Damnable Grace
Page 75
“Beauty always says one must listen to their dreams, as there is a message somewhere within them. One which we must listen to. Decipher.”
“Beauty?” I asked.
“The old lady of one of the brothers, Tank. You will meet her eventually. She is a sweet woman.” I nodded, absently listening to her explanation. But my mind was too preoccupied with what this Beauty said of dreams. That dreams were a message about something.
I thought of Sapphira begging me for help. The potion, her hand in mine, her pleading with me to remember . . . trying to find the deeper meaning.
“Mama?” Grace’s cautious voice came from the doorway. “I have read four books. Can I come see Aunt Phebe now?”
I laughed at how tenacious Grace was. Even in New Zion she had been pushier than other girls. Pushy and beautiful, but her nature muted by the repression we found ourselves in. If Cain had not gotten her out when he did, she would have been deemed a cursed and thus schooled—sexually—by an elder . . . an innocent child, only eight years of age. I thanked God every day that I had hidden her well enough. That she had not fallen into Meister’s arms either. He had always watched her closely. Like he craved her. Like he . . .
Ice trickled down my spine. It made me remember something . . . something important . . .
Lilah sighed, then looked at me for an answer to Grace’s question. “Of course!” I shouted loud enough for Grace to hear, as whatever bit of information was rising to the surface of my mind slipped away again. Grace sprang from the deck and ran to where we stood. She put her hand in mine and pulled me from my chair.
“You know what hide-and-seek is, Aunt Phebe?”
“Yes,” I said with an indulgent smile.
“We get to go into the woods!”
“Not too far, only where I can see you,” Lilah butted in.
“I’ll go hide first.” Grace turned me around. “You count to sixty then come and get me.”
I heard her running away and began to count. “I know you feel guilty about what happened to me on Perdition Hill,” Lilah said, interrupting my counting. “But you must know what you did for me by bringing Grace into my life. I know you are burdened with guilt. But you gave Ky and me Grace. Nothing else matters beyond that now . . . you made us a family.” Lilah came to stand before me. I stared at her scar and tried not to disagree. Her hand pressed against my cheek. “You would have been a great mother given the chance. You always loved me and cared for me as a child. And Grace adores you, talks of how you cared for her in New Zion when no one else did.” I sucked on my lip to hide the trembling. “And when we find Sapphira again, because the Hangmen will find her, you will get that chance to tell her who you are, that you love her. And she will be the luckiest girl in the world, because she will have you.”
“Lilah,” I said softly.
She smiled. “And I will be an aunt. I cannot wait.” The sound of rustling leaves came from behind me, and I laughed, knowing it was Grace running through the woods.
“Coming, ready or not!” I shouted. I turned from Lilah and ran into the woods. Curiously, with every step, I felt somewhat lighter. Yet something dark remained in the back of my head. Something out of reach that I could simply not decode.
*****
The smell of the smoking barbeque drifted into the woods. I heard the sound of laughter and felt my stomach flip in nerves. This was the rest of the Hangmen. The men who had seen me that night at the bar, seducing, fishing. AK had told me of my actions that night. And as much as he told me I should not be embarrassed by my behavior, I could not help it.
I paused behind AK’s cabin and leaned against a nearby tree. You can do this. I took several deep breaths, and just as I was about to step out of the woods and into the clearing, I saw Ky and AK walking my way. I smiled, about to reveal my presence, but the look on Ky’s face stopped me in my tracks.
“They’ve been circling for about two days now. They ain’t done nothing but drive around the compound in a white van. Same fucking time every day: eleven a.m. Like clockwork. Some built skinhead fuckers. But they’re Klan, no doubt. Or Brotherhood—I can never tell these assholes apart.”
“Meister?” AK asked roughly, and my heart felt as if it ceased to beat.
“Not him personally, but his men, we think.” Ky laughed. “Thinking they can intimidate us. Assholes.”
My hand shook on the tree when I thought of Meister. I closed my eyes. Images of him holding me down in New Zion came sailing to my head. Of him biting into my flesh, taking me hard . . . nothing like how AK had taken me. Then . . . I must eradicate what you have seen today from your weak mind. Take all of these new memories away . . .
I stumbled when an image I had not remembered before this moment came sailing back to me. A chair of some sort, hard and uncomfortable. Meister’s huge form over me as he injected needle after needle into my flesh. And I fought. I fought to hold on to something I could not forget, had vowed not to forget. I fought and I fought, but it had disappeared. There was nothing.
“What’s the plan?” AK said, breaking through my thoughts.
“We’re watching them. They don’t look like they’re gonna attack, more just scoping us out for some reason. They can’t see shit from the road anyway. Tanner is monitoring their systems for any red flags. But they try anything, anything at all, we kill them all,” Ky said and hit AK’s arm. “Just wanted you to know. They’ll be looking for Phebe. He knows she’s here. Now she’s your old lady, you needed to fucking know.”
“Thanks,” AK said. Ky gave him a wide smile.
“Fucking tied down, brother!” He laughed louder. “And to Li’s sister. Does that make us related somehow? You and me fam now, brother?”
“I fucking hope not,” AK said in response, and I could not help but feel a warmth in my heart as he laughed. Ky punched his arm, and together they walked back to the clearing.
I stayed in the woods for several more minutes, just trying to calm down. Meister knew where I was? Then he would put everyone here in danger. These men did not know him like I did. My stomach dropped . . . Lilah, Grace . . .
He would never stop until he captured me. I knew him. I knew how far his obsession with me ran. His men would not simply be circling for intimidation. Meister always had a greater purpose.
“Beauty?” I asked.
“The old lady of one of the brothers, Tank. You will meet her eventually. She is a sweet woman.” I nodded, absently listening to her explanation. But my mind was too preoccupied with what this Beauty said of dreams. That dreams were a message about something.
I thought of Sapphira begging me for help. The potion, her hand in mine, her pleading with me to remember . . . trying to find the deeper meaning.
“Mama?” Grace’s cautious voice came from the doorway. “I have read four books. Can I come see Aunt Phebe now?”
I laughed at how tenacious Grace was. Even in New Zion she had been pushier than other girls. Pushy and beautiful, but her nature muted by the repression we found ourselves in. If Cain had not gotten her out when he did, she would have been deemed a cursed and thus schooled—sexually—by an elder . . . an innocent child, only eight years of age. I thanked God every day that I had hidden her well enough. That she had not fallen into Meister’s arms either. He had always watched her closely. Like he craved her. Like he . . .
Ice trickled down my spine. It made me remember something . . . something important . . .
Lilah sighed, then looked at me for an answer to Grace’s question. “Of course!” I shouted loud enough for Grace to hear, as whatever bit of information was rising to the surface of my mind slipped away again. Grace sprang from the deck and ran to where we stood. She put her hand in mine and pulled me from my chair.
“You know what hide-and-seek is, Aunt Phebe?”
“Yes,” I said with an indulgent smile.
“We get to go into the woods!”
“Not too far, only where I can see you,” Lilah butted in.
“I’ll go hide first.” Grace turned me around. “You count to sixty then come and get me.”
I heard her running away and began to count. “I know you feel guilty about what happened to me on Perdition Hill,” Lilah said, interrupting my counting. “But you must know what you did for me by bringing Grace into my life. I know you are burdened with guilt. But you gave Ky and me Grace. Nothing else matters beyond that now . . . you made us a family.” Lilah came to stand before me. I stared at her scar and tried not to disagree. Her hand pressed against my cheek. “You would have been a great mother given the chance. You always loved me and cared for me as a child. And Grace adores you, talks of how you cared for her in New Zion when no one else did.” I sucked on my lip to hide the trembling. “And when we find Sapphira again, because the Hangmen will find her, you will get that chance to tell her who you are, that you love her. And she will be the luckiest girl in the world, because she will have you.”
“Lilah,” I said softly.
She smiled. “And I will be an aunt. I cannot wait.” The sound of rustling leaves came from behind me, and I laughed, knowing it was Grace running through the woods.
“Coming, ready or not!” I shouted. I turned from Lilah and ran into the woods. Curiously, with every step, I felt somewhat lighter. Yet something dark remained in the back of my head. Something out of reach that I could simply not decode.
*****
The smell of the smoking barbeque drifted into the woods. I heard the sound of laughter and felt my stomach flip in nerves. This was the rest of the Hangmen. The men who had seen me that night at the bar, seducing, fishing. AK had told me of my actions that night. And as much as he told me I should not be embarrassed by my behavior, I could not help it.
I paused behind AK’s cabin and leaned against a nearby tree. You can do this. I took several deep breaths, and just as I was about to step out of the woods and into the clearing, I saw Ky and AK walking my way. I smiled, about to reveal my presence, but the look on Ky’s face stopped me in my tracks.
“They’ve been circling for about two days now. They ain’t done nothing but drive around the compound in a white van. Same fucking time every day: eleven a.m. Like clockwork. Some built skinhead fuckers. But they’re Klan, no doubt. Or Brotherhood—I can never tell these assholes apart.”
“Meister?” AK asked roughly, and my heart felt as if it ceased to beat.
“Not him personally, but his men, we think.” Ky laughed. “Thinking they can intimidate us. Assholes.”
My hand shook on the tree when I thought of Meister. I closed my eyes. Images of him holding me down in New Zion came sailing to my head. Of him biting into my flesh, taking me hard . . . nothing like how AK had taken me. Then . . . I must eradicate what you have seen today from your weak mind. Take all of these new memories away . . .
I stumbled when an image I had not remembered before this moment came sailing back to me. A chair of some sort, hard and uncomfortable. Meister’s huge form over me as he injected needle after needle into my flesh. And I fought. I fought to hold on to something I could not forget, had vowed not to forget. I fought and I fought, but it had disappeared. There was nothing.
“What’s the plan?” AK said, breaking through my thoughts.
“We’re watching them. They don’t look like they’re gonna attack, more just scoping us out for some reason. They can’t see shit from the road anyway. Tanner is monitoring their systems for any red flags. But they try anything, anything at all, we kill them all,” Ky said and hit AK’s arm. “Just wanted you to know. They’ll be looking for Phebe. He knows she’s here. Now she’s your old lady, you needed to fucking know.”
“Thanks,” AK said. Ky gave him a wide smile.
“Fucking tied down, brother!” He laughed louder. “And to Li’s sister. Does that make us related somehow? You and me fam now, brother?”
“I fucking hope not,” AK said in response, and I could not help but feel a warmth in my heart as he laughed. Ky punched his arm, and together they walked back to the clearing.
I stayed in the woods for several more minutes, just trying to calm down. Meister knew where I was? Then he would put everyone here in danger. These men did not know him like I did. My stomach dropped . . . Lilah, Grace . . .
He would never stop until he captured me. I knew him. I knew how far his obsession with me ran. His men would not simply be circling for intimidation. Meister always had a greater purpose.
