Craving Constellations
Page 43
“Hey, baby girl! You have fun in the sprinkler?”
She was confused about me lying in bed in the middle of the day, but she was giggling cautiously as I squeezed my arms around her middle.
“Yeah, let’s do it again tomorrow!” she told me with her eyes wide.
“If it’s warm out again, we can. Maybe I’ll get in tomorrow!”
She laughed as I rolled her to my side and pulled the blankets up and over our heads. The light shining through the windows let me see her face clearly, and she was once again the happy girl I was coming to expect. Once we were under the covers, she started whispering, like she was telling me a big secret.
“Papa said I get to stay the night at Auntie Vera’s tonight! Can I come home tomorrow, so we can do the sprinkler?” she asked with her eyebrows lowered questioningly.
“Sure, baby. I’ll have her bring you home as soon as you wake up, and we can have pancakes when you get here.” I was irritated that Dragon had given permission for her to go to Vera’s, but I knew it would be better for her if she wasn’t home tonight while we dealt with Tony’s newest blow. “Want me to help you pack for your first ever sleepover?”
“Yeah! Can I bring my Legos?”
“Sure, baby. Let’s go get your stuff.”
I flipped the covers down to our waist, and I was surprised to see Dragon leaning against the doorway with a small smile on his face. I’d forgotten he came into the room with Trix when I put the blankets over our heads. He was looking at me like he couldn’t believe what he saw, and I wanted to lie there, basking in it, but Trix had other ideas and jumped like a kamikaze off the bed.
“Let’s go, Mama!”
I climbed out of bed and watched as she raced past Dragon and out of my room, mumbling the whole way about what she wanted to bring with her. As I went to pass him in the doorway, he stopped me with a hand on my arm. Before I could even look up, he grabbed both sides of my face, tunneling his long fingers through the hair by my ears and tilting my face to his.
“Best mama in the world, and I’m the lucky bastard who knocked her up,” he whispered as his eyes held mine. “We’ll figure this out. Our girl’s not goin’ nowhere.”
He waited until I gave him a small nod, and then he kissed me like he’d never done before. It was soft and tender, and I felt my eyes starting to burn until he lifted his head.
“Go get our girl packed up,” he told me and slapped me on the ass to get me moving.
Once Trix was on her way with Vera, Dragon and I sat down at the kitchen table with my pop. I knew they were trying to figure out how to stop Tony, but they didn’t know him or the lengths he would go to get his way like I did.
“He’s not her father; he can’t do this shit!” Dragon broke the silence by slamming his fist on the table.
“Yeah, you’re right, but fuck, he’s on the birth certificate, right? We gotta get you one of them damn DNA tests.” By the tone of Pop’s voice, I knew he was trying to calm Dragon down, and his no-nonsense voice seemed to do the trick.
“Yeah, I guess. They have that shit at the fuckin’ pharmacy by the condoms. How fuckers ever want to get laid after they see that shit, I will never know.”
“They do the test right there at the pharmacy?”
“Nah, you do it at home, and then you have to send it in to the company, and they mail you the results.”
My eyes, which had been staring blankly at the tabletop, jerked to Dragon after his little explanation. He was watching me, and as soon as he saw the horrified look on my face, he explained.
“Some chick was eyein’ me as she got her fuckin’ tampons, and I didn’t want her watchin’ me pick out fuckin’ condoms. Bitch was skanky as all hell.” His ears had turned bright red as Pop laughed at him across the table. He rubbed the back of his neck. “Picked up the first thing I saw that didn’t say ‘lubricated’ and acted like I was busy. She practically ran.”
They were both laughing by this time, but I just didn’t have it in me. I was hollow. It felt like every wall that I’d built was crumbling around me as I sat at the scarred wooden table. I’d have to go back to him. I didn’t see any way for me to win this fight, and I’d never let Trix go to him without me.
I was scared—more scared than I’d ever been in my entire life even when I’d thought he would kill me. We’d been here over a month, and in that time, I had lost the hard shell that had once protected me. I felt everything. Every word and deed caused an emotion in me that I hadn’t felt in years, except for with Trix. This time, I knew he could get to me, the real me. Not just my body, but my emotions. They were too raw to withstand him, and I knew he would finally break me. I was terrified of what would happen to Trix after I was broken.
I cleared my throat to get their attention. “You can’t send away for anything. That’ll take too long. I don’t think it’ll matter anyway. We were married when I had th…Trix.” I caught myself and took a deep breath. “I’m not sure what the laws are, but I do know from searching online that if I was married to him when I had her, she’s legally considered his.”
I jumped when Dragon pushed quickly to his feet, and his chair screeched back against the floor. He started pacing back and forth in anger, and I didn’t know if it was from the futility of our situation or the reminder that I was married when I had Trix.
She was confused about me lying in bed in the middle of the day, but she was giggling cautiously as I squeezed my arms around her middle.
“Yeah, let’s do it again tomorrow!” she told me with her eyes wide.
“If it’s warm out again, we can. Maybe I’ll get in tomorrow!”
She laughed as I rolled her to my side and pulled the blankets up and over our heads. The light shining through the windows let me see her face clearly, and she was once again the happy girl I was coming to expect. Once we were under the covers, she started whispering, like she was telling me a big secret.
“Papa said I get to stay the night at Auntie Vera’s tonight! Can I come home tomorrow, so we can do the sprinkler?” she asked with her eyebrows lowered questioningly.
“Sure, baby. I’ll have her bring you home as soon as you wake up, and we can have pancakes when you get here.” I was irritated that Dragon had given permission for her to go to Vera’s, but I knew it would be better for her if she wasn’t home tonight while we dealt with Tony’s newest blow. “Want me to help you pack for your first ever sleepover?”
“Yeah! Can I bring my Legos?”
“Sure, baby. Let’s go get your stuff.”
I flipped the covers down to our waist, and I was surprised to see Dragon leaning against the doorway with a small smile on his face. I’d forgotten he came into the room with Trix when I put the blankets over our heads. He was looking at me like he couldn’t believe what he saw, and I wanted to lie there, basking in it, but Trix had other ideas and jumped like a kamikaze off the bed.
“Let’s go, Mama!”
I climbed out of bed and watched as she raced past Dragon and out of my room, mumbling the whole way about what she wanted to bring with her. As I went to pass him in the doorway, he stopped me with a hand on my arm. Before I could even look up, he grabbed both sides of my face, tunneling his long fingers through the hair by my ears and tilting my face to his.
“Best mama in the world, and I’m the lucky bastard who knocked her up,” he whispered as his eyes held mine. “We’ll figure this out. Our girl’s not goin’ nowhere.”
He waited until I gave him a small nod, and then he kissed me like he’d never done before. It was soft and tender, and I felt my eyes starting to burn until he lifted his head.
“Go get our girl packed up,” he told me and slapped me on the ass to get me moving.
Once Trix was on her way with Vera, Dragon and I sat down at the kitchen table with my pop. I knew they were trying to figure out how to stop Tony, but they didn’t know him or the lengths he would go to get his way like I did.
“He’s not her father; he can’t do this shit!” Dragon broke the silence by slamming his fist on the table.
“Yeah, you’re right, but fuck, he’s on the birth certificate, right? We gotta get you one of them damn DNA tests.” By the tone of Pop’s voice, I knew he was trying to calm Dragon down, and his no-nonsense voice seemed to do the trick.
“Yeah, I guess. They have that shit at the fuckin’ pharmacy by the condoms. How fuckers ever want to get laid after they see that shit, I will never know.”
“They do the test right there at the pharmacy?”
“Nah, you do it at home, and then you have to send it in to the company, and they mail you the results.”
My eyes, which had been staring blankly at the tabletop, jerked to Dragon after his little explanation. He was watching me, and as soon as he saw the horrified look on my face, he explained.
“Some chick was eyein’ me as she got her fuckin’ tampons, and I didn’t want her watchin’ me pick out fuckin’ condoms. Bitch was skanky as all hell.” His ears had turned bright red as Pop laughed at him across the table. He rubbed the back of his neck. “Picked up the first thing I saw that didn’t say ‘lubricated’ and acted like I was busy. She practically ran.”
They were both laughing by this time, but I just didn’t have it in me. I was hollow. It felt like every wall that I’d built was crumbling around me as I sat at the scarred wooden table. I’d have to go back to him. I didn’t see any way for me to win this fight, and I’d never let Trix go to him without me.
I was scared—more scared than I’d ever been in my entire life even when I’d thought he would kill me. We’d been here over a month, and in that time, I had lost the hard shell that had once protected me. I felt everything. Every word and deed caused an emotion in me that I hadn’t felt in years, except for with Trix. This time, I knew he could get to me, the real me. Not just my body, but my emotions. They were too raw to withstand him, and I knew he would finally break me. I was terrified of what would happen to Trix after I was broken.
I cleared my throat to get their attention. “You can’t send away for anything. That’ll take too long. I don’t think it’ll matter anyway. We were married when I had th…Trix.” I caught myself and took a deep breath. “I’m not sure what the laws are, but I do know from searching online that if I was married to him when I had her, she’s legally considered his.”
I jumped when Dragon pushed quickly to his feet, and his chair screeched back against the floor. He started pacing back and forth in anger, and I didn’t know if it was from the futility of our situation or the reminder that I was married when I had Trix.
