Craving Constellations
Page 12
I tried to picture my name-brand baby growing up in the life, and I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t imagine her in ratty jeans or band T-shirts, playing in the hose next to the compound, all dirty. I wondered if this would change her entire personality. I started to imagine my innocent Trix with tattoos and facial piercings, and I had to stop a giggle in my throat. The tension at the table was killing me, and I was getting so anxious that it began bordering on hysteria. When I started to seriously wonder if I was going to have to buy some non-toxic soap in order to wash Trix’s mouth out, Slider finally stood up from the table.
“Vera, why don’t you and Trix see if you can find a movie to watch? Poet, Brenna, and I are going into the office for a bit.” He looked at Trix. “See if you can find a good one, yeah? Then, maybe you can have some ice cream or somethin’.”
Trix looked to me for permission, and even though I didn’t want to, I smiled and gave it to her. Dammit. Once Trix and Vera left the room, I followed Pop and Slider into his office. It was a medium-sized room that should have been a bedroom, but Slider had converted it into his cave. A walk-in closet was transformed into a large safe, and the windows were covered in dark curtains. Growing up, I had always wondered what he kept in that massive safe until I realized the business he was in. Then, I’d avoided it at all costs.
“Take a seat, Brenna. I think we have some things to discuss.”
I took a deep breath as I sat on a black leather chair facing his massive desk. Pop walked around and stood at Slider’s shoulder, and my stomach clenched even though I knew that he was standing in his designated place. He always stood at Slider’s left during business meetings. It still hurt like a bitch that he wasn’t standing by me though. He was making a point. His allegiance was to Slider.
That was when I knew I was going to like this conversation even less than I had envisioned.
Slider didn’t hesitate before he started speaking. “You fucked up, Brenna. You fucked up in so many ways I’m not even going to list them all because we would be here all fucking night. Let’s just discuss the biggest transgressions, shall we?”
This was not the man I had known all my life. This was a stranger. He had never before talked to me in this tone of voice, and I knew that just as with Vera earlier, I was finally seeing the man that everyone was afraid of. I was suddenly more scared than I had ever been in my entire life, ironically, while I was in the same room with the men I’d thought would protect me. My throat clogged with tears, but I raised my chin. Never let them see you sweat. Predators fed on the weak.
“You left your pop, my vice president, with no notice and no backward glance. You showed no respect for this club and the family that raised you. You fucked a member, putting his life in jeopardy. You lied to that same member about who you are and who your father is.”
At this point, I tried to speak. “I didn’t—”
But he quickly stopped me by slamming his hand down on the top of his desk.
“Do not speak unless I tell you to!” he growled. “You left your family, your club, your father, Vera, and your president without a word. You left the man you fucked over without a word. And you left carrying that man’s child and didn’t disclose that information until today. Correct?”
I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to speak yet, so I just sat there while he stared at me. I figured silence was my best course of action.
“Answer when I ask you a question.”
I looked back and forth between my pop and Slider, but their faces held no emotion. I couldn’t read them. I had never seen this side of either of them before. “Yeah.” I cleared my throat. “That’s correct.”
“Fuck, Brenna. If you were any other woman, you’d be beaten black-and-blue for this stunt you fucking pulled. I wanted to go after you when you left, but your pop stayed my hand. Said if you didn’t want this life, that it was your choice. I didn’t agree with him, but I didn’t push it either. Now, it seems as if I should have pushed it. ’Cause you fucked and then fucked over one of my lieutenants. Left him with his baby planted in your belly and then married some dumb fuck. Fucked over a man I respect. A good soldier. Made him lie to his brothers. Made Grease lie for him.” He looked down at his hands as if searching for patience, and when he lifted his head, I could tell he had found it. “You’re here now. What? You decided now that your life isn’t all rainbows and butterflies and that maybe you’re not too good for this club all of a sudden?”
I knew his question was rhetorical, so I kept my mouth shut.
His next words made it drop back open though. “You’re not leaving again. We let you go off on your own, and it was a mistake. I only make mistakes once. If you pull some shit like this again, I’ll wash my hands of you. I won’t let Vera at you as a matter of respect for your father, but you will not be allowed on club grounds again. You will no longer have the protection of the club that has protected you all of your life. Do you understand me? You will be fair game to every fucking cartel and rival club in the continental United States. You’re Poet’s daughter. Men will try to use you to get to me, and you know what they will to do to you. If you step foot off club grounds with the intention of taking off, I will leave you to the wolves. Are we fucking clear?”
My mind spun with scenarios, and none of them were things I wanted to contemplate. I had to stay here? I had planned for this to be a stopping-off point—a place where I could get my troubles taken care of and get my daughter protected. Then, I could leave and start a life somewhere new—safe from the monster I was married to and away from this life that I had never wanted.
“Vera, why don’t you and Trix see if you can find a movie to watch? Poet, Brenna, and I are going into the office for a bit.” He looked at Trix. “See if you can find a good one, yeah? Then, maybe you can have some ice cream or somethin’.”
Trix looked to me for permission, and even though I didn’t want to, I smiled and gave it to her. Dammit. Once Trix and Vera left the room, I followed Pop and Slider into his office. It was a medium-sized room that should have been a bedroom, but Slider had converted it into his cave. A walk-in closet was transformed into a large safe, and the windows were covered in dark curtains. Growing up, I had always wondered what he kept in that massive safe until I realized the business he was in. Then, I’d avoided it at all costs.
“Take a seat, Brenna. I think we have some things to discuss.”
I took a deep breath as I sat on a black leather chair facing his massive desk. Pop walked around and stood at Slider’s shoulder, and my stomach clenched even though I knew that he was standing in his designated place. He always stood at Slider’s left during business meetings. It still hurt like a bitch that he wasn’t standing by me though. He was making a point. His allegiance was to Slider.
That was when I knew I was going to like this conversation even less than I had envisioned.
Slider didn’t hesitate before he started speaking. “You fucked up, Brenna. You fucked up in so many ways I’m not even going to list them all because we would be here all fucking night. Let’s just discuss the biggest transgressions, shall we?”
This was not the man I had known all my life. This was a stranger. He had never before talked to me in this tone of voice, and I knew that just as with Vera earlier, I was finally seeing the man that everyone was afraid of. I was suddenly more scared than I had ever been in my entire life, ironically, while I was in the same room with the men I’d thought would protect me. My throat clogged with tears, but I raised my chin. Never let them see you sweat. Predators fed on the weak.
“You left your pop, my vice president, with no notice and no backward glance. You showed no respect for this club and the family that raised you. You fucked a member, putting his life in jeopardy. You lied to that same member about who you are and who your father is.”
At this point, I tried to speak. “I didn’t—”
But he quickly stopped me by slamming his hand down on the top of his desk.
“Do not speak unless I tell you to!” he growled. “You left your family, your club, your father, Vera, and your president without a word. You left the man you fucked over without a word. And you left carrying that man’s child and didn’t disclose that information until today. Correct?”
I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to speak yet, so I just sat there while he stared at me. I figured silence was my best course of action.
“Answer when I ask you a question.”
I looked back and forth between my pop and Slider, but their faces held no emotion. I couldn’t read them. I had never seen this side of either of them before. “Yeah.” I cleared my throat. “That’s correct.”
“Fuck, Brenna. If you were any other woman, you’d be beaten black-and-blue for this stunt you fucking pulled. I wanted to go after you when you left, but your pop stayed my hand. Said if you didn’t want this life, that it was your choice. I didn’t agree with him, but I didn’t push it either. Now, it seems as if I should have pushed it. ’Cause you fucked and then fucked over one of my lieutenants. Left him with his baby planted in your belly and then married some dumb fuck. Fucked over a man I respect. A good soldier. Made him lie to his brothers. Made Grease lie for him.” He looked down at his hands as if searching for patience, and when he lifted his head, I could tell he had found it. “You’re here now. What? You decided now that your life isn’t all rainbows and butterflies and that maybe you’re not too good for this club all of a sudden?”
I knew his question was rhetorical, so I kept my mouth shut.
His next words made it drop back open though. “You’re not leaving again. We let you go off on your own, and it was a mistake. I only make mistakes once. If you pull some shit like this again, I’ll wash my hands of you. I won’t let Vera at you as a matter of respect for your father, but you will not be allowed on club grounds again. You will no longer have the protection of the club that has protected you all of your life. Do you understand me? You will be fair game to every fucking cartel and rival club in the continental United States. You’re Poet’s daughter. Men will try to use you to get to me, and you know what they will to do to you. If you step foot off club grounds with the intention of taking off, I will leave you to the wolves. Are we fucking clear?”
My mind spun with scenarios, and none of them were things I wanted to contemplate. I had to stay here? I had planned for this to be a stopping-off point—a place where I could get my troubles taken care of and get my daughter protected. Then, I could leave and start a life somewhere new—safe from the monster I was married to and away from this life that I had never wanted.
