Closer to the Edge
Page 37
THE NEXT WEEK flies by and Cole’s knee is responding well to rehabilitation. He isn’t cursing at me nearly as much when I put him through the rigorous physical therapy exercises. He still swears, but at least it’s under his breath and not aimed right at me, so it’s an improvement.
“I really can’t believe how well you’re doing. I’ve never seen anyone with this much knee damage able to bounce back so quickly,” I tell him, holding his leg in my hand and helping him slowly bend and stretch it out as he lies on his back, going through the cool down exercises,
“Too bad it will never fully heal. My career as a bad ass Navy SEAL is a thing of the past now,” he says with a laugh.
His smile doesn’t make it to his eyes and I know it must be killing him to realize everything he worked so hard for all his life is finished. He’ll never go on another mission, he’ll never take out another bad guy and he’ll never work side by side with the men he calls brothers. I know he was semi-retired those two years we were together, but at least he still had the option of going back to work.
“It’s hard when your choices are taken from you and you don’t get a say in the matter,” I tell him quietly as I set his leg down on the mat and start massaging his knee.
“It really fucking sucks,” he agrees.
I smile as I work my fingers softly into the scarred skin all around his knee.
“Say it,” he tells me.
My hands stop moving and I pull my head up to look at him.
“We’re both feeling like less than we are because of circumstances out of our control. I can never be a SEAL again because of this damn knee and you…”
I swallow thickly as his voice softens.
“You can never have more children. Everything inside of me hurts just saying those words out loud because I know, more than anything, that any child would be lucky to have you as a mom.”
He sits up, holding my face in his hands and pressing a kiss to my lips.
“It fucking sucks. Say it.”
I sigh against his lips and whisper the words.
“Nope. Not gonna work. You have to say it and mean it.”
I can’t help but smile at him. I pull my head back and stare into his brown eyes.
“It. Fucking. Sucks,” I say loudly, with conviction in my voice.
A smile lights up his face and he nods his head, urging me to do it again. I throw my head back and scream the words as loud as I can and he shouts right along with me. We end up shouting until we laugh so hard our sides hurt.
“Alright, get back down on the ground, mister. I’m not finished with your massage,” I tell him after our laughter finally dies down.
He rolls away from me and lies down on his stomach, tucking his hands under his chin while I get to work rubbing down the back of his leg. After a few quiet minutes, he breaks the silence.
“Hey, do you remember that piece of land we found that day we were driving around? The one on the cliff overlooking the ocean?”
My heart starts beating faster as I think about the spot he’s referring to. At one time, that half-acre of land represented hope and a perfect future that I thought was right within my reach.
“Um, yeah. I guess so,” I tell him nonchalantly, rolling my eyes at how stupid I sound.
“Everything was so perfect that day. Not a cloud in the sky, driving along the coast with the windows down and then you saw that For Sale sign and your scream made my ears bleed,” he jokes with a laugh.
Reaching up, I give him a nice, firm swat on the ass.
“I did not scream that loud.”
“Are you kidding me, dogs ten miles away started howling,” he chuckles.
I remember every single thing about that day. I remember dragging him out of the car and making him walk every inch of the half-acre property. I remember standing right on the edge of the cliff, looking out at the sun setting over the ocean and talking about how perfect it would be to build a house there, raise a family, wake up every morning with that view outside our living room window.
“Someone bought it,” I tell him softly.
He cranes his neck over his shoulder and looks at me. “What?”
“I said, someone bought it. I drove by there a few weeks ago and they’ve already started building on it.”
I don’t tell him how much it hurt to see someone else’s dreams coming true in the spot where I thought all mine would finally be realized. I parked my car in front of the temporary gravel driveway they put in, watched the construction workers frame the house and cried harder than I had in a long time.
“Huh.”
That’s all Cole says before he turns around and puts his head back on the tops of his hands while I finish his massage.
A little while later, I shake out my hands and let him know I’m done. He rolls over, grabbing my hands and yanking me down on top of his body.
“I don’t think you’re quite finished yet,” he tells me with a smirk.
I straddle his hips and rest my palms on his chest while he rubs his hands up and down the outside of my thighs.
“Oh really? Is there something else that’s in need of a massage, Mr. Vargas?” I ask him with a cheeky grin.
He bucks his hips up against me and I let out a gasp when I feel how hard he is for me.
“I’m definitely having some trouble with a very, very large muscle in my pants,” he tells me, trying unsuccessfully to be serious.
My body shakes with laughter as I lean forward, pressing my hands into the mat on either side of his head. “You really need to work on these charming lines of yours.”
“I really can’t believe how well you’re doing. I’ve never seen anyone with this much knee damage able to bounce back so quickly,” I tell him, holding his leg in my hand and helping him slowly bend and stretch it out as he lies on his back, going through the cool down exercises,
“Too bad it will never fully heal. My career as a bad ass Navy SEAL is a thing of the past now,” he says with a laugh.
His smile doesn’t make it to his eyes and I know it must be killing him to realize everything he worked so hard for all his life is finished. He’ll never go on another mission, he’ll never take out another bad guy and he’ll never work side by side with the men he calls brothers. I know he was semi-retired those two years we were together, but at least he still had the option of going back to work.
“It’s hard when your choices are taken from you and you don’t get a say in the matter,” I tell him quietly as I set his leg down on the mat and start massaging his knee.
“It really fucking sucks,” he agrees.
I smile as I work my fingers softly into the scarred skin all around his knee.
“Say it,” he tells me.
My hands stop moving and I pull my head up to look at him.
“We’re both feeling like less than we are because of circumstances out of our control. I can never be a SEAL again because of this damn knee and you…”
I swallow thickly as his voice softens.
“You can never have more children. Everything inside of me hurts just saying those words out loud because I know, more than anything, that any child would be lucky to have you as a mom.”
He sits up, holding my face in his hands and pressing a kiss to my lips.
“It fucking sucks. Say it.”
I sigh against his lips and whisper the words.
“Nope. Not gonna work. You have to say it and mean it.”
I can’t help but smile at him. I pull my head back and stare into his brown eyes.
“It. Fucking. Sucks,” I say loudly, with conviction in my voice.
A smile lights up his face and he nods his head, urging me to do it again. I throw my head back and scream the words as loud as I can and he shouts right along with me. We end up shouting until we laugh so hard our sides hurt.
“Alright, get back down on the ground, mister. I’m not finished with your massage,” I tell him after our laughter finally dies down.
He rolls away from me and lies down on his stomach, tucking his hands under his chin while I get to work rubbing down the back of his leg. After a few quiet minutes, he breaks the silence.
“Hey, do you remember that piece of land we found that day we were driving around? The one on the cliff overlooking the ocean?”
My heart starts beating faster as I think about the spot he’s referring to. At one time, that half-acre of land represented hope and a perfect future that I thought was right within my reach.
“Um, yeah. I guess so,” I tell him nonchalantly, rolling my eyes at how stupid I sound.
“Everything was so perfect that day. Not a cloud in the sky, driving along the coast with the windows down and then you saw that For Sale sign and your scream made my ears bleed,” he jokes with a laugh.
Reaching up, I give him a nice, firm swat on the ass.
“I did not scream that loud.”
“Are you kidding me, dogs ten miles away started howling,” he chuckles.
I remember every single thing about that day. I remember dragging him out of the car and making him walk every inch of the half-acre property. I remember standing right on the edge of the cliff, looking out at the sun setting over the ocean and talking about how perfect it would be to build a house there, raise a family, wake up every morning with that view outside our living room window.
“Someone bought it,” I tell him softly.
He cranes his neck over his shoulder and looks at me. “What?”
“I said, someone bought it. I drove by there a few weeks ago and they’ve already started building on it.”
I don’t tell him how much it hurt to see someone else’s dreams coming true in the spot where I thought all mine would finally be realized. I parked my car in front of the temporary gravel driveway they put in, watched the construction workers frame the house and cried harder than I had in a long time.
“Huh.”
That’s all Cole says before he turns around and puts his head back on the tops of his hands while I finish his massage.
A little while later, I shake out my hands and let him know I’m done. He rolls over, grabbing my hands and yanking me down on top of his body.
“I don’t think you’re quite finished yet,” he tells me with a smirk.
I straddle his hips and rest my palms on his chest while he rubs his hands up and down the outside of my thighs.
“Oh really? Is there something else that’s in need of a massage, Mr. Vargas?” I ask him with a cheeky grin.
He bucks his hips up against me and I let out a gasp when I feel how hard he is for me.
“I’m definitely having some trouble with a very, very large muscle in my pants,” he tells me, trying unsuccessfully to be serious.
My body shakes with laughter as I lean forward, pressing my hands into the mat on either side of his head. “You really need to work on these charming lines of yours.”
