Cut Wide Open
Page 41
I poured him a bowl, then poured two cups of coffee. I liked mine black, but had no idea how she would take hers. I guessed she at least liked milk, but I had no idea, seeing as she was sixteen the last time I’d spent any real time with her. That thought made me angry. There was so much about her that I didn’t know. Like the way she took her fucking coffee.
“I wish Lucky Charms was reversed,” Gun said between bites, quickly snapping me out of my anger.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, I wish it was like mostly marshmallows and just a little bit of the crispy cereal.”
“Right on,” Reggie laughed fist bumping my kid. I shook my head. When did he teach him to fist bump?
Shane got my attention, “How’s she doing?”
“She talked last night, so we’re making progress.”
“And last night? Heard you didn't go easy.”
I shrugged, “Do I ever?”
“I guess not. The guys were happy, walked out with a shit ton of money.”
“There was a fighter last night, name’s McGuiness. When this shit blows over, we should talk to him. Don't know if he rides or not, but he’s got that look.”
Shane knew exactly what type of look I was talking about considering we had seen it so many times in prospects eyes. He nodded his head in understanding.
“Going to bring this to your momma. You good?” I asked Gun.
He moved his spoon around his bowl searching for marshmallows and said, “Sure,” in a peppy voice.
I walked down the hall and was surprised to see Charlie sitting up with my t-shirt pulled over her head.
She saw me and smiled. Actually, fucking smiled. I would’ve done anything for that smile and here it was so freely given.
“Where’s Gun?” she asked like it was the most natural thing in the world for her to speak.
“Eating cereal with Shane and Reggie. He’s in good hands. I brought you coffee. Didn't know how you liked it. So, there’s some cream. I can get you sugar, if you want?” I rambled nervously. Why the hell was I nervous? It was just coffee.
“Coffee’s good.” She reached her hand out to take the mug from me and I took full advantage brushing my fingers over hers capturing her eyes, not daring to look away.
“He looks like you, doesn't he?” she broke the spell.
“I didn’t even have to find out his name to know he was mine, spitting fucking image. I got to know Charlie, what happened after I left. I searched for you for years, I couldn't find you. Hell, I got connections and no one could find you. You turned into a fucking ghost.”
She sighed, “I need to get out of this room. Do you think you can get me some pants, and maybe we can walk?” As much as I didn’t want her walking around, I got how she could be stir crazy.
“One of the old ladies dropped off some clothes.”
“Old ladies? How many people are here?”
“There’s four cabins and a bunch of families are bunked up in those. Most of the single brothers are in the tents. There’s about forty people here, in all.”
“Wow,” she breathed in amazement that there were so many people here.
“There’s another bedroom off the living room. Shane and Ace are bunking up in there, and Reggie who’s taken a liking to Gun, stays on the couch.”
“Where are we?”
“We picked this property up a few years ago. Bought it through a shell company, so it can’t be traced back to us. No one knows we’re here.”
“Oh, okay,” she answered like it was too much too soon.
“I’ll get you some pants.” I left the room and saw Gun curled up on the couch with Reggie on the other side. On the television, cartoons played and I watched Gun chuckle, his little body shaking. In a bag next to the door, there was a stack of clothes that Roxanne, one of the old ladies, had dropped off. I brought them into Charlie, and didn't look away or give her privacy as she pulled up the jeans that were sizes too big. Maybe that made me a dick after everything she’d been through, but I didn’t care. I always thought of her as mine and giving her privacy would’ve felt like I was admitting she wasn’t. She slipped her feet into a pair of Uggs that she’d pulled from the bag and I asked again, “You sure you’re up to walking?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, it’s kind of chilly. Wear this.” I handed her my sweatshirt that was almost like a dress on her. Our Bleeding Scars logo spread across the back.
We walked out of the bedroom, but her slight painful stance made me hesitate going outside, but I knew she needed this.
I ruffled Gun’s head as we passed. He looked up and his eyes got big when he saw Charlie dressed and walking around.
“Mom! You’re up.”
“Gunner and I are going to go for a walk. When I get back, how about you tell me what you’ve been up to since I’ve been gone?”
He anxiously nodded his head, and I put my hand on the small of Charlie’s back guiding her outside.
The air outside was cool. Even cooler evenings left the trees all shades of reds, yellows, and oranges. Fires that had been constantly stoked still burned big. Various camping chairs with brothers, and some of their family members surrounded them. It was early, but to many of these guys, this was like a huge camping trip with their loved ones.
The cabin we stayed in was the largest of the four and was slightly more secluded than the rest. The other cabins were clustered together closer to a small lake. In the distance, I could see two teenage boys casting out a fishing line. Tents were crammed together, and as we silently walked past, snoring cut through the air. Walking past the final tent in the cluster, moaning and skin slapping against skin drowned out the snores. I checked to see Charlie’s reaction. There wasn't one. She ignored it. Looking at her as she walked beside me, she was the same closed off Mouse that I’d met when we were so young.
I grabbed her hand and led us to a small path that ran along the lake. “Can you tell me what happened after you left the neighborhood?” I had to break the silence. I needed to know.
She walked a few more steps, then paused and stared out at the water. “I went to another foster home.” She bent low, picked up a rock and threw it into the water. I didn't like how she seemed to be holding back.
“After that, I stayed in some shelters. I eventually got a place.”
“I wish Lucky Charms was reversed,” Gun said between bites, quickly snapping me out of my anger.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, I wish it was like mostly marshmallows and just a little bit of the crispy cereal.”
“Right on,” Reggie laughed fist bumping my kid. I shook my head. When did he teach him to fist bump?
Shane got my attention, “How’s she doing?”
“She talked last night, so we’re making progress.”
“And last night? Heard you didn't go easy.”
I shrugged, “Do I ever?”
“I guess not. The guys were happy, walked out with a shit ton of money.”
“There was a fighter last night, name’s McGuiness. When this shit blows over, we should talk to him. Don't know if he rides or not, but he’s got that look.”
Shane knew exactly what type of look I was talking about considering we had seen it so many times in prospects eyes. He nodded his head in understanding.
“Going to bring this to your momma. You good?” I asked Gun.
He moved his spoon around his bowl searching for marshmallows and said, “Sure,” in a peppy voice.
I walked down the hall and was surprised to see Charlie sitting up with my t-shirt pulled over her head.
She saw me and smiled. Actually, fucking smiled. I would’ve done anything for that smile and here it was so freely given.
“Where’s Gun?” she asked like it was the most natural thing in the world for her to speak.
“Eating cereal with Shane and Reggie. He’s in good hands. I brought you coffee. Didn't know how you liked it. So, there’s some cream. I can get you sugar, if you want?” I rambled nervously. Why the hell was I nervous? It was just coffee.
“Coffee’s good.” She reached her hand out to take the mug from me and I took full advantage brushing my fingers over hers capturing her eyes, not daring to look away.
“He looks like you, doesn't he?” she broke the spell.
“I didn’t even have to find out his name to know he was mine, spitting fucking image. I got to know Charlie, what happened after I left. I searched for you for years, I couldn't find you. Hell, I got connections and no one could find you. You turned into a fucking ghost.”
She sighed, “I need to get out of this room. Do you think you can get me some pants, and maybe we can walk?” As much as I didn’t want her walking around, I got how she could be stir crazy.
“One of the old ladies dropped off some clothes.”
“Old ladies? How many people are here?”
“There’s four cabins and a bunch of families are bunked up in those. Most of the single brothers are in the tents. There’s about forty people here, in all.”
“Wow,” she breathed in amazement that there were so many people here.
“There’s another bedroom off the living room. Shane and Ace are bunking up in there, and Reggie who’s taken a liking to Gun, stays on the couch.”
“Where are we?”
“We picked this property up a few years ago. Bought it through a shell company, so it can’t be traced back to us. No one knows we’re here.”
“Oh, okay,” she answered like it was too much too soon.
“I’ll get you some pants.” I left the room and saw Gun curled up on the couch with Reggie on the other side. On the television, cartoons played and I watched Gun chuckle, his little body shaking. In a bag next to the door, there was a stack of clothes that Roxanne, one of the old ladies, had dropped off. I brought them into Charlie, and didn't look away or give her privacy as she pulled up the jeans that were sizes too big. Maybe that made me a dick after everything she’d been through, but I didn’t care. I always thought of her as mine and giving her privacy would’ve felt like I was admitting she wasn’t. She slipped her feet into a pair of Uggs that she’d pulled from the bag and I asked again, “You sure you’re up to walking?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, it’s kind of chilly. Wear this.” I handed her my sweatshirt that was almost like a dress on her. Our Bleeding Scars logo spread across the back.
We walked out of the bedroom, but her slight painful stance made me hesitate going outside, but I knew she needed this.
I ruffled Gun’s head as we passed. He looked up and his eyes got big when he saw Charlie dressed and walking around.
“Mom! You’re up.”
“Gunner and I are going to go for a walk. When I get back, how about you tell me what you’ve been up to since I’ve been gone?”
He anxiously nodded his head, and I put my hand on the small of Charlie’s back guiding her outside.
The air outside was cool. Even cooler evenings left the trees all shades of reds, yellows, and oranges. Fires that had been constantly stoked still burned big. Various camping chairs with brothers, and some of their family members surrounded them. It was early, but to many of these guys, this was like a huge camping trip with their loved ones.
The cabin we stayed in was the largest of the four and was slightly more secluded than the rest. The other cabins were clustered together closer to a small lake. In the distance, I could see two teenage boys casting out a fishing line. Tents were crammed together, and as we silently walked past, snoring cut through the air. Walking past the final tent in the cluster, moaning and skin slapping against skin drowned out the snores. I checked to see Charlie’s reaction. There wasn't one. She ignored it. Looking at her as she walked beside me, she was the same closed off Mouse that I’d met when we were so young.
I grabbed her hand and led us to a small path that ran along the lake. “Can you tell me what happened after you left the neighborhood?” I had to break the silence. I needed to know.
She walked a few more steps, then paused and stared out at the water. “I went to another foster home.” She bent low, picked up a rock and threw it into the water. I didn't like how she seemed to be holding back.
“After that, I stayed in some shelters. I eventually got a place.”
