Craving Constellations
Page 20
Grease showed up not long after we got settled and pulled me out of an almost panic attack. Trix was sitting on the ugly-ass couch, playing with her Barbies, when I let him in, and I was busy trying to rearrange things to my liking. Having him in the house made me far less jumpy, and I wondered what the fuck I was going to do when he went home that night. I didn’t know if he had a family, if he lived at the club, if he had a house in town, or if he was annoyed about babysitting me. It was funny how many things changed when you disappeared for five years, how life went on when you expected it to stay the same. I opened my mouth to ask him about his life when he tilted his chin to the kitchen and started to walk toward it. Once we got there, he answered some of my unasked questions.
“Fuck, Brenna. You’ve really got yourself in a situation this time. Tony fuckin’ Richards. Goddamn, you go big when you fuck up. Fuck Dragon, take off for parts unknown, marry Tony fuckin’ Richards, have Dragon’s kid, come back here screaming sanctuary, and drag the whole fuckin’ club into your shit. Fuck me, his dad has police in his pocket!” He shook his head.
“I didn’t know he was an asshole! Yes, I knew his dad had political connections, but I never expected to come back here. I figured we would just live a normal life. You know, where you aren’t afraid the police will come knocking! He seemed normal!” My voice was defensive.
“Normal? The guy’s a fuckin’ sociopath!”
“I was pregnant; I had to do something. I was twenty-two years old and barely graduated from college. I’d never had a fucking job, and I had a baby on the way. I wasn’t exactly thinking straight,” I mumbled, knowing that I couldn’t argue with the sociopath statement.
“Don’t even bring that shit up to me, Brenna! You could have come back here. Where your family is. Where the father of your child is. You completely fucked Dragon over, and you completely fucked me over. I fuckin’ saw you that night, and I had to decide if I should say shit to Poet. I was fuckin’ walking on eggshells for two months after you left, not sure what was the right thing to do. Finally, I think, yeah, just bury that shit. No one needs to know. You were an adult, made your own decision, right? Not my business. Then, you show up with Dragon’s kid, and all that shit comes out again. Goddamn it!”
“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry for everything! I’m sorry I put you in that position. I’m sorry I bailed on everyone. I’m sorry I married that fuck. I’m sorry, okay?”
Shit, I was crying and trying to keep my back to Trix, so she didn’t wig out. I’d known Grease my whole life. He was the kid of an Ace, just like me, and he’d gotten his cut right before I left for college. I felt like shit for taking off and leaving him to deal with everything. I just felt like shit, period. I wiped my face and looked to the floor, trying to get my emotions under control when, seconds later, I felt his arms around me. He smelled exactly the same as he had five years ago. He’d always worn the same deodorant, and the smell of it mixed with cigarettes reminded me of home.
I heard the door open behind me and felt Grease lift his head, but I didn’t turn around. If there were a threat, he’d let me know. I was just going to rest where I was for a moment.
“The fuck, brother?” I heard Dragon rasp.
Shit.
I dropped my arms and turned around to see Dragon walking toward the kitchen and Trix jumping off the couch to catch him. He wasn’t even aware of her though; his eyes were locked on me where Grease’s arm was hanging loosely across my shoulders. His jaw was tight, and he looked far from happy. I wasn’t ready for any drama, so I sidestepped out of Grease’s grasp and called to Trix, who was now trying to get Dragon’s attention.
“Baby, you want mac and cheese for dinner? I think we have the ingredients for homemade. I’ll let you spread the cheese and crackers on top if you want,” I said with a smile at my girl.
She loved helping me cook dinner, and I’d become adept at finding things for her to do that would cause little mess and had little chance for injury.
“Okay, Mama! Can I have strawberry milk, too? Macaroni and cheese is delicious, but it’s better with strawberry milk. Can we have broccoli, too? With ranch?”
It amazed me how far she’d come out of her shell after only being here for a few weeks.
“Sure. How about you go play for a while in your room, get your PJs and your trainer on, and I’ll call you when it’s time for you to do your part?”
“Okay,” she called as she turned and raced toward her room.
When I looked up from where Trix had been standing, I noticed the tension in the room was gone, and both men looked surprised.
Why did they look like that?
Grease started laughing softly. “Delicious? That kid’s a trip. I didn’t realize she could even talk.”
“Of course she can talk, dumbass. She’s four. She’s been talking for like three years.”
Had he never been around kids before? What was the big deal?
“Brenna, she’s said about three words since you two got here. One of those was Papa, and the other two were yes and no,” Dragon spoke softly beside me.
When I glanced up, he was looking down the hallway toward Trix’s bedroom proudly.
After a minute, he looked back at both of us. “My girl is smart. ‘Mac and cheese is delicious,’ she says.” He shook his head and mimicked Trix. “Fuck me, Brenna, she sounds just like you.”
“Fuck, Brenna. You’ve really got yourself in a situation this time. Tony fuckin’ Richards. Goddamn, you go big when you fuck up. Fuck Dragon, take off for parts unknown, marry Tony fuckin’ Richards, have Dragon’s kid, come back here screaming sanctuary, and drag the whole fuckin’ club into your shit. Fuck me, his dad has police in his pocket!” He shook his head.
“I didn’t know he was an asshole! Yes, I knew his dad had political connections, but I never expected to come back here. I figured we would just live a normal life. You know, where you aren’t afraid the police will come knocking! He seemed normal!” My voice was defensive.
“Normal? The guy’s a fuckin’ sociopath!”
“I was pregnant; I had to do something. I was twenty-two years old and barely graduated from college. I’d never had a fucking job, and I had a baby on the way. I wasn’t exactly thinking straight,” I mumbled, knowing that I couldn’t argue with the sociopath statement.
“Don’t even bring that shit up to me, Brenna! You could have come back here. Where your family is. Where the father of your child is. You completely fucked Dragon over, and you completely fucked me over. I fuckin’ saw you that night, and I had to decide if I should say shit to Poet. I was fuckin’ walking on eggshells for two months after you left, not sure what was the right thing to do. Finally, I think, yeah, just bury that shit. No one needs to know. You were an adult, made your own decision, right? Not my business. Then, you show up with Dragon’s kid, and all that shit comes out again. Goddamn it!”
“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry for everything! I’m sorry I put you in that position. I’m sorry I bailed on everyone. I’m sorry I married that fuck. I’m sorry, okay?”
Shit, I was crying and trying to keep my back to Trix, so she didn’t wig out. I’d known Grease my whole life. He was the kid of an Ace, just like me, and he’d gotten his cut right before I left for college. I felt like shit for taking off and leaving him to deal with everything. I just felt like shit, period. I wiped my face and looked to the floor, trying to get my emotions under control when, seconds later, I felt his arms around me. He smelled exactly the same as he had five years ago. He’d always worn the same deodorant, and the smell of it mixed with cigarettes reminded me of home.
I heard the door open behind me and felt Grease lift his head, but I didn’t turn around. If there were a threat, he’d let me know. I was just going to rest where I was for a moment.
“The fuck, brother?” I heard Dragon rasp.
Shit.
I dropped my arms and turned around to see Dragon walking toward the kitchen and Trix jumping off the couch to catch him. He wasn’t even aware of her though; his eyes were locked on me where Grease’s arm was hanging loosely across my shoulders. His jaw was tight, and he looked far from happy. I wasn’t ready for any drama, so I sidestepped out of Grease’s grasp and called to Trix, who was now trying to get Dragon’s attention.
“Baby, you want mac and cheese for dinner? I think we have the ingredients for homemade. I’ll let you spread the cheese and crackers on top if you want,” I said with a smile at my girl.
She loved helping me cook dinner, and I’d become adept at finding things for her to do that would cause little mess and had little chance for injury.
“Okay, Mama! Can I have strawberry milk, too? Macaroni and cheese is delicious, but it’s better with strawberry milk. Can we have broccoli, too? With ranch?”
It amazed me how far she’d come out of her shell after only being here for a few weeks.
“Sure. How about you go play for a while in your room, get your PJs and your trainer on, and I’ll call you when it’s time for you to do your part?”
“Okay,” she called as she turned and raced toward her room.
When I looked up from where Trix had been standing, I noticed the tension in the room was gone, and both men looked surprised.
Why did they look like that?
Grease started laughing softly. “Delicious? That kid’s a trip. I didn’t realize she could even talk.”
“Of course she can talk, dumbass. She’s four. She’s been talking for like three years.”
Had he never been around kids before? What was the big deal?
“Brenna, she’s said about three words since you two got here. One of those was Papa, and the other two were yes and no,” Dragon spoke softly beside me.
When I glanced up, he was looking down the hallway toward Trix’s bedroom proudly.
After a minute, he looked back at both of us. “My girl is smart. ‘Mac and cheese is delicious,’ she says.” He shook his head and mimicked Trix. “Fuck me, Brenna, she sounds just like you.”
