Craving Constellations
Page 13
I’d never imagined these sorts of ramifications. I’d never guessed that my desertion would have such a widespread impact or that my safe haven would become a prison. Could I just leave now? Pack my shit and take off? I might be able to hide for a while, but I knew someone would find me eventually. As afraid as I was of what Dragon would do when he came back, I knew having him track me down would be the best-case scenario. Without the club protection, a giant bull’s-eye would be painted on my back. I started to panic, and I stood up, but Slider’s next words had me dropping back into the chair.
“Brenna. If you leave, your daughter will not be going with you.”
I looked at Pop for reassurance, but his face was completely blank, and he was staring over my shoulder. I couldn’t believe that he would let them take my daughter from me. This was my father. He loved me. He’d never allow something so heinous. Right?
“Pop?” I whispered. My throat was clogged with tears.
When he looked at me, I knew I would get no help from him.
“You are my daughter. For that reason alone, I have tried to protect you from the ramifications of your actions. I can no longer help you. You chose this. You knew what would happen before you left. You knew the consequences of coming back. Never have I been so ashamed as when I found that child in your car. I knew from the moment I picked her up who she was. You have lived this life. You were raised in this life. Five years ago, you decided to completely disregard anything I have taught you. You fucked a member. You knew what would happen, yet you continued on your course. I am the vice president of this club.”
I could tell he was keeping his temper in check by the very precise language he was using. His voice was so calm it was eerie.
“The minute you drove in with a member’s child in your car, every brother in the club knew. My daughter had fucked a lieutenant, and I, her father, had done nothing about it. I had known nothing about it. With your actions, you have fucked the respect that I have earned. You fucked the respect that Dragon had earned. You put Grease in the intolerable position of choosing between his brothers. You have compromised the trust that the brothers in this club must have in order to survive and do their jobs. You, who knew the consequences more than most, have caused dissention among the members.”
By this time, tears were rolling down my face, and my breath was hiccupping in my chest. I couldn’t meet his eyes, and I couldn’t even tell if he was looking at me because my chin was tucked so far into my chest. The shame I felt was multiplied tenfold by the shame I heard in Pop’s voice. What the fuck had I done?
“I love my granddaughter. I bear no ill will toward Trix; she is completely innocent in this. But you, Brenna? You made your bed, and you will fucking lie in it.”
Pop calmly walked to the door and quietly left. It would have been far easier if he had yelled at me, if he had thrown things or hit me. The controlled movements and calm voice had freaked me out far more than any outburst ever would.
“Brenna, look at me,” Slider called from across the desk. He waited until I raised my face before he spoke again. “This subject is over. If we have an understanding…” He looked at me in confirmation, and I nodded my head. “We don’t have to speak of it again. However, we do have other matters that need attention.”
“What other matters?” I asked in a gravelly voice.
“The matter of where you and Trix will be living. You know you can’t stay in the clubhouse. Bitches don’t live in my clubhouse. I let you stay there, and the boys will want their fucking whores staying there, and then old ladies will be wondering why they can’t stay there, and then I’ll have catfights and screaming in my place of business. There’s a small house that is currently not in use on the east end of the property. I’ve already sent some bitches over there to see what needs to be done before you can move into it.”
Well, that was a surprise. Even though he was angrier than I’d ever seen him, he was still watching out for us—sort of. I understood about the clubhouse though. I was so grateful that I almost missed his last words.
“You’ll let Dragon stay with you if that’s what he chooses. I don’t know what the fuck he’s gonna do when he gets back. He’s got his old lady living with him though, so I can’t move your ass in there.”
Even after all the turmoil of the past hour, his words were still enough of a surprise that I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. Dragon had an old lady. Well, fuck, that hurt. Bad. I guessed I shouldn’t be surprised. I’d left him. I’d been gone five years. I had absolutely no hold on him. That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt like a bitch though. Thoughts of his old lady raced through my head. What did she look like? When did they get together? Was she a bitch? Was she nice? What was their relationship like? How did he treat her? Where did they meet? How long after I left did they hook up? Was he with her when I was here before? What would she think about Trix? Would she even want to meet her? Would Trix have to visit them at their place? Fuck, would she want to be a stepmom to Trix? In all the scenarios I had imagined before I got here, Dragon having an old lady never factored into them. As I was trying to process this information, Pop walked back into the room and sat next to me.
“Brenna, you need to tell Slider what you told me. Everything. Don’t leave anything out. We need to decide what to do.”
I really didn’t want to do it. The Slider I knew before, the uncle, I would have had no problem pouring my heart out to. He was a confidant and a protector. This Slider? Well, I didn’t know what he was. I didn’t know how he would react. Would he think I deserved everything I got for what I’d done to the club? I didn’t think I could handle that. I decided to give him an abridged version of my story. I didn’t omit anything, but I also didn’t let myself feel any emotion. I told the story as if it had happened on some Lifetime Movie-of-the-Week, not to me and not to my daughter. Halfway through my story, Slider stood up and started to pace. He didn’t say a word, just walked back and forth in front of Pop and me until I finished. Once he knew I was done, he sat back down.
“Brenna. If you leave, your daughter will not be going with you.”
I looked at Pop for reassurance, but his face was completely blank, and he was staring over my shoulder. I couldn’t believe that he would let them take my daughter from me. This was my father. He loved me. He’d never allow something so heinous. Right?
“Pop?” I whispered. My throat was clogged with tears.
When he looked at me, I knew I would get no help from him.
“You are my daughter. For that reason alone, I have tried to protect you from the ramifications of your actions. I can no longer help you. You chose this. You knew what would happen before you left. You knew the consequences of coming back. Never have I been so ashamed as when I found that child in your car. I knew from the moment I picked her up who she was. You have lived this life. You were raised in this life. Five years ago, you decided to completely disregard anything I have taught you. You fucked a member. You knew what would happen, yet you continued on your course. I am the vice president of this club.”
I could tell he was keeping his temper in check by the very precise language he was using. His voice was so calm it was eerie.
“The minute you drove in with a member’s child in your car, every brother in the club knew. My daughter had fucked a lieutenant, and I, her father, had done nothing about it. I had known nothing about it. With your actions, you have fucked the respect that I have earned. You fucked the respect that Dragon had earned. You put Grease in the intolerable position of choosing between his brothers. You have compromised the trust that the brothers in this club must have in order to survive and do their jobs. You, who knew the consequences more than most, have caused dissention among the members.”
By this time, tears were rolling down my face, and my breath was hiccupping in my chest. I couldn’t meet his eyes, and I couldn’t even tell if he was looking at me because my chin was tucked so far into my chest. The shame I felt was multiplied tenfold by the shame I heard in Pop’s voice. What the fuck had I done?
“I love my granddaughter. I bear no ill will toward Trix; she is completely innocent in this. But you, Brenna? You made your bed, and you will fucking lie in it.”
Pop calmly walked to the door and quietly left. It would have been far easier if he had yelled at me, if he had thrown things or hit me. The controlled movements and calm voice had freaked me out far more than any outburst ever would.
“Brenna, look at me,” Slider called from across the desk. He waited until I raised my face before he spoke again. “This subject is over. If we have an understanding…” He looked at me in confirmation, and I nodded my head. “We don’t have to speak of it again. However, we do have other matters that need attention.”
“What other matters?” I asked in a gravelly voice.
“The matter of where you and Trix will be living. You know you can’t stay in the clubhouse. Bitches don’t live in my clubhouse. I let you stay there, and the boys will want their fucking whores staying there, and then old ladies will be wondering why they can’t stay there, and then I’ll have catfights and screaming in my place of business. There’s a small house that is currently not in use on the east end of the property. I’ve already sent some bitches over there to see what needs to be done before you can move into it.”
Well, that was a surprise. Even though he was angrier than I’d ever seen him, he was still watching out for us—sort of. I understood about the clubhouse though. I was so grateful that I almost missed his last words.
“You’ll let Dragon stay with you if that’s what he chooses. I don’t know what the fuck he’s gonna do when he gets back. He’s got his old lady living with him though, so I can’t move your ass in there.”
Even after all the turmoil of the past hour, his words were still enough of a surprise that I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. Dragon had an old lady. Well, fuck, that hurt. Bad. I guessed I shouldn’t be surprised. I’d left him. I’d been gone five years. I had absolutely no hold on him. That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt like a bitch though. Thoughts of his old lady raced through my head. What did she look like? When did they get together? Was she a bitch? Was she nice? What was their relationship like? How did he treat her? Where did they meet? How long after I left did they hook up? Was he with her when I was here before? What would she think about Trix? Would she even want to meet her? Would Trix have to visit them at their place? Fuck, would she want to be a stepmom to Trix? In all the scenarios I had imagined before I got here, Dragon having an old lady never factored into them. As I was trying to process this information, Pop walked back into the room and sat next to me.
“Brenna, you need to tell Slider what you told me. Everything. Don’t leave anything out. We need to decide what to do.”
I really didn’t want to do it. The Slider I knew before, the uncle, I would have had no problem pouring my heart out to. He was a confidant and a protector. This Slider? Well, I didn’t know what he was. I didn’t know how he would react. Would he think I deserved everything I got for what I’d done to the club? I didn’t think I could handle that. I decided to give him an abridged version of my story. I didn’t omit anything, but I also didn’t let myself feel any emotion. I told the story as if it had happened on some Lifetime Movie-of-the-Week, not to me and not to my daughter. Halfway through my story, Slider stood up and started to pace. He didn’t say a word, just walked back and forth in front of Pop and me until I finished. Once he knew I was done, he sat back down.
