Cut Wide Open

Page 44

 
 
Chapter Twenty-Four Charlie
 

He left. I was going to say I still loved him, and that It didn't matter. I didn't blame him, but it’s because of what Enrico said that I felt I had the right to know. When he said I didn't get to know, it made me angry, but I shouldn't have lashed out the way I had. I walked out of the cabin to go after him, but he was already starting his bike and driving away. I felt a deep pang in my chest. A trail of dust followed as he drove away from the cabins. Away from me.
I sighed. What could I do? It’s not like I could go after him. I decided to shower in hopes that after I freshened up, he’d return. When I left the bathroom, Gun was playing with Reggie. “Do you have any kids?” I asked him as a momentary thought. He seemed like he’d make a good dad. He was young though, early twenties. But so was I.
He paused for a second. Pain flashed in his eyes. “Nope,” his normal jovial demeanor was replaced with nothing. His face turned into a mask of impenetrable indifference. He didn't want to talk about whatever feeling kids evoked.
“I didn’t mean to be intrusive. Gunner left, But I’m sure he’ll be back soon.” I explained as I sat down in the recliner. Not that he needed me to tell him. It was obvious that Gunner wasn't here.
A little while later, Donnie and Knuckles joined us in the cabin. Sometimes, the two would join us, but mostly they stuck to themselves. I was surprised to see them. Both of them looked drunk as they stumbled into the cabin.
“You got anything to eat around here?” Knuckles asked.
“Man, if you open the fridge you’ll see I have a whole tenderloin marinating,” Donnie answered. “Had to wait til the rest rolled out. This shit is going to be awesome.”
“I’ll make potatoes,” Knuckles added, “You guys like steak?”
“Heck yeah,” Gun replied as he threw his entire body to the left with the movement of his remote control.
“That’d be nice, thanks.”
“Where’d Gunner ride out too?” Donnie asked.
I had to tell them, I didn't want too, but I knew they should know. “We were talking about something that happened, and he got ticked and left.”
“How mad?” Knuckles grabbed a beer from the fridge while he waited for my response.
He waited for me to answer and he watched me closely, “Pretty mad.”
“Fuck!” Donnie yelled.
Both men’s happy demeanor changed immediately. They cooked and went about feeding everyone dinner, which was delicious, but they both took turns stepping outside to make calls.
Gun fell asleep on the couch and I covered him with a blanket and went to lay down in the room that I had gotten used to sharing with Gunner. Since I’d been here, there hadn't been a day that I ’d fallen asleep without Gunner.
I changed my clothes into Gunner’s black Bleeding Scars t-shirt. It was like a dress and had become my nightgown. As I changed, I looked at the yellow spots along my body. A few more days and my body would be mostly normal. Even my back had scabbed over pretty good. I was sure that it would scar, but it was nothing compared to the disgusting branding that Enrico left behind. I got under the covers and stayed awake listened for hours for Gunner to return. The darkness in the room began to change from pitch black to muted grays when I finally fell asleep. Gunner never returned.
I woke up late afternoon and he still wasn't back. It hurt. After the hurt wore off, fear set in. What if something happened to him? What if he left our safe hideaway because I made him think I blamed him, and Enrico found him? I hadn’t seen Donnie and Knuckles today, but Reggie was being awesome Reggie.
“Mom, want to fish with us?” Gun asked.
“Yeah, I can do that.” I didn't want to disappoint Gun and I’d missed him. I missed living. Besides my walks with Gunner, I’d barely left the cabin.
“Great, I dug up a bunch of night-crawlers. I can hook it for you, if you want.” Gun rambled on excitedly as I walked to the lake with him and Reggie. Standing on the shore, with just a few of us left here, I could see how big this place was. When it was filled with people, I’d failed to see all of its beauty. The sun was casting a warm glow along the colorful trees.
“It’s beautiful,” I said to no one in particular.
Gun caught a big fish. Reggie had to help him reel it in. I didn't really fish, just sat there with my hook in the water and enjoyed how beautiful it was here.
Gun was so excited when they threw the fish in a cooler. He threw his arms around Reggie and hugged him. I wished Gunner was here.
“Thank you, Reggie,” I said as I walked beside him on our way back to the cabin.
“That one was all on him. I just helped a little,” He winked at Gun.
“You know what I mean,” I nudged his shoulder. “Thank you for taking care of him while I get better.”
“My pleasure. He’s a good kid. You’ve done good by him.”
We reached the cabin and Reggie and Gun went to clean the fish. My heart sank when I saw that Gunner’s bike was still gone. I’d secretly hoped that when we returned he’d be back.
 
***
It was late, Gunner had been gone for two nights. It was the third night without him, and I started to wonder if he would return. I was laying in bed, staring out the window. It was an overcast day, and the night seemed even more glum. There were no stars, just a haze of darkness staring back at me.
I heard a rumble and immediately shot up to see if it was him. Even through the darkness, I could see his large frame as he dismounted his bike. He lit a smoke, the flame illuminated his face. I watched him take a few hits and then he walked towards the cabin. I wasn't going to wait for him to come to me. I needed to know where he’d been. At this point, days of not hearing from him had me scared out of my mind. I’d started to play scenario after scenario of all of the things Enrico could’ve done to him, and I worried that I’d never see him again.
I slipped on the Uggs and grabbed a sweater, then rushed out to meet him. “Gunner! I said racing to him. “I’m sorry. I was so scared! I’m so glad you’re okay.” I threw my arms around his waist and hugged him, but was surprised when I was met with a different Gunner than the one who had left. This version of Gunner was cold. He didn’t seem like the man I’d known and I felt responsible. He was stiff, not hugging me back. I pulled away from him to look into his face. It looked empty. I was angry. No fucking way was I going to let Enrico take Gunner from me.