Cut Wide Open
Page 45
“No, dammit!” I shoved his chest. “No.” He seemed startled by my outburst and then he reached into his vest and pulled out an envelope. I was lost and went to shove him again, but he caught my hand and put the envelope in it.
“This is your money from your apartment, plus some. There’s a passport for you and Gun in there. New names, new identities. I’ll take you to the airport tomorrow. I want you to go somewhere. Start over. Start a new life. There’s enough cash in there that you can start over anywhere and do pretty well. I want to see Gun still, so once you figure out where you want to go, there’s an email in there for you to email an address too. I can't promise to come often, but I want to know him.” He finished his speech like he’d been rehearsing it for a while. His face still seemed impassive.
“Swear to God! Are you fucking kidding me right now, Gunner?” I was angry, but not just that. I was gearing up to fight. I’d fought some ridiculously hard battles in my time, and there was no way I was losing this fight. So I gave it my all.
“If you wouldn't have left, you would’ve heard me tell you that I don’t blame you. I feel like I should know what’s happening, so that I can protect my family, just like your trying to do, because I swear to Christ Gunner, that’s what you are.” My voice was raised and I was so lost in my fury that I couldn't even care if Gun woke up. “If you had stuck around, I would’ve told you that you’re my family. I asked you if it was easy for you to say that Gun and I were your family, because I needed to know that it was the same for you, because dammit, Gunner, it’s you. It’s always been you. You want to know what got me through when I was in hell? It was thoughts of you being a dad. Thoughts of our first time. Thoughts of how you and I would’ve been if life didn't always get in our way. I swear it, I fucking swear it, Gunner Reed, you're not going to let that sick bastard and what happened to me get in the way of us, of what we should’ve been. Of what we have always been. I won’t take this money.” I threw the envelope to the ground. “You want to make me bleed? You want to hurt me, then you push me away. But know this, you’ll have been the one to cut me wide open. It will be you. I’m not taking that money. You want to rip our family…”
I couldn't continue on. I couldn't say anymore because Gunner slammed his lips on mine and lifted me off the ground.. I instinctively wrapped my legs around his waist and his hands palmed my ass. His tongue pushed in and swirled against mine. He tasted of whiskey and cigarettes. I didn't care. I kissed him back with everything in me. I kissed him like I’d never kissed a man, because the truth was, I hadn’t. We were young the last time we really kissed, and any other kiss I’d ever had was nothing compared to the way that Gunner owned my mouth. It was hot. It was searing. It was the electricity that finally jump started my heart after all this time. I kissed him and kissed him.
Hard.
Soft.
Slow.
Fast.
We were in a battle against everything that had happened to us, and we were finally winning.
Chapter Twenty-Five Gunner
When I left a few days ago, I did what I normally did when shit was too tough to deal with. I found an underground fight and I fought. I beat three of the largest dude’s asses I’ve ever seen, and it still wasn't enough. So, I drank until I was good and drunk. I spent the night in a dirty rundown motel, hating that I was away from my family. I couldn't stand the thought of sleeping away from Charlie, but I did it because somehow everything that happened to her was my fault. At first, I blamed myself because I’d joined Hades Runners and left her, I was working through that guilt, but knowing everything that vile Colombian prick did to her was my fault burned me to my core. I spent the next two days making arrangements for Charlie and Gun. They needed money and new identities, if they were going to stay clear of any danger that being associated with me could bring. I also spent that time telling myself to shut off my emotions. I needed to do that for Charlie. If I was going to be able to let them go, because Lord knows, it was going to be the hardest thing I’d ever done, but I would do it for her.
What I wasn't expecting was that when I pulled up to the cabin after being away from Charlie without a word from me that she would show me a side to her I’d never seen. She poured her heart and soul into her words. I was supposed to fight her. I was supposed to do what was best for her. But hell if the moment she shoved me and then opened her mouth to tell me no didn't crack my resolve, then as soon as she said I was her family did. If I was the fucked up reason shit happened to her, then so be it. Family hurt each other, sometimes intentionally, and sometimes by circumstance. None of it mattered, she told me so. She was my family and even though I’d hurt her, the thing that the Bleeding Scars taught me was that no matter how thick or disgusting the scar, family always had each other’s back. We just get to choose who our family is.
So I kissed her. I’d wanted to kiss her from the moment I rescued her in Colombia. It never felt right. I’d been holding back so that her wounds could heal. I wanted her to be ready. But fuck it. If she wasn't, it would just be another sin she’d need to forgive me for.
The moment my lips connected to hers, there was no saying goodbye. Not for me. Not ever. It was the sweetest, hottest kiss of my life. Her lips were so tender. When I slipped my tongue inside, the kiss became almost punishing. It was that good. I lifted her and those fiercely strong thighs that I’d seen hold on to the stripper pole, clung to my waist. I didn't even really need to hold her up. I took advantage and palmed her ass. It was delicious and full, despite the fact that she still needed to put on more weight. I’d become, in that instant, an addict. Maybe that wasn't right, maybe I’d always been and this was that first hit after years of abstinence.
I could feel the swell of her breasts against my chest. She smelled like my shampoo, even though I knew there was girly shit in the shower, she used what I used. Her nails began to press into my back as our kiss deepened. My dick raged against my jeans. It would be so easy to move aside her underwear and fuck her against a tree. I wanted too, but not tonight.
“Mmm, Mouse. You have the sweetest fucking lips.” I pulled away from her lips but only so I could suck the skin on her neck. She arched into me.
“Gunner,” she whimpered.
“This is your money from your apartment, plus some. There’s a passport for you and Gun in there. New names, new identities. I’ll take you to the airport tomorrow. I want you to go somewhere. Start over. Start a new life. There’s enough cash in there that you can start over anywhere and do pretty well. I want to see Gun still, so once you figure out where you want to go, there’s an email in there for you to email an address too. I can't promise to come often, but I want to know him.” He finished his speech like he’d been rehearsing it for a while. His face still seemed impassive.
“Swear to God! Are you fucking kidding me right now, Gunner?” I was angry, but not just that. I was gearing up to fight. I’d fought some ridiculously hard battles in my time, and there was no way I was losing this fight. So I gave it my all.
“If you wouldn't have left, you would’ve heard me tell you that I don’t blame you. I feel like I should know what’s happening, so that I can protect my family, just like your trying to do, because I swear to Christ Gunner, that’s what you are.” My voice was raised and I was so lost in my fury that I couldn't even care if Gun woke up. “If you had stuck around, I would’ve told you that you’re my family. I asked you if it was easy for you to say that Gun and I were your family, because I needed to know that it was the same for you, because dammit, Gunner, it’s you. It’s always been you. You want to know what got me through when I was in hell? It was thoughts of you being a dad. Thoughts of our first time. Thoughts of how you and I would’ve been if life didn't always get in our way. I swear it, I fucking swear it, Gunner Reed, you're not going to let that sick bastard and what happened to me get in the way of us, of what we should’ve been. Of what we have always been. I won’t take this money.” I threw the envelope to the ground. “You want to make me bleed? You want to hurt me, then you push me away. But know this, you’ll have been the one to cut me wide open. It will be you. I’m not taking that money. You want to rip our family…”
I couldn't continue on. I couldn't say anymore because Gunner slammed his lips on mine and lifted me off the ground.. I instinctively wrapped my legs around his waist and his hands palmed my ass. His tongue pushed in and swirled against mine. He tasted of whiskey and cigarettes. I didn't care. I kissed him back with everything in me. I kissed him like I’d never kissed a man, because the truth was, I hadn’t. We were young the last time we really kissed, and any other kiss I’d ever had was nothing compared to the way that Gunner owned my mouth. It was hot. It was searing. It was the electricity that finally jump started my heart after all this time. I kissed him and kissed him.
Hard.
Soft.
Slow.
Fast.
We were in a battle against everything that had happened to us, and we were finally winning.
Chapter Twenty-Five Gunner
When I left a few days ago, I did what I normally did when shit was too tough to deal with. I found an underground fight and I fought. I beat three of the largest dude’s asses I’ve ever seen, and it still wasn't enough. So, I drank until I was good and drunk. I spent the night in a dirty rundown motel, hating that I was away from my family. I couldn't stand the thought of sleeping away from Charlie, but I did it because somehow everything that happened to her was my fault. At first, I blamed myself because I’d joined Hades Runners and left her, I was working through that guilt, but knowing everything that vile Colombian prick did to her was my fault burned me to my core. I spent the next two days making arrangements for Charlie and Gun. They needed money and new identities, if they were going to stay clear of any danger that being associated with me could bring. I also spent that time telling myself to shut off my emotions. I needed to do that for Charlie. If I was going to be able to let them go, because Lord knows, it was going to be the hardest thing I’d ever done, but I would do it for her.
What I wasn't expecting was that when I pulled up to the cabin after being away from Charlie without a word from me that she would show me a side to her I’d never seen. She poured her heart and soul into her words. I was supposed to fight her. I was supposed to do what was best for her. But hell if the moment she shoved me and then opened her mouth to tell me no didn't crack my resolve, then as soon as she said I was her family did. If I was the fucked up reason shit happened to her, then so be it. Family hurt each other, sometimes intentionally, and sometimes by circumstance. None of it mattered, she told me so. She was my family and even though I’d hurt her, the thing that the Bleeding Scars taught me was that no matter how thick or disgusting the scar, family always had each other’s back. We just get to choose who our family is.
So I kissed her. I’d wanted to kiss her from the moment I rescued her in Colombia. It never felt right. I’d been holding back so that her wounds could heal. I wanted her to be ready. But fuck it. If she wasn't, it would just be another sin she’d need to forgive me for.
The moment my lips connected to hers, there was no saying goodbye. Not for me. Not ever. It was the sweetest, hottest kiss of my life. Her lips were so tender. When I slipped my tongue inside, the kiss became almost punishing. It was that good. I lifted her and those fiercely strong thighs that I’d seen hold on to the stripper pole, clung to my waist. I didn't even really need to hold her up. I took advantage and palmed her ass. It was delicious and full, despite the fact that she still needed to put on more weight. I’d become, in that instant, an addict. Maybe that wasn't right, maybe I’d always been and this was that first hit after years of abstinence.
I could feel the swell of her breasts against my chest. She smelled like my shampoo, even though I knew there was girly shit in the shower, she used what I used. Her nails began to press into my back as our kiss deepened. My dick raged against my jeans. It would be so easy to move aside her underwear and fuck her against a tree. I wanted too, but not tonight.
“Mmm, Mouse. You have the sweetest fucking lips.” I pulled away from her lips but only so I could suck the skin on her neck. She arched into me.
“Gunner,” she whimpered.
