Damnable Grace
Page 74
AK sat at the table with Asher. I started momentarily when I remembered that he lived here too. “Phebe, you remember Asher?” AK said, and Asher gave me a tight nod.
“Yes. Hello, Asher.”
“Phebe,” Ash said, then turned back to AK. “You have to see it, AK. I’ll show you again. Flame couldn’t believe his fucking eyes!”
I moved to sit beside AK, but he took my hand and pulled me down to his lap. Asher barely batted an eyelash at the movement. I sat awkwardly on AK’s lap as he explained, “Been teaching Lil’ Ash how to shoot. While we were away he hit the furthest target where we practice. Like the one at the lodge.” My eyes widened, remembering AK getting that target, impossibly so.
“Impressive,” I said.
Asher shrugged. “I had a good teacher.” I felt AK tense a little underneath me. I knew why that was. I knew that as much as he clearly adored Asher, he was thinking of Zane. Asher and Zane would not be so different in age.
The nephew he never got to see.
AK looked up at me. “Ash can take you to Li’s, then I’ll go with him to the range.”
I leaned into AK affectionately, the action becoming ever more natural. “I will walk.” I glanced out of the window at the bright sun. “It is a beautiful day, and I will enjoy the walk through the woods. I like to walk.”
“You sure?” he asked.
I kissed his forehead. “I am sure.”
I rose from his lap and put on my sandals. Asher went into his bedroom, and AK immediately pulled me into his chest. I lost my breath at the contact of my chest hitting his, and I laughed. His hands cupped my face. “You find it hard, tell Li to call my cell and I’ll come get you. You hear anything you don’t like and it makes you want a drink, same thing. Call me. I’ll get you.”
I put my hands on his wrists. “I will. I promise. But I will be fine. This conversation is long overdue.”
I moved closer and AK’s lips took my own. I moaned, as I always did when his tongue pushed into my mouth. When he broke away I was breathless. “Go,” he said gruffly. “Before I drag you back to the bedroom and never let you out for the rest of the day.”
I laughed as he adjusted the crotch of his jeans. I heard a door open behind us and spun around. Asher stood in his doorway, his face scarlet red. “I will see you soon,” I said.
“We’re cooking out tonight,” AK said. “Most of the brothers will be coming down.”
I smiled and made my way to the door. The minute I was in the fresh air, I inhaled deeply. I heard Asher laugh at AK inside the cabin, and my heart lost a beat in sorrow. AK was so good with him. It was a travesty that he was separated from Zane.
I walked into the covering of trees and breathed deeply, welcoming the fresh air as it filled my lungs and calmed my troubled heart. The dream of Sapphira that would not leave my mind. I had concealed my worry from AK, how much it had shaken me. After everything he was going through too, I knew he did not need more worry in his life. But I could not free her from my mind. The thought of her on that bed, with the potion in her arm. Her cold arm . . . and her calling me “Mother.”
Mother.
“Sapphira,” I said into the breeze, trying interpret what the dream meant. Even when I arrived at the edge of Lilah’s home, I could not shake Sapphira’s words, her cries for help . . .
The sound of high-pitched laughter made my feet grind to a halt. Grace was running from the house, Lilah on her heels. Lilah laughed as Grace screamed and tried to evade capture. But Lilah managed to catch the little girl and lift her into the air. I stepped out of the cover of trees, and saw the minute Lilah saw it was me.
“Phebe!” Grace jumped from Lilah’s arms and ran my way. Her arms wrapped around my legs. I laughed at how rough she was, how excitable. When I looked down, her eyebrows were pulled together. “Where were you?”
Bending down, I explained, “I had to go away for a little while. But I am back now.”
“You are not living with us?”
I shook my head. “No.” I looked up to see Lilah watching, listening. “I live with AK now.”
“Near Aunt Maddie?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“AK is your husband?”
I smiled, unsure what to call AK. “Of a sort,” I eventually replied.
When I looked at Lilah again, I saw the surprise on her face. “Grace?” Lilah said. “Go read for a while. I need to talk to your Aunt Phebe alone.”
Aunt Phebe. I liked those words.
Grace did as she was asked, leaving Lilah and I face to face and alone. Lilah came closer and took my hand. “Are . . . are you better?”
Sudden sadness hit me for what I had put Lilah through. “Yes.”
Lilah’s shoulders relaxed. “And you are with AK?”
“Yes,” I said again. Lilah studied my face. I saw more questions coming my way, but I had to tell her what I came here to say before I lost the courage. “Lilah,” I said. “I . . . I must explain something to you.” I laughed without mirth, knowing the pain I suffered was about to rise once more. “About me, and why I did what I did . . . why I drowned out my sorrows. About things that have happened in my life that you do not know. That I want you to know.”
“Okay,” Lilah said quietly. I heard the subtle edge of nerves in her voice. “Come over here.” She led me to the chairs on the lawn.
Her hand never left mine, a quiet support. And, with a deep breath, I told her everything.
“Phebe . . .” Lilah said sadly when I finished talking. Tears were streaming down her face. “Where is she? Your Sapphira?”
“I do not know.” I lowered my head. “But I dream of her often. I see her in my mind’s eye each day. She is always with me, yet so far away at the same time.” I frowned. “Last night I dreamed she was begging me for help. She was hurt and afraid and needed me. I dreamed . . .” I turned my head away to escape Lilah’s stare. Lilah’s hand squeezed mine. “She called me ‘Mother.’” I laughed through my tears. “Finally, Lilah. She called me ‘Mother.’”
“Phebe . . .” Lilah whispered in sympathy.
“But she does not even know. She believes I am her sister.” I paused. “But I cannot get this dream from my head. Dreams fade, become a forgotten memory. This one grows stronger by the minute.”
“Yes. Hello, Asher.”
“Phebe,” Ash said, then turned back to AK. “You have to see it, AK. I’ll show you again. Flame couldn’t believe his fucking eyes!”
I moved to sit beside AK, but he took my hand and pulled me down to his lap. Asher barely batted an eyelash at the movement. I sat awkwardly on AK’s lap as he explained, “Been teaching Lil’ Ash how to shoot. While we were away he hit the furthest target where we practice. Like the one at the lodge.” My eyes widened, remembering AK getting that target, impossibly so.
“Impressive,” I said.
Asher shrugged. “I had a good teacher.” I felt AK tense a little underneath me. I knew why that was. I knew that as much as he clearly adored Asher, he was thinking of Zane. Asher and Zane would not be so different in age.
The nephew he never got to see.
AK looked up at me. “Ash can take you to Li’s, then I’ll go with him to the range.”
I leaned into AK affectionately, the action becoming ever more natural. “I will walk.” I glanced out of the window at the bright sun. “It is a beautiful day, and I will enjoy the walk through the woods. I like to walk.”
“You sure?” he asked.
I kissed his forehead. “I am sure.”
I rose from his lap and put on my sandals. Asher went into his bedroom, and AK immediately pulled me into his chest. I lost my breath at the contact of my chest hitting his, and I laughed. His hands cupped my face. “You find it hard, tell Li to call my cell and I’ll come get you. You hear anything you don’t like and it makes you want a drink, same thing. Call me. I’ll get you.”
I put my hands on his wrists. “I will. I promise. But I will be fine. This conversation is long overdue.”
I moved closer and AK’s lips took my own. I moaned, as I always did when his tongue pushed into my mouth. When he broke away I was breathless. “Go,” he said gruffly. “Before I drag you back to the bedroom and never let you out for the rest of the day.”
I laughed as he adjusted the crotch of his jeans. I heard a door open behind us and spun around. Asher stood in his doorway, his face scarlet red. “I will see you soon,” I said.
“We’re cooking out tonight,” AK said. “Most of the brothers will be coming down.”
I smiled and made my way to the door. The minute I was in the fresh air, I inhaled deeply. I heard Asher laugh at AK inside the cabin, and my heart lost a beat in sorrow. AK was so good with him. It was a travesty that he was separated from Zane.
I walked into the covering of trees and breathed deeply, welcoming the fresh air as it filled my lungs and calmed my troubled heart. The dream of Sapphira that would not leave my mind. I had concealed my worry from AK, how much it had shaken me. After everything he was going through too, I knew he did not need more worry in his life. But I could not free her from my mind. The thought of her on that bed, with the potion in her arm. Her cold arm . . . and her calling me “Mother.”
Mother.
“Sapphira,” I said into the breeze, trying interpret what the dream meant. Even when I arrived at the edge of Lilah’s home, I could not shake Sapphira’s words, her cries for help . . .
The sound of high-pitched laughter made my feet grind to a halt. Grace was running from the house, Lilah on her heels. Lilah laughed as Grace screamed and tried to evade capture. But Lilah managed to catch the little girl and lift her into the air. I stepped out of the cover of trees, and saw the minute Lilah saw it was me.
“Phebe!” Grace jumped from Lilah’s arms and ran my way. Her arms wrapped around my legs. I laughed at how rough she was, how excitable. When I looked down, her eyebrows were pulled together. “Where were you?”
Bending down, I explained, “I had to go away for a little while. But I am back now.”
“You are not living with us?”
I shook my head. “No.” I looked up to see Lilah watching, listening. “I live with AK now.”
“Near Aunt Maddie?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“AK is your husband?”
I smiled, unsure what to call AK. “Of a sort,” I eventually replied.
When I looked at Lilah again, I saw the surprise on her face. “Grace?” Lilah said. “Go read for a while. I need to talk to your Aunt Phebe alone.”
Aunt Phebe. I liked those words.
Grace did as she was asked, leaving Lilah and I face to face and alone. Lilah came closer and took my hand. “Are . . . are you better?”
Sudden sadness hit me for what I had put Lilah through. “Yes.”
Lilah’s shoulders relaxed. “And you are with AK?”
“Yes,” I said again. Lilah studied my face. I saw more questions coming my way, but I had to tell her what I came here to say before I lost the courage. “Lilah,” I said. “I . . . I must explain something to you.” I laughed without mirth, knowing the pain I suffered was about to rise once more. “About me, and why I did what I did . . . why I drowned out my sorrows. About things that have happened in my life that you do not know. That I want you to know.”
“Okay,” Lilah said quietly. I heard the subtle edge of nerves in her voice. “Come over here.” She led me to the chairs on the lawn.
Her hand never left mine, a quiet support. And, with a deep breath, I told her everything.
“Phebe . . .” Lilah said sadly when I finished talking. Tears were streaming down her face. “Where is she? Your Sapphira?”
“I do not know.” I lowered my head. “But I dream of her often. I see her in my mind’s eye each day. She is always with me, yet so far away at the same time.” I frowned. “Last night I dreamed she was begging me for help. She was hurt and afraid and needed me. I dreamed . . .” I turned my head away to escape Lilah’s stare. Lilah’s hand squeezed mine. “She called me ‘Mother.’” I laughed through my tears. “Finally, Lilah. She called me ‘Mother.’”
“Phebe . . .” Lilah whispered in sympathy.
“But she does not even know. She believes I am her sister.” I paused. “But I cannot get this dream from my head. Dreams fade, become a forgotten memory. This one grows stronger by the minute.”
