Craving Redemption
Page 98
“I like Will,” he said with a snort.
“Did you just snort?” I teased in a deep voice, mimicking him.
“Shut the fuck up.” I could hear the smile in his voice and it made my chest ache. I looked down at our son and gently pulled him away from where he’d fallen asleep with my nipple in his mouth.
“So, the visit?”
“You really want our son in here? You think that’s a good idea?” He sounded skeptical, but underneath the worry lacing his voice, I could hear the hope.
“Yeah, I looked at the website and it said kids can come.”
“I know that, sweetheart. Just not sure our kid should come.”
“I want you to meet him,” I answered softly.
“Fuck.” He blew out a harsh breath. “Me, too.”
“Okay, well, it’ll have to be in a couple months. I don’t think he’s up for that type of drive yet anyway.”
“I love you so fuckin’ much, Calliope.”
“I love you, too, baby. Everything okay with you?”
“My woman’s bringing my son for a visit, everything’s great,” he answered seriously.
“Good.”
“I gotta go, Sugar.”
“Already?”
“Yeah. Don’t get much time.”
“I know. This one went fast, though,” I grumbled.
“’Cause we got a lot of shit to talk about. I love you, kiss my boy for me.”
“I will. Love you, too.”
I listened as he hung up, and continued to hold the phone to my face as if keeping it there would keep him closer. The separation was harder than I’d imagined, especially with Will. He was an easy baby, and Gram or Farrah were always around to help, so it wasn’t as if I were overwhelmed. The hard part was watching him change, which was happening at an alarming rate, and knowing that Asa would never get to see it. By the time we would be able to visit, Will would look completely different, he’d be more alert and active, and his cone-head would be gone. It was gut-wrenching to know that Asa would never see the sweet, cuddly, newborn stage.
I sighed and leaned my head into the back of the couch. Two months couldn’t pass quickly enough for me.
“Callie!” Farrah whisper-yelled as she came through the front door. She’d been pretty good keeping the noise down since Will was born. We never knew when he’d be sleeping, and he hated being startled awake, hence the crying fit when I’d talked to Asa.
“What’s up?”
“I have the best idea. Ever. In the history of the world.”
She looked at me expectantly while I studied her, still feeling hungover after my phone call with Asa.
“Well? Spill it.”
“We should go to cosmetology school!”
“The hell are you talking about?” I scoffed, standing from the couch to carry Will to my room. Usually, he’d sleep for a couple hours in the morning and I really needed a nap.
“It would be perfect! We’re both orphans and you’re a single mother—we could get all sorts of grants to pay for it and it only takes like a year.”
“I’m not a single mother,” I snapped back, hugging Will to my chest as I scowled at her.
“I didn’t mean it like that, Callie,” she replied softly. “I know you’re not, but Asa doesn’t live here. He’s not gonna be around until after we get done with the school and have kickass jobs.”
“I never said I was going to do it!”
“You will. You’d be good at it. Just think, you could handle the classy clients and I could take the Rock-a-Billy ones. It’s a match made in heaven!”
“You’re insane,” I whispered as I laid Will in his portable crib. “I’m taking a nap.”
“We’re talking about this when you get up!”
“Fine. Now let me sleep.” Grumbling, I crawled into my bed and pulled the blankets over my head.
Farrah was right. After listening to her cajole and whine for weeks while I came up with every excuse I could think of, she finally wore me down. I think the deciding factor was Gram. She was adamant that I go to some type of school so I could get a decent job. I was lucky that Asa was still supporting Will and me, even though he wasn’t working, but I didn’t know if that would last forever. I had to be able to support us if I needed to. It was time I stood on my own two feet.
By the time Gram and I headed for Oregon to visit Asa, I was enrolled and ready to start the following term. Farrah’d been right about the grants, too. We were attending school for free, which seemed crazy to me, but I wasn’t going to complain.
The trip to Oregon took forever. Will was pretty easy, but he still wanted to eat every two hours, and we must have stopped at every rest stop on I-5 between Sacramento and Salem. I’d never felt so relieved to get out of a car in my life.
We stayed at a hotel in Salem the night before the visit, but it didn’t matter how exhausted I was, I still didn’t sleep. I lay next to Gram, Will sleeping peacefully between us, filled with apprehension. I hadn’t seen Asa in seven months, the longest we’d ever been apart since we’d met.
My body was different, my face rounder, and I wondered what he’d think. I was afraid things would be awkward, that we’d have nothing to say to each other, that our connection would be forced or completely absent.
I also worried about the fact that I couldn’t wear an underwire bra, which meant my boobs wouldn’t be at their best. It was a stupid thing to worry about, I knew it was, but I wanted to look good. I wanted him to still want me even though my eyes had dark circles under them and my boobs were different.
“Did you just snort?” I teased in a deep voice, mimicking him.
“Shut the fuck up.” I could hear the smile in his voice and it made my chest ache. I looked down at our son and gently pulled him away from where he’d fallen asleep with my nipple in his mouth.
“So, the visit?”
“You really want our son in here? You think that’s a good idea?” He sounded skeptical, but underneath the worry lacing his voice, I could hear the hope.
“Yeah, I looked at the website and it said kids can come.”
“I know that, sweetheart. Just not sure our kid should come.”
“I want you to meet him,” I answered softly.
“Fuck.” He blew out a harsh breath. “Me, too.”
“Okay, well, it’ll have to be in a couple months. I don’t think he’s up for that type of drive yet anyway.”
“I love you so fuckin’ much, Calliope.”
“I love you, too, baby. Everything okay with you?”
“My woman’s bringing my son for a visit, everything’s great,” he answered seriously.
“Good.”
“I gotta go, Sugar.”
“Already?”
“Yeah. Don’t get much time.”
“I know. This one went fast, though,” I grumbled.
“’Cause we got a lot of shit to talk about. I love you, kiss my boy for me.”
“I will. Love you, too.”
I listened as he hung up, and continued to hold the phone to my face as if keeping it there would keep him closer. The separation was harder than I’d imagined, especially with Will. He was an easy baby, and Gram or Farrah were always around to help, so it wasn’t as if I were overwhelmed. The hard part was watching him change, which was happening at an alarming rate, and knowing that Asa would never get to see it. By the time we would be able to visit, Will would look completely different, he’d be more alert and active, and his cone-head would be gone. It was gut-wrenching to know that Asa would never see the sweet, cuddly, newborn stage.
I sighed and leaned my head into the back of the couch. Two months couldn’t pass quickly enough for me.
“Callie!” Farrah whisper-yelled as she came through the front door. She’d been pretty good keeping the noise down since Will was born. We never knew when he’d be sleeping, and he hated being startled awake, hence the crying fit when I’d talked to Asa.
“What’s up?”
“I have the best idea. Ever. In the history of the world.”
She looked at me expectantly while I studied her, still feeling hungover after my phone call with Asa.
“Well? Spill it.”
“We should go to cosmetology school!”
“The hell are you talking about?” I scoffed, standing from the couch to carry Will to my room. Usually, he’d sleep for a couple hours in the morning and I really needed a nap.
“It would be perfect! We’re both orphans and you’re a single mother—we could get all sorts of grants to pay for it and it only takes like a year.”
“I’m not a single mother,” I snapped back, hugging Will to my chest as I scowled at her.
“I didn’t mean it like that, Callie,” she replied softly. “I know you’re not, but Asa doesn’t live here. He’s not gonna be around until after we get done with the school and have kickass jobs.”
“I never said I was going to do it!”
“You will. You’d be good at it. Just think, you could handle the classy clients and I could take the Rock-a-Billy ones. It’s a match made in heaven!”
“You’re insane,” I whispered as I laid Will in his portable crib. “I’m taking a nap.”
“We’re talking about this when you get up!”
“Fine. Now let me sleep.” Grumbling, I crawled into my bed and pulled the blankets over my head.
Farrah was right. After listening to her cajole and whine for weeks while I came up with every excuse I could think of, she finally wore me down. I think the deciding factor was Gram. She was adamant that I go to some type of school so I could get a decent job. I was lucky that Asa was still supporting Will and me, even though he wasn’t working, but I didn’t know if that would last forever. I had to be able to support us if I needed to. It was time I stood on my own two feet.
By the time Gram and I headed for Oregon to visit Asa, I was enrolled and ready to start the following term. Farrah’d been right about the grants, too. We were attending school for free, which seemed crazy to me, but I wasn’t going to complain.
The trip to Oregon took forever. Will was pretty easy, but he still wanted to eat every two hours, and we must have stopped at every rest stop on I-5 between Sacramento and Salem. I’d never felt so relieved to get out of a car in my life.
We stayed at a hotel in Salem the night before the visit, but it didn’t matter how exhausted I was, I still didn’t sleep. I lay next to Gram, Will sleeping peacefully between us, filled with apprehension. I hadn’t seen Asa in seven months, the longest we’d ever been apart since we’d met.
My body was different, my face rounder, and I wondered what he’d think. I was afraid things would be awkward, that we’d have nothing to say to each other, that our connection would be forced or completely absent.
I also worried about the fact that I couldn’t wear an underwire bra, which meant my boobs wouldn’t be at their best. It was a stupid thing to worry about, I knew it was, but I wanted to look good. I wanted him to still want me even though my eyes had dark circles under them and my boobs were different.
