, the fact I’m still topside is a miracle in itself. I am NOT going to fuck it up this time.
“It killed me to leave you,” I whisper, keeping my gaze locked on my knee. I can’t look at her for this next part. My reasons for leaving seem like complete and utter bullshit when I look at her face and see what my abandonment did to her.
“So why did you?” she whispers back.
With a deep sigh, I close my eyes and go back to the beginning. Back to where it all started, where friendships were made and unbreakable bonds were formed.
“If you can believe it, I was a scrawny little shit in high school. I’d shot up to six feet the summer before ninth grade but I was all of a buck twenty-five soaking wet. Combine that with my love of all things Star Wars and I was an easy target for the asshole bullies in the pretentious private school my parents made me attend,” I told her, thinking about all the times I’d been shoved against lockers and tripped in the hallways.
“One day, right at the start of football season, these four douchebags from the lacrosse team were chasing me across the field. I don’t even remember why I was running from them, I just remember busting onto the field right in the middle of the Varsity football practice. I realized after I got to the end zone that no one was chasing me anymore. When I stopped and turned around, I saw two guys in football gear beating the hell out of the assholes who’d been chasing me. When the lacrosse guys managed to get away, my saviors walked over and introduced themselves—Jared King and Chris Dragon, the only two freshmen on the Varsity football team because they were fucking beasts even at fifteen years old. I knew who they were; hell, everyone knew who they were, but we obviously didn’t run in the same circles and I assumed they didn’t even know my name. I actually put up my hands in front of my face like the pussy I was because I just assumed they were coming over to kick my ass, too. I’ll never forget the first words Jared said to me.”
