Craving Constellations
Page 33
“Okay, I won’t say ass. Did you know that we have flowers outside? They’re in the yard. I picked Mama some before our dance party.”
“That what you were doin’ tonight? Havin’ a dance party?”
“Yup. Me and Mama have dance parties all the time. Mama’s a good dancer.”
“I saw you singin’. You like that music?”
“YEAH! That’s The Lumineers. They have lots of good music. I like Michael Jackson, too, but Mama says he’s dead. He’s got good music for dancing though.”
“Oh yeah? I’ll have to check him out then.” I heard a smile in Dragon’s voice. “All right, little warrior, it’s time for you to go to sleep. You want Mama to come in and kiss you good night?”
“Yeah.” I heard Trix yawn. “Can you sing me a song first? Mama always sings me a song before I go to sleep.”
“I don’t know any kid songs—”
“That’s okay! You can sing anything. Mama sings all sorts of stuff.”
“You really want me to sing? Not a good singer, little warrior.”
Trix didn’t say anything, and I could imagine her snuggled up in bed, nodding her head. There were a few beats of silence before I heard Dragon start to sing. I covered my mouth with my hand to hide a giggle and listened closely to him. It took me a second to recognize what he was singing. His voice was rough, and I could tell he was a little embarrassed even though his only audience was a four-year-old. It crashed into me like a freight train, and I held my hands to my mouth for a completely different reason as the song choice sank in.
He continued onto the second verse, and I heard Trix whisper, “‘Walk the Line’…Johnny Cash. Good choice, Papa.”
In that moment, all of my fears and apprehension disappeared as my heart swelled with emotion. I knew what I needed to know. We were his. It was as terrifying and as simple as that.
I heard him coming toward the door, and I rushed to my room, trying to pretend I hadn’t just eavesdropped on his moment with Trix. I spun around when I heard him right behind me. His eyebrows were raised to his hairline, and he was smirking at me. He knew I’d listened.
“Trix wants her mama to come give her a kiss,” he told me, searching my eyes. “See, not takin’ your place, baby. I’m just new and exciting.”
“What are you talking about?” I shook my head like he was crazy and started walking toward the door nonchalantly.
Before I could pass him, he stepped into my space and leaned down close as his hand reached up to the side of my face. God, I loved when he did that.
“Baby, I saw your face earlier. Nobody’s takin’ your place. I don’t want that place. I want my place. With you and with her. Okay?”
I just nodded.
He spoke so softly, and his hand was so tender on my face that I was frozen. It was like he’d put me in a trance.
“Go put our girl to bed, yeah?” His eyes darkened, and a wicked smile formed on his lips. “I got plans for us tonight.”
His words jolted me out of the fog he’d put me in, and I snorted. “Chill out there, stud muffin. You’re not getting any. Did you forget you got the shit beat out of you today?”
“None of the boys hit me in the jewels, baby. I woulda killed ’em if they did. You’re so worried, you can do all the work,” he said with a grin.
“Keep dreaming. I’m going to kiss Trix.” I walked out the door and glanced back at him. “I’ll help you with your clothes when I get back.”
“Fuck yeah, you will,” he mumbled as he glanced down at the cell phone he’d pulled out of his pocket.
I found myself shaking my head at him for what seemed like the eighty-fifth time tonight. It was either that or laugh. I wasn’t sure how we had gotten to this point—this domestic bliss, putting the kids to bed, sleeping together point. I knew I should be fighting it. Things were moving too quickly. I was keeping secrets, and all of this was going to blow up in my face one way or another. But I just couldn’t stop myself from being glad that he was here. He made me feel safe and wanted. It was a heady feeling.
When Brenna went to kiss Trix good night, I popped a couple of pills Doc had sent home with me. I had forgotten that I even had them until Grease texted me to remind me that Doc said to take two. I had a pretty high tolerance for any drugs. I thought it was probably because I’d built it up over the years. Most shit I’d dealt with didn’t require anything but bourbon to soothe the aches though. Today was the exception.
If I were going to sleep, I would have just dealt with the pain. It felt a little like a badge of honor or some shit like that. It was nice to have this shit off my shoulders, like I could finally have Brenna because I’d paid my dues. The pain was temporary, but it meant that no one was going to be in my way with Brenna. She was mine. She’d been mine for five fuckin’ years, and now, if I wanted to be a douche, I could climb to the top of the clubhouse and shout it from the rooftop. Like I said, if I was going to sleep, I’d welcome the pain. But I wasn’t going to sleep. I was going to wait for Brenna to get her ass back in here, and then I was going to taste every inch that I’d missed for five years. For that, I needed some fuckin’ pain relief.
When she finally walked in, she seemed preoccupied. She was looking at the floor, and her eyebrows were practically meeting at the top of her nose. I sat there, watching her for a minute, and when she didn’t look up, I caught her attention.
“That what you were doin’ tonight? Havin’ a dance party?”
“Yup. Me and Mama have dance parties all the time. Mama’s a good dancer.”
“I saw you singin’. You like that music?”
“YEAH! That’s The Lumineers. They have lots of good music. I like Michael Jackson, too, but Mama says he’s dead. He’s got good music for dancing though.”
“Oh yeah? I’ll have to check him out then.” I heard a smile in Dragon’s voice. “All right, little warrior, it’s time for you to go to sleep. You want Mama to come in and kiss you good night?”
“Yeah.” I heard Trix yawn. “Can you sing me a song first? Mama always sings me a song before I go to sleep.”
“I don’t know any kid songs—”
“That’s okay! You can sing anything. Mama sings all sorts of stuff.”
“You really want me to sing? Not a good singer, little warrior.”
Trix didn’t say anything, and I could imagine her snuggled up in bed, nodding her head. There were a few beats of silence before I heard Dragon start to sing. I covered my mouth with my hand to hide a giggle and listened closely to him. It took me a second to recognize what he was singing. His voice was rough, and I could tell he was a little embarrassed even though his only audience was a four-year-old. It crashed into me like a freight train, and I held my hands to my mouth for a completely different reason as the song choice sank in.
He continued onto the second verse, and I heard Trix whisper, “‘Walk the Line’…Johnny Cash. Good choice, Papa.”
In that moment, all of my fears and apprehension disappeared as my heart swelled with emotion. I knew what I needed to know. We were his. It was as terrifying and as simple as that.
I heard him coming toward the door, and I rushed to my room, trying to pretend I hadn’t just eavesdropped on his moment with Trix. I spun around when I heard him right behind me. His eyebrows were raised to his hairline, and he was smirking at me. He knew I’d listened.
“Trix wants her mama to come give her a kiss,” he told me, searching my eyes. “See, not takin’ your place, baby. I’m just new and exciting.”
“What are you talking about?” I shook my head like he was crazy and started walking toward the door nonchalantly.
Before I could pass him, he stepped into my space and leaned down close as his hand reached up to the side of my face. God, I loved when he did that.
“Baby, I saw your face earlier. Nobody’s takin’ your place. I don’t want that place. I want my place. With you and with her. Okay?”
I just nodded.
He spoke so softly, and his hand was so tender on my face that I was frozen. It was like he’d put me in a trance.
“Go put our girl to bed, yeah?” His eyes darkened, and a wicked smile formed on his lips. “I got plans for us tonight.”
His words jolted me out of the fog he’d put me in, and I snorted. “Chill out there, stud muffin. You’re not getting any. Did you forget you got the shit beat out of you today?”
“None of the boys hit me in the jewels, baby. I woulda killed ’em if they did. You’re so worried, you can do all the work,” he said with a grin.
“Keep dreaming. I’m going to kiss Trix.” I walked out the door and glanced back at him. “I’ll help you with your clothes when I get back.”
“Fuck yeah, you will,” he mumbled as he glanced down at the cell phone he’d pulled out of his pocket.
I found myself shaking my head at him for what seemed like the eighty-fifth time tonight. It was either that or laugh. I wasn’t sure how we had gotten to this point—this domestic bliss, putting the kids to bed, sleeping together point. I knew I should be fighting it. Things were moving too quickly. I was keeping secrets, and all of this was going to blow up in my face one way or another. But I just couldn’t stop myself from being glad that he was here. He made me feel safe and wanted. It was a heady feeling.
When Brenna went to kiss Trix good night, I popped a couple of pills Doc had sent home with me. I had forgotten that I even had them until Grease texted me to remind me that Doc said to take two. I had a pretty high tolerance for any drugs. I thought it was probably because I’d built it up over the years. Most shit I’d dealt with didn’t require anything but bourbon to soothe the aches though. Today was the exception.
If I were going to sleep, I would have just dealt with the pain. It felt a little like a badge of honor or some shit like that. It was nice to have this shit off my shoulders, like I could finally have Brenna because I’d paid my dues. The pain was temporary, but it meant that no one was going to be in my way with Brenna. She was mine. She’d been mine for five fuckin’ years, and now, if I wanted to be a douche, I could climb to the top of the clubhouse and shout it from the rooftop. Like I said, if I was going to sleep, I’d welcome the pain. But I wasn’t going to sleep. I was going to wait for Brenna to get her ass back in here, and then I was going to taste every inch that I’d missed for five years. For that, I needed some fuckin’ pain relief.
When she finally walked in, she seemed preoccupied. She was looking at the floor, and her eyebrows were practically meeting at the top of her nose. I sat there, watching her for a minute, and when she didn’t look up, I caught her attention.
