Damnable Grace
Page 35
Maddie kissed my nose. “Why were you on the floor when I came in?” My eyebrows came down. “You were in the spot that used to house the hatch.”
“I was?”
Maddie nodded her head. She took my arm and ran her hand down the new scars. “Why are you fantasizing about cutting? Why did you cut yourself on your run?”
I saw the bitches in my head. I saw the Klan men fucking them. Saw their faces. Saw the blood. The cum. The sweat. A fucking growl ripped from my mouth.
“Shh,” Maddie whispered and put her hand on my forehead.
“It could have been you.” I squeezed my eyes shut. But every time I shut my eyes, I saw her on one of the beds. I saw her in one of those dresses. With the IV that Cowboy told me about. I saw her eyes rolling in her head. And I saw those fucking men raping her, making her scream.
“Flame. I am here. With you. Open your eyes.” I did as Maddie said, and I shook my head.
“They could have been you. The cult bitches.”
Maddie swallowed. I knew that meant she was nervous. “Is this about the place from which you rescued Phebe?”
I looked down. “I am not supposed to tell you about club business.”
“Flame. Something is hurting you. It is me, your Maddie. Whatever you tell me shall never be repeated. I understand the club asks you not to tell your wives about club business. But I will not see you destroyed over this. I will not spill any secrets. You have my word. You always have and you always will.”
“They had them drugged and were fucking them,” I said. Maddie sucked in a breath.
“Phebe?”
“Yes. He beat her. Fucked her. Drugged her. All of them. So many fucking men that the bitches bled. Kids too. Men paying to fuck the drugged bitches.”
Maddie’s eyes flicked from side to side, then tears filled her eyes. “Phebe was hurt this way? Lilah’s sister?”
“Yes.” I sat up. “You’re crying. It made you cry. I don’t like it when you cry.”
Maddie pulled me back down to the bed. She leaned over me and wiped her eyes. “It is sad what happened to Phebe, what happened to the other women. That is why I am crying.”
“I saw you,” I said, and Maddie froze. Her green eyes met mine. “Every time I saw one, I saw you. If you hadn’t gotten out. If they had kept you there. It could have been you.”
“That is what is worrying you,” she said and put her hands on my cheeks. “Since you have returned, you have been imagining me there.” She ran her fingers over my cuts. “You hurt yourself to cope with what you were seeing. In your head.”
I swallowed. “I couldn’t see you like that. It’s all I’ve thought about. If you weren’t here with the Hangmen . . . if you weren’t here with me.”
Maddie moved her head over mine and leaned down. She kissed my lips, and I kissed her back. When she lifted her head, she put her hand in mine. “I am here with you, Flame. I am here with you and will never ever leave you. I am Maddie, and you are Flame, and we are married. We will never be apart.”
“Never,” I said and Maddie rested her head on my chest. I ran my fingers through her hair. It calmed me. Calmed my boiling blood. I felt Maddie’s fingers move over my chest as I stared up at the ceiling.
Then I told her what else was wrong. “Something’s wrong with AK.”
Maddie’s fingers stopped moving. “What do you mean?”
“He’s like he was before. I don’t fucking like it. He’s lying. He’s acting okay when he’s not. I can see it. Vike can’t. But he’s like he was before. He wasn’t good before.”
“Before?” Maddie asked.
“Before. Years ago. He’s been better. But since Phebe, he’s been the same again.”
Maddie lifted her head. Her forehead was creased. She was confused. I knew that. “What made him not so good before, Flame?”
I thought back to those days. To all the fucking blood and pain and AK losing his shit. “Dev,” I said and I thought of him. Of Zane, of Tina, of that whole fucking time. Of AK not being AK anymore. “I need him,” I said. “I need AK normal. I can’t have him like he was before. I don’t like it. It . . .” I rubbed my chest. It was too tight and I couldn’t breathe so well. “It hurts my chest. AK sad makes my chest ache.”
“It is because you love him,” she explained. She covered my hand on my chest with her own. “Your heart aches because you are worried for him. Your brother. The man that gave you a second chance at life.”
I nodded. “He did.”
“Have you spoken to him?”
I shook my head. “No. But tonight he lied. Vike was joking and he joined in. But it was fake. It was all fucking fake. It made me mad. I walked off.”
Maddie sighed then kissed my chest. I sucked in a breath at her touch. I fucking loved her touching me now. “You must talk to him, Flame. He is your best friend, the person closest to you. You must ask him if he is okay. He helped you when you were lost to the dark. This time, he may need you.”
“I don’t know what to say to him,” I said. When I looked at my hands, they were shaking. I frowned. Maddie took my hand. “It makes you nervous. But that is okay. It is because you care. AK loves you. He will listen to you. He never wants to hurt you.”
I stared at Maddie and nodded my head. “Okay. I’ll talk to him.”
“Good.” She smiled.
I touched her lips. “I like it when you smile.”
“I like it when you talk to me.” Maddie shifted up until she was lying on me. She put both her hands on my face. “Do not keep things from me anymore, baby. I love you, and I will share any burden you bear.”
“Okay,” I said, and she smiled again.
I loved her smile.
Maddie’s fingers traced the flame tattoos on my chest. “Asher picked me up from Bella’s tonight.” I watched her. Waiting. “He is still staying with Viking. At his cabin.”
“I know,” I said. Something made Maddie’s expression change. “He does not like living with Viking. I can tell.”
My cheek twitched when she said that, and I felt something cold run through my veins. “He’ll be back with AK soon. He likes it there.”
Maddie sighed, then tipped her head to the side as she looked at me. “He does, but . . .” She took another breath. “I think he likes it best with us. When he comes for dinner, I can see how much he likes being with you and in this cabin. Have you noticed this?”
“I was?”
Maddie nodded her head. She took my arm and ran her hand down the new scars. “Why are you fantasizing about cutting? Why did you cut yourself on your run?”
I saw the bitches in my head. I saw the Klan men fucking them. Saw their faces. Saw the blood. The cum. The sweat. A fucking growl ripped from my mouth.
“Shh,” Maddie whispered and put her hand on my forehead.
“It could have been you.” I squeezed my eyes shut. But every time I shut my eyes, I saw her on one of the beds. I saw her in one of those dresses. With the IV that Cowboy told me about. I saw her eyes rolling in her head. And I saw those fucking men raping her, making her scream.
“Flame. I am here. With you. Open your eyes.” I did as Maddie said, and I shook my head.
“They could have been you. The cult bitches.”
Maddie swallowed. I knew that meant she was nervous. “Is this about the place from which you rescued Phebe?”
I looked down. “I am not supposed to tell you about club business.”
“Flame. Something is hurting you. It is me, your Maddie. Whatever you tell me shall never be repeated. I understand the club asks you not to tell your wives about club business. But I will not see you destroyed over this. I will not spill any secrets. You have my word. You always have and you always will.”
“They had them drugged and were fucking them,” I said. Maddie sucked in a breath.
“Phebe?”
“Yes. He beat her. Fucked her. Drugged her. All of them. So many fucking men that the bitches bled. Kids too. Men paying to fuck the drugged bitches.”
Maddie’s eyes flicked from side to side, then tears filled her eyes. “Phebe was hurt this way? Lilah’s sister?”
“Yes.” I sat up. “You’re crying. It made you cry. I don’t like it when you cry.”
Maddie pulled me back down to the bed. She leaned over me and wiped her eyes. “It is sad what happened to Phebe, what happened to the other women. That is why I am crying.”
“I saw you,” I said, and Maddie froze. Her green eyes met mine. “Every time I saw one, I saw you. If you hadn’t gotten out. If they had kept you there. It could have been you.”
“That is what is worrying you,” she said and put her hands on my cheeks. “Since you have returned, you have been imagining me there.” She ran her fingers over my cuts. “You hurt yourself to cope with what you were seeing. In your head.”
I swallowed. “I couldn’t see you like that. It’s all I’ve thought about. If you weren’t here with the Hangmen . . . if you weren’t here with me.”
Maddie moved her head over mine and leaned down. She kissed my lips, and I kissed her back. When she lifted her head, she put her hand in mine. “I am here with you, Flame. I am here with you and will never ever leave you. I am Maddie, and you are Flame, and we are married. We will never be apart.”
“Never,” I said and Maddie rested her head on my chest. I ran my fingers through her hair. It calmed me. Calmed my boiling blood. I felt Maddie’s fingers move over my chest as I stared up at the ceiling.
Then I told her what else was wrong. “Something’s wrong with AK.”
Maddie’s fingers stopped moving. “What do you mean?”
“He’s like he was before. I don’t fucking like it. He’s lying. He’s acting okay when he’s not. I can see it. Vike can’t. But he’s like he was before. He wasn’t good before.”
“Before?” Maddie asked.
“Before. Years ago. He’s been better. But since Phebe, he’s been the same again.”
Maddie lifted her head. Her forehead was creased. She was confused. I knew that. “What made him not so good before, Flame?”
I thought back to those days. To all the fucking blood and pain and AK losing his shit. “Dev,” I said and I thought of him. Of Zane, of Tina, of that whole fucking time. Of AK not being AK anymore. “I need him,” I said. “I need AK normal. I can’t have him like he was before. I don’t like it. It . . .” I rubbed my chest. It was too tight and I couldn’t breathe so well. “It hurts my chest. AK sad makes my chest ache.”
“It is because you love him,” she explained. She covered my hand on my chest with her own. “Your heart aches because you are worried for him. Your brother. The man that gave you a second chance at life.”
I nodded. “He did.”
“Have you spoken to him?”
I shook my head. “No. But tonight he lied. Vike was joking and he joined in. But it was fake. It was all fucking fake. It made me mad. I walked off.”
Maddie sighed then kissed my chest. I sucked in a breath at her touch. I fucking loved her touching me now. “You must talk to him, Flame. He is your best friend, the person closest to you. You must ask him if he is okay. He helped you when you were lost to the dark. This time, he may need you.”
“I don’t know what to say to him,” I said. When I looked at my hands, they were shaking. I frowned. Maddie took my hand. “It makes you nervous. But that is okay. It is because you care. AK loves you. He will listen to you. He never wants to hurt you.”
I stared at Maddie and nodded my head. “Okay. I’ll talk to him.”
“Good.” She smiled.
I touched her lips. “I like it when you smile.”
“I like it when you talk to me.” Maddie shifted up until she was lying on me. She put both her hands on my face. “Do not keep things from me anymore, baby. I love you, and I will share any burden you bear.”
“Okay,” I said, and she smiled again.
I loved her smile.
Maddie’s fingers traced the flame tattoos on my chest. “Asher picked me up from Bella’s tonight.” I watched her. Waiting. “He is still staying with Viking. At his cabin.”
“I know,” I said. Something made Maddie’s expression change. “He does not like living with Viking. I can tell.”
My cheek twitched when she said that, and I felt something cold run through my veins. “He’ll be back with AK soon. He likes it there.”
Maddie sighed, then tipped her head to the side as she looked at me. “He does, but . . .” She took another breath. “I think he likes it best with us. When he comes for dinner, I can see how much he likes being with you and in this cabin. Have you noticed this?”
