Damnable Grace
Page 34
“It is beautiful here,” she said, gesturing around the yard. “So peaceful. Enclosed in a cluster of trees protecting you and keeping you safe.” She stilled then looked down at her hand. She held it out and looked at me. “I remember something,” she said, voice shaking. “You and me in a forest. You telling me to hold on.” Phebe moved her hand toward mine on the arm of my chair. “You covered my hand like this.” She laid her hand on mine. “Yes,” she said softly. “Just like this. You told me you had come for me. But I had to just hold on a while longer.” Her eyes flickered to meet mine. “I asked you stay with me, to hold my hand.” Phebe threaded her fingers through mine and my heart fucking stopped, as if I were a damn pussy kid. “You linked them so solidly, so firmly, that it got me through the pain.” A deep breath. “You got me through the pain as we sat on the soft, gentle grass.”
Phebe inhaled, eyes closed. Opening her eyes, she said, “Leather. As my head lay upon your shoulder I smelled the leather of your clothing. I felt your honor, your steadying presence.”
“None of that happened,” I said, not wanting her to break her fucking hands away. I stared at her hand in mine, and I swore I’d never felt anything like it in my sorry life.
“An angel in my dreams, perhaps,” I looked at her face. “Yes,” she said, her face elated, as if she’d just made sense of something. “An angel disguised as a devil. The devil’s man with angel eyes. Kind eyes . . .”
Kind eyes. Those fucking words again.
“This ain’t making sense, Red,” I rasped.
“To me it does,” she replied, still watching our hands.
“You remembering more?”
I wished I’d never asked it, because as I did, her hand slid from mine and she wrapped both arms around her bent legs. “No.” She took a deep breath. “Nothing is there. Just a black void. There are glimpses, but like you in the forest, I am unaware if these memories are fact or purely a figment of my imagination.” She wiped her eyes. “Time and memory has been stolen from me. Even though I know the memories will be hard to endure, I wish they were not hidden from sight. It is better to know, is it not? Even if the truth can cause more harm than good.” Phebe’s lips thinned. “Lies are the work of the devil. Lies. All I have ever known were lies.”
“You might get them back, in time,” I said, and Phebe yawned. She smiled in response, but I could see she was done with talking. Wrapping the blanket tighter around her, she got to her feet and turned toward the door. But before she left, she stopped in front of me. Taking my hand in hers, she said, “I am thankful for what you have done for me.” I nodded, not knowing how to take the damn compliment. Phebe leaned down and kissed the top of my head. “I shall forever look at both my freckles and the stars with a new appreciation. Thank you.” She went back into the cabin.
When the door shut, I let out a long breath. And as I sat there, thinking about everything she said, I felt ripped open. No one. Not a fucking single person had ever read me like that. Like a fucking book. Fucking Red with her big blue eyes and a million freckles. I tipped my head back and looked at the stars. I knew I’d never see them the same again either. And I was glad, because tomorrow she’d go, and all I’d have left of her would be the stars.
The stars and the scars on my feet. The scars that were hidden, gained on my journey to grace. But at least there was comfort in knowing she had them too.
For the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel so fucking alone. All because of Red.
Red and her fucking face of freckles.
Chapter Nine
Flame
“Flame?”
I ran my blade along my arm as I sat on the floor. My head. My fucking head was full of those bitches. Those drugs. Those asshole Klan pricks fucking them. Making them scream. Hurting my fucking ears. Making me need to kill. To spill blood.
“Flame?” Maddie’s voice cut through my thoughts, and I looked up. She stood above me. I could see in her eyes she was disappointed. I knew what that looked like now. I knew what all her looks meant. I understood her more now. Things were better.
They had been better . . .
Maddie kneeled down opposite me. I felt my heart beat faster. It always happened when she came near me. When I looked at her long black hair and green eyes. My body didn’t try and run away or fight her off. It wanted her.
I wanted her.
“Baby,” she whispered and put her hand on my arm. There were marks from the knife, but the blade was blunt now. It was so I couldn’t hurt myself. I didn’t need to when I was with Maddie. But I had new wounds now. New wounds from that fucking Klan hell.
They’d made me cut myself. They had made Maddie upset that I had. It made me want to go back and kill more of them. Slowly, hearing them scream instead of the bitches they had trapped. Bitches like . . .
“Flame?” Maddie took my knife from my hand. She pushed it to the side of the room. I stared at her. She was wearing a long black dress and a cut with my name on my back.
“You’re pretty,” I said, and Maddie stilled. Her head tipped to the side and she smiled. I loved it when she smiled. But this smile was different. It wasn’t as full or as wide as it normally was. It wasn’t my Maddie’s smile.
“Thank you,” she said and reached out her hand. She ran her fingers down my cheek. “I want to lie down, Flame. Will you join me?”
I nodded, watching as Maddie got to her feet. She held out her hand. I took it and got to my feet. She led me from the living room and through to our bedroom. I liked our bedroom. It smelled of Maddie. It smelled of Maddie when she was with me.
Maddie climbed onto the bed, and I climbed on beside her. We laid our heads on the pillow, and she took hold of my hand. I looked at our hands. They always made me feel better.
“Flame?” Maddie said, and I looked up at her face. “Look at me.” I made my eyes look into hers. “There.” She pushed my hair back from my face. But my eyes dropped back to our hands when I felt her fingers run over my wedding ring. “I love you, Flame,” Maddie said. I closed my eyes, hearing those words again. “I love you more than anything in this world.”
I opened my eyes, and when I could, looked at Maddie. “I . . . I love you too,” I said, and this time she smiled her Maddie smile. I relaxed and moved closer to her on the pillow.
Phebe inhaled, eyes closed. Opening her eyes, she said, “Leather. As my head lay upon your shoulder I smelled the leather of your clothing. I felt your honor, your steadying presence.”
“None of that happened,” I said, not wanting her to break her fucking hands away. I stared at her hand in mine, and I swore I’d never felt anything like it in my sorry life.
“An angel in my dreams, perhaps,” I looked at her face. “Yes,” she said, her face elated, as if she’d just made sense of something. “An angel disguised as a devil. The devil’s man with angel eyes. Kind eyes . . .”
Kind eyes. Those fucking words again.
“This ain’t making sense, Red,” I rasped.
“To me it does,” she replied, still watching our hands.
“You remembering more?”
I wished I’d never asked it, because as I did, her hand slid from mine and she wrapped both arms around her bent legs. “No.” She took a deep breath. “Nothing is there. Just a black void. There are glimpses, but like you in the forest, I am unaware if these memories are fact or purely a figment of my imagination.” She wiped her eyes. “Time and memory has been stolen from me. Even though I know the memories will be hard to endure, I wish they were not hidden from sight. It is better to know, is it not? Even if the truth can cause more harm than good.” Phebe’s lips thinned. “Lies are the work of the devil. Lies. All I have ever known were lies.”
“You might get them back, in time,” I said, and Phebe yawned. She smiled in response, but I could see she was done with talking. Wrapping the blanket tighter around her, she got to her feet and turned toward the door. But before she left, she stopped in front of me. Taking my hand in hers, she said, “I am thankful for what you have done for me.” I nodded, not knowing how to take the damn compliment. Phebe leaned down and kissed the top of my head. “I shall forever look at both my freckles and the stars with a new appreciation. Thank you.” She went back into the cabin.
When the door shut, I let out a long breath. And as I sat there, thinking about everything she said, I felt ripped open. No one. Not a fucking single person had ever read me like that. Like a fucking book. Fucking Red with her big blue eyes and a million freckles. I tipped my head back and looked at the stars. I knew I’d never see them the same again either. And I was glad, because tomorrow she’d go, and all I’d have left of her would be the stars.
The stars and the scars on my feet. The scars that were hidden, gained on my journey to grace. But at least there was comfort in knowing she had them too.
For the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel so fucking alone. All because of Red.
Red and her fucking face of freckles.
Chapter Nine
Flame
“Flame?”
I ran my blade along my arm as I sat on the floor. My head. My fucking head was full of those bitches. Those drugs. Those asshole Klan pricks fucking them. Making them scream. Hurting my fucking ears. Making me need to kill. To spill blood.
“Flame?” Maddie’s voice cut through my thoughts, and I looked up. She stood above me. I could see in her eyes she was disappointed. I knew what that looked like now. I knew what all her looks meant. I understood her more now. Things were better.
They had been better . . .
Maddie kneeled down opposite me. I felt my heart beat faster. It always happened when she came near me. When I looked at her long black hair and green eyes. My body didn’t try and run away or fight her off. It wanted her.
I wanted her.
“Baby,” she whispered and put her hand on my arm. There were marks from the knife, but the blade was blunt now. It was so I couldn’t hurt myself. I didn’t need to when I was with Maddie. But I had new wounds now. New wounds from that fucking Klan hell.
They’d made me cut myself. They had made Maddie upset that I had. It made me want to go back and kill more of them. Slowly, hearing them scream instead of the bitches they had trapped. Bitches like . . .
“Flame?” Maddie took my knife from my hand. She pushed it to the side of the room. I stared at her. She was wearing a long black dress and a cut with my name on my back.
“You’re pretty,” I said, and Maddie stilled. Her head tipped to the side and she smiled. I loved it when she smiled. But this smile was different. It wasn’t as full or as wide as it normally was. It wasn’t my Maddie’s smile.
“Thank you,” she said and reached out her hand. She ran her fingers down my cheek. “I want to lie down, Flame. Will you join me?”
I nodded, watching as Maddie got to her feet. She held out her hand. I took it and got to my feet. She led me from the living room and through to our bedroom. I liked our bedroom. It smelled of Maddie. It smelled of Maddie when she was with me.
Maddie climbed onto the bed, and I climbed on beside her. We laid our heads on the pillow, and she took hold of my hand. I looked at our hands. They always made me feel better.
“Flame?” Maddie said, and I looked up at her face. “Look at me.” I made my eyes look into hers. “There.” She pushed my hair back from my face. But my eyes dropped back to our hands when I felt her fingers run over my wedding ring. “I love you, Flame,” Maddie said. I closed my eyes, hearing those words again. “I love you more than anything in this world.”
I opened my eyes, and when I could, looked at Maddie. “I . . . I love you too,” I said, and this time she smiled her Maddie smile. I relaxed and moved closer to her on the pillow.
