Craving Redemption
Page 97
I locked my knees so I didn’t fall to the floor and rubbed the back of my neck with my fingers. Fuck me. Fuck. Fuck.
I couldn’t say anything. I knew he was waiting for a response, but my throat felt like it was swollen shut. She’d had our son and I’d missed it because I was rotting in a fucking shithole prison. I’d known that I was missing out on a ton of shit while I was in there, but what I’d lost had never been clearer.
I had to restrain myself as I heard the douche behind me complaining again.
“She’s good, man. Gram said she was up and walking around right after she had him, and he scored high on all the tests they do.”
“Do—” I stuttered and cleared my throat in an attempt to get it together. “Do you know how big he was, or any of that shit?”
“Uh, I think I wrote it down. I was writing all of it down when she called me because I knew I’d forget it if I didn’t,” he mumbled. “Had this hot as fuck chick in my room, I was a little preoccupied.”
I waited silently as he searched, even though I wanted to tell him that I didn’t give a flying fuck about his bang from the night before.
“Got it!” he called. “He weighed eight pounds and two ounces, and he was twenty-three inches long. Gram said that’s a pretty good-sized kid. I didn’t write down how big his head was, though—sorry.”
I swallowed over and over, trying to get my shit together as I stared at the yellowing tile under my feet. A good-sized kid. I had a good-sized son.
“Need to make a fuckin’ call!” the guy bitched behind me.
“Do you know what she named him?” I asked hoarsely, ignoring the douche—anxious to know anything Cody could tell me and irritated that I had to drag shit out of him.
“Yeah. William Butler Hawthorne,” he answered proudly.
“Thanks, man, I gotta go.” I hung up on him as he tried to say something else. I didn’t know how much longer I would’ve been able to keep talking to him without losing my shit.
Hawthorne. She gave him my name.
As soon as I put the phone down, I spun and faced the fucker that had been on my ass since the minute I’d picked up the phone. His eyes widened in fear when he saw the look on my face, but I didn’t give him a chance to apologize.
I swung my arm and punched him hard in the throat, following as he fell to the ground. I beat the shit out of him until the guards pulled me away, and even though I knew I was getting solitary for the fight, I wasn’t sorry.
Because, if I hadn’t used my fists, I would have sobbed like a fucking baby.
I had a son.
Chapter 66
Callie
I had to wait a week after Will was born to talk to Asa. Cody’d said he’d spoken to him the morning I gave birth, and I was frustrated Gram had silenced our phones so I could get some rest. I would have rather spoken to Asa than slept, especially when we didn’t hear from him again.
“Asa!” I answered happily.
“Hey, mama, how’s our boy?” his voice was gravelly and low, and I felt my eyes fill with tears. Dear God, I missed him.
“He’s good. Eating like a pig right now.”
“Yeah? You decide to breastfeed?”
“That’s the plan,” I told him ruefully. For something so natural, it sure wasn’t as easy as I’d envisioned.
“You telling me your tits are hanging out right now?” he asked with a chuckle.
“Shut it. Your son’s eating. It’s not sexy.”
“Sugar, you’re always sexy and you’re feeding our son. Can’t think of anything more beautiful,” he whispered softly.
“I miss you like crazy.”
“You have no idea,” he grumbled. “You doing okay?”
“Yeah, I’m sore, especially with the stitches, but it’s not horrible. And my boobs hurt.”
“Stitches?”
“Your son has broad shoulders,” I answered dryly.
“Holy fuck.”
I started laughing at the horror in his voice and startled Will who immediately popped off my nipple and started wailing.
“Sorry, give me just a sec!” I practically yelled, trying to get him latched back on. When he was finally calmed down, he started suckling loudly and I giggled. Little piglet.
“You still there?” I asked with a smile in my voice.
“Yeah, still here,” he answered, clearing his throat. “Got a good set of lungs on him, yeah?”
“Yep. He’s loud as hell, but it’s usually if he wants something, otherwise he’s pretty mellow.”
“That’s good, sweetheart. Real good.” His words were mumbled as if his hand was covering his mouth.
“We wish you were here,” I told him gently, my eyes starting to water. “I miss you so fucking much.”
“I wish I was, too. I’ll be home before you know it.”
I knew he was trying to comfort me, and if the taut way he spoke was any indication, he was frustrated as hell that he couldn’t. He wouldn’t be home before I knew it. We weren’t even halfway there.
I pinched my nose and pulled the phone away from my face so I could sniff and get myself together. When I felt like I could talk to him without sobbing, I put the phone back to my ear.
“So, I was thinking, as soon as Will’s immune system is stronger, we could come up and visit you.”
“You call him Will?”
“Yeah, William makes him sound like a banker.”
I couldn’t say anything. I knew he was waiting for a response, but my throat felt like it was swollen shut. She’d had our son and I’d missed it because I was rotting in a fucking shithole prison. I’d known that I was missing out on a ton of shit while I was in there, but what I’d lost had never been clearer.
I had to restrain myself as I heard the douche behind me complaining again.
“She’s good, man. Gram said she was up and walking around right after she had him, and he scored high on all the tests they do.”
“Do—” I stuttered and cleared my throat in an attempt to get it together. “Do you know how big he was, or any of that shit?”
“Uh, I think I wrote it down. I was writing all of it down when she called me because I knew I’d forget it if I didn’t,” he mumbled. “Had this hot as fuck chick in my room, I was a little preoccupied.”
I waited silently as he searched, even though I wanted to tell him that I didn’t give a flying fuck about his bang from the night before.
“Got it!” he called. “He weighed eight pounds and two ounces, and he was twenty-three inches long. Gram said that’s a pretty good-sized kid. I didn’t write down how big his head was, though—sorry.”
I swallowed over and over, trying to get my shit together as I stared at the yellowing tile under my feet. A good-sized kid. I had a good-sized son.
“Need to make a fuckin’ call!” the guy bitched behind me.
“Do you know what she named him?” I asked hoarsely, ignoring the douche—anxious to know anything Cody could tell me and irritated that I had to drag shit out of him.
“Yeah. William Butler Hawthorne,” he answered proudly.
“Thanks, man, I gotta go.” I hung up on him as he tried to say something else. I didn’t know how much longer I would’ve been able to keep talking to him without losing my shit.
Hawthorne. She gave him my name.
As soon as I put the phone down, I spun and faced the fucker that had been on my ass since the minute I’d picked up the phone. His eyes widened in fear when he saw the look on my face, but I didn’t give him a chance to apologize.
I swung my arm and punched him hard in the throat, following as he fell to the ground. I beat the shit out of him until the guards pulled me away, and even though I knew I was getting solitary for the fight, I wasn’t sorry.
Because, if I hadn’t used my fists, I would have sobbed like a fucking baby.
I had a son.
Chapter 66
Callie
I had to wait a week after Will was born to talk to Asa. Cody’d said he’d spoken to him the morning I gave birth, and I was frustrated Gram had silenced our phones so I could get some rest. I would have rather spoken to Asa than slept, especially when we didn’t hear from him again.
“Asa!” I answered happily.
“Hey, mama, how’s our boy?” his voice was gravelly and low, and I felt my eyes fill with tears. Dear God, I missed him.
“He’s good. Eating like a pig right now.”
“Yeah? You decide to breastfeed?”
“That’s the plan,” I told him ruefully. For something so natural, it sure wasn’t as easy as I’d envisioned.
“You telling me your tits are hanging out right now?” he asked with a chuckle.
“Shut it. Your son’s eating. It’s not sexy.”
“Sugar, you’re always sexy and you’re feeding our son. Can’t think of anything more beautiful,” he whispered softly.
“I miss you like crazy.”
“You have no idea,” he grumbled. “You doing okay?”
“Yeah, I’m sore, especially with the stitches, but it’s not horrible. And my boobs hurt.”
“Stitches?”
“Your son has broad shoulders,” I answered dryly.
“Holy fuck.”
I started laughing at the horror in his voice and startled Will who immediately popped off my nipple and started wailing.
“Sorry, give me just a sec!” I practically yelled, trying to get him latched back on. When he was finally calmed down, he started suckling loudly and I giggled. Little piglet.
“You still there?” I asked with a smile in my voice.
“Yeah, still here,” he answered, clearing his throat. “Got a good set of lungs on him, yeah?”
“Yep. He’s loud as hell, but it’s usually if he wants something, otherwise he’s pretty mellow.”
“That’s good, sweetheart. Real good.” His words were mumbled as if his hand was covering his mouth.
“We wish you were here,” I told him gently, my eyes starting to water. “I miss you so fucking much.”
“I wish I was, too. I’ll be home before you know it.”
I knew he was trying to comfort me, and if the taut way he spoke was any indication, he was frustrated as hell that he couldn’t. He wouldn’t be home before I knew it. We weren’t even halfway there.
I pinched my nose and pulled the phone away from my face so I could sniff and get myself together. When I felt like I could talk to him without sobbing, I put the phone back to my ear.
“So, I was thinking, as soon as Will’s immune system is stronger, we could come up and visit you.”
“You call him Will?”
“Yeah, William makes him sound like a banker.”
