Cut Wide Open
Page 43
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“What’s it look like I’m doing?” He grabbed my hand and lead me to the bed. “Come here, Mouse.” I was conflicted because I needed space, but he wasn't going to give it to me. I could tell just by the look in his eyes. I felt like he could read all of my conflicting thoughts and was right there, not allowing me to succumb to any thoughts that could hurt me. We both seemed to know that sometimes the quiet in our own minds could be one of the biggest enemies.
He pulled me in tight and tucked my body against his, “Sleep.”
I would’ve liked to say that I fell right to sleep. His body was comforting enough. “You’re thoughts are screaming at me, Mouse. It doesn't matter that they saw you, all they see is how strong you were to hold on. You were alive, when most people would’ve given up.”
I let a tear fall, and pushed those thoughts of them finding me out of my mind. “Will you tell me about how you met them?” Gunner began telling me about the first time he met Shane, and talked for awhile until my eyes felt heavy and sleep finally took me.
Chapter Twenty-Three Gunner
It took everything in me to keep my anger in check around Charlie. I waited until her breathing evened out, and went in search of Ace and Shane. It didn't take me long. They both had their feet propped up on the coffee table and were watching Gun take Reggie in a combat game. My kid had skills. They caught my eyes when I walked out. I tilted my head for them to follow me. We left the cabin and once we were alone, I gripped my head in my hands. “Fuck!”
“What did you find out? Ace asked.
“The first foster home she was at, twin brothers raped her. Psycho Jesus freaks.”
Shane reacted first, “I’m with you.”
Ace nodded in agreement. I wasn't going to order a hit without their okay. “Good,” I sneered, then hit some buttons on my phone and dialed Dmitri.
“Twice in less than twenty-four hours. You got a hard on for me, or what?” He joked in his Russian accent.
“Using that marker already. I’ll be texting you an address.”
He sighed, “How many?”
“Four. And Dimitri?”
“Ya?”
“Make it hurt.”
I hung up the phone and we went to touch base with the guys to see if anyone had heard anything. All of our intel had been extremely quiet. No one seemed to know a thing.
“I should hear back from my Colombian contacts today,” Ace informed us.
“Let me know as soon as you do.”
I went back into the cabin and rejoined Charlie in the bed. She was restless tossing and turning and the moment I pulled her in close she settled. A few hours later, she began to stir and as if the two were linked, Gun bounded into the room.
“Hey, baby,” she murmured, “Come here. Tell me what you’ve been up to since I’ve been gone.”
“Well, Dad and I picked out stuff for my room, and I got new video games, and I started school, and it’s okay, but I liked my old one better cause I miss Mr’s T. But my new teacher is nice, but they make us go outside all the time, and I don’t always want to go outside,” he rushed out.
“Slow down. Tell me about your room. What’s it look like?”
“Captain America and Iron Man. My pillow even has superheroes on it.”
The two rattled on catching me up on everything, and I mean everything they’d been up too. What a difference twenty-four hours makes.
Over the next week, this became our new routine. Charlie and I would talk. She’d spend time with Gun, and she’d rest. I cooked for them and took care of my family. I enjoyed this. Sometimes, I’d get angry when I’d hear a particularly horrible story of something Charlie went through. She’d get embarrassed and that made me even angrier. I didn't want her to be embarrassed. She did nothing wrong.
It was after a grueling afternoon that I finally lost my shit. It didn't help that most of the families had left earlier in the day. We hadn’t heard anything about Enrico, and after a lot of debate, they decided to leave. We were going to be on high alert, but these guys had families they needed to provide for. Their kids had to get back to school. Their wives were sick of camping, so, they packed up and left, and we stayed. Even Ace and Shane left because our business needed them. The only other people who stuck around were Reggie, Donnie, and Knuckles. Reggie, because he had a connection with my kid and Donnie and Knuckles, because they always had my back, plus I think they liked camping.
Gun was fishing with Reggie, and Charlie and I were talking. She wanted to know about my connection with Enrico. “There’s shit I can't tell you. We have a code, and there are certain things that are club business, and that’s one of them.”
I could see that she was annoyed with my answer, but I didn’t expect her to give it to me the way she did. We were in the kitchen and Charlie, who was always quiet, slammed her mug down into the sink. It surprised me.
“You don't think I have a right to know?”
I put my hands up in front of me, “Not that you don't have a right, but we don't tell our women club shit. It’s to protect you. If anyone ever asked you don't know shit. It’s by design. If the cops sniffed around, then you got nothing to give them. This is just how it is,” I explained calmly.
Her face reddened, “I told him ‘fuck you’ once.” I froze this wasn't a story I’d heard yet.
“You know what he said back? He told me he missed me. Missed fucking my virgin ass.”
“Stop.” I gritted out. I couldn't hear this. Charlie didn't stop.
“I asked him why. I always asked him why, but today he answered me. And do you know what he said? He said he got word that I was something to someone. He said he knew who I belonged too, even if I didn't, and that he got to have the best toys. Not you.”
“No!” I roared. This was all because of me.
She didn't flinch. She kept on, still so maddened by what happened to her, and I couldn’t fucking blame her.
“So, you don’t think I get to know why he took me. It’s because I loved you, Gunner.”
I couldn't take it. I deserved this. All of it. It was just all so brutal. My life’s big fuck you to me. Destroy the only woman I ever loved, and make it all my fault. I had no idea how Enrico could’ve known about Charlie, but it was clear she blamed me. How could she ever love me after the hell she’d endured? She opened her mouth to say more, but I couldn't hear it. I couldn't hear anything. My chest was pounding. My heart was pounding and all I could think was that I needed to get the fuck away from her right then and there. I felt volatile. I was becoming unhinged, and I at least had the decency to know that Charlie didn't need to see it. This was my cross to bear and she had been nailed to it for my sins. I’d never hated myself more than in that second. So, I did the only thing I could do, I left.
“What’s it look like I’m doing?” He grabbed my hand and lead me to the bed. “Come here, Mouse.” I was conflicted because I needed space, but he wasn't going to give it to me. I could tell just by the look in his eyes. I felt like he could read all of my conflicting thoughts and was right there, not allowing me to succumb to any thoughts that could hurt me. We both seemed to know that sometimes the quiet in our own minds could be one of the biggest enemies.
He pulled me in tight and tucked my body against his, “Sleep.”
I would’ve liked to say that I fell right to sleep. His body was comforting enough. “You’re thoughts are screaming at me, Mouse. It doesn't matter that they saw you, all they see is how strong you were to hold on. You were alive, when most people would’ve given up.”
I let a tear fall, and pushed those thoughts of them finding me out of my mind. “Will you tell me about how you met them?” Gunner began telling me about the first time he met Shane, and talked for awhile until my eyes felt heavy and sleep finally took me.
Chapter Twenty-Three Gunner
It took everything in me to keep my anger in check around Charlie. I waited until her breathing evened out, and went in search of Ace and Shane. It didn't take me long. They both had their feet propped up on the coffee table and were watching Gun take Reggie in a combat game. My kid had skills. They caught my eyes when I walked out. I tilted my head for them to follow me. We left the cabin and once we were alone, I gripped my head in my hands. “Fuck!”
“What did you find out? Ace asked.
“The first foster home she was at, twin brothers raped her. Psycho Jesus freaks.”
Shane reacted first, “I’m with you.”
Ace nodded in agreement. I wasn't going to order a hit without their okay. “Good,” I sneered, then hit some buttons on my phone and dialed Dmitri.
“Twice in less than twenty-four hours. You got a hard on for me, or what?” He joked in his Russian accent.
“Using that marker already. I’ll be texting you an address.”
He sighed, “How many?”
“Four. And Dimitri?”
“Ya?”
“Make it hurt.”
I hung up the phone and we went to touch base with the guys to see if anyone had heard anything. All of our intel had been extremely quiet. No one seemed to know a thing.
“I should hear back from my Colombian contacts today,” Ace informed us.
“Let me know as soon as you do.”
I went back into the cabin and rejoined Charlie in the bed. She was restless tossing and turning and the moment I pulled her in close she settled. A few hours later, she began to stir and as if the two were linked, Gun bounded into the room.
“Hey, baby,” she murmured, “Come here. Tell me what you’ve been up to since I’ve been gone.”
“Well, Dad and I picked out stuff for my room, and I got new video games, and I started school, and it’s okay, but I liked my old one better cause I miss Mr’s T. But my new teacher is nice, but they make us go outside all the time, and I don’t always want to go outside,” he rushed out.
“Slow down. Tell me about your room. What’s it look like?”
“Captain America and Iron Man. My pillow even has superheroes on it.”
The two rattled on catching me up on everything, and I mean everything they’d been up too. What a difference twenty-four hours makes.
Over the next week, this became our new routine. Charlie and I would talk. She’d spend time with Gun, and she’d rest. I cooked for them and took care of my family. I enjoyed this. Sometimes, I’d get angry when I’d hear a particularly horrible story of something Charlie went through. She’d get embarrassed and that made me even angrier. I didn't want her to be embarrassed. She did nothing wrong.
It was after a grueling afternoon that I finally lost my shit. It didn't help that most of the families had left earlier in the day. We hadn’t heard anything about Enrico, and after a lot of debate, they decided to leave. We were going to be on high alert, but these guys had families they needed to provide for. Their kids had to get back to school. Their wives were sick of camping, so, they packed up and left, and we stayed. Even Ace and Shane left because our business needed them. The only other people who stuck around were Reggie, Donnie, and Knuckles. Reggie, because he had a connection with my kid and Donnie and Knuckles, because they always had my back, plus I think they liked camping.
Gun was fishing with Reggie, and Charlie and I were talking. She wanted to know about my connection with Enrico. “There’s shit I can't tell you. We have a code, and there are certain things that are club business, and that’s one of them.”
I could see that she was annoyed with my answer, but I didn’t expect her to give it to me the way she did. We were in the kitchen and Charlie, who was always quiet, slammed her mug down into the sink. It surprised me.
“You don't think I have a right to know?”
I put my hands up in front of me, “Not that you don't have a right, but we don't tell our women club shit. It’s to protect you. If anyone ever asked you don't know shit. It’s by design. If the cops sniffed around, then you got nothing to give them. This is just how it is,” I explained calmly.
Her face reddened, “I told him ‘fuck you’ once.” I froze this wasn't a story I’d heard yet.
“You know what he said back? He told me he missed me. Missed fucking my virgin ass.”
“Stop.” I gritted out. I couldn't hear this. Charlie didn't stop.
“I asked him why. I always asked him why, but today he answered me. And do you know what he said? He said he got word that I was something to someone. He said he knew who I belonged too, even if I didn't, and that he got to have the best toys. Not you.”
“No!” I roared. This was all because of me.
She didn't flinch. She kept on, still so maddened by what happened to her, and I couldn’t fucking blame her.
“So, you don’t think I get to know why he took me. It’s because I loved you, Gunner.”
I couldn't take it. I deserved this. All of it. It was just all so brutal. My life’s big fuck you to me. Destroy the only woman I ever loved, and make it all my fault. I had no idea how Enrico could’ve known about Charlie, but it was clear she blamed me. How could she ever love me after the hell she’d endured? She opened her mouth to say more, but I couldn't hear it. I couldn't hear anything. My chest was pounding. My heart was pounding and all I could think was that I needed to get the fuck away from her right then and there. I felt volatile. I was becoming unhinged, and I at least had the decency to know that Charlie didn't need to see it. This was my cross to bear and she had been nailed to it for my sins. I’d never hated myself more than in that second. So, I did the only thing I could do, I left.
