Craving Redemption
Page 99
I finally crawled out of bed when I saw weak sunlight peeking through the curtains, and after placing a rolled up blanket next to Will, took a shower. I took my time, shaving my legs and conditioning my hair twice. I went all out, putting on makeup for the first time in months and stuffing myself into pre-pregnancy jeans with a flowing top to hide where my chubby waist bubbled at the top. I had a freaking muffin top. It made me want to cry.
When I was finished getting ready, I came out of the bathroom to find Gram walking Will back and forth across the room.
“He’s hungry, but I wanted to give you some extra time,” she told me with a knowing smile. “He’s not gonna wait much longer, though.”
I took Will and settled in to nurse him on the bed, grimacing as my jeans dug into my waist.
“You can’t wear those jeans,” Gram commented as she rummaged through her bag for some clothes. “Inmates wear denim. You’ll have to put on other pants.”
“What?” I gasped. “How do you know that?”
“I called the prison. Didn’t you look at the website?”
I had, but the only thing I remembered was the stupid rule about underwire bras. I was screwed. The only pants I’d brought were jeans for the visit and ratty leggings so I’d be comfortable on the drive. I felt myself starting to panic, opening and closing my mouth, and trying not to scream in frustration.
“I don’t have any other pants!” I wailed, startling Will into screaming, and causing complete anarchy in our room.
“Calm down, Callie,” Gram ordered sharply. “You have other pants. I doubt you were planning on driving home in your underwear.”
“Yeah, but those are gross! They’re all stretched out and they don’t go with my shirt!”
“Don’t yell at me because you didn’t read the rules,” she snapped, and I instantly felt like shit.
“I’m sorry. I’m a little nervous,” I told, her my eyes watery and a half-smile on my face. “I just wanted it to be perfect.”
“Not sure how perfect you’re gonna get in the visiting room of the state pen,” she mumbled, walking into the bathroom. I guess she wasn’t ready to forgive my freak out yet.
When Will was finished eating, I changed into my unappealing leggings and started getting him ready for the day. I didn’t want to give him a bath in the nasty hotel bathroom, so instead I just used a tiny bit of baby soap to Mohawk the small patch of hair on the top of his head. I wanted Asa to be able to smell it, that fresh baby smell.
I had less than thirty minutes before we had to leave for the prison, so I got him dressed, too. I put him in a black long-sleeved Harley Davidson one-piece outfit that Slider’s wife Vera had sent when he was born. I thought it was a nice thing for her to do, especially since I’d never met her, but I figured it was more for Asa than me. It was the perfect outfit for him to meet his daddy.
When we pulled up and parked, I was a little startled when Gram didn’t climb out of the driver’s seat.
“Aren’t you coming?”
“No. I’m just gonna sit out here and read,” she told me, pulling a worn paperback with a half-naked couple on the front out of her purse.
“But I thought you were coming with me!”
“They have a point system. I go in there, that means he uses up points for the month. Don’t want him to run out,” she answered over the top of her glasses. “This time should just be for the three of you, Callie Rose.”
“Okay.” The word came out in a long exhale, and I shook my head as I pulled Will and a small blanket out of his car seat. I prayed that he wouldn’t need to eat while we were there, because he wasn’t taking a bottle yet and I was pretty sure they wouldn’t let me breastfeed in the middle of the visiting room.
My anxiety built as I went through the necessary procedures, and the guards made me really nervous as they went through all of my stuff. I was terrified that I hadn’t followed some rule and they were going to turn me away. By the time I was through the security, I felt my heart beating at the base of my throat and I had trouble catching my breath.
I didn’t anticipate that when I saw him, all of the nervousness and worry I was feeling would just… melt away.
Chapter 67
Grease
My leg was bouncing nervously under the table. I was afraid she wasn’t going to show for some reason, and I’d built it up in my mind so much that I’d fucking lose it if I didn’t see her. I was anxious to see my son, too, but he was still more of an idea in my head. I hadn’t had a chance to miss him yet.
When she walked through the doors, I stood up automatically and almost tripped over the bench I was sitting on. Really fucking smooth, Grease. She was wearing a loose purple top that covered fucking everything from her neck to her hips, but goddamn if I couldn’t imagine everything underneath, even with our son resting against her chest.
My eyes moved from her chest down, and noticed her leggings; they had a hole in the knee and some sort of bleach stain on them. It made my gut clench for some reason, seeing those pants. When I finally made my eyes meet hers, I swear to God it was like the entire room went quiet.
She had a little smile on her mouth, like she wasn’t sure if she should be smiling or not, and it made me fucking grin. She was so fucking beautiful. Her face was a bit rounder, and so were her hips, but to me—she’d never been sexier.
My grin got her moving, and she started walking fast until I met her at the edge of the table.
When I was finished getting ready, I came out of the bathroom to find Gram walking Will back and forth across the room.
“He’s hungry, but I wanted to give you some extra time,” she told me with a knowing smile. “He’s not gonna wait much longer, though.”
I took Will and settled in to nurse him on the bed, grimacing as my jeans dug into my waist.
“You can’t wear those jeans,” Gram commented as she rummaged through her bag for some clothes. “Inmates wear denim. You’ll have to put on other pants.”
“What?” I gasped. “How do you know that?”
“I called the prison. Didn’t you look at the website?”
I had, but the only thing I remembered was the stupid rule about underwire bras. I was screwed. The only pants I’d brought were jeans for the visit and ratty leggings so I’d be comfortable on the drive. I felt myself starting to panic, opening and closing my mouth, and trying not to scream in frustration.
“I don’t have any other pants!” I wailed, startling Will into screaming, and causing complete anarchy in our room.
“Calm down, Callie,” Gram ordered sharply. “You have other pants. I doubt you were planning on driving home in your underwear.”
“Yeah, but those are gross! They’re all stretched out and they don’t go with my shirt!”
“Don’t yell at me because you didn’t read the rules,” she snapped, and I instantly felt like shit.
“I’m sorry. I’m a little nervous,” I told, her my eyes watery and a half-smile on my face. “I just wanted it to be perfect.”
“Not sure how perfect you’re gonna get in the visiting room of the state pen,” she mumbled, walking into the bathroom. I guess she wasn’t ready to forgive my freak out yet.
When Will was finished eating, I changed into my unappealing leggings and started getting him ready for the day. I didn’t want to give him a bath in the nasty hotel bathroom, so instead I just used a tiny bit of baby soap to Mohawk the small patch of hair on the top of his head. I wanted Asa to be able to smell it, that fresh baby smell.
I had less than thirty minutes before we had to leave for the prison, so I got him dressed, too. I put him in a black long-sleeved Harley Davidson one-piece outfit that Slider’s wife Vera had sent when he was born. I thought it was a nice thing for her to do, especially since I’d never met her, but I figured it was more for Asa than me. It was the perfect outfit for him to meet his daddy.
When we pulled up and parked, I was a little startled when Gram didn’t climb out of the driver’s seat.
“Aren’t you coming?”
“No. I’m just gonna sit out here and read,” she told me, pulling a worn paperback with a half-naked couple on the front out of her purse.
“But I thought you were coming with me!”
“They have a point system. I go in there, that means he uses up points for the month. Don’t want him to run out,” she answered over the top of her glasses. “This time should just be for the three of you, Callie Rose.”
“Okay.” The word came out in a long exhale, and I shook my head as I pulled Will and a small blanket out of his car seat. I prayed that he wouldn’t need to eat while we were there, because he wasn’t taking a bottle yet and I was pretty sure they wouldn’t let me breastfeed in the middle of the visiting room.
My anxiety built as I went through the necessary procedures, and the guards made me really nervous as they went through all of my stuff. I was terrified that I hadn’t followed some rule and they were going to turn me away. By the time I was through the security, I felt my heart beating at the base of my throat and I had trouble catching my breath.
I didn’t anticipate that when I saw him, all of the nervousness and worry I was feeling would just… melt away.
Chapter 67
Grease
My leg was bouncing nervously under the table. I was afraid she wasn’t going to show for some reason, and I’d built it up in my mind so much that I’d fucking lose it if I didn’t see her. I was anxious to see my son, too, but he was still more of an idea in my head. I hadn’t had a chance to miss him yet.
When she walked through the doors, I stood up automatically and almost tripped over the bench I was sitting on. Really fucking smooth, Grease. She was wearing a loose purple top that covered fucking everything from her neck to her hips, but goddamn if I couldn’t imagine everything underneath, even with our son resting against her chest.
My eyes moved from her chest down, and noticed her leggings; they had a hole in the knee and some sort of bleach stain on them. It made my gut clench for some reason, seeing those pants. When I finally made my eyes meet hers, I swear to God it was like the entire room went quiet.
She had a little smile on her mouth, like she wasn’t sure if she should be smiling or not, and it made me fucking grin. She was so fucking beautiful. Her face was a bit rounder, and so were her hips, but to me—she’d never been sexier.
My grin got her moving, and she started walking fast until I met her at the edge of the table.
