Cut Wide Open
Page 42
“Hold up,” I interrupted her account because it was riddled with holes.
“What happened at the foster home?”
“They were religious freaks. I couldn’t stick around.”
“Charlie,” I said her name, cutting her off. She was leaving out something huge. I could tell. “Don’t sugar coat shit for me.”
“Fine,” she said with more fierceness than I’d heard from her. “You want to know? You sure about that? ‘Cause once I tell you, I can’t take that back. You’ll know.”
“Charlie,” I was agitated. I needed to know.
“Your baby was in me and these bible thumpers, who thought their twin sons were holier than thou, let it happen. It happened once.”
“What happened?” I struggled to hold onto my temper. I had the sick feeling I knew what she was going to say.
Chapter Twenty-Two Charlie
“They raped me! Is that what you want to hear? They held me down and raped me. But you know what? The second time they tried, I was ready. I stole a gun and waited for them to try something. They weren’t expecting me to defend myself. I shot the brothers, took their parent’s car and money, then got the fuck out of there. I ditched the car. Hitched a ride with a trucker and stayed in shelters for a while until I stole someone’s ID, and used that to get into the system. I didn’t have much, but I eventually got into the system. You couldn't find me because I was hiding. “I worked at clubs under the table and had been working at The Select Club for a while. I did all right. Not to say that Gun and I had it easy, but I got us by. I wasn’t going to do it forever. We had a life, maybe not an awesome one, but it was okay,” I finished. I hadn’t even looked at Gunner to gage his response. I didn't know if he’d look at me differently for shooting those boys. I didn't know if he would pity me. I bent low and grabbed a pretty leaf that had fallen and I twirled it by the stem in my fingers. It calmed me and I needed that. My beating heart felt like it might explode in my chest. I wasn't even talking yesterday, and today I divulged things that I’d never admitted to anyone before.
I heard a flick of a lighter and then lifted my eyes to see Gunner pulling smoke into his lungs as his cherry glowed red hot. He was breathing in deep breaths. Like he needed to control himself too.
“I met them. I fucking met those people. I questioned them myself. Their sons were at football practice, but the mom and dad, they answered every question I asked about you. They told me you were only there a week, and then you were moved to another foster home. Fuck!” He gritted his teeth and took another long drag from his smoke. “I can't believe those Jesus freaks got one over on me. They’re dead. All of them.”
I wanted to argue with him and tell him that he didn't need to do that for me, but there were much bigger monsters for us to be concerned with.
He stomped out his smoke, his black boot grinding into the dirt. And then he did something I wasn't expecting. He grabbed me, pulled me into his arms and hugged me. His body was so large against mine that I felt cocooned as his broad arms enveloped me. We stood that way for an infinite amount of time. At least it felt that way. After a while, Gunner pulled away, “We should get back. You’ve been standing for a while. You need to heal.”
I nodded, even though I hadn’t felt my pain until he brought attention to it. We cut through the woods this time and were much closer to the cabin than I’d first thought. Gun was standing by a fire pit, laughing with a few other kids. After his bad dreams last night, I was fearful that he’d be damaged, but he seemed like he was okay.
Inside, I followed Gunner into the kitchen where he opened the fridge. “How about we get you some lunch?”
I nodded again. I was still quiet, but it felt good that Gunner knew where I’d been. I supposed we didn't need to get into what Enrico did to me. He found me hanging near death, so he probably had a pretty good idea.
“Ham and Cheese alright?”
“Yeah, thanks.” I sat down on the stool and watched as Gunner made lunch and then set mine down on a plate and then called for Gun out the front door of the cabin. It all seemed so natural the way Gunner was with Gun.
“Knew you’d be a good dad,” I said to Gunner once he returned. “I’d daydream about it. Pretend we were a family.”
“We are a family,” he sternly gritted out.
“Just like that?”
Gun came barreling into the cabin and raced up to us throwing his arms around my waist
and then pulled himself up on the seat next to me. He didn't wait. He just started eating, like my kid was a ravenous beast.
“Slow down. You’ll give yourself a stomachache.” It came out naturally for me to scold him and I think Gun appreciated it. He smirked and then looked up at me and began to take his time.
Gunner eyed us and after a few minutes began to eat. “Yeah, Mouse. Just like that.”
I wanted to talk more about it, but didn't feel like it was the right time with Gun right next to us. As brave as I felt this morning, my body began screaming at me the longer I sat and ate, so after a few more bites, and once I was sure that Gun had sufficiently eaten enough food, I excused myself to lay down.
“Ma, I thought we were going to talk?”
“Kid, she’s tired you can catch up after she’s napped. Yeah?”
He thought about it for a few minutes and then agreed, followed by him moving to the couch and grabbing a controller.
Just then a few of Gunner’s brothers walked in from the outside.
“Sleeping Beauty awakes,” one of the guys said, and Gunner began making introductions.
“Charlie, this is Donnie. The fool on the couch is Reggie.”
“Hey!” he flipped off Gunner, then said, “I’m awesome. Nice to meet you, Charlie.”
“These two are Ace and Shane. We started this club together. Their family.”
“Hi,” I waved timidly.
“They were with me, when we got you back.”
“Oh,” I looked down, ashamed. They’d seen what I’d been through too. “Thank you. Very nice to meet you. I was just on my way to lay down.” I excused myself and had hoped Gunner would stay. That was a lot. It was exhausting, and I felt disgusting knowing that they had seen what happened to me. I moved as quickly down the hall as my broken body would let me and attempted to close the door, but Gunner was right there.
“What happened at the foster home?”
“They were religious freaks. I couldn’t stick around.”
“Charlie,” I said her name, cutting her off. She was leaving out something huge. I could tell. “Don’t sugar coat shit for me.”
“Fine,” she said with more fierceness than I’d heard from her. “You want to know? You sure about that? ‘Cause once I tell you, I can’t take that back. You’ll know.”
“Charlie,” I was agitated. I needed to know.
“Your baby was in me and these bible thumpers, who thought their twin sons were holier than thou, let it happen. It happened once.”
“What happened?” I struggled to hold onto my temper. I had the sick feeling I knew what she was going to say.
Chapter Twenty-Two Charlie
“They raped me! Is that what you want to hear? They held me down and raped me. But you know what? The second time they tried, I was ready. I stole a gun and waited for them to try something. They weren’t expecting me to defend myself. I shot the brothers, took their parent’s car and money, then got the fuck out of there. I ditched the car. Hitched a ride with a trucker and stayed in shelters for a while until I stole someone’s ID, and used that to get into the system. I didn’t have much, but I eventually got into the system. You couldn't find me because I was hiding. “I worked at clubs under the table and had been working at The Select Club for a while. I did all right. Not to say that Gun and I had it easy, but I got us by. I wasn’t going to do it forever. We had a life, maybe not an awesome one, but it was okay,” I finished. I hadn’t even looked at Gunner to gage his response. I didn't know if he’d look at me differently for shooting those boys. I didn't know if he would pity me. I bent low and grabbed a pretty leaf that had fallen and I twirled it by the stem in my fingers. It calmed me and I needed that. My beating heart felt like it might explode in my chest. I wasn't even talking yesterday, and today I divulged things that I’d never admitted to anyone before.
I heard a flick of a lighter and then lifted my eyes to see Gunner pulling smoke into his lungs as his cherry glowed red hot. He was breathing in deep breaths. Like he needed to control himself too.
“I met them. I fucking met those people. I questioned them myself. Their sons were at football practice, but the mom and dad, they answered every question I asked about you. They told me you were only there a week, and then you were moved to another foster home. Fuck!” He gritted his teeth and took another long drag from his smoke. “I can't believe those Jesus freaks got one over on me. They’re dead. All of them.”
I wanted to argue with him and tell him that he didn't need to do that for me, but there were much bigger monsters for us to be concerned with.
He stomped out his smoke, his black boot grinding into the dirt. And then he did something I wasn't expecting. He grabbed me, pulled me into his arms and hugged me. His body was so large against mine that I felt cocooned as his broad arms enveloped me. We stood that way for an infinite amount of time. At least it felt that way. After a while, Gunner pulled away, “We should get back. You’ve been standing for a while. You need to heal.”
I nodded, even though I hadn’t felt my pain until he brought attention to it. We cut through the woods this time and were much closer to the cabin than I’d first thought. Gun was standing by a fire pit, laughing with a few other kids. After his bad dreams last night, I was fearful that he’d be damaged, but he seemed like he was okay.
Inside, I followed Gunner into the kitchen where he opened the fridge. “How about we get you some lunch?”
I nodded again. I was still quiet, but it felt good that Gunner knew where I’d been. I supposed we didn't need to get into what Enrico did to me. He found me hanging near death, so he probably had a pretty good idea.
“Ham and Cheese alright?”
“Yeah, thanks.” I sat down on the stool and watched as Gunner made lunch and then set mine down on a plate and then called for Gun out the front door of the cabin. It all seemed so natural the way Gunner was with Gun.
“Knew you’d be a good dad,” I said to Gunner once he returned. “I’d daydream about it. Pretend we were a family.”
“We are a family,” he sternly gritted out.
“Just like that?”
Gun came barreling into the cabin and raced up to us throwing his arms around my waist
and then pulled himself up on the seat next to me. He didn't wait. He just started eating, like my kid was a ravenous beast.
“Slow down. You’ll give yourself a stomachache.” It came out naturally for me to scold him and I think Gun appreciated it. He smirked and then looked up at me and began to take his time.
Gunner eyed us and after a few minutes began to eat. “Yeah, Mouse. Just like that.”
I wanted to talk more about it, but didn't feel like it was the right time with Gun right next to us. As brave as I felt this morning, my body began screaming at me the longer I sat and ate, so after a few more bites, and once I was sure that Gun had sufficiently eaten enough food, I excused myself to lay down.
“Ma, I thought we were going to talk?”
“Kid, she’s tired you can catch up after she’s napped. Yeah?”
He thought about it for a few minutes and then agreed, followed by him moving to the couch and grabbing a controller.
Just then a few of Gunner’s brothers walked in from the outside.
“Sleeping Beauty awakes,” one of the guys said, and Gunner began making introductions.
“Charlie, this is Donnie. The fool on the couch is Reggie.”
“Hey!” he flipped off Gunner, then said, “I’m awesome. Nice to meet you, Charlie.”
“These two are Ace and Shane. We started this club together. Their family.”
“Hi,” I waved timidly.
“They were with me, when we got you back.”
“Oh,” I looked down, ashamed. They’d seen what I’d been through too. “Thank you. Very nice to meet you. I was just on my way to lay down.” I excused myself and had hoped Gunner would stay. That was a lot. It was exhausting, and I felt disgusting knowing that they had seen what happened to me. I moved as quickly down the hall as my broken body would let me and attempted to close the door, but Gunner was right there.
