Craving Constellations
Page 21
Grease and Dragon stayed for my homemade macaroni and cheese, and Trix was in her element. She chattered on and on about everything she did that day, detailing where she put every single toy in her new room. The guys just sat there patiently, jumping in when they could, and generally agreeing with everything she said.
It was a good night even though I was hyperaware of every move Dragon made, and I often found myself staring at him. God, he was beautiful, more beautiful now than the last time I’d seen him. He seemed bigger, more in charge of his body. Every move he made was calculated for maximum effect. His shoulders were broader, and there were more lines around his eyes. The soft look I remembered was now directed at Trix, but I didn’t mind. Quite the opposite actually—it was a thousand times better when I saw it directed at my baby.
I wondered what he saw when he looked at me. Yoga had slimmed me down the last couple of years, so I wasn’t carrying around any extra baby weight, but things were definitely softer. My boobs weren’t quite so perky, my hips were rounder, and my stomach would never again be as flat as before. For the first time in five years, I was concerned about how I looked naked. It was ridiculous. He had an old lady, a wife. He wasn’t here for me. I knew this, but it didn’t stop me from worrying about the stretch marks covering my stomach or the heavy-duty bra I needed to keep the girls looking chipper.
Trix pulled me from my thoughts with a doozy straight out of Tony’s mouth.
“Mama and I go to yoga. We bend and stretch and make animal shapes. We go, so we don’t get fat. Nobody loves fat girls. Mama runs, too, so she doesn’t get a fat ass again, but I don’t run.”
I had never heard her say anything like it, but I knew she had heard far worse from Tony. I gaped at her a moment before I got my shit together enough to snap, “Trix, don’t say ass! That’s not an okay word for kids to say! Plus, you’re not fat. You won’t ever be fat. We go to yoga because it’s fun.” I could feel my face burning in mortification, but I calmed my voice, so she didn’t think she was in trouble. “Bedtime, kiddo. Head in and brush your teeth. I’ll be there in a minute.”
When she made a face that said she was about to argue, I gave her my I-mean-business look, and she quickly scrambled down from the table and ran toward the bathroom.
Shit.
I didn’t want to make eye contact with either of the men at my table, but I could feel the hostility in the room, and I knew I had to get it over with. When I looked up, they were both staring at me in disgust, and I could feel my face that had started to cool down start burning again.
“You tell her that shit?” Dragon rumbled. “You tell our four-year-old that she has to work out or she’s gonna get fat?”
“Of course not! I wouldn’t do that! She’s four for fuck’s sake!”
“Well, she didn’t come up with that shit on her own!” His voice was steadily rising.
“Calm down, Dragon.” Grease tried to diffuse Dragon’s anger. “You know that shit didn’t come from Brenna’s mouth.”
“Brother, you got no part in this. Shut the fuck up. This is between Brenna and me. I don’t even know what the fuck you’re still doing here. I get here—you leave. I’m not puttin’ up with another dick playing Daddy to my girl, and I’m sure as fuck not letting you sniff around Brenna.”
Grease’s body snapped away from the back of the ugly gray dining room chair he was sitting on. He looked as if he were about to launch himself at Dragon. I could tell that the words coming out of Dragon’s mouth weren’t for Grease. He was pissed, but his anger wasn’t because of anything Grease had done.
Dragon wasn’t going to back down, and by the way Grease was looking at me to gauge my reaction, I knew the situation would only escalate if I didn’t get him to leave. He was looking at me to see if I needed him to stay, and while I was thankful for it, I could tell that it was just pissing Dragon off that much more.
“You better just go, Grease. I’ll see you later, okay? I gotta get Trix in bed anyway.”
He nodded slowly and rose from the table, eyeballing Dragon in a way I didn’t think was prudent at the moment. He needed to get out of here. What the fuck was he trying to do, getting protective of me all of a sudden? I wasn’t some helpless fucking maiden. I could take care of this shit myself. Ugh. I wished someone would save me from testosterone and pissing matches.
Once Grease was out the door, the intensity in the room increased until it was almost choking me.
“Okay, Brenna, we played house. Got you all fuckin’ moved in. Time for you and I to have a chat. Do whatever shit with Trix you need to do, and then get your ass back out here.”
Dragon stood up and went to take a seat on the couch while I sat at the table, trying to figure out how to stall. Fuck. I could try to do the dishes, but I knew that wouldn’t work. There was pretty much nothing I could do to put it off, so I needed to pull on my big girl panties and just get it over with.
When I went to check on Trix, I found her sprawled out across my bed completely passed out. She had her blanket pressed under her cheek and a book wedged under her stomach. God, I loved her. She was the best thing I’d ever done, and I’d do anything to keep her safe—even if that meant I had to leave her. That was why I needed to get back out to Dragon. If I couldn’t keep her safe, if I wasn’t here to raise her, he would be. I pulled the book out from under her and to stall for time, I brought it back into her room and put it away. Unfortunately, there wasn’t anything to straighten or clean in there since we’d just moved in. It was time to face the music.
It was a good night even though I was hyperaware of every move Dragon made, and I often found myself staring at him. God, he was beautiful, more beautiful now than the last time I’d seen him. He seemed bigger, more in charge of his body. Every move he made was calculated for maximum effect. His shoulders were broader, and there were more lines around his eyes. The soft look I remembered was now directed at Trix, but I didn’t mind. Quite the opposite actually—it was a thousand times better when I saw it directed at my baby.
I wondered what he saw when he looked at me. Yoga had slimmed me down the last couple of years, so I wasn’t carrying around any extra baby weight, but things were definitely softer. My boobs weren’t quite so perky, my hips were rounder, and my stomach would never again be as flat as before. For the first time in five years, I was concerned about how I looked naked. It was ridiculous. He had an old lady, a wife. He wasn’t here for me. I knew this, but it didn’t stop me from worrying about the stretch marks covering my stomach or the heavy-duty bra I needed to keep the girls looking chipper.
Trix pulled me from my thoughts with a doozy straight out of Tony’s mouth.
“Mama and I go to yoga. We bend and stretch and make animal shapes. We go, so we don’t get fat. Nobody loves fat girls. Mama runs, too, so she doesn’t get a fat ass again, but I don’t run.”
I had never heard her say anything like it, but I knew she had heard far worse from Tony. I gaped at her a moment before I got my shit together enough to snap, “Trix, don’t say ass! That’s not an okay word for kids to say! Plus, you’re not fat. You won’t ever be fat. We go to yoga because it’s fun.” I could feel my face burning in mortification, but I calmed my voice, so she didn’t think she was in trouble. “Bedtime, kiddo. Head in and brush your teeth. I’ll be there in a minute.”
When she made a face that said she was about to argue, I gave her my I-mean-business look, and she quickly scrambled down from the table and ran toward the bathroom.
Shit.
I didn’t want to make eye contact with either of the men at my table, but I could feel the hostility in the room, and I knew I had to get it over with. When I looked up, they were both staring at me in disgust, and I could feel my face that had started to cool down start burning again.
“You tell her that shit?” Dragon rumbled. “You tell our four-year-old that she has to work out or she’s gonna get fat?”
“Of course not! I wouldn’t do that! She’s four for fuck’s sake!”
“Well, she didn’t come up with that shit on her own!” His voice was steadily rising.
“Calm down, Dragon.” Grease tried to diffuse Dragon’s anger. “You know that shit didn’t come from Brenna’s mouth.”
“Brother, you got no part in this. Shut the fuck up. This is between Brenna and me. I don’t even know what the fuck you’re still doing here. I get here—you leave. I’m not puttin’ up with another dick playing Daddy to my girl, and I’m sure as fuck not letting you sniff around Brenna.”
Grease’s body snapped away from the back of the ugly gray dining room chair he was sitting on. He looked as if he were about to launch himself at Dragon. I could tell that the words coming out of Dragon’s mouth weren’t for Grease. He was pissed, but his anger wasn’t because of anything Grease had done.
Dragon wasn’t going to back down, and by the way Grease was looking at me to gauge my reaction, I knew the situation would only escalate if I didn’t get him to leave. He was looking at me to see if I needed him to stay, and while I was thankful for it, I could tell that it was just pissing Dragon off that much more.
“You better just go, Grease. I’ll see you later, okay? I gotta get Trix in bed anyway.”
He nodded slowly and rose from the table, eyeballing Dragon in a way I didn’t think was prudent at the moment. He needed to get out of here. What the fuck was he trying to do, getting protective of me all of a sudden? I wasn’t some helpless fucking maiden. I could take care of this shit myself. Ugh. I wished someone would save me from testosterone and pissing matches.
Once Grease was out the door, the intensity in the room increased until it was almost choking me.
“Okay, Brenna, we played house. Got you all fuckin’ moved in. Time for you and I to have a chat. Do whatever shit with Trix you need to do, and then get your ass back out here.”
Dragon stood up and went to take a seat on the couch while I sat at the table, trying to figure out how to stall. Fuck. I could try to do the dishes, but I knew that wouldn’t work. There was pretty much nothing I could do to put it off, so I needed to pull on my big girl panties and just get it over with.
When I went to check on Trix, I found her sprawled out across my bed completely passed out. She had her blanket pressed under her cheek and a book wedged under her stomach. God, I loved her. She was the best thing I’d ever done, and I’d do anything to keep her safe—even if that meant I had to leave her. That was why I needed to get back out to Dragon. If I couldn’t keep her safe, if I wasn’t here to raise her, he would be. I pulled the book out from under her and to stall for time, I brought it back into her room and put it away. Unfortunately, there wasn’t anything to straighten or clean in there since we’d just moved in. It was time to face the music.
